It is a special day for Vinyl Scratch and Octavia. A very special day. For a night of good cheer, the DJ brings the cellist to one of her performances. And as a surprise, she does something quite unexpected of a mare for her caliber.
ALL MY THUMBS UP ARE BELONG TO YOU.
Just, just take it. Take it all. My thumb up, my favorite, it's yours.
they need to add a HOLY FUCK THIS WAS AMAZING!!!!! button. but for now, have a moustache
You want more intro length? Describe the venue. What's the audience like? (style, age, etc.)? How big is the stage? What's the mood in the crowd? But other than that, amazing.
this was adorable! very descriptive, I could vividly picture everything
This is amazing
eeeee this was so cute!
what was the song? i am not familiar with it
I'm... actually surprised at this. Being my first try at something with romance, I didn't think it'd do very well. I'm very pleased to see that you all enjoyed it.
It is actually a song I found from a megamix. I do not have any idea what its name is though as even when I look up the lyrics, it's random generic songs that contain a couple similar words. For the song itself, I'll link you to it Here. Now I do not know how to link it to play at that exact part, but go to 57:30 exact for when the song starts coming up. Give it a short bit and enjoy the music! It will come soon.
>>400001400001 it is not available in my country -_-
Aw man, that absolutely sucks!
I wish I could describe it to you or send you the file. But, try this: Go to video2mp3.net and copy the youtube address. You may be able to download it then go to the spot in the song.
>>400036400036 apparently im not allowed to convert it to mp3 in my country either -_-
time to search long and hard in the internet
you have such an awesome attention to detail that I haven't seen in many other fics. I normally dont read shipfics, but this is awesome. thumbs up and fave to you
Can't Stop Lovin' You - Van Halen
Thank You.'Tis A Tale To Warm The Cockles Of The Heart.
Another great story as always Stars, you just keep getting better with everything you put out
Thanks, Sanity. Just know that it wouldn't have happened if I hadn't sent that first message.
And thanks to you guys, too. This story is turning into my biggest one so far, and I'm pretty happy about that. I just hope that I can continue putting out stories for you to enjoy!
WE DEMAND MORE OF THESE "SO CALLED" ROMANCE CHAPTERS.
THOU MUST MAKE HASTE IN PRODUCING SUCH FABULOUS CONTENT.
*Royal Canterlot Voice Off.*
*Ahem* Fantastic job chap.
I look forward to more of these chapters.
Keep it up.
oh god...the levels of cuteness..its..oh god!!! HOLY SH- *head explodes*
Say it with me now everyone!
This was really sweet a nice read you sir get five mustache's
Very sweet and adorable story. Have a moustache
To you readers that enjoyed this story, I have an update. I have just decided to make two additional chapters on this story. So if you're looking for more dancing and singing, then I hope these upcoming pieces will suffice. In the next chapter, it is Octavia's turn to make such a wonderful night for the two musical mares.
I hope that you all will look forward to and enjoy these upcoming chapters!
>>12809981280998 now i'm sad because i forgot which fic this one is and i don't have the time atm to reread it... oh well, i'll do it later!
is t here going to be more?
Wait a minute.
What the hell is going on.
Is Vinyl DEAD??
The "She felt no movement. No breath. No warmth." Sounds like Vinyl was dead, am I just utterly confused or did you just kill Vinyl?
To put it crudely: Yep.
Vinyl died in her sleep while still smiling, knowing that Octavia was preparing for the next day's celebration.
>>13750481375048 But, I love Vinyl I almost cried now :( Still great piece of work though.
... what the actual **** man. And just when I thought I could escape feels today...
Read that ending like five times. What did you do to her?
She died in her sleep.
What can I say, I write about loss. If the rest of my stories were to somehow complete themselves up to standard, then you'd see a whole lot more of sad times that may or may not end in complete devastation.
>>13750481375048 To quote a certain young character in a very good show "OH COME ON!"
really, I am sad, this was happy fic, why me sad, why you make me sad.
I try to excel in making readers sad. Happy stories just aren't my thing. Sure, I can try to do it like I did the first chapter which was originally going to be a simple one-shot, but then I thought about making a sequel ending like this. And so, here it is, an ending with an unknowing death that came all too quickly yet silently.
You could have put a sad tag, you know. Some people don't want to read a sad story, with Vinyl's surprise death it certainly is. Though some of us would have predicted that something unhappy was coming with a chapter title like Dirge, we are not the majority. I know you were going for a surprise ending with that and a sad tag would spoil it slightly, but you also need to remember the preferences of the readership.
I misclicked the thumbs down, I don't know why the thumbs up won't stick. My downvote was not intentional, it's well written.
Der teufel, mann?! (use Google translate)
>>13751241375124 I know, most of the stories I have written were sad (although I find that if you give people sadness through happiness its much more tearjerking. If your willing to take the time, read my story "Little piece of Grey" then read one of my worst rated stories "Dear Mr diary". Perfect example) there is a certain feeling you get from being able to invoke more complex emotions on people. Although I feel that the drop (Vinyl's Death) was all to sudden. I would suggest hinting something was slightly wrong, but Octavia was oblivious a little while into the second chapter. I feel if you were subtle enough, the story would be much sadder.
Good point. Originally I wasn't going to make it sad or anything and keep it with the first chapter. I didn't think about adding the Sad tag to it but I went ahead and just did so.
Я не знаю, это просто происходит
The thing about hinting is just that, it hints. Generally when I do things that pertain to the sad moments I do not try to hint it. Otherwise readers will see it coming and expect it. Look to My Last Words for an example of this. I don't want to spoil anything about it so I won't tell more, but I don't tell things that relate to what happens/is happening.
I got the hint from "Dirge".
It's kinda funny, really, that I reviewed this and knew how it ended ahead of time, but still, reading it here and all, I can't help but go:
"YOU KILLED VINYL! YOU BASTARD!"
And then I settle down and realize that this is a fantastic chapter. Can't wait for more.
After reading the fic, I'd set to watch you...but knowing that, I'm unwatching. You're a fairly good writer, if this story is an indication, but I'm not someone who deals with "sads" well
Still, good luck with future projects, hope you find plenty of people who can enjoy your writings and appreciate them as much as they deserve (if not more )
It's good once in a while to get hit by the feels in my opinion.
Like usually I don't cry but thanks to the sad stories I read around here I actually do.
But I must say you did a great job and I enjoyed it. No matter how much I cried.
I went from liking this story to disliking it...
Sorry, but such a "SURPRISE! She's dead!" story is one I genuinly hate.
Cause of death?
How long have they been together?
How old was she?
None of it, not a single clue.
I hate to sound rude, but that was way too quick and it, quite frankly, made the entire chapter bad.
make one more chap plz funeral or something
To be honest, I wasn't even sad because the ending was so random and out of place.
You seem to have done a lot to try to force this story to be sad, and I don't think it worked.
The problem I have with this story is that you need a chapter in between the first and the second. Something to set a time stamp, a feel for it all, a mid point. There is no indication of how long this relationship has been going, I mean we know it has been some time now. But, we can't tell if this is a truly tragic dead at an early age, a life cut short; or a death after many years, one filled with long love and happiness. An epilogue would be nice, yes; but I think we need a time frame for it all, to truly understand what happened here.
P.S. what do you think of funeral fit for a DJ as a fitting surrogate epilogue for this story?
You may or may not have read it, but I have said that I tried to go for a chapter between them. It was going to expand on all of it, provide more time and depth as was needed. But since I couldn't even think of what to write for it, much less even begin a single word, it was cut. Looking at this, I probably shouldn't have even bothered to put that "sequel" as it ruined what was already there and at least mostly liked among the few readers. Should have kept it away in the documents like many other pieces that I've tried writing.
As it is supposed to be within this ending, Vinyl died at a relatively young age. I am going upon how death is sudden; unexpected. There are many cases where someone is fine just a minute ago then out of nowhere, they're dead. I was also thinking of writing a bit more to bring in a reaction from Octavia, but I would rather have left it open for the reader to imagine how the time after her discovery would be.
But like I said; I probably should have left it alone as it was.
That could possibly work as an epilogue, but it's a bit different in what happened. In that one it's mentioned how Vinyl died in the hospital while in this it's in her sleep at home.
First, I must apologize if i sounded like a jerk in my last post.
From you're original post I thought that the song was the big thing you couldn't think of for the a second chapter, knowing you couldn't even start it is a bit different. I have to say I did enjoy the story as a whole, I just may have been a bit too critical in my critic. Though, I would suggest seeing if you can solidify the length of there relationship some were within this chapter, just make it less fogy how long they have been together, that it has been years not decades. Maybe its just me and it is already distinct. I think were you ended the chapter was fine, leaving it to the reader to decide Octavia's reaction.
I know its a bit off, but not a bad choice for how it could be at the funeral.
I think some of the other readers and I might like some of thoughts other works you speak of.
No need to apologize; you didn't sound mean at all.
The songs that I include into this story are what I base the entire chapter off of. Starts with a song and some thoughts, then it grows into writing. What was supposed to be the second chapter never got an established song to use for it, so it wasn't started. When it comes to critiquing, I would really prefer to have people detail more if something doesn't go right or there's an issue - and you're doing that on top of suggesting how it could be improved.
And which other works do you mean? Mine, or ones from other authors?
i inferred other works from the line 'Should have kept it away in the documents like many other pieces that I've tried writing.' but i just now noticed the tried part.
First you have a super-happy/cute chapter for a one-shot.
Then for a sequal, you have a rather normal chapter... which ends with Vinyl dead, no warning, no reason. Just, dead.