Purple and Gray

by Juru7

An Unexpected Invite

Author's Note:

this is my first fanfic ever. so plz give me some tips on writing, especially on conversation between 2. i've got some troubles with that

and to be clear, im am NOT a native English speaker

It was just a normal morning, the sun was raised by Celestia and the moon was lowered by Luna. The light of the beautiful sun came through the curtains right in the purple maned alicorns’ eyes. A big yawn left her mouth. As she was looking her number one assistant sleeping in his basket next to her bed.
“Good morning spike” the alicorn said while stretching her hoofs and trying to come out of bed.
“Argg, good morning Twilight” the little dragon also known as Spike replied grumpy of waking up so early
“So what are we going to do today?” he asked, in the hope they would go to Rarity because somepony had a crush on her.
“Well I planned to go to the spa with Rarity today, so I think it’s a day off for you”. The dragon watched her with a smile on his face.
“No spike, you’re not going with us. Maybe another time”.
“But what else can I do today?” Spike looked down still hoping he can convince Twilight.
“Well. You could start making breakfast for us”. Spike always made the breakfast because most of the time Twilight was too busy reading and without him she wouldn’t eat at all.
“Can I at least invite Pinkie Pie to come over today?” Pinkie Pie a perfect friend if you were bored, but still it was Pinkie Pie, the chances of a party being organized here was around 98.3%. And Spike still was a kid after all.
“Only for this time, but I don’t want to see any mess when I come home” twilight replied while walking to the bathroom.
“That’s a Deal!” Spike shouted back while running downstairs to make breakfast.

Spike was just ready with making breakfast when twilight appears on the stairs. The purple mare walked to the table to enjoy the lovely breakfast little spike made.
“You really did your best today, didn’t you?”
“Well I wanted you to be good fed for your day with rarity” he said half dreaming away of the beautiful white mare called rarity, as it was him who had a crush on her.
Spike was leaning on the table when suddenly a huge green flame came out his mouth, the flame almost toughing the purple mare. The force pushed Spike to the ground. Hearing a huge bump after the event.
“Are you alright? “
Spike was laying on the ground, still hurt from the fall. “Yea I think so”.
“What’s that?” Apparently a letter came out of the fire and was now lying next to Spike on the ground.
“I didn’t expect a letter from Celestia, did you?” twilight asked in confusion.
“No and especially not this early” the dragon replied while lying on the ground with his hands on his tummy. Twilight opens the letter and reads
"Hemm interesting…”
“What does is say?” Spike asks with concern.
“She wants me to go to a Concert in Canterlot tonight, all the other princesses are coming too”.
“So is Shining coming too?” spike asks still lying on the ground.
“Well, she doesn’t mention him and she clearly said princesses. So I’m not sure”.
Twilights’ good humor was gone after that question, she hadn’t see him after the Canterlot wedding. She thought she would see him when Cadence came to visit Ponyville for the Star Swirl the Bearded Traveling Museum. But that didn’t happen unfortunately.
“I’m going to Pinkie, see you later Twilight” spike says to the half dreaming alicorn.
“Bye! And don’t hurt yourself on the way!” Twilight automatically answers while still concerning if shining was coming or not.

Twilight looked around for something to do. She could clean the mess Spike made for breakfast but she hadn’t the humor to do it, and Spike would do it anyway. She looked to the wooden clock hanging on the wall, 11 hour it said. That was way too early to go to Rarity. She could go to the market, but what in celestias’ name would she need to buy? Twilight walked to the fridge to get some sweet apple acres apple cider. But when she opened the door she saw nothing. “How the hell?! I bought a whole pack with cider yesterday and now it’s gone”. She closed the door and watched to the counter, “Ow, there it is” she saw the missing packs, but this time empty. “That little dragon sure was thirsty “she said to herself while picking up some bits “Well, I better go to sweet apple acres before going to Rarity”. She picked up her saddle back and left the door. On her way to sweet apple acres.
The way to sweet apple acre went just how it was support to go. Derpy bumped into her, Lyra and Bon-Bon were just talking to each other near the lake and applejack was selling some apple cider. “SHE WHATNOW?!” twilight looked to the orange mare in confusing.
“Howdy twilaaght, how’re you doing today? “ The earth pony said with a little bit too much enthusiastic
“I’m fine. But what are you doing here? Weren’t you supposed to go to Manehattan for this week?”
“Well, yes I was. But I don’t think I can let mah little sys alone so I’m staying here in Ponyville so when something happens I’m there in a sec “.The orange mare replied with proud.
“That kind of makes sense, I think. But I need some apple cider Spike drank it all” twilight was already taking some bits out of her bag.
“Just on time sugar cube, these are the only 3 left for today” 3 was a little over what she normally buys. And tomorrow it was Spikes’ and Twilights’ market day. But the orange mare looked tiered and it was her friend after all.
”I’ll take 3 then, 3 bits right?” twilight asks while counting her bits.
“3 is the normal price, but for you is it 2. You’re my friend after all” she handed the cider over to twilight and cached the bits out of the purple magic.
”What are you going to do today? Got some time left to help a hoof in the farm?” applejack asked while packing in her cart.
“I’m sorry but I’m going to the spa today with Rarity and after that I’m going to Canterlot for a concert,” Twilight tiring not to feel guilty about it.
“That not a problem at all sugar cube. Well, see you later I guess” the orange mare said while closing her cart “see you later applejack!”

Twilight opened her door relived that she’s home, she looked to the wooden clock and saw the time.
Half past twelve.
Just on time, she thought.
Twilight took her time to put her bag in a corner and took the cider out of her bag with her magic. Putting it in the fridge.
“That’s that” she closed the door of the fridge and walked back to the door, ready to go to the spa.

Comments

[SpiralStallion]

grammargirl.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/1.jpg

Capitalization. Punctuation. Indenting. Paragraphs.
And for f**ks sake, the way you write is dryer than a cracker at a salt farm, telling overused jokes.
*sighs*

Sorry, but as an English major, this pisses me off to no end.

Some non-rage advice: look at how others write. Don't copy it like a mad-lib, but try to follow the flow.

[Juru7]

>> evmantheawesome
well yes english is not my main language and this is the first thing i ever wrote.
i am totally aware of the writing being like dry but i've no idea how to fix it.
i'm trying to get better, but that will take a long long time

i am going to re-write it all when i think i've got the flow but for now its just trying trying and more trying

[SpiralStallion]

4267783
Sorry about that. I assumed that you were a native English speaker, as most here are. For a non-native, this is pretty good.

[Juru7]

4267802
nonono i like to get some hard advice, that way i know what i'm doing wrong

[Cheer]

Aaaalrighty then. With my cat on my shoulder...okay, lap now...Arm.

Lap again. Okay. I think she's gotten comfortable now. Yeah. okay, now as I was saying. Let's begin.

You mention wanting tips and the very first thing that I notice before I even start reading is that you seem to put dialogue at the beginning every single time. You don't have to. Let's take this

“Good morning spike” the alicorn said while stretching her hoofs and trying to come out of bed.
“Argg, good morning Twilight” the little dragon also known as Spike replied grumpy of waking up so early

And try something different with it.

"Good morning Spike" The alicorn said aloud as she stretched out the tired feeling from her joints

The basket she had been speaking to grumbled slightly before the dragon inside finally replied "Agh...Good morning Twilight."

Just a little changeup to make things look a little different. You'll also notice I spaced mine different and indented. that's another little thing you can do to make things look a bit better. At least in my opinion