• Member Since 19th Apr, 2013
  • offline last seen Monday

The DJ Rainbow Dash


Stuck somewhere between writing funny and sad horsewords. Don't forget to add romance in there!

E

Fresh off being crowned Equestria's newest princess, Twilight discovers that there are plenty of new aspects to her life. Being bowed down to, new wings, and having fastest pegasus in Equestria as a marefriend are among the many.

One of these is the ability of everlasting memory. She will be able to recall any moment of her life, good or bad, and will always be able to do so as long as she is alive. To her... its a nightmare in disguise.

However, Rainbow Dash's perspective on this might change her mind.

Featured!

Winner of Surry's Eggcellent Egghead Competition
Thanks a million to my editor, Vertorm
Cover art by tarajelisha, found here

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 59 )

Oh, interesting. This is looking rather good. And Vertorm as an editor? Fantastic.

Wow...this was simply a great and pleasant story to read. I really like how you capture the emotions of both the characters and plus I'm just a big sucker for Twiight and Rainbow. Thanks for providing another brilliant story. I'm so going to favourite this.

Keep up the wonderful work DJ!

-Frost :pinkiesmile:

You never disappoint, DJRD. Just waiting on Surry's word to start scoring. Probably won't be today, as the folder is still open.

Dude.

You are a TwiDash extraordinare.

The ending...

“Don’t worry Rainbow… I’ll remember.”

Going through the whole story and the idea behind the whole memory thing, and ending it with a sentence like that.
A well placed "SAD" tag sir. :ajsleepy:

4317667 Vert is pretty awesome. :twilightsmile:

4317787 Thanks! And yeah, I love writing simple scenes with Twi and Rainbow.

4317874 Aw shucks. :twilightblush: Glad you think that way.

4317918 I'm really happy you noticed that, because I did have every intention of ending the story like that, even from the very beginning. :twilightsmile:

4317667
4317992
Wow, thanks guys. O_o

I... I don't know what to say. Just, thank you.

Just one tiny error I noticed.

especially specially Cadence

Other than that little slip-up, this was a great story. The acceptance of death is hard, I can imagine it would be that much harder to one who can't die and has to watch it happen all around them forever.

Didn't really care for this. Feels like just another 'Twilight has issues with immortality' fic and nothing really happens to set it apart, and I feel that it relies on the ship to give it any sort of hook at all. It's technically fine and all, but it's such a tired premise that I couldn't get into it.

Wow... I... might need to read this again tomorrow morning. This has a lot of Ardensfax in it, and that is something I adore. I... wow. I'm kinda awestruck. You... are pretty much the reason why I love this ship.

And this song came to mind.

Why the hell doesn't this have more views? It more than deserves it.
Very well-written, and definitely one of the most original ideas I've seen in a while.

I wanted to really like this one, but...I don't know. It just didn't hit me in the feels the way I'd hoped. I seem to be in the minority here, so you can likely throw this out as an outlier. :twilightoops:

Otherwise, I thought it was reasonably well-written, though I did notice minor errors (many missing commas, a few missing hyphens, and the occasional comma splice) scattered throughout. There were a few points where it distracted me, but that's only because I'm anal about these things. Characterizations were relatively good, though I felt a bit like enumerating a list of directives was more Twilight's gig than Rainbow's. I'm not an expert at the characterization game, though, so I may be forgetting some obscure time in Season One when she did exactly that. :rainbowderp:

But thanks anyway. Still a good effort and an enjoyable read, and I did throw a like at it, so...chocolate chip, please. :pinkiehappy:

and this is why i love twidash they just fit in so well together and by the way great story

Great story, very well written, fav and up vote.

About time something good made it into the feature box. I was getting tired of adding clopfics.

4318315
Psst, Mr. Editor, you missed a spot:

had she let it slip, might never had heard the end of it.

“It’s been nearly three month Twi

:trollestia:

wow.... im at a loss of words.... this is... beautiful!!! i loved it! the whole fear of immortality being a huge piece to this! and it reminded me of the eternity's end youtube video, it took a much more saddened. this made me so happy and hopeful for twilight. to have her in such a state of fear but knowing that she can always relive the memories and make new ones and her friends will be there for her up to the end... its.... brilliant, beautiful, amazing, awesome, i just... wow. thank you soooooo much for allowing us the privilege of reading your story!!!

4320777 its understandable that somepony might not understand where the feels hit the most, where i believe it should hit the most is in the fact that she is fearing over her own immortality, she will live forever but her friends will die and she will have to live with the agonizing pain of losing them one by one! i agree, though i have NO room to talk, that some of the grammatical issues where a tad bit distracting. if you had to live, with the constant fear of losing all of your friends and loved ones, and not being able to forget the pain of it all... how terrified of the future would you be, another part of the feels in this story is the way rainbow steps up and helps her with her fears. rainbow is loyalty the massive show of support for her special some pony is extremely evident, she is massively concerned for her loved one which helps show that, even in the darkest moment that there will be somepony there to help her when saddened or in need. its a massive psychological emotional piece. i do hope this might have shed some light on your perspective of the story.

4321667 i agree, twidash is a good combination. though i think the reason they fit so well is due to the fact that, in my opinion, magic is small aspects of all 5 elements so she has aspects of loyalty in her, and loyalty plays a massive part in relationships. both twilight and rainbow dash are very easy relationship partners, so what happens when both are in the story? well, a very, very good combination indeed! :pinkiehappy:

A good fic, but I don't think it needed TwiDash. Twilight and Dash, sure, but they didn't need to be shipped to make the story what it is.
(I'm not against shipping, it just doesn't need to be here in this case)

This story ended perfectly. Thank you for sharing it with us. :pinkiesmile:

Very well written story. However, you need to (Vertorm) be careful about comma splices. There are a few in there. There is also an instance where "hand" is used, and there is a problem with not putting commas before declaring names. For instance:

"Thank for the support Rainbow Dash."

"Thanks for the support, Rainbow Dash."

Proper nouns are important. They need to be separated from the rest of the sentence. The same goes for pronouns and anything else in replacement for a name. It could be "sunny boy" or "little man." Whatever.

Another thing is that when there is a response, whether physical or vocal, it is always put in its own little line. For instance:

"Do you really consider Spike family?!" Rainbow Dash yelled, barring her teeth.

Twilight nodded furiously, tears streaming down her face and dripping to the floor.

"Then act like it!"

Drama for the drama gods. Anyway, that is all I really have to say in terms of editing. As I said, the story was great. Loved every minute of it.

4318520 Wow, thanks for all the positive feedback! It isn't totally free of errors (I found a few we missed). And I will happily take a cookie :pinkiehappy:

4319569 Yeah writing this really did make me think at times about death in general. I feel like I'm too young to worry about it. And that mistake has been corrected :twilightsmile:

4320018 Fair enough, and I was afraid that the concept is not as original as I thought. At least it is technically sound.

4320023 Being compared to the guy who wrote Bluebird's song. Heh... :twilightsmile: (That is a compliment I can't even fathom)

4320383 Thanks, I appreciate it!

4320777 In the story, they were technically supposed to be already in a relationship here, which is why "marefriend" was used throughout. I had the impression that some of Twilight rubbed off onto Rainbow, which explains why she did that list thing.

As for the commas and such, I'll have to look over it again if I have time. Thanks for the review! :twilightsmile:

4321667 I know right!?

4321921 Thanks buddy!

4321944 I guess not being a clopfic is a good thing? Also, the errors have been fixed. :twilightsheepish:

4321949 Glad you enjoyed it so much! And hopefully Twilight will come to her senses thanks to Rainbow and think of the more positive memories before the bad ones

4322028 .Well the contest this was for is for shipping. I suppose I could have written this as a friendship story just as easily.

4322755 Thanks for reading it!

4322901 Ah yes. To be fair, poor Vertorm edited this for me late into the night, so don't put too much flack on him :twilightsheepish: I'll go through it and fix some things later on tonight.

4323072 we can only hope right? :pinkiehappy: its a great story and i cant wait to read more of your stories like these

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

Kind of an interesting take on the tribulations of immortality, I suppose. Weirdly, all I could think was, "why did they need to be shipped?" Contest aside, you could have had pretty much the same conversation between them if they'd been friends. :B

Good but rainbow was a little more intelligent XDXDXD

wow your writing is fantastic. The fic is nearly perfect, I think I noticed one word in the whole fic that probably needed an 's' since it should have been plural (though i don't remember where it is). But anyway again your writing feels amazing to read (possibly to the credit of good editing) and I will now find other stuff of yours to read. :twilightsmile:

Rainbow did a double take, looking at Twilight quizzically till she realized that the alicorn wasn’t finished.

*until* try to use actual words! not shorthands or colloquialisms. Other than that, good work!

4323072 by the way working in twidahs fanfic my shelf and if you have some spare time would you wonna check out my youtube channal i do pony muisic remix working on bats should be up tonight well if you dont wonna check it out thats all right its up to you https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7q_kpVI727ez3QTtSjhV6A
brohoof my awsome fellow brony :rainbowdetermined2:

Wow I found another twidash story that sounds AWESOME

4324284
HEY! It's you.

4324473 yes, it is I, author of the (for some reason or another) ridiculously popular "Fearless".

Fantastic work, DJRD. I think your representation of Twi and Rainbow was stellar; they were both just as we remember, but at the same time we could tell they'd begun to rub off on each other. The topic was an interesting one even though I don't agree with the headcanon, and both ponies' reactions to it were believable and moving to witness.
I have to say, though, that I think resolving such a deep and terrifying proposition as an eternity of loss with a confident 'Just stop thinking about it' was a bit underwhelming, and due to that I feel as though Twilight caved too easily, especially considering how good she is at working herself into a tizzy/fluster/berserker rage. Ending three months of internal drama with a metaphorical boop on the nose and a polite but firm 'no' just didn't do it for me.
Still, that's only one problem among plenty of high points. Good job, DJRD, and good luck!

4327853 That last line sort of gives away the fact that she still isn't actually over the whole ordeal, or thats what i wanted to give the impression of anyway.

Glad you enjoyed it though! And good luck to you as well. :twilightsmile:

I was actually scared of reading this one... but I wanted to. It turned out not so bad as I thought it would be. The prospect of immortality is a terrifying one. Getting an everlasting memory to go along with it, when just three months before she had been expecting to die when her time was up?

I don't think a mortal, born mortal, growing up mortal, would be capable of handling that prospect or that reality without being driven insane.

I think it would be unbearably cruel to have Twilight be immortal. My own personal headcanon is that an Alicorn can choose the time of their death. I'm also personally fond of the Wheel of Time rebirth - infinite lives, all replaying together, woven together in different ways, but always together.

If you're up to it, I'd recommend the Iron Druid series. It deals, somewhat, with the prospect of immortality and how a mortal can cope.

Other than that... Good read. Thank you for it, and good luck in the competition.

Here's your comment. I liked the story. WHERE THE BUCK IS MY COOKIE?!?!?!?!:pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy:

She held the letter in her hand

Ahh, I love a good anthro! :pinkiecrazy:

Joking aside... :twilightsheepish: This was a pretty damn good read. Thank you for correct use of ellipses, as this is one of my peeves. I'd like to to give some criticism as well, but I honestly didn't see much of anything that I would change. :ajsmug:


4327853

Ending three months of internal drama with a metaphorical boop on the nose and a polite but firm 'no' just didn't do it for me.

While I mostly agree with this, you might be surprised at how much a loved one's "stronger" words can bring about a change in a person. (or pony)

4336977
Oh, trust me. I know that from experience. :twilightblush:

4336977 Ah, thanks for catching that. And glad you enjoyed it! :twilightsmile:

4330266 Jeez! *hands cookie* No need to raise your voice now :pinkiehappy:


4329473 The idea that alicorns can choose their own death was one option I thought about when writing this. What I decided to go with is that alicorns just live much longer than normal ponies, but are still mortal.

The whole idea of everlasting memory is the part that the story really revolves around more. The thought scares me to be honest.:rainbowderp:

4324468 Well I hope its awesome :twilightsmile:

4324284 Fair point I suppose, although I don't really use shorthand often. Thanks for reading!

4324132 I appreciate all the praise! :pinkiesmile: Makes me all warm and fuzzy knowing somebody thinks my writing is that good.

4323445 You think so? I did try to write her in character, and thought I did. My headcanon of Dash is that she is intelligent, but its harder to see on the surface because she doesn't want to be looked upon as an egghead. So I think she's able to have these serious deep conversations without skipping a beat, like she did with Twi.

4323306 It could have worked either way, but hey, I prefer them shipped :twilightsheepish:

4338679 Me too. :applejackunsure:


4338811 I did!:pinkiehappy:

4329473
The Iron Druid too? You and I seem to have very similar tastes in literature. :twilightsmile:


4338986
Your sad face makes me sad. I hope things have cleared up since then.

4339823 Things have always been clear for me (at least in my twisted perception).

Perhaps that's my problem.

You got Vertorm to edit this? That's...intimidating. :rainbowderp:

I really liked this a lot! :pinkiehappy: I thought it was going to be sad, so I put it off until it was second to last, but I regret that a bit now. :twilightsmile::heart:

4362963 Thanks! And most of my sad stories do turn around and become somewhat happier by the end (I don't feel like leaving people on a really depressing note :twilightsheepish: )

Also, why is Vertorm intimidating? Just curious

4363378 Oh, he's not intimidating to the judges, but to the other contestants. He's done an entire synopsis of one of my stories, and I know he's extremely well versed in the English language. He's a very good editor, and I feel having him do help you with your story makes you a strong competitor. :pinkiesmile:

4322901
Hey now. I know all that about comma splices. =P I know it's an excuse but I edited this when I was about to go to bed. DJ caught me as I was finishing up for my night and asked me to edit this when it was due the next day. xD I was EXHAUSTED. If it makes you feel better, I'll go through and edit it again when I'm fully awake.

Good job :twilightsmile:

I liked Encouragement Rainbow a lot, and her very positive outlook on things fits her very well. I also liked that last little line. Stubborn alicorn is stubborn :twilightoops:

Oh yeah, the story goes totally against my headcanon, but I enjoyed it anyway. Have one of them like things :moustache:

And congratz on winning the contest! I'm actually looking forward to crossing quills with you some time again :rainbowdetermined2:

Soooooooooo I'm one of those people who's all jaded on the "princess immortality angstfic" genre. As in, if I sense that being used in a story, I click "X" right away. I'm that over it.

...you found a new-ish direction to take it in, though, so I was compelled to continue. Kudos to you for cheating. :trollestia:

Twilight's a little more Lesson Zero-y than I'd expect given this is post-coronation. The concept of everlasting memory is a genuinely novel and neat one, though Twi acts as if this causes bad memories to be forced into her mind against her will. Which of course makes little sense and thus didn't sell the memory concept to me as well as you probably wanted it to. The tone of this story jumps all around the place, too -- from happy to DEATH to ponderous to IMMORTALANGST to KISSYFACE. :rainbowlaugh: While the story never really jumps the rails because of it, it's hard to miss.

Oddly enough, I think you actually need the ship to make this work. Having Twilight and Rainbow already be together gives their bond the extra kick it needs to be able to overcome Twi's multiple chilling fears. Speaking of Rainbow here, she's actually pretty awesome -- my favorite part of the story actually. Her (excellently-written) blunt optimism is the perfect foil for Twilight's neuroticism, and best of all, she doesn't sound like Doogie Howser! Keep at it. :raritywink:

In all, I enjoy this enough to give it a like, but not a fave. There are other stories you've done that I like more. Still, keep writing and improving, DJ, it's clear you're doing what you love. :twilightsmile:

(Also, "cerise eyes?" Really? I know that thing with Center of the Rainbow happened but come on. Come ooooooooooooon. :trollestia:)

4489588 I realized after I finished that I had jumped on a bandwagon idea so many people already have looked at. Thankfully I made it somewhat different from the rest :twilightsheepish:

Happy to hear that your favorite part is how I wrote Dash (which I tried to improve on from Journey). And thank you for agreeing on the shipping part of the story, because your reasoning is exactly what I was going for. :pinkiehappy:

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