Discord, being the curious Spirit of Chaos he is, decides to bring in Jesus to explain what exactly Easter means. The answer is more surprising than you'd think.
Yes, a story about Jesus, chill out and roll with it.
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- Member Since 21st Mar, 2012
- offline last seen Apr 2nd, 2016
RainbowBob
Are you ready, kids? Also a thingy so my pizza funds don't run out anytime soon.
RainbowBob
Joined 21st Mar, 2012 ·
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Jesus.
Don't forget the news report of the girl putting overdose pills in the easter eggs!
Also, inb4 Skeeter
Please, PLEASE write the poker game!
Also, I love how you humanized Jesus. Yes, he's God, but he was also man. I imagine he would be a fun guy to chat with. And the details about his appearance were a treat. People, Jesus wasn't white OR black. He was middle eastern.
I bet Buddha has the mother of all poker faces
Oh, also this.
simplexion.files.wordpress.com/2012/04/jesuslich.jpg
Congratulations! That was both sacriligious and informative.
But seriously, it was simple, funny, and lampooned what the holiday has been made to mean instead of lampooning the man behind it. Great stuff as usual.
4265933 your point?
Hey Scotty...
funny enough, this is how i imagine most of the gods spending their time. Even the "forgotten ones" (i.e. Norse, Greek/Roman, etc) would be screwing around like this, because it wouldn't be too out of character for them. I bet jesus is a lax guy, just annoyed by the fanatics.
I imagined this with Family guy's Jesus but more tanned
Welp, time for Poker Night 3 starring Jesus, Thor, Discord, Twilight Sparkle, Buddha, Hades, and Ra. Guest starring Quetzalcoatl as the dealer.
4265933 Well, considering that it was Discord who made this happen, I'd say, shut up and go somewhere else.
So... I guess the eggs didn't have anything to do with the Egyptian tradition? Tsk. Discord should have asked Ra and Ishtar for more info.
4265933 it only insulting if you take it as such
i think the author is just haveing a little fun
i believe in jesus but me and my brothers still crack jokes now and then we even get my mom to laugh some times and she hardcore with her faith
just chill not everything is an attack at you
4265914
If Jesus was Middle Eastern then how was he American?
I'm so sorry
Well I sense flame wars in a not so distant future... I mean I'm Christian and I love jokes about Christianity as long as they are tasteful, but I'm sure someone on this site is going to get butt hurt and someone else is going to go full bigot and there'll be a silly little war started because of it...
4265933 It's a joke. I recently came upon a thread upon a forum insulting fandoms, but then after I acted in the defense of fandoms it was explained to be a joke. While it is insulting, take a step back from being involved personally and try to appreciate it for the light hearted humor it is.
4266051
The same way He saved the dinosaurs in the Ark and made every single thing in the known universe billions of years old but kept Earth at 10,000 years.
/sarcasm
4266051 Obviously everyone talks aramic in Equestria.
I find this story extremely arrogant, distasteful, and downright evil.
How dare you say the Beetles are overrated! You will burn for this!
Other than that, you didn't do anything too offensive, and this day is about FORGIVENESS, TOLERATION, AND KINDNESS (*directed towards people who are going to start things*), so I'll just let it go. At least Discord and Twilight were amusing. Anywhores, happy Easter Bobino!
On a side note, who else thinks if Bob didn't do this and it was someone else, they would get even more attacks?
4266109
I read somewhere that Jesus invented the cheeseburger, then punched Kim Jong IL in the face when he tried to steal the credit.
4266141
I heard that Jesus invented baseball on the same day he wrote the US Constitution... in His own blood.
4265933 Well ya know, Jesus isn't like Allah, it ain't a sin to give him a fake personality... and it's RainbowBob, he's never been actively malicious about anything... from my knowledge.
4266051 Jesus was obviously black
Ask Huey Freeman
EDIT:
Too funny
I usually shy away from fics due to unavoidable flame wars, but you've succeeded in bringing this concept to a wonderful level, Bob. Keep it up 
Well done. I love that Jesus has a sense of humor. As for speech, he is the son of God. Language isn't going to be a challenge for him.
4265933
Right, because making fun of Christians is worse than Christians making fun of everyone else.
4265933
Religion is an insult to humanity; period.
Why not Apep?
Because Apep destroys universes. And carries mad aces.
~Dash The Stampede
Lol, loved it! Good job, Bobby!
I wish they'd invite me sometime...
4266689
They would if you stopped breaking the table every time you lose. You killing other gods doesn't help either.
Reminds me a little bit of Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal,
JesusJosh was a bit of a wise cracker in that one, too.Though, he loved coffee and the rabbits where just because he wanted them around whenever bad stuff happened to him.
Also, he studied martial arts with Shaolin monks, amongst other things. One of the few books I've read twice, and the only book I read and picked up again almost immediately, starting from the beginning.
4265933 I'm a Christian and have been all my life.
I found this hilarious, not insulting.
So.
Yeah.
Nice story, I think it was fun to read and not insulting at all to me. God must have humor when he has to put up with humanity. I also liked the tone of the whole thing. Jesus doesn't say anything that opposes what he is convinced of but neither forces he the ponies to do anything they don't want to.
4266141 send me that article
4266896
I think it's in revelations, actually.
4266898 oh... thanks for clearing that for me
4266443 4266457
It's not the belief system that's the problem, it's the people who believe in said systems. The people are the ones who commit genocide and terrorism in their desire to get closer to their deity. The PEOPLE are the problem.
4267173
You're half right. It's a mixture of the people and beliefs that are the problem. Take away the belief system and there wouldn't be any problems.
Dafaq
Can we get Exodia?
4266497 dear lord.
4266141 Well that's obviously a lie. Really, a Jew inventing cheeseburgers?
That was a great read
,
And you did a fascinating job at getting the true meaning of Easter out! Bravo Mr Bob, Bravo
4265933
It's people like you who give Christians a bad name.
4267241
Whoa, whoa. Let's not get offensive here...
Besides, even though ham is in the word hamburger, it's cow, not pork.
fc09.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2014/055/c/d/long_time_without_eating_a_burger_by_mrcbleck-d77usyj.png
4266443
Aren't you guys just a bundle of sunshine...
4266457
4266443
That's uncalled for.
4267205 That's what Socialism is for.
4266443 Religion is our first attempt at explaining the world around us. A pretty bad attempt, but an attempt non the less.