Trixie: Treasure (part 2)
PART TWO - OMNIPOTENCE
The Great and Powerful Trixie had never before felt so utterly, supremely triumphant.
Leaving her parents, three sisters and four brothers behind to pursue her passion for magic, taking the stage for the very first time, mastering Clopperfield’s Flying Earth Pony trick – nothing compared to towering over the Unicorn who had so thoroughly outperformed her, showing her up with an even grander feat of beast taming, turning her own friends and neighbours against her, and seeing the helpless, panic-edged awe in her eyes.
Trixie could sense it: Twilight Sparkle knew she was beaten. How sweet it was.
The enthralled throng crowded closer, closing off all avenues of escape, and Trixie stepped forward.
“Trixie is going to enjoy hearing you stomping applause with the rest of her new audience,” she gloated, and ignited her horn as she channeled magic through the Regalia.
Waves of light streamed off of Trixie’s hide, and her eyes began to glow. The divine aura surrounding her intensified; the assembled Ponies knelt reverently, the Ursa Major’s affectionate sigh stirred Trixie’s mercurial mane and tail, and the baby Dragon sitting on Twilight Sparkle’s back dropped off and sat on the ground in an enraptured daze.
The purple Unicorn backed away before Trixie’s radiance, but she only made it two paces or so before bumping into a wall of genuflecting Ponies.
“Don’t fight it,” Trixie purred. “Surrender to Trixie.”
“N-no…!” Twilight Sparkle gritted her teeth and forced herself to look away, but a pair of pale pink hooves suddenly gripped either side of her face from behind.
“Silly filly!” said Pinkie Pie cheerfully, jerking Twilight’s head back into facing the resplendent creature before her. “Trixie is that way!”
Tears streamed down Twilight Sparkle’s cheeks as the unrestrained glory of the Regalia washed over her. Her horn glowed, which elicited a chuckle from Trixie.
“You think you can overcome the astounding majesty of The Great and Powerful Trixie with your feeble, small-town magic? Not this time, my arrogant little–”
Twilight Sparkle and the pink Earth Pony straddling her back vanished in a burst of white-hot magic.
Despite all the tricks, illusions and spells Trixie knew, mastery of the infamous “Wink Out” had always eluded her. The realization that even with the power of a Goddess she had still just been upstaged robbed her victory of no small portion of its savour.
Trixie’s features twisted into a mask of outraged fury. “Find them!” she bellowed at the congregation surrounding her. “FIND THEM NOW!” She stomped an Orichalcum-shod hoof. The assembled Ponies galloped off in all directions.
Trixie turned to face the remainder of Twilight’s friends. “And you four – in the meantime Trixie wants you to find two other Ponies…”
•••••••••••••••••••
Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie both tumbled out of a white starburst of magic as if kicked from a speeding coach. Singe marks speckled their hides, and both were smoking slightly.
Pinkie Pie recovered first, gathering up her frizzy tail and blowing out the glowing ember at its tip.
“Wheee!” she squealed, galloping in place. “That was fun! We should go back and let Trixie have a turn!”
Twilight staggered back onto her hooves and looked around. Pinkie’s extra weight had thrown her spell off course; she’d tried to get to her library, but instead they’d ended up in the field behind the schoolhouse.
“P-Pinkie…” Twilight said, still out of breath from casting the spell, “Trixie’s done s-something to the townsponies, to our friends…and to you. You’re not thinking clearly.”
“Aww, that’s crazy. I feel great!” Pinkie replied. “You just need to give Trixie a chance – like I did with Zecora!” Pinkie’s glassy stare made her unsettlingly-wide smile all the more troubling.
“That’s not the same thing!” Twilight insisted. “You were judging Zecora before you got to know her!”
“But now I know Trixie, and I think she’s super-duper fantastic!”
Twilight sighed dejectedly. “I’m sorry, Pinkie. I’ll find some way to help you all – I promise.” She turned and galloped away, heading for the Library. The confused pink Earth Pony shrank in the distance behind her.
…And then popped out in front of her from behind a hedgerow. “…Help us what?”
Twilight yelped in shock, and took off at a still-harder gallop. Pinkie followed with a relaxed, bouncing gait.
Despite taking a winding, roundabout route to the Library, Twilight found the pink Earth Pony waiting for her around every corner and behind every object large enough to conceal her – and behind some much smaller than that. It was no use; Pinkie’s logic-shattering pursuit was inescapable. Eventually, only a few paces from the Library’s front door, Twilight fell to her knees in exhaustion.
“I don’t get it,” said Pinkie, staring down at her panting Unicorn friend. “You told me I had to work on the party in here.” Pinkie pressed a front hoof to her chest. “Well, Trixie makes me feel like there’s a whole bunch of parties in here. Don’t you want me to be happy?” Her sky-blue eyes seemed to expand, gleaming with the threat of incipient tears, and her lower lip quivered.
Twilight grimaced as if physically struck by Pinkie’s words. Days of gentle, supportive talks had only barely held off the Earth Pony’s depression, but now she had recovered the happiness she’d lost and more – at the cost of her free will. What will happen to her if I undo Trixie’s spell? The thought brought tears to Twilight’s eyes. A brute-force magical solution was no longer an option.
“Okay, Pinkie,” she said softly, “you win. Let’s go see Trixie.”
Pinkie’s deafening cheer and ribcage-compressing hug covered and drowned out Twilight’s small, heartbroken sob.
•••••••••••••••••••
The Mayor of Ponyville trotted up to the lectern at the side of the auditorium’s wide stage and cleared her throat. The large audience of townsponies quieted their chatter and looked on expectantly.
“Fillies and gentlecolts,” said the Mayor, “it is with great pleasure and a deep sense of honour that I am able to announce to you all that effective immediately, I am turning over the office of Mayor to a Pony eminently more suited to the position: The Great and Powerful Trixie!”
Taking her cue, Trixie unleashed a pyrotechnic display and uncloaked herself, giving the impression that she had Winked In on the stage’s upper level. She spread her gossamer wings, letting her puissant aura shine through them. The wide-eyed crowd cheered, whistled and stomped applause with wild abandon.
“Trixie accepts your offer,” she said without a trace of humility. “It is, of course, well-deserved!”
The assembled Ponies responded with more overjoyed applause.
“As your new ruler,” Trixie continued once the stomping died down somewhat, “Trixie will grace you all with regular performances of her incredible magical skills. To make room for this in Trixie’s busy schedule, the old Mayor will act as Trixie’s deputy to handle all the boring Mayor-ish paperwork and such.” Trixie looked down at the older Earth Pony. “Isn’t that right?”
“Oh, I’d be delighted to!” gushed the Ex-Mayor.
“Obviously.” Trixie turned back to the crowd. “And now, before Trixie’s inaugural show, it’s time for…the opening act!”
Just as Trixie ignited her horn to set the proceedings in motion, the doors at the back of the auditorium swung open to reveal an excited pink Earth Pony and a morose, teary-eyed purple Unicorn.
“Well, well, well…!” sneered Trixie. “Come crawling back, have you? Come closer, then – come bask in Trixie’s awesome glory!”
Twilight wordlessly plodded forward like a Pony condemned. She stopped a few paces from the stage and cast her gaze up at Trixie’s glowing form.
Trixie grinned triumphantly and released the Regalia’s full power once again. As her divine light bathed the auditorium everypony fell on bended knee…
Everypony that is, except for Twilight.
Trixie frowned. “Kneel before Trixie!” she commanded. The masses obeyed, bowing lower and muttering worshipful praise. But Twilight stayed on her hooves, squinting up at Trixie’s radiance with narrowed but undaunted eyes and whispering:
“…No.”
Trixie flapped her wings and swooped down off of the balcony to alight directly in front of the Unicorn.
“KNEEL!” she boomed, her voice cracking slightly from the effort. Her quicksilver mane and tail swirled around her.
“NO!” Twilight shouted back.
Trixie stared in disbelief. It was impossible – that streak-maned mare had some magical skill, yes, but the Regalia were arcane relics the likes of which she’d never seen. How could this small-town Unicorn be so…unfazed by their power?
Trixie straightened, fighting down any outward sign of her disquiet. “So be it, then!” she barked. “If you will not admit Trixie’s obvious superiority, then you are a fraud and a traitor, and should be dealt with as such. Have her locked up!”
“At once, O Mighty Trixie!” chirped the Ex-Mayor, whipping a front hoof upward in a salute.
Twilight’s jaw dropped. “WHAT? Trixie, enough’s enough! I don’t know what you’ve done to everypony, but this isn’t a game. They don’t want this!”
“Oh?” said Trixie, raising an eyebrow. “All of you – who is the best Pony?”
The unanimous cry of “TRIXIE!” shook the rafters.
“And how would you feel if Trixie left you all alone?”
A chorus of gasps, wails and begging denials rose up from the crowd. Some of the younger Ponies burst into tears.
Trixie chuckled a self-satisfied chuckle. “There you have it – straight from the Pony’s mouth.”
Twilight’s expression darkened, but she stayed silent.
She remained silent as a pair of stallions dragged in an iron cage and shoved her inside, and as the cage was hoisted up by a chain to hang to the side of the stage.
“Well,” Trixie huffed. “Now that that’s over with, where were we? Ahh, yes – the opening act!”
Trixie ignited her horn, and magicked a pair of wooden marionette crossbars out from behind the curtains at the back of the stage. A moment later a pair of Unicorn colts came into view, tied to the crossbars with gleaming strings.
The gangly mustard-yellow colt had been dressed up as a pierrot, and the chubby blue-green colt as a harlequin. Both had clownish makeup plastered on their anxious faces.
Trixie focused on the pair and the crossbars puppeteered them into a jerking dance.
“Take a good look, my assorted admirers,” Trixie sneered, “at what happens to those who try to make a fool out of The Great and Powerful Trixie!”
The audience laughed and jeered as the strings pulled the colts through a series of midair capering antics.
“W-we’re s-sorry, Trixie,” stammered the Snips the harlequin.
“Yeah…!” agreed Snails the pierrot. “We totally didn’t know you made up that story about the Ursa, eh?”
Trixie gritted her teeth and felt a faint blush spread across her nose and cheeks. “Hmph! It seems these two still haven’t learned their lesson!”
Trixie put a hoof to her lips and let out a shrill whistle. A deep, rumbling growl answered back, and the enormous shape of the Ursa Major came into view through the Auditorium’s open upper archways. It reached a wagon-sized paw in through one of the windows and reached for Snips and Snails. The colts struggled to get away, their legs galloping futilely in the air.
“How made-up does it seem now?” Trixie asked snidely.
The assembled Ponies pointed and laughed as Trixie dangled the pair just out of reach of the Ursa’s wicked claws. The pierrot and the harlequin squealed in terror. Their wide eyes filled with tears. The crowd kept laughing.
“Trixie, stop this!” shouted Twilight. “They’re going to get hurt!”
Down in the audience, Pinkie Pie’s gaze darted from the panicked, weeping colts, to the crowd, to The Great and Powerful Trixie, to Twilight’s cage, and back again. She frowned. A glimmer of will shone in her pale blue eyes. “That’s not funny…” she whispered.
Next to her, Rarity nodded in agreement. “You’re so right, dah-ling,” she whispered. “Those costumes are imported satin – it would be simply tragic if they were ruined.”
“Yeah…” Pinkie Pie shook her head. “What? No! I mean it’s not funny to laugh at Ponies who are scared! Laughing is supposed to make your scaredy-ness go away!”
Rarity pondered this for a moment, but then her glassy eyes seemed to grow still emptier. “I’m sure The Great and Powerful Trixie has a good reason,” she muttered in a monotone.
Trixie strode over to Pinkie and Rarity. “Is there something you two would like to share with everypony?” she asked. “Trixie is curious what could be more interesting than her carefully-arranged object lesson!”
Rarity mumbled a nervous apology and turned away, but Pinkie met Trixie’s gaze.
“Y-you…You sh-shouldn’t…” Pinkie’s ears drooped. Her knees were shaking. “Youshouldn’tbemean!” she blurted. The effort of forcing out those words left her brow shining with sweat, but the moment they left her lips it felt as though a great weight fell off her shoulders.
“Mean?” replied Trixie. “Don’t make Trixie laugh! This is no more than those little idiots deserve!” Trixie looked up at the terrified colts with a satisfied grin, but then a sudden pain jabbed her belly. She hopped backward and peered at the ground, looking for the Pony responsible, but nopony was there.
Odd… Trixie shrugged. “It seems our little clowns are too quick for Trixie’s mighty Ursa Major,” she said to the crowd. “Should we let her use her other paw as well?”
As the crowd cheered and stomped applause another, stronger pain stabbed Trixie’s innards. All at once, she realized what the sensation was: hunger. She was positively starving.
She cleared her throat. “Maybe next time,” she told her audience. She magicked the colts down to the ground. They huddled in a hug and wept on each other’s shoulders. “For now, The Great and Powerful Trixie desires a feast. There will be no magic show until Trixie is fed!”
Trixie watched the Pony masses crowd about in disarray until a Stetson-wearing Earth Pony spoke up:
“Don’t you worry none, Trixie! Sweet Apple Acres has got Ya covered! We’ll fix up a banquet worthy of a Princess!” The crowd cheered.
“Well, be quick about it!” said Trixie. “Trixie hates to be kept waiting.”
Twilight Sparkle looked down at Trixie from her spot in the suspended cage. Her eyes passed over the majestic blue Unicorn’s twitching belly, the beads of sweat on her brow, and the tension in her jaw. Twilight tapped a front hoof on her chin pensively.
•••••••••••••••••••
A short time later the Fabulous but Famished Trixie sat at the head of a lengthy table in a grassy clearing at Sweet Apple Acres. Setting sunlight peeked through the farm’s orchards and bathed the scene in golden warmth. Several dozen admirers and hangers-on milled about nearby, basking in Trixie’s presence. Twilight Sparkle’s cage sat behind and to the side of Trixie, under the shade of one of the larger apple trees.
One by one, the Ponyville members of the Apple family trotted out from the farmhouse and set out a sumptuous spread. Oven-fresh apple pies, turnovers, brioche, fritters, crisps and more spread a mouth-wateringly sweet scent through the air. Once the service was complete Applejack, Big Macintosh, little Apple Bloom and old Granny Smith stood back, puffed with pride.
“Dinner is served, Trixie,” said Applejack proudly, and doffed her Stetson. “We hope it’s to Yer likin.’”
As Trixie inhaled the meal’s intoxicating aroma, the pain in her belly intensified. It took a significant effort to keep from drooling on the tablecloth. “It looks…acceptable,” she said loftily.
“I’m glad!” Applejack beamed. “I can truly say that this here’s some of the finest bakin’ that we’ve ever done – mah Granny’s outdone herself! Why, it’s even better than the stuff I brought to the Grand Gallopin’ Gala!”
Trixie paused with her lips mere inches from a particularly plump and pomaceous pie and muttered:
“What.”
“The Grand Gallopin’ Gala! It’s this big to-do over in Canterlot–”
“Trixie knows what the Grand Galloping Gala is,” said Trixie, her voice clipped and harsh. She was in shock; this country bumpkin Mudhoof had gone to a Gala? Inconceivable! She couldn’t help but voice the question now gnawing at her: “How did you get invited to a Gala?”
“Princess Celestia gave her a ticket,” Twilight piped up. “Since I’m Celestia’s personal student, She gave them to all of my friends.”
Trixie turned to face Twilight’s cage. The purple Unicorn’s face was calm and guileless, but Trixie knew a con when she heard one. Her finely-honed showpony instincts had detected the subtle notes of smugness and haughtiness in Twilight’s tone. Twilight was obviously goading her; trying to shock her with the revelation and make her lose control of the situation. Again. It won’t work! she silently promised.
Turning back to the gorgeous banquet, Trixie off-hoofedly remarked: “How wonderful for you! Perhaps someday you’ll find friends that don’t need to be bribed to stand you!”
Twilight’s jaw dropped. The fawning Ponies surrounding the table chuckled and nudged one another.
“Now just an apple-pickin’ minute…!” said Applejack. “That ain’t how it is at all!”
“Oh?” asked Trixie. “Then just how is it? Why don’t you tell Trixie – tell us all – how your dear Twilight Sparkle measures up against the inestimable magnificence that is Trixie!” Trixie’s horn glowed, and she once again called forth the Regalia’s full radiance. The herd of admirers knelt in the lush grass.
Applejack caught Trixie’s display head-on; she slid back slightly, her hooves digging divots into the rich soil. She stood there, slack-jawed and silent save for the sound of her breathing, until Trixie spoke again.
“Well? Out with it! Say what you really think about Twilight Sparkle, now that Trixie is here!”
Tears welled up in Applejack’s unreflecting green eyes. “Tw…Twilight is nothin’…” she whispered.
“Go on…” said Trixie, relishing every word, “and while you’re at it, you can apologize for this mediocre meal, as well!”
Applejack’s eyes brightened. A shudder passed through her, and she fixed her stance. She gritted her teeth, inhaled deeply, and then shouted:
“Twilight is nothin’ less than a perfect friend! …And my Granny’s cookin’ is FAN-BUCKIN’-TASTIC!”
Trixie snarled. “HOW D-D-D-DARE Y-Y-Youu…?” a fit of tooth-chattering chills forced Trixie to cut off her reprimand partway. She tried again, but the shivering soon became too intense for her to speak intelligibly at all. She staggered back from the table. Her herd of admirers began murmuring anxiously.
Fluttershy leaned out from the nearby tree behind which she’d been hiding from the large crowd. “Oh…oh my!” she said softly, “I think Trixie is ill. I have to help Her!” She slowly flew over to the stricken Goddess, her brows knitted in worry.
While the gathered throng descended upon the banquet despite the Apple family’s protests, Twilight watched her Pegasus friend gently lead Trixie down the path to her cottage. Twilight smiled a small but hopeful smile.
•••••••••••••••••••
The Pained and Shivering Trixie ducked her head to fit through the door to the rustic cottage. Several small birds inside sang to announce her presence like a chorus of tiny heralds.
Fluttershy nodded toward a well-stuffed green divan in the cottage’s living room.
“Please…just lie down there, and I’ll get You a blanket,” she said.
Trixie’s shivering had worsened to the point that her gossamer wings were beginning to fray at the edges; she mentally released their enchantment and allowed them to dissipate before flopping down heavily on the divan.
The yellow Pegasus soon returned with a patchwork quilt dangling from her jaws. She spread it over Trixie’s shaking form, but it couldn’t quite cover a Pony of her majestic size. Despite her malaise, Trixie raised a quizzical eyebrow at her hostess.
“Um…oh,” said Fluttershy sheepishly. “I’m sorry! I’ll fetch You another quilt right away!” She darted off.
Alone once more, Trixie curled up under the quilt as best she could and indulged in an anguished grimace. The pain in the pit of her stomach was still there, but the thought of eating made her feel ill. Chills still wracked her, and every breath came in shuddered gasps. Her shimmering, mirrored mane and tail hung limply.
What’s happening? She silently wondered. Are the Regalia fighting me? Or did Celestia put some toxic ward on them to keep her treasures safe?
“You won’t win,” she muttered. “Trixie’s in charge now!”
“Yes, Ma’am. Of course, Ma’am,” said Fluttershy from the living room doorway. She hovered over to the now-blushing Trixie with an additional quilt hanging from her front hooves. After some careful arranging, Trixie’s silver-maned, tiara-topped head peeked out from a cozy cloth cocoon.
“Can I get you anything else, Ma’am?” asked Fluttershy. Her voice was as soft and caring as any nurse’s. “Some soup? Perhaps some herbal tea?” She smiled warmly.
For a moment Trixie didn’t know what to say. She could feel the Regalia’s aura wafting out from her and she could see the enthralled vacancy in the Pegasus’ eyes, but somehow she sensed that Fluttershy would have behaved much the same if Trixie had been…what? Her real self? Her forgettable, lost-in-the-crowd self, stooping to telling outrageous lies and even committing high treason, just to get noticed…
Trixie’s lower lip quivered. She looked away, desperately fighting back tears that seemed to have ambushed her out of nowhere.
“Oh! Am I bothering You, Ma’am? I didn’t mean to…” Fluttershy hovered backward.
“N-No!” Trixie croaked around the lump in her throat. “Stay! That is…y-your common quilts are too thin for Trixie’s liking. You will have to keep Trixie warm yourself.” She still couldn’t bring herself to look the Pegasus in the eye.
“Are You…are You asking for a hug, Ma’am?” Fluttershy’s caring tone was devoid of any hint of mockery or judgment.
“O-Of course not!” Trixie chided. “Don’t be foalish! Trixie is simply c-c-cold!” a fresh bout of shivering seemed to confirm her statement.
Fluttershy silently hovered over, wrapped her front legs around Trixie’s quilt-wrapped shoulders and rested her head against her mirrored mane.
Trixie couldn’t help but rack her memory for the last time somepony – anypony – had held her. It had been years. Even back at home, Mother and Father had always been so busy. She’d been loved, yes, but with so many brothers and sisters there were only so many moments in the day, and somepony was always teething, or crying, or asking for help with their studies, when all she wanted was to be seen…
Trixie’s shoulders shuddered, and not from her chills. Indeed, her symptoms seemed to be fading by the second. She sighed softly. She felt close – so achingly close – to some massive emotional release, some intense outpouring of…something…the flood of which she knew would wash away all of her tension and her fear and her –
“WE LOVE YOU TRIXIE!” An obnoxiously loud cry from outside broke the moment’s spell. Trixie turned her head to peer out a nearby window.
A great many townsponies were gathered outside, clustered around the cottage’s door and windows, stretching and craning to get a glimpse of their illustrious sovereign. In the back of the throng, a pair of Earth Ponies held up a hastily-scrawled banner that read:
ALL HAIL THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIX
A sense of exposure and vulnerability filled Trixie, reinforcing her emotional floodgates. Her pain and chills returned, further tainting the moment. “Get off!” she barked. She kicked herself free of the quilts. “Remember your place!” She shoved Fluttershy back with an Orichalcum-shod hoof.
The Pegasus slid off of the divan and down onto the wood floor. She cringed. “I’m sorry, Ma’am!” she insisted. “Whatever I did, I’m sorry!”
Trixie sat up on the divan, letting her silvery mane and tail flow freely. She cast a stern, imperious glance at the assembled crowd outside. They responded with gasps and sighs of delight. Many waved. She turned to face Fluttershy.
“You can redeem yourself by preparing some soup for Trixie,” she commanded.
“Yes, Ma’am! Right away, Ma’am!” said Fluttershy. She flitted over to the pantry to fetch some vegetables.
Trixie watched and listened as the Pegasus chopped, poured, sprinkled and cooked as quickly as she could. The whole time, the pleasant smile never left her pale yellow face.
When the meal was ready at last, Fluttershy presented the bowl of nutritious vegetarian stew to her illustrious guest on a wooden tray.
“Here you go, Ma’am,” said Fluttershy, slightly out of breath.
Trixie looked down at the tray somewhat dubiously. “Where’s the spoon?” she asked.
“...The spoon…?”
Trixie sighed irritatedly. “Yes, you halfwit, the spoon! Do you expect Trixie to slurp her soup from the bowl like some common Earth Pony – or Pegasus?”
“Oh! No, of course not, Ma’am!” said Fluttershy apologetically. “But, um…” Fluttershy’s voice grew even softer than usual. “I only have measuring spoons.”
Trixie sighed a deeper, more impatient sigh. “Well, then go and find Trixie a spoon worthy of her! And make it fast!”
Fluttershy streaked out the front door at once, bowling over the half-dozen Ponies closest to the door outside. Fluttershy explained the situation amid hasty apologies, and soon a rallying cry of “SPOON! SPOOOON!” could be heard echoing in all directions. Trixie rolled her eyes.
After a few minutes Fluttershy returned, her mane mussed and her breath coming in ragged gasps around the decorated sterling silver spoon clenched in her teeth. She trotted over and carefully set down the fine utensil on the tray.
With a muttered “It’s about time,” Trixie magicked it up and scooped up a spoonful of the stew. But a moment after tasting it she grimaced theatrically. “Blech!”
“Oh, no!” said Fluttershy. “Is something wrong?”
“This soup is cold!” said Trixie. “How dare you serve The Great and Powerful Trixie cold soup?”
“B-But, I…You wanted…” Fluttershy’s brows knitted over her wide cyan eyes.
“No excuses!” Trixie shouted. “Fortunately for you, Trixie has changed her mind. Trixie now desires some tea.” When the Pegasus proved slow to react, she added a sudden “NOW!”
Fluttershy yelped, peeped out a quick “Yes, Ma’am!” and raced into action.
Trixie sat, brooding but regal, until Fluttershy finished her work.
The tray balanced on Fluttershy’s front hooves as she flew over now held a teapot and a freshly-poured cup of tea. The scents of cinnamon, apple blossom and allspice filled the small living room.
“There you go, Ma’am,” said Fluttershy. “Please be careful – it’s still hot!”
Trixie magicked up the cup, blew on the tea, and took a small sip. As she did so, a diminutive purple Dragon popped his head up over the far side of the divan. Trixie’s small, startled gasp half-choked her on piping-hot tea.
She spat and spluttered in a profoundly un-Goddess-like fashion. Fluttershy yelped in surprise and hopped backward, dropping the tray and teapot as she did so. Spike winced and bit his lower lip, and then slowly ducked back down out of sight.
Trixie cleared her throat and turned to face Fluttershy. “Clean up that mess, you clumsy Buzzard!” she snapped, trying to burn away her embarrassment with hostility. Fluttershy squeaked in reply and darted away to find a rag.
“Who let that Dragon in here, anyway?” Trixie added sulkily when Fluttershy returned.
Fluttershy – who was now busying herself trying to clean up the mess on the floor – tensed for a moment, and then gently, sweetly, but with a tone that suggested countless repetitions, said: “Now, now, Mother…you know there are no Dragons in Cloudsdale.”
“What…?” said Trixie, raising an eyebrow.
Fluttershy looked up. Her empty eyes were shining with tears, but her smile was unshakeable. “There are no Dragons in Cloudsdale – n-not one,” she said, and picked up the tray – now piled with shards of broken teapot and a sodden rag. “Please…just try to relax.”
Trixie stared silently as the Pegasus flew off to dispose of the tray’s contents. “Wh…wha…” she said to the empty room.
A small voice from beneath Trixie said: “Yeah…she’s got some issues.”
Spike crawled out from under the divan. “Maybe You should have been a little less harsh with her,” he said hesitantly, but the moment his gaze fell on Trixie he added: “…but I’m sure You had a good reason,” and sighed adoringly.
“How did you even get in here?” asked Trixie crossly.
“I slipped past the crowd and squeezed in through a window,” said Spike proudly.
Trixie sighed in irritation and got to her hooves. She crept over to the doorway to the adjoining room, and peered around the corner.
Fluttershy was huddled in a corner with her back facing Trixie. She was rocking back and forth, tightly hugging a small white rabbit and sobbing. “P-Please don’t hurt him, Mother,” she whimpered. “He isn’t a spy…I s-swear he isn’t…please…!”
The rabbit locked eyes with Trixie over Fluttershy’s shoulder and fixed her with an accusing glare. The Regalia may have stopped him from hating Trixie, but he was getting as close to doing so as he possibly could.
Before Trixie could say a word, the temperature in the room suddenly climbed to unbearable levels. She drew back from the doorway, her hide already shining with sweat. Despite the sweltering heat her shivers intensified, as did the pain in her guts. She barely made it back to the divan before collapsing.
“H-help…” she gasped weakly. “T-Trixie…needs h-help…”
Fluttershy was too far away and too upset to hear her, but Spike snapped to attention and saluted. If he felt the punishing heat, he showed no sign of it.
“Yes, Ma’am!” he said brightly. “Sometimes when Twi–” Spike caught himself in mid-sentence as the one eye of Trixie’s visible through the strands of her limp mane narrowed menacingly. “ – Uh, I mean, the Unicorn I live with, needs help, she has me write a letter to Princess Celestia. You could try that!”
“Don’t be a – no, wait!” said Trixie, a tiny touch of strength returning to her voice. “Little Dragon, you will write the letter I dictate, and sign it with that Unicorn’s name.”
“Sign it…but why?” he asked.
“DO AS TRIXIE SAYS!” she snarled. The effort left her breathless.
“Yes’m!” he chirped hastily, and produced a quill and scroll from nowhere in particular.
•••••••••••••••••••
The Royal Princess Luna stood atop the raised dais at the back of Canterlot Castle’s throne room, surrounded by dignitaries, courtiers, messengers and servants.
As her sister had suggested, Luna had found that little was different after her centuries-long absence, and that she’d remembered how to juggle affairs of state with little difficulty. Despite the endless formalities and insufferable nobles, she had to admit that it was nice to be the focus of everypony’s attention for once. And she was managing it without the Mantle!
As she pressed the tip of her signet-shoe on the wax seal of a new anti-littering ordinance, a greenish flash from above caught her attention; she looked up.
A rolled-up scroll popped into existence in midair and plopped down before her. Intrigued, she waved aside the courtier yammering beside her, magicked open the letter, and quickly skimmed the highlights of its contents:
Dear Princess Celestia … strange happenings … unfamiliar magic … terrible symptoms … counterspell … come at once … Your Faithful Student, Twilight Sparkle.
Luna magicked up a fresh quill from the many occupying a crystal vase at her left and laid out a fresh sheet of paper from the sizeable stack at her right, and wrote a quick reply to her sister’s student.
•••••••••••••••••••
“You just…burn it?” Trixie asked doubtfully.
“Yup!” said Spike. “And usually it only takes a – *URRP!*” With a fiery belch, Spike received a reply to the letter he’d just sent off.
“Well…?” said Trixie impatiently. “Don’t just stand there – tell Trixie what it says!” She struggled to lift her head and look down at the baby Dragon.
“Dear Twilight Sparkle,” said Spike, reading from the scroll, “We regret to inform you that Our Royal Sister has taken ill with Alicorn Flu in the past few days, and will be completely unable to attend to Her usual affairs until She recovers – hence Her diversion of Her personal correspondences to Us. Your problem sounds troubling, but We must ask that you try to research a solution on your own. We are too busy acting in Celestia’s stead to come to Ponyville, and any contact with Our sister in Her present state would mean sickness and certain death for any non-Alicorn – perhaps even for you. Harmonia Vobiscum. Alacorna Noctis, Luna Principissa.”
Trixie’s jaw dropped. The frigid terror crawling down her spine did nothing to alleviate her fever. The room seemed to spin around her. “It…it can’t be…” she said softly.
“Oh, don’t worry,” said Spike. “I’m sure Celestia will be fine.”
“Shut up!” Trixie snapped. She struggled her way onto her hooves. “Trixie has to think…”
Vital or not, Trixie quickly found thinking all but impossible. The pain in her belly, the chills and the fever, combined with the letter’s dire news about what they all meant, crowded out any chance of formulating an alternative to doing what she desperately did not want to do.
“No choice…gotta go fast…” she muttered, and ignited her horn. “Gotta fly…”
A faint cocoon of light began to form around Trixie’s wracked form, but the spell matrix soon collapsed. Sickened as she was, she didn’t have the strength to re-create the gossamer wings. No! It’s too far to go on hoof! She silently lamented. How can… Unbidden, the memory of a cocky rainbow-maned blue Pegasus popped into her head. YES!
Trixie staggered to the front door and opened it. The crowd waiting out in the crisp evening air cheered and stomped applause on sight of her.
“Silence!” she shouted. The throng instantly obeyed.
Trixie scanned the masses frantically, searching in the deepening dark for that unique multicoloured coiffure. And there she was – hovering up at the back of the crowd, with a white Unicorn dangling from her front hooves.
“You!” Trixie called out as she pointed to the pair. “Approach Trixie at once!”
Rainbow Dash flapped over the crowd and set Rarity down before landing next to her. Rarity was carrying a sparkling formal gown with a matching saddle and wrap.
“Oh, I am so happy You noticed me!” gushed Rarity. “I have been working on this piece for weeks, and as soon as I saw You, I knew nopony else could do it justice!”
“Uh-huh,” Trixie said, and then magicked up the saddle. She slipped it on but then turned it over, leaving the saddle resting against her belly and the straps spread across her back.
Rarity giggled demurely, hiding the faux pas behind a front hoof. “Oh, no, Milady – it goes the other w–”
“Mm-hm,” Trixie said, and turned to face Rainbow Dash. “You there – you say you’re a fast flyer, right?”
“The FASTEST!” said Dash proudly. “I mean, You saw me the last time You were here – oh, no hard feelings, by the way. Now that I know You better, I totally see where You were coming fro–”
“I DON’T CARE!” Trixie snapped. “Err, that is, Trixie doesn’t care! Right now Trixie needs to get to Canterlot very, very quickly, so you will carry Trixie there.”
“You got it!” said Dash. She flew up above Trixie and worked her legs under the saddle straps.
“Why are you going to Canterlot?” asked Spike from the doorway. “What about Celestia’s fl–” A magicked zipper sealed Spike’s mouth. Trixie smiled innocently.
Rarity looked up at Rainbow Dash. “You’re going to carry an Alicorn-sized Pony all the way to Canterlot?” she asked incredulously. “That’s ridiculous!” She faced Trixie. “I have plenty of friends in the carriage business – just let me ask around a bit, Milady, and I can see that You travel in the style to which somepony of Your grace and nobility is surely accustom–”
“NOT. INTERESTED,” said Trixie with menacing gravity. “Why don’t you run along and push your tacky trash on somepony gullible enough to want it?”
A pink flush crept across Rarity’s alabaster hide, focusing in an almost cherry-red shade on her face.
“Trash…?” she said in disbelief. “Y-You think it’s…” Rarity turned up her nose and magicked up the rest of the ensemble. She turned on her hooves and trotted away. She was well-hidden in the depths of the crowd when she unleashed a pitiful wail perfectly blending outrage and despair.
Trixie’s legs gave out.
She collapsed on the grass and Rainbow Dash, pulled by the straps, crashed down on top of her.
“Oof! Are you all right, Trixie?” asked Rainbow Dash.
“Canterlot,” whispered Trixie softly. “Now.”
•••••••••••••••••••
Princess Celestia turned over in her luxurious bed and sighed a blissful sigh. It had been centuries since she had gone a day without having to manage any affairs of state or celestial bodies, and the break had been positively rejuvenating.
So, it was with a refreshed body and a relaxed mind that she met the sight of a pair of blue Ponies crashing down on her balcony.
The two had fallen out of the night sky like a shooting star and torn a silken curtain from the balcony archway on their way inside. They lay on the smooth marble floor in a heap.
The smaller Pony – a rainbow-maned sky-blue Pegasus – wriggled free of the rich fabric and stood at attention. Her hide and mane were soaking with sweat, her wide eyes were unfocused, and she was breathing in short, desperate gasps. She saluted in something like Celestia’s direction, and said:
“P-p…pres…presenting…Th-The…Gr-great…and P-powerf-f-ffff…”
She collapsed.
Celestia frowned, magicked the curtain off the second Pony and wrapped it around the exhausted Pegasus like a blanket. The Alicorn turned to face the now-exposed Unicorn at her hooves.
Trixie struggled free of the off-kilter saddle and sat up. She met the Princess’ gaze with only minimal terror showing in her purple eyes.
“T-Trixie has c-come to…” She swallowed, silently chiding herself for letting so much fear creep into her voice. “…to demand a cure for the Alicorn Flu!”
Celestia raised an eyebrow. “Oh, my little Pony – have you caught my terrible sickness?” Her voice was soaking in honey-sweet sympathy and concern. “How can that be? I have been sequestered in my chambers!”
Trixie looked away. “You know how,” she muttered. “Trixie is wearing your Regalia!”
Celestia put a pensive front hoof to her chin. “Hmm…! Why, so you are! I did wonder where those had got to!” She glanced over at Rainbow Dash’s unconscious form for a moment. “But you sound like a Canterlotter – what were you doing all the way over in Ponyville? And why did you bring this hard-working Pegasus with you when you returned?”
Trixie scowled. Her innards felt like she’d swallowed broken glass, her shivering made every breath a struggle, her fever made the room seem to swim, and not even a rampaging Dragon could make her legs support her weight – and now her only hope for survival was toying with her. Fine, she thought to herself. Trixie will play your game.
“Trixie came to Ponyville…to get revenge,” she said. “Trixie was made a fool of in that town, and the Regalia let Trixie get back at the Ponies there. But then Trixie got sick, and Trixie used this Pegasus to speed up the trip to come ask for a cure.” She stared daggers at Celestia. “And then a certain Alicorn started asking all sorts of foalish questions instead of saving Trixie’s life!”
Celestia winced. “You had her bring you straight to me, even though you knew she’d be exposed to the Alicorn Flu by doing so?”
Trixie growled in frustration. “YES, OKAY! YES! Now, hurry up and–”
All at once, the darkness in the room seemed to deepen; the shadows splashed up the walls and across the floor and ceiling, and even Celestia’s stark white hide dimmed. Soon, everything had turned completely, impenetrably black.
No…not black…
“Blind!” Trixie gasped. “I’M BLIND!”
Trixie heard Celestia let out a small, saddened sigh. “More than you know,” she whispered.
“WHAT? Trixie doesn’t…Trixie…” Tears welled up in Trixie’s sightless eyes. Whatever internal floodgate Fluttershy had cracked ruptured violently. Trixie fell down on her side and wailed:
“I DON’T WANNA DIE!” She curled her head forward and sobbed between her useless front legs.
Trixie felt a strong but gentle field of magic wrap around her and lift her up. The magic turned her over and cradled her like a foal before setting her down on Celestia’s soft bed.
“P-Pleeeez…” Trixie whimpered. “I don’t wanna die…” She sniffled. “I just w-wanted to follow my Cutie Mark…to use my s-special talent…is that so WRONG?” She fell into another fit of weeping.
Celestia stroked Trixie’s mirrored mane with a bare front hoof. “Shhh…there, there. I know. It must be hard to have a Cutie Mark for thievery.”
“Wh-what? No! That’s not–”
“Oh, I beg your pardon,” said Celestia. “My mistake. So it must be vengeance, then?”
“No!”
“Tyranny?”
“NO!” Trixie shouted as loudly as her sickness would allow. “It’s magic! I’m a showpony! A MAGICIAN!”
“Ohhhhh…!” said Celestia in mock surprise. “But if you’re a magician, how would stealing a dangerously-powerful set of enchanted relics and using them to ruthlessly and cruelly dominate Ponies you hardly know make for an entertaining performance?”
“I…” Trixie turned away from the sound of Celestia’s voice. “…That wasn’t part of the show.”
“Then why did you do it?”
Trixie gritted her teeth. She rolled back in Celestia’s direction, and shouted:
“BECAUSE I WAS ANGRY!” The Regalia glowed for a moment, and thunder rumbled from the night sky.
As the echoes of the thunder faded the chamber fell silent for a long moment. Eventually, Celestia softly said:
“You don’t have Alicorn Flu, Trixie.”
Blind or not, Trixie stared in disbelief. “I…I don’t?” she squeaked.
“No, my little Pony. There’s no such thing.”
“B-But…what about…?”
Celestia pulled Trixie into a hug. “What you’re feeling isn’t sickness, Trixie – it’s punishment.”
“Punishment?”
“Yes. I used the Elements of Harmony to create the Regalia of the Day-Mare, and the two share an unbreakable bond. When I…did something regrettable…many years ago, the Elements’ disapproval fed back through the Regalia and made me experience the pain of the Pony I had wronged. I have been watching you, Trixie, and the same thing has been happening to you each time you have violated the spirit of the Elements.” Celestia set Trixie back down. “You are sick because you used the Regalia to be mean-spirited, deceitful, cruel, selfish and disloyal.”
Trixie blushed. “I wasn’t!” A shiver passed through her so strongly that she tipped over. “I mean, they had it coming!” Trixie’s fever rose. “*Rrrgh!* FINE! It’s true! I was a vicious, lying, NAG! Is that what you want to hear? I did awful things to Ponies – even when they were good to me – and…” A brief instant of awareness flickered on Trixie’s tear-streaked face. “…And I probably deserved this.”
Bit by bit, Trixie’s fever abated. Her shivers settled, and the twisting pain in her stomach subsided. Feeling slowly returned to her limbs, and the soft glow of moonlight gradually illuminated the room.
Celestia gently reached forward with her front hooves, plucked the tiara from Trixie's brow, and slipped it on. She then took back the other relics one by one, until Celestia had returned to her usual divine splendor and the Mundane and Mortal Trixie lay revealed on the silken bedspread.
“So I suppose it’s off to the dungeon with me?” asked Trixie morosely.
“Not at all,” Celestia replied. “Where do I get this reputation?”
A touch of Trixie’s customary vainglory returned. “Then…Trixie is free to go?”
“Well, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. You left quite a mess behind you in Ponyville – not to mention a confused and irritated Ursa Major! Did you really think you’d just trot off into the sunrise?”
Trixie looked away. “…Maybe.”
Celestia chuckled demurely. “You remind me a great deal of myself a few hundred years ago, Trixie. Count yourself lucky for that. Now…I have to head to Ponyville at once. In the meantime, you will remain here, think about what you’ve done, and get some rest. Once things calm down, I’ll come back for you.” Celestia magicked Rainbow Dash’s unconscious form onto her back.
“Oh, and Trixie?” Celestia added as her horn ignited with the white glow of a teleportation spell. “If you try any disappearing acts, I will be extremely…disappointed.”
Trixie gulped.
•••••••••••••••••••
Ponyville had seen better days, but the town still stood.
Ponies galloped to and fro, busily filling in pawprints, replacing broken windows, replanting flowers, and generally tidying up.
Applejack and Rarity led the repair teams – with wildly different priorities as to form versus function.
Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash, respectively, took care of making and delivering refreshments, while Fluttershy tended to hurt and frightened animals in the area with the aid of Angel the Bunny and Spike, neither of whom had left her side since the evening before.
As was her wont, Twilight Sparkle took care of organization. Once she had returned from escorting the Ursa Major back into the woods, the addition of Princess Celestia’s prodigious magical talents made the reconstruction go by all the faster.
The next morning Celestia called for the townsponies to assemble in the auditorium.
“My loyal subjects,” she stated from the podium adjoining the stage, “I would like to extend my deepest sympathies for the troubles you have all endured of late, and also express my admiration for the bravery and resolve many of you showed in facing those troubles.” Celestia nodded deeply to the crowd, which responded with a wave of cheers and applause.
“Now, though,” Celestia continued, “I believe somepony else has something to say to you all.”
Celestia magicked open the stage curtains, and The…well, The Blue Unicorn Trixie stood revealed. She trotted forward to the edge of the stage with all of the dignity that she could muster. The Ponies in the crowd whispered and murmured.
“What’s she doing here?” asked Rainbow Dash from the front row, sitting down and crossing her front hooves.
“Ya gonna do a trick?” added Applejack. “’Cause I bet ya could do a great apple tree impression…” she fixed her stance.
“That’s enough!” snapped Celestia. In a heartbeat, the auditorium was as silent as a tomb. “Trixie – tell them why you are here.”
“Tr…Trixie…is…” Trixie looked at Celestia, her eyes imploring. Celestia narrowed her eyes and nodded to the crowd. Trixie sighed in surrender. “Trixie is here to make amends for what she’s done. It was wrong of Trixie to enchant you all with her glorious, radiant–” Celestia cleared her throat. “…Trixie is sorry.”
Trixie trotted over to the right side of the stage, where Twilight Sparkle and her friends occupied the front row. “Trixie is sorry for having you locked up,” she said to Twilight, biting off the words as if they were so much bitter ash in her mouth.
“And…?” Asked Twilight, pointing at the pink Earth Pony next to her with a front hoof.
Trixie faced Pinkie Pie. “…And for using humour for evil.”
Pinkie smiled. “Aww, it’s okay!” she said brightly. “Nopony’s perfec–”
“And…?” Applejack interrupted.
Trixie sighed. “And for trying to make you slander Twilight Sparkle.” Applejack’s frown remained. “…and your Granny’s cooking.” The frown disappeared, replaced by a happy grin.
“And?” said Rarity, raising an eyebrow.
Trixie gritted her teeth. “And for calling your wares tacky.”
“An-nn-nd?” said Rainbow Dash, tilting her head as she drew out the word.
Trixie grunted in frustration. She trotted her front hooves in place. “And for working you half to death just to save travel time!”
Fluttershy stayed silent, but the one wide eye of hers that peeked out from between the locks of her rosy pink mane held more pain and sadness than any of her friends’ voices.
Trixie looked away and bit her lower lip. “And for…for…” Trixie sagged. “Trixie is just sorry.” After the forced ordeal of the rest of her speech, Trixie was surprised to find that she meant it.
“Apology accepted,” said Twilight Sparkle. Her friends nodded in agreement.
“Well good,” said Trixie, straightening once more. “Trixie is glad this is all over with.”
“Not quite yet,” said Celestia from behind Trixie. “There’s still the matter of your punishment.”
Trixie’s ears drooped. “What? B-But Trixie did as you asked!”
“Apologies are vital things, but in the end they are still just words,” said Celestia. “They lose their meaning if you don’t act on them. I sent word to my Sister earlier – she’ll know what to do with you.” Celestia’s horn ignited with the white glow of a teleportation spell.
“Wait – what?” said Trixie anxiously. “What’s that supposed to mea-aa-aan…?” her voice echoed as she vanished in a burst of white-hot magic. The crowd cheered.
“Thanks again for helping us, Princess,” said Twilight, once the hubbub had died down. “I don’t know what we would have done without you!”
“Don’t sell yourself short, my faithful student,” Celestia replied, spreading her wings and hopping down off the stage. “You showed a great deal of wisdom in dealing with…recent events.”
Twilight frowned. “But I just sat in a cage – I barely did anything! Trixie seemed so powerful, so imposing, so…” Twilight trailed off.
“…So much like me?” asked Celestia.
“That’s not…! I mean, it was just in the way that she…” Twilight blushed and cleared her throat. “How did she do it?”
Celestia looked out one of the auditorium’s upper windows, where the multi-coloured gleam of the stained glass windows in Canterlot’s Royal Palace was just barely visible to her magic-augmented eyes.
“I’m sorry, my faithful student, but there are some answers I am simply not yet ready to share with you. Trixie is gone, and she will do suitable penance – I’ve seen to that.” Celestia turned to face the Unicorn before her and smiled. “The important thing is that you didn’t give up hope – or give up on your friends – even when things seemed darkest. That is no mean feat, Twilight Sparkle; it may yet serve you well, and sooner than you think.”
“Princess?”
Celestia looked back to the distant palace, and once more whispered:
“…Sooner than you think.”
•••••••••••••••••••
EPILOGUE
The Sullen and Sweaty Trixie set down her magicked squeegee and dunked her horn in a nearby bucket of soapy water. The water sizzled as her horn cooled, and Trixie hissed in a sharp breath. She raised her head once more and turned to look at the Palace’s great hall – and its seemingly-endless supply of decorated windows. She sighed exhaustedly.
“Don’t stop now,” said the fuchsia-maned white Unicorn at her side. “After these windows, there’s still the library, the Ivory Tower, the observatory–”
“All right, all right!” Trixie interjected, adding a quick “Sheesh!” under her breath. She magicked up the squeegee and dipped it in the soapy water.
“It’s funny, you know,” said Moondancer while Trixie returned to her task, “I had the strangest dream about a Unicorn named Trixie not that long ago, and then Princess Celestia assigned you as my assistant, and your name is Trixie! Isn’t that weird?”
“What are the odds?” said Trixie in mock astonishment. She craned her neck, straining to magick the squeegee all the way to the top of a window depicting the defeat of Nightmare Moon.
“I know! It’s like…it was meant to be.” Moondancer smiled. “I’ll never understand Alicorns, though. I mean, I show up to work for Princess Luna late and hung over – and I swear, I still don’t remember why I thought all that cider was a good idea – and Her Royal Sister gives me an assistant for the next six months! Don’t get me wrong – I’m glad I get to spend more time studying with Princess Luna and less time doing chores for Her – but what kind of sense does that make?”
Trixie gritted her teeth. Her expression twisted into a scowl. The squeegee’s smooth path across the glass wavered. But then, all at once, her face relaxed, her eyes lost their furious gleam, and she softly muttered:
“…Trixie is sure Celestia did what She thought was right.”
THE END
The story continues after Friendship is Magic Season Two, with Secrets and Lies
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- SaddlesoapOpera · 54k words · 750 27 · 14k views
- SaddlesoapOpera · 5.1k words · 484 11 · 11k views
- SaddlesoapOpera · 2.7k words · 215 6 · 8.4k views
- Blueshift · 13k words · 237 22 · 6.7k views
- Drakmire · 5.5k words · 527 6 · 11k views
- Donnys Boy · 21k words · 627 17 · 19k views
- SaddlesoapOpera · 3.7k words · 384 14 · 9.4k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.31 seconds
Total duration
802 users online
1,199,560 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
And it's over. The first story I read on this site, and one of the literary masterpieces that convinced me that pastel colored ponies could be amazing characters, with believable flaws and beautiful arcs, is over. All good things must come to an end, but I wish that wasn't true in regards to this story.
Saddlesoap, thank you for giving us a wonderful story, enamoring characters, and entrancing plots. Regardless of whatever other stories I read, whether published or freely distributed, whether classic or new, whether serious or silly, this series is always going to be one of my favorites. Thank you.
Nice Season 2 hook.
Nice way of explaining her need for attention; all she wanted to do was to be acknowledged and it turned her into the massive clod we saw here. Admitting the truth about herself, about her being a petulant ninnyhammer was what really alienated the ponies she'd turned into puppets out of anger and bitterness finally set her from the baleful domination of her own worst enemy: herself!! Also, nice way to remind us that Twilight will need to use the insight she gained here to defeat Discord.
happy ending for Trixie, making her better
and a season 2 hook? Trixie approves
I always find any sort of Trixie story a hard sell. People tend to fall into extremes with her, either giving full sympathy to her when she doesn't deserve it, or justifying her behavior by some way or another demonizing twilight. The one thing that stuck out I feel is worth mentioning is maybe you over-emphasized a little. It doesn't feel right seeing the italics sticking out everywhere. It definitely works as a reader cue for ponies under the effects of an enchantment, but when coupled with normal emphasis on regular dialogue, it gets a bit distracting.
5093
Agreed. I already enjoyed the show when I stumbled upon this fanfiction site. I was dubious until I saw the title of this story. Ponies and psychology? Alright, I'll give it a chance, why not? I read all of the Muffins trilogy...and was irreperably hooked. I read all the stories, spellbound at the quality of the writing and character development. Finally something to give the idle ponies from the completed first season in my head life! The personalities fit, it all seemed so plausable, I could not stop reading. I was brought to tears, and laughed out loud. I am truly saddened that this story is over, but have only to say, well done Saddlesoap, thank you for sharing your vision with us, and helping us make it through the pony drought. I desperately hope to read more from you in the future.
So she gets off without even an apology to everyone in Ponyville?
5148
Well, the majority of the townsponies were totally enamoured with her - only the Mane Six even STARTED to break out of the enchantment, and even then only partially. Just as nopony went "Hey! To PONY HELL with Trollestia!" the moment Trixie wore the Regalia instead of Celestia, when Celestia took them back the general approval of Trixie didn't just vanish.
In the confusing, Ursa-filled aftermath, trying to apologize would involve explaining just what was worth apologizing for to a crowd of easily-swayed background Ponies, potentially rousing a torch-bearing mob as opposed to a speech about the value of friends.
I felt Celestia would take a more long-view, greater-good approach. Trixie built some character, the Mane Six had a dry run in preparation for the imminent threat looming around the corner in Season Two, and Celestia herself came to help put things right in Ponyville - partly because she *allowed* these things to happen (in service to the above, and to getting Luna some limelight, AND to getting herself a short vaykay), and partly because she recognized so much of her centuries-past, headstrong younger self in Trixie...
5150
Besides, by the time she'd worked up a new routine and returned to Ponyville, the New and Improved Trixie would, having had conquered her personal demons, be worth the adulation. All dredging up the past would do would make a mess.
At first I wondered which other two ponies Trixie wanted brought to her especially, but it makes perfect sense in retrospect.
She was positively starving.
-Not the source of pain I was expecting... does crushing wills that are given reason to resist burn body energy in the form of calories? Did she somehow take on Pinkie's metabolism as some sort of insane cosmic justice? Probably not that last one...
Perhaps someday you’ll find friends that don’t need to be bribed to stand you!”
-I think you mean "to stand by you!"
-Also I am thinking that perhaps when she tries to cow Celestia and/or Luna that they will take the regalia back... although I am not ENTIRELY sure it fits the series that they COULD.
“Then just how is it? Why don’t you tell Trixie – tell us all – how your dear Twilight Sparkle measures up against the inestimable magnificence that is Trixie!”
-Going up against her Element? That could be a Mistake with a capital M... then again she already did that to Pinkie... possibly Twilight too, but Twilight was impervious rather than strong-willed(or was she? Can't quite remember). and Trixie didn't get wracked for it like she did with Pinkie and (later) AJ. Wonder if her power will end once she works her way through the other 3?
She’d been loved, yes, but with so many brothers and sisters there were only so many moments in the day, and somepony was always teething, or crying, or asking for help with their studies, when all she wanted was to be seen…
-Freudian excuse: CHECK!
“Now, now, Mother…you know there are no Dragons in Cloudsdale.”
-Oh dear... didn't see THAT coming...
Before Trixie could say a word, the temperature in the room suddenly climbed to unbearable levels.
-I GUESS Fluttershy's begging with her non-existent mother could be seen as an act of defiance...
Celestia looked off into the distance, where the multi-coloured gleam of the stained glass windows in Canterlot’s Royal Palace was just barely visible to her magic-augmented eyes, and once more whispered:
-This a reference to the stained-glass windows in Season 2, Episode 1?
“Don’t be a – no, wait!” said Trixie, a tiny touch of strength returning to her voice. “Little Dragon, you will write the letter I dictate, and sign it with that Unicorn’s name.”
-"Celestia and Luna take the regalia back" is looking POSSIBLE in conjunction with the other thing. I could see her BEGGING them to take it back.
Rarity turned up her nose and magicked up the rest of the ensemble.
-I assume "magicked up" means "picked up with telekinesis" but I am not sure. Perhaps you should find a more clear way to word this? Also, I don't see how Trixie tried to turn Rarity against Generosity? Rarity could have just accepted the fact that her offering was trash, and resolved to do better for Trixie, even if she had to work herself to death.
“Oh, my little Pony – have you caught my terrible sickness?” Her voice was soaking in honey-sweet sympathy and concern. “How can that be? I have been sequestered in my chambers!”
-Apparently she is immune to the Regalia's effects?
Celestia winced. “You had her bring you straight to me, even though you knew she’d be exposed to the Alicorn Flu by doing so?”
-So, apparently getting called out on/made aware of her OWN violations of the Elements is what triggers the repercussions, not trying to force the ponies to betray their individual Elements? That makes sense.
I have been watching you, Trixie, and the same thing has been happening to you each time you have forced one of the new bearers of the Elements to act contrary to their nature.
-As I said, this isn't actually true. Doesn't apply to Fluttershy, Rarity, or Dash.
5194 5204
*"Punda milia" : Is Swahili for "Zebra" (I hope!)
*Emergency Teleportation: Not sure what you mean. Unless FS has a private mill, the only one is in town.
*I think you mean "to stand by you!": No, stand. As in "I can't STAND you unless I am being paid!"
*This a reference to the stained-glass: Indeed! One of the last touches I added.
*Yes, "Magicking" is the verb I have been using for Unicorn Telekinesis...since FS: Origins.
*Apparently she is immune to the Regalia: Not at all. At that moment she was unable to hate Trixie. BUT, as a millennia-old matriarch
of Ponykind, she was certainly able to prod and needle Trixie in a manner not unlike that
of a a parent to a foal. Take it in context - Trixie committed GRANDEST larceny and tortured
some of Celestia's favourite Ponies, and she responds with a mildly snarky aesop lecture.
*I have been watching you, Trixie: That is in all fairness a good point. Expect a slight edit there. Good eyes!
Thanks for reading so carefully - hope you enjoyed it! But maybe PM the edit suggestions next time...? That was quite a screenful!
5308
Wow.
That may be some of the most detailed analysis I have received yet. I appreciate your effort in doing this to no end!
I'm flattered that my wordsmithing and dabbling in poetry were well-received; I thought the coined terms really helped
lend some cultural depth to the setting.
As for things coming across as too bookish in the prose, well, I suppose it's a fine line to walk. I certainly endeavoured
) not a story for kids, and I made no effort
As I continue to write (and continue I shall!) I'm sure
to keep everypony's DIALOGUE faithful to their personal styles, but in the descriptions and scene settings, I tried to
come across as reasonably high-brow. This was (OBVIOUSLY!
to talk down to the audience. Nevertheless, you make a fair point - Eschew Obfuscation, as the tongue-in-cheek writing
advice goes. But at the same time, there are always readers who DO quibble on points like the anatomical definition of
words like "flank", and make their displeasure known.
I will more smoothly find a balance of vocabulary and vernacular that pleases the most readers possible.
I am DEFINITELY looking forward to your take on the appendices.
Thanks again!
I've FINALLY finished getting through the appendices!
********************SPOILER WARNING********************
So I'll start by saying that I thoroughly enjoyed these stories a lot more after reading the initial story. They were much easier to get into, and for the most part, lacked entirely the problems of prose I had with the first story. I found nothing objectionable or distracting this time.
I would have to say I enjoyed the Alicorn story the most, if for no other reason than its rich back-story that was already rooted in cannon. I found parts of the...er..."plot?"...to be a bit confusing at times. The reasoning behind the events kept changing and could be a bit difficult to follow, but I think I got it in the end. Ultimately you wanted to balance out the blame between the two sisters, which you did rather well. The uplifting of Luna's credibility, as well as cracking down on Celestia's "flawlessness" was most refreshing. I particularly liked the addition of the regalia, and the tie-in of the Elements. You actually managed to make Celestia seem more...er..."human" (I know they're ponies, but you know what I mean), and you managed to do it without it seeming forced. You gave her real character flaws and explored them in depth, which few have done as successfully as you have. I commend you for it!
Derpy Hooves was just plain fun!
I found the whole "memory-loss / Spy" thing to be a bit conceptually trite, but the execution was good enough to overlook. I guess my only real complaint was that it started to get a bit tiresome after a while...and this was mostly not your fault. Memory-loss / Spy themes follow a formula, and by the time I got to the final battle, I was skimming. The back-story was okay, but again, it followed a pretty standard formula and felt a bit tired and worn from so many other people writing the same plot. That's not to say I didn't enjoy reading it. It was well written, and many of the neat tie-ins were quite entertaining! It just suffered a bit since I mostly already knew what was going to happen.
Bits and pieces were a bit confusing, such as the giant bubble at the bottom of the lake, and her encounter with the doctor down there. It was all done in hazy flashbacks, and was a bit difficult to follow. Also, during Derpy's first encounter with the griffin, breaking a beak doesn't make much sense except as a defensive attack...like snapping off a talon. I was kinda hoping that you had gifted Griffons with some kind of weakness that would kill them should their beak break...but no such luck there. I'm still somewhat confused why Derpy didn't just plunge a knife into her skull and end it. They were eating dinner...didn't they have knives at the table?
I LOVED how you explained Dinky! It really was incredibly touching and, while I never really cried during anything of the stories, that was perhaps the part where I felt the closest surge that may have eventually led to being teary-eyed. Again, it's dark...but you managed to make this entire story so much it's own thing anyway that I found myself going along with it. Again, great job!
Trixie...
Well, the very first thing I have to say is how much I absolutely LOVED your variations of "Great and Powerful". Every time I read one, I had to stop reading and suppress a giggle. It brought a lightheartedness to the story that it reminiscent of many children's books. (However adult you intended this to be) And I couldn't think of the better character to play around with this than Trixie!
I thought your tie-in with the story of the Alicorns was quite nice. The Regalia. The Punishment. The Elements. All superbly done. Wish I could say more about it, but if it works, don't fix it.
I almost wish we would have gotten a bit deeper into Trixie. You introduce some very touching needs during the Fluttershy scene, and I still feel this hole sitting unresolved in Trixie's heart. I wanted more. It's great that you resolved the main plot, but I'd almost like a...a...a third act! Something to address Trixie's deeper issues that were introduced earlier.
I'd like to finish my clarifying something I mentioned earlier. I said I was off-put by the darkness of the story. Really, this needs more explanation. As far as timeline and setting, this story explicitly acts as a "bridge" between Season 1 and Season 2. It exists in exactly the same universe as the episodes themselves, even more so than any other ponyfic. As such, I was really hoping (and almost expecting) a consistency of mood to be sustained between this story, and the episodes of the show itself. The sudden jolt of darkness was...surprising. It caught me off guard, that's all. I'm sure if I re-read it knowing what it is now, I wouldn't have the same issues.
Again, thank you for sharing such an ambitious and successful piece of literature. I look forward to seeing what you write next!
5309
" But at the same time, there are always readers who DO quibble on points like the anatomical definition of words like "flank", and make their displeasure known."
Those people...they're like the grammar nazis. Never happy unless everything's absolutely perfect.
5357
Yay! I continue to be touched and flattered by your thorough reviewing efforts!
All in all, it pretty much seems that your general satisfaction level with my writing has increased
with each successive chunk of this series (main plot, each appendix), which seems to me
to be a very good sign since I wrote them in order!
I agree that the strong canon ties gave Alicorns some nice gravity, and I did very much enjoy
giving Celestia some Equinity(?) without veering too far out of character. Now, of course, it remains
to be seen whether canon Luna is ANYTHING like the fanon bookish recluse so many writers
and artists have depicted her as.
For Muffins, cliched is a fair cop - it was a blend of several of the more popular "amnesiac spy" films,
as well as various gangster movies and of course Doctor Who(oves). Hackneyed? Oh my yes.
But I loved writing it, and "just plain fun," with a sprinkle of touching, was about what I was hoping for.
I'm glad Trixie's various titles were a hit! Others have commented in favour of that little touch
as well. As you noted, it lends the narrative a little childish overemphasis that jibes well with Trixie's
ostentatious style. As for resolving Trixie's issues? Well, I wanted to keep her at least a little wounded
and jerky on the off-chance that she re-appears in Season Two. In spite of the darkness and drama
in this series, a firm maintenance of canon and the status quo by the end was important to me.
At any rate, thanks again for your well-reasoned comments, and here's hoping that this apparent trend
of climbing quality continues, and that whatever I submit next will be even better!
*crosses hooves, knocks on wood, tosses salt lick over shoulder, rubs lucky rabbit's foot (rabbit still attached)*
One last thing.
Who did the art for your story?
5450
Actually, I assembled that "book cover" by myself in Photoshop, using cut-outs from screenshots of HD Season One episodes and the classy Vectors from the Deviantart pony vectors club, with slight edits and alterations to make everything fit together. The Palfrey's Nightshade in RD's hooves is some clipart I found online, and the title (in part) uses the extremely cool Celestia font.
I *may* add some similar but more specific graphics to the start of each of the chapters in the main story at some point, depending on whether I like how they turn out...
5488
The dialogue in the episode is unclear in that respect, but "loss" does sound more appropriate.
I have seen a lot of chatter about this online - disagreement between what it SOUNDS like, and what would make more SENSE. Hrm. Perhaps I will change it, though. I do generally like to be on the side of sense...
I want to say I freakin' love this last part, but I just can't quite get there. I'm not sure if that's more based on what is here or the potential of it.
There's a lot of really neat ideas in this section. Trixie's background, the tie-in with the regalia, the picking apart of the elements... all neat things, but the only one that seemed to be taken to its conclusion what the regalia.
I guess, overall, I would just say that it felt rather brief. Twilight ended up seemingly superfluous to the story sometimes... something that's may very well have been lampshaded in story. The lack of punishment also seemed weird...
Y'know, I just realized that these are complaints I have about the show too... touche, sir, touche. Fanfiction imitates art after all. Oh well, perhaps I'm really just disappointed that it was all over so soon. The writing was pretty much stellar as with the rest of this series, the nicknames were really a nice touch and I enjoyed how you showed and played around with the characters. Was still a fun piece to be sure, just perhaps wanting for more.
I have to admit, this series is pretty and actually sends chills down my spine.I don't know what it reminds me off: Edgar Allen Poe's type of horror or just how scary it is.I say continue on with the work dude, I hope to see more in the future.
Also, you use a lot of different languages. Did you translate all those yourself, or do you know people who actually speak those languages?
5576
Mostly it was translation via books and web applications. A kind Russian Brony helped make Celestia's comments to the Tsarevna in Spellbound sound more natural. On that note, by the way, it seems some other Russian Bronies are TRANSLATING the series into their own language. I am very flattered, but I have ZERO ability to tell how solid a job they are doing, of course.
As for myself, I do speak French, and have some passing familiarity with German and Latin (they taught it in my high school, if you can believe it). Knowing English/French/Latin made fellow Romance Languages Italian and Spanish fairly easy to suss out, but Russian, Chinese and the rest are still a mystery to me without outside help. If anypony with knowledge of those tongues notices any errors, by all means PM me with details on how to fix them!
Mostly I included other languages for the fun opportunity to come up with foreign Pony terms (like San Caballo, Puledria, Xiao Ma and Pundamilia as locations, or the insult "poiana" - "buzzard/vulture"), and lend the setting a more diverse feel.
(For those who are wondering, if I did it right, my slightly-doggerel Latin at the end of Luna's letter in Treasure *should* read "Harmony be with you. Alicorn of the Night, Princess Luna.")
Upon further consideration of the comments here, in PMs, on FF.net and on Equestria Daily, I have altered the ending of Trixie:Treasure to be less hurried and a bit more satisfying. If I am ending the series here (or at least waiting to do a sequel series until after Season Two), things should end with a stronger sense of resolution.
For those who want to see how it differs, things start changing as of Trixie and Celestia's conversation in the bedroom.
I don't respond to all criticism by making edits (you can't please everypony, after all), but as was the case with the original ending of Spellbound, I find myself both agreeing with a repeatedly raised point and more pleased with the resulting longer ending.
Hrm...clearly endings are an issue with me. I'll have to watch for that in my upcoming fics...
5244
You're right about it being the Swahili term for zebra, but I thought you'd like to know: Literally, "punda milia" translates to "striped donkey."
Well, I do miss the potential from the old ending (yeah, I'm terrible like that, aren't I?), but I certainly like that it doesn't end without any punishment (well, any further punishment anyways) for Trixie and she even seems to have learned something. Will miss the extended potential for her character though. You had a fun Trixie.
5807 I simply hope that you'll stick to edits/criticisms you find agreeable to your canon. Seems the best way.
Hey, congrats on Pony Psychology Series getting animated! *points to The Return of Harmony*
6183
I KNOW, RIGHT!?
I wasn't gonna say anything, but....
Magical Unicorn Electroshock Therapy: NOW CANON. (
*ZAP* 
)
Also, anypony who thinks that Spellbound's ending was rushed might wanna do a quick comparison...
how can this be classified under all catergori9es i dislike and be my favourite book on the site?
well i guess i better give you a moustache or ten
how can this be classified under all catergories i dislike and be my favourite book on the site?
6508
well i guess i better give you a moustache or ten
Why do you have to end this so soon? This is the best damn MLP: FiM fanfic ever!
6908
Worry not! MULTIPLE other fics are in the works. You haven't heard the last of ol' Saddlesoap!
6205 Rushed... ummm how could it not have been rushed, you had to tie up more loose ends than I ever thought could have existed! lol ... also, it went over 11K words
So anyhow -
Basically, I loved it and I cannot keep thinking about the very last line (not THE END). It still brings me to tears thinking about what Twilight will have to go through, $smiley and this is only a Fan-fiction! lol... Anyhow, the person above me, Ganymede basically covered most of the things I was going to say about the story and about your skill with the English language. I loved all the little unnecessary things that you put in there that only intellectuals would see. I am not being sarcastic at all, what you did with the scene when Celestia speaks Russian, I loved that; And when you used Rarity's sign, changing the meaning of it when it was cut, was just fabulous. I will now read the other chapters, and hope you used those kind of things in there as well. ^.^ Also, your use of poetry is amazing $smiley. Thank you so much for contributing this to the world. $smiley
I was trying to find a way to send you this in private, and I sure i missed one somewhere, but I just wanted to add a little bit of TMI to my reading of Trixie: Treasure. You did not intend it, I'm sure, seeing as you avoided anything really saucy in the rest of the stories, but for some of us who "enjoy" such things, Trixie maremerising Moondancer was brutal, borderline mind-rapey, and freakin' HOT.
Just saying. The rest of the stories have already gotten a normal review over on EqD from me, but I wanted to drop this one you, just because it's so true.
Ditzy: I want you to nail me.
OMG! I'M STILL FREAKIN LAUGHING! :,D
but I cried too... O god I can't even think about the last line of spellbound. You have mastered the art of creating an emotional roller coaster for your readers, and I am proud to have read your work, yet disappointed that more of my brony friends aren't into fan fictions.
Also, The way you use the environment of the story to shape your writing is amazing. Multiple languages, references to Greek mythology, (Caduceus - I looked at that, shit brix because I knew what it was, and then.. Well ya, brix were shat that day.) ect. It really is amazing. I applaud you and your work.
AND! DOCTOR WHOOVES!? REALLY!? XD I had to re-read like the first couple lines with him in it to make sure it was real! LOL! OMG! SERIOUSLY! Like.. common, how awesome can it get? Like, an amazing story, FREAKIN AMAZING references like that one, and you were even able to recognize the character of Doctor Who would be able to fit into your story so beautifully. THANK YOU!!!
Just pretend that I covered all of the issues that other reader's had and disregarded them saying: "Ok, buuuuuuut it was amazing so stfu."
~TheRouge
Thanks for the continuing warm fuzzies, all!
I am now hard at work on my next fic(s) - if they get even a FRACTION
of the warm reception that Pony Psychology has gotten, I will be one
happy, happy Pony.
Woo! More canon support from Season Two, Episode Three!
(spoilers)
Fluttershy is a masseuse!
Twilight is a therapist and intensely focused on solving the gang's issues!
Ditzy Doo shows Hoof-to-Hoof Combat familiarity!
Trollestia fakes "punishing" Twilight!
Oh pleeeez let the rest of the season go like this!
First off, as a rule, I tend to avoid fan-fics. I never get a quarter of the way through before wanting to vomit. Having read this all the way through, well... it's definitely a different sort of fiction. And now to my comment(s).
***GONNA BE SPOILERS, YA'LL*****
Okay, I posted my first comment after getting through Derpy's arc. After floundering around in bed for two hours, I had to get up and finish reading. I was initially put off by Trixie, but... well, I'll get there in a bit. As a whole, the story apparently touched me on a deep level, which (as I said before) deprived me of a night of sleep. But now I'm writing at 7:30 a.m., the first all-nighter in years. The "backlash" of the elements was shocking, but believable. It hurt to read it, but mostly because it felt it could be true. I will agree on one point with an earlier critic, though. I know it was supposed to be dark, but it finally got to the point where I had trouble imagining all of this in my head. I do appreciate the occasional jabs of humor, which certainly fit the flavor of the series. Oh, and for the complaints about the italics, I felt that it helped give the sense of simplicity that's in the series. Like when Twilight tells the other ponies the various Elements, and it shows each one's face in turn. It's a kid's show, so it needs to be simple. This certainly isn't for the target demographic, but the nod to the simplicity with the italics was refreshing after all the mental issues.
Chapter 1: It hurt. I love Fluttershy, and the Gala episode left me disconcerted. This... it felt so wrong, but in the way that makes sense. It's 'right' in that I'm not going to sit here and say it's not possible. It feels 'wrong' because it's so deep and scarring that it is extremely feasable. Added to that, I have a sort of fascination with mental illness like that. The slow breaking down of reality. And now the Gala episode will scare me even more. Kindness/Compassion pushing one's sanity over the edge. That's bleak.
Chapter 2: Okay, this really freaked me out. Pinkie with depression. Again, once things got explained, it made SO MUCH sense. Plus, we have 'Party of One,' where she loses touch with reality because she thinks she lost her friends. Having to embody the element of laughter is HORRIFYING. I admit, sometimes I just want to be sad. To be laughter incarnate, but not feel it? Just... wow. And again, you pick up on it a little with the story of her as a rock farmer. I was glad when that bit was over. It was unsettling.
Chapter 3: Ah, Rainbow Dash. I'll start by saying that by the end, she jumped two notches in my 'favorite pony' scale. Anyway, the little budding romance at first made me shake my head. But it was done in such a way that was believable. Yeah, two cartoon pegasi ponies.... But seriously. Dash didn't seem as injured by her Element, though it did give her the central role of trying to help her friends that Twilight usually holds. Which backfired with the little berry addiction. But the 'life for a life' spell was both horrifying and heartwarming, solidifying the relationship, making it seem even more feasable, and throwing in the A.J. twist that I was NOT expecting.
Chapter 4: AppleJack's arc was also a bit trying. Being forced to tell the truth, even when it hurts. Good tie-in with Season 2, and again, interesting relationship triangle that would have stopped me from reading if I'd known about it first-hand. Again, though, you kept it believable. The fight was brutal, and I don't know if I felt worse for the two hitting each other, or Pinkie cowering in the corner.
Chapter 5: Rarity... I admit, my least favorite pony, though in this fiction you helped me to understand her a bit more. I didn't immediately connect Generosity with her going broke. But it makes sense. Kind of like Meme with Humility back on the original Digimon. It's like the opposite of what she normally shows. One of those deeper virtues. Anyway, I found myself deeply concerned for Rarity, which is odd for me. She had less focus in the story, and was merely peripheral to the main sequence of events, though that seems to be the norm in an episode where she's not the central figure.
Chapters 6 and 7: Ah, Twilight. I was actually angry at Celestia when she pulled Twilight away before she could help her friends. being Magic incarnate makes for a less short-term issue, but the idea of immortality... Well, it's already been said in earlier reviews. Anyway, after everything, it was good to see her go around and fix everything (mostly), like is normal in the show, though I was saddened by the little bit with Dash and Shy there at the end. Still, it was certainly the best path to take. It was really hard to see Fluttershy like that. I guess I relate because I'm an animal-lover as well. UGH, I'm getting teary-eyed. Moving on.
Chapter 8: Intriguing, moving, and a little over-the-top with the fighting, but still believable. I liked the "It's not how the legends tell it" approach, and especially Celestia's Regalia actually being a mirror of the Night-Mare mantle. AND IT MAKES SENSE. Also, the tie-in with the "main" story was good. Hmm, wonder if we'll see Celestia without her Regalia in the series. THAT would be interesting.
Chapters 9, 10, and 11: Wow. Derpy Hooves as a secret agent, and a Doctor Whooves tie-in? I probably wouldn't have gotten into it, had it not been a part of the Psychology series (again, not a fan of fan-fics, just as a rule), but it was definitely well-written and pulled together expertly. The only points I would take away would be the relative distance from the main events, with just a few cameo instances. But hey, Gryphon crime boss? Why not? Far more violent than the other parts, but less psychological. And the little snippet at the end made me smile. All is not lost in the crazy-eyed pegasus!
Chapters 12 and 13: I decided to put this off, since it was SUPER LATE, but as I said earlier, the nagging thoughts and ideas kept me awake. That (again) hasn't happened in years. Since I was exceedingly glad when the Trixie episode was over, I was reluctant to read this (since Muffins didn't tie in too much with the rest), but I'm glad I did. I can feel SLIGHTLY more sympathetic for Trixie, but the way she hurt the 'Mane Six,' as I saw in another review, made me revel in the punishement she got. Pinkie's brush with the depression bothered me, but Fluttershy being thrown back into the past with her schizophrenic and abusive mother really made me cringe. My only reservation with this story at all is that it was never more fully resolved. Every time I saw Fluttershy in this story, I wanted to hug her and tell her it would be okay. I wanted SOMEONE to hug her and tell her it was okay...
Final comments: I found this story (and indeed, site) through a comment on YouTube. The poster said the story changed his life. I can say the same now. The stories were heartfelt, dark, deeply disturbing, and hit close to home. On top of that, as I said, it was believable, something that usually lacks in fanfics that I usually run across. People tend to take unnecessary liberties which turn something believable into trash that I wish I'd never wasted time on. Though the 'filly-fancier' bit was certainly a bit of liberty-taking, as I said, you made it believable and acceptable.
In short: Well-done, and you still owe me a night's sleep. I accept checks or money orders.
13534
Awesome! I LOVE getting detailed analysis comments.
Thanks for taking the time...the lots and lots of time, apparently!
Believability was my primary goal in this series. Musing about what could have created
a Pony as meek yet supportive as Fluttershy was what first led to its creation,
and I took it as a personal challenge to avoid working at cross-purposes with canon
as the series rolled on.
As for your missing sleep, well, I sympathize, but I also missed SO MUCH SLEEP
while writing the series. So, how bout we call it even?
Seriously, though - thanks for your kind and well-reasoned words.
(...And thanks AGAIN to TheSweetestBelle for your music and your praise!
)
13546
Because of this story, I decided to go with a regular account. Anyway, I'll call it even, since you obviously put a TON of time into this. Not your fault I'm a slow reader. I just want to say that after getting through Muffins, I closed down the computer and tried to go to sleep. After an hour of thrashing about, I read Trixie's part and decided I could be satisfied. Nope. After thirty more minutes of this story's contents running through my head, I knew I needed to write the above review/commentary. I needed to talk to SOMEBODY, because the thoughts were just overflowing. That's how good this was. If you make a sequel, I'll definitely be in line to read it.
Thanks for making me realize all fanfics aren't poor writers trying to push their (often conflicting) views on an established canon storyline. Some people can make it WORK, and not only be able to integrate their fiction into the accepted gaps of the canon fiction, but deepened and broaden the understanding of the characters in ways that feels so right that I have to remind myself that it's not canon.
Lastly (this wasn't supposed to be long
), I sincerely hope Lauren Faust finds this. The title really pulled me in. I wasn't reading "The Adventures of the Mane Six, as told by Saddlesoap," I was reading a psychological background for each character, and the scars that weilding such power can leave on a poor person's (pony's?) mind. ANYWAY, I'd better quit before I have another essay-length post. Thanks again for the amazing story, and the careful handling of such delicate characters. And of course, for thanking me for my previous comment. 
So, after seeing S2E4, let me just say...
"We would that you acted at Our behest alone, and not that of the palace at large," she intoned, adopting the archaic Royal Vernacular. "From this night forth, We declare this to be so: Moondancer, lost scion of the Moon Herd, is the Royal Princess Luna's personal student and assistant!" She stomped a hoof; a faint rumble of thunder echoed in the vaulted room.
...Hee hee!
God DAMN! I love those pre-story pictures.
Makes the series that much more interesting.
good story but i'm not reading about Trixie, i hate that character.
Cool series so far, it's SEW AWESUM
31197
I appreciate the comment, but I think you may have misinterpreted what happened.
Twilight's comment in Spellbound was:
"Something else triggered it - something earlier. I'm sure of it." Something like an Element of Harmony, she mentally added.
She doesn't suggest the Element created the illness - merely that FS's stress at its urgings to be kind not matter what abuse she faces made the illness come to the forefront sooner than it did in her mother's case. Sort of like job stress setting off a cerebral hemorrhage.
Likewise, the influence of the Elements on the others turned their natural inclinations into full-blown crises. AJ went from honest to pathologically candid, RD accepted job after job and couldn't bring herself to admit her actual feelings to FS, Pinkie partied again and again until exhaustion threatened her very sanity, and Rarity gave and gave until she had nothing left. Once Twilight took her proper place as the mediator between the magic of friendship and the magic of the Elements, things calmed down.
Without the EoH these scenarios may still have come to pass, but with nothing like the same level of severity.
Also, really, Luna did make up what she said to hurt Twilight. She suggested the EoH were inescapably cursed, when really all they needed was for all six to be properly aligned with each other - Twilight included. She was omitting and bending the truth out of spite.
31464
I guess you're right, but it still feels off to me. It comes off as Twilight has total control of their friendship rather than them being equals. As Twi more or less just comes in and saves the day all by herself and the rest have no real power over it what happen to the, becuase twi has the final and only say. Im sorry if im seeing it the wrong way like i said i liked the story its just that one pat the ruins it for me.
Just a quick note about S2E9:
CONFIRMED -- Canterlot is a sprawling metropolis, not just a palace. Woot.
I... I... I'm at a loss of words. This... this is so damn well done. The detail, the premise itself. It's just... perfect. I can't remember the last time I was transfixed by something, much less a fanfic (no offense meant).
I think this is my favorite fanfic on this whole site now. I hope you are happy (and you should).
91994
In a word....eeeeyup!
I am indeed quite happy with the series.
But I am also positively OVERJOYED when I receive such resoundingly positive feedback. Sheeesh...you're making me blush, here!
Glad you enjoyed it!
Hrm, I read the series and I have to say, I like most of it, but a couple things are a little disturbing.
I like the fact the elements might have side effects, and that there are consequences for their use I enjoy how the ponies are more rounded and realistic than the cartoon, with some real issues that arent solved at the end of the episode. That being said, their being 'cured' by Twilight at the end of the arc does diminsh that message a little bit. A few words from Twilight Sparkle and deep seated issues are so much water under the bridge.
I enjoyed Celestia and Luna's characters, as they also have issues to deal with, and ones that won't go away with just a hug. Though with Celestia, the whole regalia thing is very, very disturbing. Unless I'm way off the mark, her magic basically mind controls everyone into loving her. Sure, it can be resisted, apparently, with long term exposure or great willpower, but it makes most everyone else even unable to think bad things about her. That brings her character from benevolent, wise leader to little more than a tyrant, though a more subtle one. If that's what you were going for, I applaud your style, beacuse it really made some interesting undertones to the pony utopia.
102427
Thanks for commenting!
With regards to the Mane Six, I tried to imply that at least some of their issues, or especially the severity of their issues, were directly caused by Twilight not being "Magical" enough (in the Element sense, not the Cutie Mark sense). Like clockwork, a single piece out of alignment can throw the whole mechanism out of whack. Once TS started more aggressively fostering the magic of friendship and togetherness, the gang found their issues a little easier to get on top of, and their Elements a little easier to get in tune with.
...Which leads into the matter of Celestia in this series. The most important thing to remember about the Regalia is that their connection to the Elements of Harmony flows both ways. As an avatar of Pony Harmony, Celestia is indeed awe-inspiring and almost impossible not to adore, but as was seen in Blame and Treasure, she is compelled to act in such a way that she DESERVES others' awe and adoration. If Celestia is Cruel, Deceitful, Selfish, Treacherous, Vicious or works against the ideals of Friendship, the Elements feed back through the Regalia and make her suffer. In the past, banishing her sister in anger almost crippled her because it was an affront to Kindness, Loyalty and Generosity, and in the present she found herself exposing her guilt and shame to her sister and groveling for her forgiveness for fear of that same punishment - with Honesty tacked on as well. When Trixie stole the Regalia, the feedback from her resounding lack of virtue came within a hairsbreadth of killing her in a matter of HOURS.
Celestia in Pony Psychology could be seen as a "benign tyrant." Yes, the public would be hard-pressed to resist her rule, but she essentially rules while strapped into an electric chair powered by "being a jerk". In earlier times, wearing a relic that punishes disharmonious acts quickly made her focus strongly on living up to the ideals of Harmony, and now, centuries later, she has become an absolute paragon of wisdom and nobility, untouched by the Element's disapproval for generations. She likely hadn't even thought about the feedback effect in decades...until the last few weeks before Luna's release.
So, in Equestria, the seasons need manual care and the government is self-correcting.