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59w, 4dCrossovers
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7w, 1dBioshock: Equestria
In an instant, the back of my neck is electrified again, along with every other inch of my body. Chestnut swears and jumps back against the window, and in the ambient green glow of the ocean that filters in from outside, I see a dim white aura envelop his horn as he yanks a blocky metal object out from under his vest and points it towards the entrance hall we just came through. Once I look closer and see what it is, another shock wave sweeps through me. The stock may be silver instead of black, and it’s certainly a lot smaller than any I’ve heard of before, but I’ve flipped through enough military history books to know a cannon when I see one. The firing mechanism is set behind a rotating chamber embedded in a wooden handle, though, and judging by the way the air seems to shimmer around a flattened metal trigger beneath it, it looks like it’s not fuse-fired either. I could just write it off as another amazing invention born inside an extraordinary city, but as the temperature in the hallway dips and the window rivets creak, I can’t help but wonder something I don’t think I want to know the answer to: in a city built miles under the ocean and filled with the kind of technology most ponies can only daydream about, why would anypony need to be armed?
Three.
Unlike most mares my age, I’m no stranger to injuries. When I was a foal, our living room might as well have been a triage ward for all the cut, bruised, and battered miners that would file through every evening at seven. I’ve seen ponies with everything from headaches to hernias to ugly red gashes in their backs that glistened crimson under the dusty overhead lamp my mother always used when she needed to take care of a patient. Once I was about twelve, I even broke a bone in my own leg when I fell fifteen feet out of a tree. I can still remember the jarring, nauseating crack as I hit the ground, still feel the white-hot pain that flared up from my forehoof all the way into my neck. I know what it looks like when ponies get hurt. I know what it feels like to get hurt myself.
“Is it someone new?” she croaks. She waits for a moment more, opens her mouth as if to speak again, and then throws her head back with a blood-curdling shriek that numbs every inch of skin I own. The hooks on her forelegs snap out and lock into place when they’ve even with her hooves again, and before I can even blink, she leaps forward and attacks. The cleaner hook smashes into the door and tears a hunk of wood free, and then a pinkish blur around her opposite hoof takes another chunk with it as it passes by the same spot. The door squeaks and tries to resist, but the mare keeps hacking away at it, dismantling it piece by piece in a mad attempt to reach me.
Comments ( 71 )
Please, for the love of <insert favorite being's name here>, continue this soon!
Cannot express how delightful this fic is to me; a big fan of Bioshock.
Just... don't refrence Bioshock 2... At least not too much.
Applejack has been revealed! ![]()
Even though I'm pretty sure everyone already knew who it was, lol. We now have a definite answer though, and that is nice. Wowow, Your writing is just superb. This is, quite frankly, the best crossover I have ever read (I read Fallout Equestria). Man, your writing is just so convincing, I'm just blown away. I wish I could do more than track and like this story...
Anyways, I'm excited to see where this is going. Can't wait to see what happened to Pinkie Pie
oh and Twilight I'm also really excited about.
Here's hoping that all the mane six are still sane! ![]()
More, for the love of god! More! ...However, I am getting the awful feeling that the plotline of this story is just a direct copy of the game's plot. Please don't do that. If I wanted the exact same plotline, I'd just play Bioshock again.
Hm, maybe you´re using *hell* too much? It´s losing his worth as a word somehow in your fic. Can´t you exchange it with *by Tartarus* or *Celestia be damned* or *Sweet Luna´s socks* (okay that one was a joke XD)? Would give some more colors into Link´s cursing. A ponyfeathers here a horseapples there and bang, we got an angry cursing pony who doesn´t sound too much like a human from our world turned into a pony body.^^
Besides that loved the story, especially with Chestnut and that splicer mare. :D
Some parts were a bit confusin to me, however, i think once i read it for the second time it will clear all up. :3
>>601184 Seconded.
I do love that the Mane 6 are playing such important roles in the story, though I do feel terrible for Chestnut. ****ing splicers... then again, they may need to get spliced themselves just to survive. That will be an interesting contrast.
So we've seen hookhooves... but why didn't chestnut use the gun?
Enjoyable as always, but I have a minor quibble:
Nothing I’ve ever seen at home, though, prepared me for what happens next.
You really shouldn't do that in present tense narrative, unless you mean to imply that Ruby's clairvoyant (which I don't think you do).
>>601333 Fight or flight reflex would push him to fight though, especially considering he was protecting a pair of civilians. On the other hand, he did try reasoning with a bloodie hookhoof. Clear thinking is obviously not there. Poor link... wonder how long it will be until he starts blaming himself for drawing the hookhoof in the first place.
>>601310I actually reasoned the small shift to past tense with "reasoned" there was valid. Ruby isn't looking at patients back at her home clinic at that very moment -- that's all in the past. That said... maybe switching that "I've" to "I'd" would be serviceable, as that sentence is definitely in two tenses, now that I look at it.
>>601374Ah, I understand. I didn't have a big objection to that, though I guess I also have a perspective on this story where I kind of imagine Ruby looking back on this period of her life some time after the events of Harmony, but uses the present tense as an artifact of sorts. It's like you relaying an anecdote along the lines of "So I go into the store with my girlfriend..." while you're telling this to your roommates at 4 AM.
As I've said before: the story's plot is similar to the original game's, but those similarities are only in the general direction and structure of the narrative. A few key points in the story will be reminiscent of the game, but trust me when I say that everything that happens in this story, especially the stuff that might hit very close to the game's plot, happens for a reason. At the risk of sounding pretentious, think Apocalypse Now compared to the novella it was inspired by, Heart of Darkness. The general idea of the plot is the same, but the specific details of the events that advance that plot are unique to the period and setting of each interpretation of the narrative. Granted, I'm not Francis Ford Coppola by any means, but that's what I'm aiming for this story to be like.
That's actually a carry-over from one of the biggest issues I had with Fallout: Equestria. I guess a lot of people thought Littlepip's "creative" use of swear words was funny, but for me it got annoying pretty fast. I just prefer to think that "hay" is just MLP's polite version of "hell". In any case, Link's swearing will be brought up again in a few chapters.
Alright people, taking bets on how many of the main six are still sane.
Applejack currently appears to be sane, but I'm not counting her out just yet...
Rarity and Pinkie Pie being crazy is almost a certainty, but the field is completely open for the other three.
>“Sugarcube, you’re panicking,” the mare on the radio says slowly, once again returning to that motherly inflection I remember from the influence.
This seems an odd turn of phrase - "from the influence"? What is that referring to? (Did I miss something in a previous chapter?)
"'My name’s Applejack,' the mare says, 'and I’m tryin’ to keep you alive.'" And apparently Link is trying his hardest to get himself and everyone near him killed. And going from his inability to read numbers and connect them to a seat, he is a frigg'in idiot as well; an idiot that does not know when to shut up and be quiet, which in a place where shit hunts you down is a good way to permanently remove yourself from the gene pool. (Now, why am I raging about a character in a fanfic?
) Ruby should ditch his ass before his loud mouth gets her killed. ![]()
Update woot! okay as much as i'm loving Ruby and Link, i still really want to know what happened with twi and the others. is applejack atlas? are the cmc's big sisters at this point?
This is your world Ayn Rand... Onyx Ryder. YOUR WORLD! And you'd smile at the will of the creators. I hope you died in a slow and agonizing and ignoble way, knowing the glories that shone in your daydreams were dimmed by the blood of the slain (as the Faber sisters put it.)
Magnificent! Glorious! Astounding! You are crafting a legend.
I really like this story...like very lots (intentional bad grammar) I wish I could say more than what others have said about how you are doing, but I swear people have said it all! Looks like I will repeat then! This chapter was amazing, and though I only knew chestnut for a chapter his death was still heartbreaking. I loved the way you did it without it dragging on. About what you said about Littlpip's colorful swearing. I found it to give her better personality than something funny really. I won't dive into that because I am not trying to compare these two. I must say that this is already in my top fan fics, though, and I can't wait to see more soon!
P.S. is it just me or are you updating faster? hmmm...
I think that Link will have a rather big spotlight in this story. Well, i hope he will. Cause he reminds me so much of Jack. He even got Jack's tattoo as his Cutie Mark. Please continue with this. And. Never. Stop. Ever. ![]()
All right anypony want to place bets on which of the Mane 6 and CMCs are alive/sane/mutated?
This fic is great, please continue.
Applejack as Atlas...I can't dig it. For the role of Atlas as a good guy in the first part of Bioshock, sure, but AJ as Atlas implies AJ as Fontaine, and AJ is no con-artist or traitor.
God dammit, Aqua. Reading this just makes me realize I will never be able to tell an adventure story anywhere approaching how good this is.
Speaking as someone who knows next to nothing about Bioshock: This is fantastic, I have no idea what's going to happen next, and I am excited to find out! ![]()
I was wondering if the level of gore of the game will be translated well into the story.
No worries now ![]()
You've definitely got me interested. Story has the essence and general idea of BioShock in it, but with a Ponified spin and your own unique take on things. Using two protagonists with Ruby as the POV character was a good move for storytelling here, although their exact roles in all this and how it relates to the game is still unclear and up for grabs - most obviously, Link is a Jack analogue and Ruby is our Ishmael, but Link's behavior so far doesn't quite match up with Jack and Ruby gets Jack's opening monologue.
Not to mention that AJ's unlikely to have the technological/mystical knowledge to pull off what Fontaine's done to the main character in Bioshock. Or that the Element of Honesty would have to openly lie to our protagonists to follow Altas' character arc. No here's hoping Aquaman52's got a few other twists in store for us.
And speaking of which... Reads Introduction Part 2 again. Reads Welcome to Harmony Part 1 again. Did you just kill off Diamond Tiara off screen, Aquaman? You are my hero! ![]()
>>388411 I had no idea dragons liked ponies... Or Bioshock... Or pony/Bioshock crossovers.
Guess you learn something new every day.
"What use is a gift, when we as a race are too afraid to open it, too afraid of what might find within?" I think you might have meant "what we might find within" in the bold there. ![]()
Just thought I'd point that out, Aquaman! I noticed it while rereading (cuz it's that good!) ![]()
Three things:
1. I guess you were reading Breaking Bricks too, so hi again.
2. What is the "wyk phenomenon"? Google's doing that thing again where it insists the thing I need to find doesn't exist.
3. For the sake of sating my perfectionist side, what was the issue with Link you sort of mentioned at the bottom there?
2) Would You Kindly. I was trying to avoid spoilers, but looking at the above comments... I guess that's kinda out the window.
3) The first connotation I have with the word "Link," especially as a name, is that of a certain green-hatted Hylian. Just thought it was kinda odd, but i see now that you meant it in terms more like link in a chain, so... yeah. I still can't picture him without a little green hat, though.
In any case, this is looking to be fantastically awesome.
Well, seeing as it was the pure magic that caused this I'm saying that Ryder Killed Twilight, and had "fun" with the rest...and thus SPLICERS were born!![]()
Know what? You just convinced me to blast through Bioshock again. Thanks for the motivation.
I'm enjoying this a lot. I never got the horror aspect of the game (the knowledge that I could tear apart any enemy the game threw at me kinda took away from the tension, as it does in almost every "horror" game), so a well written first person account using the awesome setting is very welcome. I'd read this even if it weren't ponies; the fact that it is just makes it more fun. I'm interested to see what all changes you make from the game's canon. Setting up AJ as Atlas wouldn't work too well if you follow the game all that closely; from your comments, you look like you have this well in hand, though. Looking forward to how it all falls out.
Keep up the good work.
I shall mark this general area with massive amounts of class. A reminder of sorts.
There seems to be a lack of actual "Reviews" of your chapters, I'm noticing. I'll rectify that, since I just finished your latest chapter.
I've only one problem with this chapter, but it's something major. 8k words, which is a heavy amount, yet....nothing happened.
Now, before the first raving fan runs at me saying "TONS HAPPENED! THERE WAS CHESNUT DYING AND ONYX'S INTRO AND APPLEJACK!", I'll say, first turn off the cap locks, and listen. When I say nothing happened, I mean with your characters.
Let me recap.[SPOILERS]
-Running from Splicer
-Hiding in a closet
-Chestnut dies
-Climbing through a vent
-Film Reel
-Looking at dead ponies
-Applejack
Now, when looking at that list, it seems(on the surface) that a lot happened. However, what did Ruby do this whole time? What did Link do? Throughout the chapter, they sat and watched whatever was happening unfold. They were stationary in all but two parts, the running and the vent chase, both of which were very short.
Ruby also had very little character development, which shouldn't happen when she's the protagonist. Perhaps, just a suggestion, go on less rants describing what she's seeing, and more on what she feels about it. It's also ok to use shorter sentences. I find myself getting lost in yours because some are unnecessarily long winded.
Now, that may sound caustic, but I mean no hostilities. I've grown a knack for seeing what needs fixing in a piece after a long while of pre-reading a friend of mine's story, and I noticed a lack of critique in this, which every writer needs. ![]()
Despite the fact that I'm about to give you something akin to a rebuttal, you do have a fair point. I'll be the first to admit that I think I screwed this last chapter up a little bit, primarily with how long her internal rants go on. The unfortunate thing is that the version you read is the somewhat fixed version; the chapter used to be about five hundred words longer, and I still need to go back through the second half of it with a fine-toothed comb.
That being said, the reason this chapter didn't focus as much on Ruby and Link was because I was choosing instead to focus on introducing three other characters: Onyx Ryder, Applejack, and most importantly, the city itself. It's always been my contention that in technical terms, the main "character" of BioShock was Rapture, so my goal for this chapter was mainly to put Ruby and Link (for all intents and purposes, two normal Equestrian citizens) into this entirely foreign world, and to let that world develop through the things it does to them, rather than the things they do to it. Granted, I could very well have screwed that up too, but I figured I'd at least see how much credit good intentions would get me.
In any case, thanks for the critique.
"That being said, the reason this chapter didn't focus as much on Ruby and Link was because I was choosing instead to focus on introducing three other characters: Onyx Ryder, Applejack, and most importantly, the city itself."
A noble intention, one that could have been done without sacrificing character development. Characters, your characters are what drive a story forward. Characters are the foundation, the brick, the morter, and the paint that makes a story what it is. Your main characters are our window into the world your creating. They can never just be "Not there". I understand what you tried to do, but putting your characters on the sidelines to introduce something else isn't entirely the right thing to do.
That's, well, that's my opinion. You can take it how you want. ![]()
As for the city being a character, you're right, it needs to be. However, the city isn't shaped by your characters, its shaped by the inhabitants and their tales throught he Audio diaries. The city's not going to be impacted by them all too much, it's them who will be impacted by the city. Harmony was screwed long before Ruby and Link got there....
Why am I saying this? You, of all people, know that. ![]()
Anyway, you're welcome. I look forward to where this goes next.
Short tidbit: I hope to Celestia that you don't have any of the mane 6 or their family killed. I don't know if I could handle a dead Fluttershy...
I don't know if it's just me... But did noone think maybe fluttershy might be a certain loopy doctor...?
I just thought I would point out, Ruby already knew of AJ. You called her out by name when they were listening on the bathysphere. Not sure if it was intentional or what not, just pointing it out to ya.
This is the best Crossover Fan Fic I've ever read! Even better than Fallout: Equestria!
But I was wondering, are you going to have the Bioshock characters as Ponies, or let the Mane Six take the roll of the characters in the game?
So, when can we next expect an update on this? I REALLY want to know what happens, because so far it's been bloody amazing.
My little ponies, we are, all of us, slaves. And why? Because we have sacrificed the freedom of choice for the safety of passivity,” she derisively declares. “Because the rich and the powerful have told us to jump, and we have asked, ‘How high?’ Because we have pushed for change and strived for progress, and our princesses and our gods have only pulled our chains tighter, telling us that we have nothing to fear, nothing to want, nothing to desire but obedience and ignorance and bliss.”
This is true... but think, whats the cost? There is a cost for everything, whats the cost for freedom? whats the line of what should be done?
...wow. i'm normally funny, but here i am talking philosophy.
> Once I was about twelve // Word missing here maybe.
See, this is the thing I dislike about games like this; the fact that the ‘monster’ or whatever it is need be so amorphous to carry the tension. The same sense somewhat draws into the story via the devices you’re using to keep these two running in fear. They just lost their ‘escort’ who came from who the hell knows where, and whatever it is that’s after them is consistently obscured. Grar. Not to say you’re not pulling it off, just saying.
And then Chestnut is torn to pieces. This somewhat alleviates my frustration :3
>that pegasus mare // hoary shit man
>me, it // semicolon needed here.
Psh. I seem to recall someone recently giving me shit over ponies cursing in my story. Hmmmmm.
>I want some answers // FINALLY. dafuq is going on here. AJ, you best spill.
Niiiiiiiifty. Moving on, with not enough answers to sate my burning curiosity.
i just really hope applejack doesnt turn out to be what Atlas was to Bioshock. cause i like applejack.
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Kind of a weak ending zinger, considering how obvious it was who she is. That said, this is what a crossover is supposed to be.
I thought Link was going to have to make his first kill just after Chestnut died. I guess not yet, but it probably won't be long . . . Ruby'll probably be too frozen in fear to be any help, so I hope when the time comes Link can put aside his moral qualms quickly enough to use his range advantage. Celestia knows the results won't be pretty if either of them gets in anything like a fair fight with the denizens of Harmony.
So, AJ. Were you and Chestnut the last remaining sane ponies in this city before Ruby and Link arrived, or are there any other survivors still holding on? Have you got a plan for getting everypony to the bathysphere without losing anypony else, or is the enemy so prevalent that there's not even any point in planning?







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