Redemption
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Not bad but I have never played the game
4265033 You won't need to know the game in order to understand the story, if that is what you are asking.
It's good writing and punctuation, so why'd you go with the ' - dialogue' , instead of ' "dialogue" '? Sorry if it's confusing, my bad.
Just so you know your story was added to the Fallout Equestria Group by G-man64. Feel free to PM me if you have any questions!
4265238 I watched a video of gameplay and it is interesting.
4265390 the main reason? Organization, this story is, and will continue to involve a lot of characters, so I decided for something more clear to avoid confusion.
4265390 It's the Brazilian way of writing spoken dialogue. In it, double quotes are used to denote internal monologue lines. I know I got confused as all hell when I read my first English narrative, thinking "why the hell is everybody thinking instead of saying?"
4265566 Melhor usar travessões (Alt+0151) em vez de meias-riscas (Alt+0150) ou hífens (sinais de menos) e fazer marcas de parágrafo quando começar uma linha falada. Você anda misturando esses sinais.
4270933 Obrigado, de fato tenho tido certos problemas com os sinais. Afinal, esta é minha primeira história.
4272392 Isso significa uma coisa: escreva mais!
You said you needed some feedback? Here it is!
First off, it's been a while since 2142 has been brought up in my life so that peaked my interest. I do enjoy what you've done overall so far, but it felt like certain things took a while to get to. "Where do the ponies show up?" Is something I asked myself kinda frequently. While I'm not the biggest fan of FO:E (in fact I flat out hate it), I don't rate stories without reading them at least a little bit. The characters, I had a little trouble keeping track of, but that's mostly me just not being very attentive. Those are my thoughts on your story. I hope this helps you and motivates you to continue writing. Also, I can't stress enough how important it is to expect and ignore hater downvotes, especially if you put the FO:E stamp on your story.
4280732 thank you, I cannot express how good it is to have actual feedback.
You are right about the characters and the ponies, I'll see if I can add a few more lines so people can know when they show up and why, and maybe a small list of characters on the end of each chapter so everyone can keep track.
Thank you again, I shall continue to improve my writing.
MOAR
4307288 And you shall have it.
like it
4265390
Some English novelists use it. Irvine Welsh was always a bastard for doing this. If you've ever read Trainspotting, you'll know that I mean. It's hard enough being written in almost incomprehensible Scottish vernacular, but it also has bizarre dialogue as well.
Should have given him a perk that corresponds to the fact that spending a few seconds not getting shot would give hi ma full recovery, or just have a perk where he gets infinite medic crates, like the medic from Battlefield 3.
4378005 That would surely come handy in situations like that.
4378549 It would also terrify any hostiles as to why he is able to shrug off shotgun shells to the face. Of course, if he also had the bonus of Command Prompt, he could toggle god mode and not stop pressing down the trigger until everything is dead.
Can't wait till next chapter
At least they can understand each other now
4381993 Well, you will have to wait a little bit, I'm currently trying to find editors, proof-readers and all that to improve my writing.
But don't worry, I already have the next chapters planned out.
Instead of "Conquistadors" use "Conquerors"
4473212 the name is suppose to create an analogy with the Spanish and Portuguese conquistadors of the Americas.
4475151 and why I dont think that in Fallout there is a Spannish faction
4475370 The word is not related to anything in the game, but to the historical event. Like I already said, it's suppose to create a analogy with the arrival of Spanish and Portuguese conquistadors in the Americas, and the consequences of their interactions with the native American people.
4475934 Then it would be "Conquistadores"
4477032 Both words are accepted.
4477441 nope i live in Chile right on the south hemysphere of the planet and i have never heard or metion "Conquistadors" just "Conquistadores" but this is a pointless argument so goodbye good sir i shall read your story soon enough
4478781 Alright, you do have a point, no reason to discuss silly terminology. I hope you enjoy the story.
4480198 I'm sure I will
If this is before or during the novel will any of the PAC or EU soldiers meet lil pip.
EDIT:Never mind he looked up saw the moon that means the cloud screen is gone thus lil pip is in the machine.
4499773 The precise location and timeline of the story will be revealed in the next chapter.
That answers my earlier question. But can't wait for the action.
4575717 Already working on it.
interesting concept.
4578330 that's good to know.
Was browsing through the human fics today (months back, it would seem) and saw this. Definitely wasn't expected to be mentioned, but I'm def. willing to give this fic a read.
4613601 Well, to be honest, I wasn't expecting you to notice my story. In any case, your story did serve as a inspiration and encouragement for me, and I figured I should provide proper credit. I hope you enjoy the story.
"- So, what you guys want to do? – I asked casually.
- Eh, I think I’m going to check on the engineering guys. – Barin answered, while Dima just shrugged.
- You want to hang out with those weirdoes? – I asked playfully.
- Wow Alex, some of those guys are nice, you know – Baring replied. – Plus, they always have some nice card games going on.
- Really, Barin? You are lucky that I’m your friend, you know how the military thinks about gambling.
- Interesting, I don’t remember hearing you say that about that whiskey bottle back in Berlin – He replied with a smirk in his face. – I’m pretty sure that much alcohol is also not allowed.
- W-well… that’s… that’s different! – That bastard and his quick thinking. – You know what, fuck it, you want to go, do it, but when the captain comes for you, don’t say I didn’t warn you.
- As you wish sergeant. – He said sarcastically before wandering off."
You may wish to write the - as quotation marks. Here's an example of what it would look like.
"Do you think the war will end soon?" Dima asked from across our table, snapping me out of my thoughts.
"Well, that’s hard to say," I answered, "I mean, I heard the Europeans are evacuating to Africa, plus, we were successful at Minsk, Belgrade and Berlin, so I guess things are looking pretty good."
"Well, I hope it does end soon; there are enough problems as it is." ((Nice use of the semi-colon))
"We all do, kid."
Don't forget to write who is speaking if there are more than two people.
Also, when describing each of the characters you mentioned earlier, you may want to give them physical descriptions as well.
4625690 Alright, thanks for the tips, I'll make those changes when I have time.
In the description.
must
Other than that, keep up the good work.
4692836 Thank you for pointing that out.
4698024
No problem, I make a lot of spelling errors.
Vladof rifle for great chapter! I kinda wonder how the UIR from gears of war would handle this though.
4707939 I'm now imagining a level 72 Commando from Borderlands 2 in the Fallout Equestria verse. Those ponies could kiss their loot goodbye.
4708215 "say hello to the ms." *throw level 72 turret at raiders*
Oh I could see that happening.
4708217 TWO level 72 turrets, that stick to the ceiling and have rocket pods and ridiculously overpowered machine guns. And potentially a shield. At least it's no Mechromancer. Imagine the damage Deathtrap would do at level 72, least of all because he'd no clip through the ground and buildings.
4708220 I shudder to think what would happen then with the miscalibrated deathtrap claws. Oh let's not forget krieg either a guy who gets health when he kills. That would be the end for the wasteland.
4708228 At least they're not Mister Torgue. Everything would be explosions.