Admin for various groups, occasional vectorer of screenshots, and writes stories like Cubic Zirconia, among other things.
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Apple Bloom knew something strange was going on when Winona started talking to her. Now she was supposed to be a 'magical filly' and fight a big army. But will she be able to figure out what she is doing in time?
Cover art by the talented Conicer. Preread by Elric of Melnipony.
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ok I haven't started reading just yet, but I'm allready looking forward to it.
I was wondering when I would see a new story from you.
Oh hey, new story by arcum42. With a kick ass cover to boot!
And now that I've read it... I'm not sure what to think of this, really.
It has some good stuff in it, certainly; magical fillies is something we definitely need more of, as well as Twist in an active role. And of course, you just can't go wrong with a giant spoon army.
And the text is fine from a technical standpoint, with few to no grammatical errors or typos, though perhaps a few too many commas in some places.
On the other side of the coin, however, I found the humor to be a bit flat(like the fainting scene, or 4th wall breaking for the sake of breaking the 4th wall...), and more importantly, there just wasn't anything to really draw me in. There's the whole good vs evil thing, "saving" Spoon, AB and Twist hanging out, and of course, promises of magcal filly shenanigans, but none of this succeeds to draw me in when I'm not given any reason to care about the characters(other than 'it's the ponies we all watch and love', which just isn't enough for me =/).
Basically, it's "why should I care for AB and Twist beating Silver Spoon". It's good from an "objective" standpoint, of course (defeting evil, the good side triumphs, etc etc), but doesn't feel good from a "personal" standpoint.
You'll find that in a lot of magical girl shows (and adventure shows in general), the story actually starts with the daily life of the protagonist, and almost always shows us a desire that she can't achieve, before it gets to the 'magical girl' part, with promises that this can help her achieve her desire (through character buildup, wishes, or whatever).
And even if they don't dollow that route, the protagonists will still have their daily life hardships to overcome, which helps to make the story relatable from a personal standpoint, and making us root all the more for the protagonist in the battle of good vs evil.
I advice you to study some magical girl shows you like, and ask yourself how they made you care about the characters. You'll find that more often than not, just having battles of good vs evil isn't enough.
Either way, I'll probably still watch this for another chapter or two, to see where it's going. It might surprise me yet ;)
I had to stop halfway through the story to laugh at this.
Anywho, once I finished reading what you have so far, I enjoyed it.
Can't wait for more -- and now, this really makes me wanna watch Sailor Moon. 
A magical girl anime that pokes fun at the genre's conventions? I'm in.
The weird part about this whole thing is that there is, in fact, a magical girl in a real-life show who does happen to be named Bloom. Well, it's not a Japanese show (it's Italian), but it was done in the style of the genre.
This is pretty good so far, on a more related note. I wish more magical girls had dog companions like Winona, considering that I'm a dog person.
Dear Princess Celestia,
Today, I learned not to read fanfics while eating, especially when the fanfic in question is this funny. I choked on my dinner quite a few times because I couldn't keep myself from laughing long enough to swallow.
I'll make sure to finish my meals before I start reading any of the coming chapters.
Your humble subject,
matcha cheesecake
P.S. I noticed the cover pic still says Magical Girl, instead of Magical Filly. Erm, yes, I can read Japanese...
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To be honest, a fair amount of this chapter is old, but it took a while to get it cleaned up, and I wanted to have the cover art in place before I published it.
That and I've been trying to avoid too many new stories that aren't oneshots, because I have enough difficulty keeping up with my existing ones.
--arcum42
4449352
Took the words out of my mouth.
4449388
Thanks! And yeah, while I debated about leaving it in, that "copyrighted by Hasbro" line was too good, and I couldn't resist adding a jab in at the whole "song lyrics in fanfiction" thing. You'll note the theme musics lyrics are original, if inspired by an anime.
4450811
Glad you enjoyed it, and yes, I don't think food and this story will mix.
I suspect that if this really were a magical girl anime, it'd say magical girl rather than magical filly in Japanese, anyways, no matter how the translation was done in English.
4450431
Really? I might have to look at that.
Actually, I can get along with both dogs and cats, but Winona as Apple Bloom's magical companion made a lot of sense to me, and I think it worked out pretty well. Winona needs more love anyways.
--arcum42
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Hmmm. Would have been good feedback to have before publishing, since I could see adding a new first scene before everything else with Apple Bloom before school, but it's a bit late for that now. This is meant to be fairly over the top, as more of a sendup of the genre, but I can see where I should probably work on Apple Bloom's characterization a bit. Silver Spoon and Twist probably got more, really.
Well, I expect I'll watch more magical girl animes before the next chapter, anyways. Though I'm not sure Puni Puni Poemy'll help much on that front.
--arcum42
4451034
It's cool, you threw her into the thick of things at first, but after her first villain fight, you can add some Slice of Life scenes (and the accompanying tag). Her first go-round with the forces of evil is bound to be either a stalemate or an insignificant victory anyway -- if I remember my magical girl protocol -- so there'll be some downtime before the next battle.
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Remind me to spend some time discussing that with you via pm. I could probably use some help fleshing some things out a bit...
--arcum42
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Happy to help!
Sudden thought: I think you need an obligatory scene of AB running to school with a piece of toast in her mouth. And maybe Miss Cheerilee has recently instituted a uniform policy without explanation...
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Or returned to it, hence her already having the outfit in question? The toast scene'd be cute...
--arcum42
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Sounds plausible. "Well, kids, we've tried a whole school year without the uniforms, and things have been utter chaos. Time to put 'em back on."
4451034
Don't be too afraid to go back and edit existing content, if you personally think it's important enough.
Of course, it has its drawbacks, as you have to spend time you'd otherwise use on followup chapters or even other stories, but it can also end up with a positive net result. If you have a solid first chapter, it can make writing the next ones pretty easy, through added motivation or added content potential, especially the "relatable daily life hardships" stuff, which can quickly fill up the otherwise deadspace between "action" scenes.
You'll just have to weigh the pros and cons, and see what you end up with.
And if you need any advice, feel free to send a message.
A magical girl story starring Applebloom? Ok, you've sold me. *Starts reading*
4451462
I could, but the opening scene's solid enough, and going from Apple Bloom to Silver Spoon back to Apple Bloom right at the beginning would confuse things, thinking about it. There'll be enough time to add more depth in coming chapters.
I actually write a fair amount of that type of thing in some of my other stories, to be honest...
--arcum42
I am going to be very disappointed if Pink Earth Filly No. 4 does not return in a recurring and/or unexpectedly major role. #MorePEF4
Also, needs more bad spoon puns.
Amusing start though, and you're right, that is some darn awesome cover art.
4451797
Oh, now that she's had a speaking role, she'll have to get used more in background shots, right? And Apple Bloom's hardly the sort to leave that sort of thing alone...
I like the notion of nameless background ponies actually being nameless, though. It feels like there's more to be explored there. And of course Pinkie's friends with all the background ponies! She undoubtedly knows all their description and numbers.
More bad spoon puns are definitely a necessity.
And yeah, I'm really happy with the cover art.
--arcum42
Mmmm... Pretty Sammy-ish. I like it!
More, please.
--Spade
I wanna see Sweetie and Scoots join Apple Bloom as magical fillies, pretty please? Flashes the CMC special.
*WolfishLOL* U need to add crossover to this story, cause I can see the link to Sailor Moon in it already!!!!!
I have a feeling this is going to get featured.
4452365
Mmm, yes, Pretty Sammy would definitely be an influence. Tenchi Muyo: Adventures in Time and Space was great...
4452523
All the CMC as magical fillies just seems a little predictable to me. Besides, both Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo have perfectly good anime niches I can fit them into.
4452643
I'm not crossing over with any one anime, though. I'm playing with the genre as a whole.
4452733
It's been in the popular box all day. Don't know if it'll get further, though. It would be nice to be featured, but it's never happened with any of my other fics, so not really expecting it.
--arcum42
4452937 Oh, I'm curious now.
4450965
It's Winx Club, if you're wondering. Except this Bloom occasionally stumbles into bad writing and sorta becomes a Mary Sue.
But the rest of the show is pretty good. Nice world-building and stuff.
4453344
I may have to watch a bit of it. Pity about the main character I'd be looking at being Mary Sueish, though.
--arcum42
I gotta say the picture looks cute in many levels, kinda almost makes Apple Bloom look like a Cardcaptor...I wonder if someone has already made that story?
4454206
The closest I know of is this video, which is even more fun with the captions on.
[youtube=WWG0KLSJi8g]
I agree the picture's great, though. It's the little details: Apple Bloom pointing the wrong end of the staff right at her face, both of their expressions, the apple blossoms...
--arcum42
Well, this seems enjoyably bizarre. Eagerly looking forward to more, especially as the curtain gets pulled further back. Pinkie may need to be on standby should Apple Bloom hit full fourth-wall awareness.
only one word to say about this so far. random!
Magical girl. SOLD.
Magical Filly? This could either be Sailor Moon
or Puella Magi Madoka Magica. If so then I presume Winona to be the evil cat being. Time to read.Edit: Read it. It's sailor moon. Off to a....odd start I will say.So an Applebloom fic in the form of an Anime in the style of Sailor moon (Which I have never seen)?
I hope shenanigans ensue!
I want to like this. I really do.
But there are some serious problems.
1. Too much fourth-wall breakage. It doesn't really work and it's not really funny. It's just...there. And it's awkward.
2. Too much tell, not enough show.
3. Your pacing is completely terrible.
So yeah, as a die-hard fan of all things magical girl...you've lost my interest right out of the gate. Not downvoting, but not upvoting or following either.
4456099
Actually if you guide yourself by the image, you could say Cardcaptor Sakura.
Apple Bloom as a Magical Girl. This I gotta see.
4455070
4455315
I'm not normally as much for fourth wall hijinks as I was here, but I was going for over-the-top, and it just seemed to fit naturally...
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4458861
It's more a genre crossover then any particular magical girl anime (which is why I didn't add a crossover tag.)
My main influences at the moment were probably Pretty Sammy and Puni Puni Poemy, but I'm certain to be pulling tropes from all over...
--arcum42
4456415
Well, that's a bit disheartening. I think the fourth wall breakage is a bit hit or miss, since some people did tend to enjoy it. It was my intent for this story to be rather over the top and somewhat self-conscious. I'm being influenced to a certain extent by Excel Saga, I think.
I'll try to watch the pacing, and I'm rather aware that I need to be more descriptive in general in my writing. I'll keep an eye on that next chapter, and I may at some point run through this chapter and see if I feel a revised chapter's necessary.
Anyways, sorry to have lost your interest, and hopefully if you end up reading one of my other fanfics at some point, you enjoy it more...
--arcum42
Well since you said one of your influences was from Puni Puni Poemi... I can partially see it there in the story, definitely dialed down of course. Now have Applebloom (Or Apple Bloom, it's all preference) do a speed transformation. Or have a Librarian transformation
4459797
Well, yes, I'm not going to go quite as far as Puni Puni Poemy, like having a bunch of naked girls fly across the sky.
img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20121113220026/mlp/images/0/0a/Ponies_about_to_fly_away_S2E22.png
Okay, maybe that's not a concern here.
Excel Saga's definitely an influence, too, and by the time the next chapters done, I expect I'll have rewatched the first three Pretty Sammy OAV's...
We'll see on the transformations. A librarian transformation might be more Twist. Apple Bloom doesn't seem very bookish to me.
--arcum42
In the name of the Bloom I'll punish you!
"It's in the bylines."
I think you mean bylaws.
4456415 to think you'd have already followed him. After all, he IS the founder of most *insert princess name here*'s Library groups...
4460326 Follow for the story, not for the author. I don't follow people on FiMF unless (a) they're friends, (b) have three or more stories I really like, or (c) have one story that REALLY impressed me.
Creating a shitload of groups doesn't impress me.
4459843 Is this a crossover fic?
4459852
Gah! I hate it when I've looked at a line directly a dozen times and not had a problem with it register.
4460967
It's more of a crossover with a genre than any particular anime.
--arcum42
4460326
4460552
I did not, in fact, create all the library groups. I created Twilight's Library. One day the other admins of Twilight's Library got bored and created the other ones. I joined them, and all of them were going with a policy that admins of Twilight's Library were admins there as well, so I have admin rights, but they weren't my idea.
Those criteria make sense to me. I feel better when people follow me because we're friends, or because they are enjoying Cubic Zirconia, which I put a fair amount of effort into, anyways...
--arcum42