"He's a dick. What he was sayin' today really rustled my jimmies." I told my friend on the phone while I drove home.
"I know, he's an ass. And you really have to stop saying that." said Jeremy "But he can still suck my balls if he thinks we are going to that crappy speed training and weightlifting!"
"Tell me about it, there is no way he is taking every damn week day of the year from us, that's bullshit!" I said getting irritated again thinking about it. "And I will NEVER stop saying that expression, I just love it too much."
I have recently acquired my drivers license finally and am still cautious when driving home from school. Our new football coach, coach Sanford, takes the game way too seriously, the only day of rest we got during the season was Sunday. Even that was only because he can't legally make us go everyday of the week, plus he had church.
"I still think that coach Smith is a pedophile though." said Jeremy chuckling a little bit.
"I could see that, it's probably why he always talks about jacking off. What do you think his nightly ritual is after weight lifting?" I joked but half serious. "I try to avoid him any chance I...."
I was stopped in the middle of my sentence by something I saw falling out of the sky. It looked kind of like a person. I saw it land the pond I always pass on my way home. A huge temporary tower of water shot up to the sky upon impact.
"Im'a......Im'a call you back, I got to do something...." I heard a faint "FAG!" before I threw the phone in the passenger seat and stopped the car to a screeching halt. On the off chance it actually was a person I got out of the car as fast as I possibly could. The ground was just A muddy slop because of all the dumb-asses around here think grass is bad for some unknown reason. But the ground was mainly muddy from all the recent rain.
I slipped in the mud while i was rushing to see what fell.I thought of the irony as i got closer to the pond. I could start to make out what fell. I saw it floating in the middle of the little pond, "What the hell is that?" It looked colorful. What ever it was it was facing down jutting out of the water. I was just wearing the same crappy shoes i have been for the past three years and some ripped jeans, so I decided to jump in the waist high pond to get a closer look.
I approached it as a fast pace, as fast as i could in water without actually swimming. What ever it was it wasn't moving. I picked it up out of the water and flipped it over on the muddy shore of the foggy pond.
"Hoooooooooly shit!" It was Rainbow Dash.
I stared at her in disbelief for a few moments. I was a brony and no one knew that I had a new obsession with the show. I watched it because I was curious why so many guys did. I thought to myself i'll watch like two episodes then i'm done. Then i watched it and my brain was like FUCK THAT! Your watching every season!
I was stunned. I had so many questions flowing through my mind; Holy shit! Is she dead? Is she real? She is NOT moving! Why the hell is she in this world? I tried to get myself to think clearly. I checked her pulse in her neck: OH thank GOD!! I felt a faint pulse. Wait a second, she was face down in the pond, unconscious when I found her. I recently took the first medical class this year and they taught me some useful things.
I started to attempt to resuscitate the unconscious pony.
I picked her up and wrapped my arms around her so i could ball my hands under her chest, I was trying to use the Heimlich maneuver. I was repeatly thrusting my fist into her, Rainbow Dash still did not release the water though. I saw part of my reflection in the pond. I'm giving Rainbow Dash the Heimlich... Pretty good day so far; If she doesn't die. I set her down and started pumping my palms just under her rib cage.
Dash's rose colored eyes opened. She flipped over. Threw up all the water she inhaled while drowning all over me, and passed out again.
"That's just fucking adorable." I sarcastically mumbled to myself while wiping the rainbow colored vomit off myself.
I gingerly picked up the cyan pony and put her in the back of my shitty Honda Civic. I put her facing down so that she doesn't choke on her own vomit if she decided to do it again. I looked back at the pond and noticed that there was some weird looking saddle bag floating in the water. I jumped back in, grabbed it and threw it in the back seat with her. Then jumped back in the car.
Just then i noticed that Jeremy was still on the other line of the phone. "Hey, whale scrotum, you still there?"
" I was gone for like ten minutes, why didn't you just hang up?"
"I don't know maybe cause i just that much of a caring friend, duche!" He sarcasticly chuckled. " What was so important? What did you do?"
" I RESUSCITATED A FUCKING CARTOON RAINBOW PEGASUS PONY!!!"
"The fuck are you talkin' abo-" too late i hung up the phone before he could finish.
"I guess im taking you home untill you wake up at least, dash" I said to the unconscious pony.
Im still flipping out about the fact shes real and in my back seat when i pull into my drive way. No one is home thankfully. They are in DC because of my dads job for the day, they wont be back until the next morning. Slowly stepping out of my car I pull the still sleeping Rainbow Dash out of the back and throw her over my shoulder. She was always my favorite character in the show, I liked her attitude and for some reason i liked the rainbow mane. I was hoping that the fall didn't give her brain damage or anything. I went through my mind thinking about what it would be like having the real Rainbow Dash here. I was so exited for her to regain consciousnesses.
After cleaning some mud and vomit off of her, I laid her in my bed. I just sat down at my desk with my laptop and TV, waiting for her to wake up. Going on YouTube and updating Facebook (obviously not about recent events) I often found myself just staring at her, amazed that shes just in my bed right now. "If shes alright this is going to pretty awkward and weird" I said to myself.
About four hours past and i was watching TV with my feet up on the desk when I looked to my right to see Rainbow Dash staring right back at me.
Rainbow Dash was just staring at me with her rose irises, trying to comprehend what was happening. "Good morning?" I asked with a weird tone, I didn't know what the hell was really happening either.
"Dear Celestia, where am I? Who are you? What are you? What are doing?" Rainbow Dash was looking around the room with a frightened look on her face. That was half-expected. I thought that she would be more violent, threatening her 'captor'.
"SHUT UP!" i snapped, "I have no intention of hurting you, but if you keep shouting questions at me I might change my mind!" I joked, but I then saw that she was about to cry from how afraid she was. I realized that that probably wasn't a good idea. I put my hands up to try to show that I wasn't going to do anything. "Bad time for a joke, I see that now... Look, I was coming home and I saw you fall from the sky. That's all i know."
"I....I fell? Why did I fall?" asked Rainbow, she was calmer but still had a terrified look on her face.
"How the hell am I suppose to know? I just saw you falling, drowning, and then vomiting all over me when I resuscitated you." I explained still a little annoyed and pissed about the vomit.
"You saved me?" She said still confused.
"Yea, but i'm in the dark just as much as you are. I have no idea how or why the hell you are here!" I said.
"I puked on you?" She said as a crimson shade took hold of her face.
"Yea, but I washed myself up after I brought you here, so it's cool. Still rather would have gone without it, but it's fine."
"Well I guess that explains why i'm so hungry. My bad, sorry about that." she said embarrassed.
"Meh, its fine it was mostly water, if your hungry I can go get you something to eat. Are apples fine? Or do you want something else?"
"Apples would be cool..." Dash said cautiously.
I came back with about seven apples in a plastic bag. I was wondering if they had plastic in Equestria, I was hoping that she didn't choke on it.
"There ya go, that fine?" I asked still freaking out a bit in my mind. "Lets try again, are you alright? Do you remember anything before the fall?
"Yea, i'm fine, I don't remember anything though." She said with a puzzled look. "I'm Rainbow Dash by the way, sorry for the freakout." I was trying to hide the fact that I already knew her name and all about Equestria. Probably not the best time to drop the my little pony TV show bomb on her after her panic session.
"You have been knocked out for a while. I flipped out too, just about five hours ago." We both stifled a chuckle, "Well, go ahead and eat."
"Your pretty nice and for what ever you are..." Rainbow Dash said eyeing me like I was some weird animal.
"I'm a human. And if what ever brought you here doesn't fix itself soon you better damn get used to the sight." I told her with a little laugh in my voice.
"Whats that suppose to mean?" She asked with a questioning look on her face.
"Can't you tell by the difference in the way we look? Your in a whole different world, and there's about four point six billion humans here so....yea" I saw her eyes widen with a mouth full of apple when I finished saying that. SHIT, is she choking on that apple?
"What am I suppose to do!?" She was starting to panic again. "How can i fix this?!"
"How am I suppose to know!?"
"I don't know but you didn't seem surprised when I woke up! It seem like you know more then me right now!" She shouted.
"CALM DOWN!" I shouted back hoping to get her to shut up again. "You have been in my bed for like three and a half hours im still freaking out in my mind a little but at least I can move past it a little."
"But I don't know this place at all! I have no where to go in this world!!" She said scared.
"You can stay here if you want." I offered. I was thinking about how amazing it would be just living with Rainbow Dash. I kept the giddy feeling down and put on my poker face.
Her expression of shock and disbelief turned into suspicion and worry. "You would let me stay here, just like that? Why?"
"Sure, why not? You would have to meet my family when they get back though." I said to the frightened pony. "I have been extremely bored, having you around might make things more fun."
"That would be awesome, thank you. That might be a bit of a weird introduction though." She said smiling at the thought.
"Yea well we will deal with that when they come back, for now its getting pretty late you must be exhausted. We can talk more in the morning."
"Yea ill be able to think straight in the mourning, so where should I sleep?"
"Your already in my bed, I can just go get some blankets and sleep on the floor, this carpets pretty soft."
" Celestia, are all humans so nice?" Dash appeared to be getting comfortable in my bed.
I laughed at the notion of people being considerate. I work at a Mc Donalds, people seem to intentionally rub shit on the toilets. "Nope, a lot humans are really messed up, some of the hicks around here would have claimed you as a trophy if they saw you floating in that pond. Plus when you get to know me more ill start messing with you like I do my normal friends."
She then digested what i said. "Wait, whoa whoa whoa...What exactly keeps YOU from doing that to me? How do I know that i'll wake up in your bed and not in some dungeon?"
"Well, you already woke up in my bed, so there's that. Second, if i was going to do something don't you think I would have done it in the five hours your were passed out? Also there's that I don't even have a damn dungeon!" She thought about my reasoning and decided that she could probably trust me.
"Sorry, it's just that...this is all new to me. Thanks Jack, for all that you have done for me today even though you didn't even know me." She apologized. I put my poker face back on when she mentioned me not knowing her. Inside, I couldn't stop thinking about Equestria and what they're most likely doing right now.
"No problem, Dash."
"So.......today ........sucked." She said starting to dose off.
"Yea, hopefully it gets better." i said as i turned off the lights and collapsed on to the ground with a blanket wrapped around me.
"Hey Jack we are back!" My mom barged in at six in the mourning, we dident hear her coming. "Why are you sleeping on the floor and not your be-" She saw Rainbow Dash in my bed. Then just said "oh".