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TheStarsGuide
Joined January 2012
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TheStarsGuide
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>>399351>>399935>>399934>>399843>>399453>>399652>>399378>>399364
I'm... actually surprised at this. Being my first try at something with romance, I didn't think it'd do very well. I'm very pleased to see that you all enjoyed it. 
It is actually a song I found from a megamix. I do not have any idea what its name is though as even when I look up the lyrics, it's random generic songs that contain a couple similar words. For the song itself, I'll link you to it Here. Now I do not know how to link it to play at that exact part, but go to 57:30 exact for when the song starts coming up. Give it a short bit and enjoy the music! It will come soon.
Thanks, Sanity. Just know that it wouldn't have happened if I hadn't sent that first message.
And thanks to you guys, too. This story is turning into my biggest one so far, and I'm pretty happy about that. I just hope that I can continue putting out stories for you to enjoy!
>>1018749>>848529>>635182>>557663>>463275>>401720>>400495>>400313>>400127>>400053>>399935>>399934>>399843>>399378>>399453>>399652>>399351>>399364
To you readers that enjoyed this story, I have an update. I have just decided to make two additional chapters on this story. So if you're looking for more dancing and singing, then I hope these upcoming pieces will suffice. In the next chapter, it is Octavia's turn to make such a wonderful night for the two musical mares.
I hope that you all will look forward to and enjoy these upcoming chapters!
-StarsGuide
I try to excel in making readers sad. Happy stories just aren't my thing. Sure, I can try to do it like I did the first chapter which was originally going to be a simple one-shot, but then I thought about making a sequel ending like this. And so, here it is, an ending with an unknowing death that came all too quickly yet silently.
Image: http://i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/308/031/880.gif
You could have put a sad tag, you know. Some people don't want to read a sad story, with Vinyl's surprise death it certainly is. Though some of us would have predicted that something unhappy was coming with a chapter title like Dirge, we are not the majority. I know you were going for a surprise ending with that and a sad tag would spoil it slightly, but you also need to remember the preferences of the readership.
I misclicked the thumbs down, I don't know why the thumbs up won't stick. My downvote was not intentional, it's well written.
>>1375124 I know, most of the stories I have written were sad (although I find that if you give people sadness through happiness its much more tearjerking. If your willing to take the time, read my story "Little piece of Grey" then read one of my worst rated stories "Dear Mr diary". Perfect example) there is a certain feeling you get from being able to invoke more complex emotions on people. Although I feel that the drop (Vinyl's Death) was all to sudden. I would suggest hinting something was slightly wrong, but Octavia was oblivious a little while into the second chapter. I feel if you were subtle enough, the story would be much sadder.
The thing about hinting is just that, it hints. Generally when I do things that pertain to the sad moments I do not try to hint it. Otherwise readers will see it coming and expect it. Look to My Last Words for an example of this. I don't want to spoil anything about it so I won't tell more, but I don't tell things that relate to what happens/is happening.
It's kinda funny, really, that I reviewed this and knew how it ended ahead of time, but still, reading it here and all, I can't help but go:
"YOU KILLED VINYL! YOU BASTARD!"
And then I settle down and realize that this is a fantastic chapter. Can't wait for more.
After reading the fic, I'd set to watch you...but knowing that, I'm unwatching. You're a fairly good writer, if this story is an indication, but I'm not someone who deals with "sads" well 
Still, good luck with future projects, hope you find plenty of people who can enjoy your writings and appreciate them as much as they deserve (if not more 
)
I went from liking this story to disliking it...
Sorry, but such a "SURPRISE! She's dead!" story is one I genuinly hate.
Cause of death?
How long have they been together?
How old was she?
None of it, not a single clue.
I hate to sound rude, but that was way too quick and it, quite frankly, made the entire chapter bad.
The problem I have with this story is that you need a chapter in between the first and the second. Something to set a time stamp, a feel for it all, a mid point. There is no indication of how long this relationship has been going, I mean we know it has been some time now. But, we can't tell if this is a truly tragic dead at an early age, a life cut short; or a death after many years, one filled with long love and happiness. An epilogue would be nice, yes; but I think we need a time frame for it all, to truly understand what happened here.
P.S. what do you think of funeral fit for a DJ as a fitting surrogate epilogue for this story?
You may or may not have read it, but I have said that I tried to go for a chapter between them. It was going to expand on all of it, provide more time and depth as was needed. But since I couldn't even think of what to write for it, much less even begin a single word, it was cut. Looking at this, I probably shouldn't have even bothered to put that "sequel" as it ruined what was already there and at least mostly liked among the few readers. Should have kept it away in the documents like many other pieces that I've tried writing.
As it is supposed to be within this ending, Vinyl died at a relatively young age. I am going upon how death is sudden; unexpected. There are many cases where someone is fine just a minute ago then out of nowhere, they're dead. I was also thinking of writing a bit more to bring in a reaction from Octavia, but I would rather have left it open for the reader to imagine how the time after her discovery would be.
But like I said; I probably should have left it alone as it was.
That could possibly work as an epilogue, but it's a bit different in what happened. In that one it's mentioned how Vinyl died in the hospital while in this it's in her sleep at home.
First, I must apologize if i sounded like a jerk in my last post.
From you're original post I thought that the song was the big thing you couldn't think of for the a second chapter, knowing you couldn't even start it is a bit different. I have to say I did enjoy the story as a whole, I just may have been a bit too critical in my critic. Though, I would suggest seeing if you can solidify the length of there relationship some were within this chapter, just make it less fogy how long they have been together, that it has been years not decades. Maybe its just me and it is already distinct. I think were you ended the chapter was fine, leaving it to the reader to decide Octavia's reaction.
I know its a bit off, but not a bad choice for how it could be at the funeral.
I think some of the other readers and I might like some of thoughts other works you speak of.
No need to apologize; you didn't sound mean at all.
The songs that I include into this story are what I base the entire chapter off of. Starts with a song and some thoughts, then it grows into writing. What was supposed to be the second chapter never got an established song to use for it, so it wasn't started. When it comes to critiquing, I would really prefer to have people detail more if something doesn't go right or there's an issue - and you're doing that on top of suggesting how it could be improved.
And which other works do you mean? Mine, or ones from other authors?
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