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Featured In29

More Stories12

  • E No Recipe For Perfection

    Rarity struggles to overcome an art block. It takes a very special pony to show Rarity who she is.
    22,156 words · 5,034 views  ·  621  ·  7
  • E Twice as Bright

    Celestia likes her routine. Tax reforms, grants, laws and construction projects are all a princess needs to be content. It's just her luck that for Pinkie Pie, "content" is not nearly enough.
    52,160 words · 10,912 views  ·  1,276  ·  20
  • E Ode to Friendship

    Octavia feels trapped in the stage that is her world. Will a certain pink pony be able to help her?
    13,885 words · 2,433 views  ·  215  ·  1
  • E Building Bridges

    Action-and-confusion-filled fast-paced shipping, yay!
    16,016 words · 26,825 views  ·  1,663  ·  36
  • E Lost and Found

    AJ and FS are lost, trying to get home. Meanwhile Dash struggles to understand what FS means to her.
    168,377 words · 7,494 views  ·  759  ·  14
  • T Taken for Granite

    Ask Applejack, and she'll tell you Pinkie Pie can be a few apples short of a bushel. They've always been good friends, but what could they possibly have in common? Turns out there is an answer to that question.
    61,172 words · 5,385 views  ·  673  ·  12
  • E Where Earth Meets Sky

    Rainbow Dash suspects Applejack is stealing her oldest friend from her. Is it really that simple?
    40,301 words · 10,983 views  ·  763  ·  16
  • E Where Your Heart Is

    Rainbow Dash begins to question where she truly belongs.
    32,160 words · 7,698 views  ·  659  ·  14

Blog Posts31

  • 64w, 3d

    First, I want to thank everyone who's contributed to, or read, Taken for Granite. The comments and the mails have been far in excess of what I expected from an ApplePie ship-fic not featured on EqD.

    I still wonder if I did the right thing in detailing in the authors' notes how hard writing that particular story was for me. Usually, I strive to minimize my own personality because I feel the stories are more important than the individuals who write them. That's the theory, at least, but I think I'm doing a worse job of it with each fic I write. Either way, talking about the process that led to a story is relevant and perhaps interesting to some individuals. Complaining about it being "hard" isn't. At best, it's begging for sympathy. At worst, it changes how people see the story, and that notion fills me with dread.

    Regardless, the story has been well enough received, and now that it's all over, I can say I'm glad to have written it. We're moving on.

    Those who read these blog posts will know I've had quite a few different stories and ideas I've been toying with. I'm really liking the idea of writing another grand adventure along the lines of Lost and Found and Within and Without. I have a temporarily shelved RariLuna political intrigue/adventure/peril/shipping fic, I have a FlutterDash longer-than-long romance that may become adventure-romance, and I have a number of other less-interesting stories that I want to get around to. Which is it then?

    None of the above. I'm going on hiatus for an undetermined period of time.

    A while back, I promised myself I would never give people estimates, and that I would never set deadlines for myself. They are sure-fire ways to kill my joy for writing, and this promise helped me recapture much of my love for putting pen to paper—or hoof to keyboard, as it were.

    I broke another barrier when I managed to let dead fics lie and kill my need to stick with a story until it was done. Being able to not pick back up the FlutterDashFire story I had, being able to shelve RariLuna for this recent ApplePie, those were all victories.

    It's not enough, though.

    My relationship with writing has been problematic for a very long time, and it's not getting better. Some people use ponyfic as therapy, as a means to cope, and as relaxation. AbsoluteAnonymous was very vocal about exactly this. Unless I misunderstood or misremember this, writing was a temporary hobby to her, a process of healing that led to her coming out on top. Me, I think I've written myself sick.

    Until I can figure this out, I'll be out. I'm sorry for not responding to comments in the foreseeable future, and I'm just as sorry that if I return, my OCD attitude to comments will result in a batch of week, month or year-old comments being replied to.

    Naturally, my promise not to set deadlines or give promises might work both ways. I may be writing again next week. I may be writing tomorrow and start posting chapters of some long adventure-fic, but I find it unlikely.

    I'm not saying goodbye forever, but right now, I need the peace that comes with a break.

    36 comments · 1,573 views
  • 68w, 1d
    Incoming Story: Taken for Granite

    27 comments · 554 views
  • 71w, 1d
    The Long Summer

    First, I apologize for the long silence. I don't expect people will really have noticed, because that implies people sit on edge waiting for something to happen, for me to do something. Instead, I am the one who gets stressed by inactivity. It goes without saying and without putting it into system that two months' hiatus is worth a lot of stress by that token.

    I'm also sorry for neglecting comments and notes. I'm working on that, and will try to catch up. I've done a terrible job at reading all the things I've said I would, too, for which I am also supremely sorry, but I don't know what more to add to that. I've no real excuse, and will get right back on it as soon as I can.

    On my front of things, I've aborted work on one story, started work on another, and actually sort of almost completed it. It is currently mid-edit and pending cover art, and there is a chance it will be published in a week or two, or a month--thereabouts. Failing that, if I can't beat it into shape, I'll scrap it and start something else.

    I hope you all have had, and continue to have a very pleasant summer. If you're interested in listening to the Muffin Loving Productions guys host me as a guest on a podcast, you can do so here! It was fun, and proves that listening to your own voice later will never be cool.

    Also, I had a birthday somewhere along the line, which led to multiple awesome artpieces being made. Snowtrail and Kits for best pony.

    Back to edits and work.


    13 comments · 391 views
  • 85w, 1d
    Next Story, Ideas and Between Fic, W&W/O eBook

    That's one more wrapped up! Thank you, everypony who took time to read Twice as Bright. It's been an absolute blast to write, but I definitively need to re-think and re-consolidate my writing/publishing strategy.

    By which I mean "Cloudy is a dummy who should've never broken his self-made promise not to publish during the writing process after Lost and Found nearly permanently killed his desire to write." The whole re-thinking line is a lot catchier, so we're rolling with that.

    Anyway! Point is, Twice as Bright is done! I am celebrating by staring at excellent, relevant artwork--holy butts that is beautiful and I almost embedded it but I don't know if that's a breach of etiquette--and by planning more stories.

    Breaks are for, um. Well. People who take breaks. I mean, I've had a two day break, I suppose, but you're not here to read about me drinking sugar, eating sugar, and eating things not made of sugar but still covered in or frosted with sugar. You're probably here for:

    More Ponies

    Whenever I finish a story, I like to cleanse my palate. That's a fancy word for scraping your tongue clean. When I first started writing ponyfic, I watched the entire show at least once between each fic. I find this very useful to re-center myself on canon. It probably sounds pretentious or ritualistic, but it's as simple as me valuing starting from scratch very highly.

    Lately, I haven't done this. In part because there are a lot more episodes, and not-writing hurts. In part because, without going into detail, there are elements of season 3 that I did not enjoy as much as I had hoped. Still, this time, I'm going to begin by re-watching the show. The last thing I want is to get mired in my own headcanon.

    It's been surprisingly long since last I watched season 1, and I absolutely cannot wait.

    Second? I plan to read. I plan to read fanfiction I promised I'd read, because I genuinely want to read more fanfic. I plan to read more fanfiction to make a dent in my Read Later list. I plan to read at least one non-pony thing--probably Daetrin's non-pony book, The Demon of Cliffside. I've been wanting to get at that thing for ages now. Before, during and after all this, I'm going to discuss all the ideas I have with my friends.

    And then?

    We write

    If I sound very, um, pompous here, it's probably for a reason. I'm the kind of pony who, in writing, makes faces. If I'm writing Pinkie making a grimace, I'm making the very same grimace. If Rarity looks arch and scoffs at something, I'm staring at my computer screen like its very presence offends me--you get the idea. That I'm writing a long piece on this is because it reflects what I want to write. I'm leaning towards something longer. Something grandiose.

    That's not to say I'm decided yet, and I've said time and again I hate making promises even to myself. I'm just thinking out loud, and all I know is this:

    *The next fic will feature two or more ponies.

    *At least one of these two or more ponies will think that one of the other two ponies is really, really cute/swell/nice.

    What I suspect is this:

    *It probably won't have the majority of its action in Ponyville or Canterlot.

    *It will probably involve perceived or very real peril.

    In short, I'm thinking another adventure along the lines of Within and Without or Lost and Found. When I say "along the lines of," I really only mean "long adventure," and even that's not set in stone, but I will say I'm looking towards W&W/O with fond memories.

    Add to list of things to do before writing: Re-read own adventure fics.

    I have no details, and I have tons of other ideas that may make it into fic. A lot of authors seem to do these compilation posts of ideas for fics and such, and I don't know how interesting it is to most, but if I can mention in no particular order:

    RariLuna slightly-dark/adventure/political/mystery.

    Those who read my earlier blogs will remember this one. It is one of three ideas I had in my mind a while back. Also, when I say "slightly dark," you have to keep in mind how incredibly resistant I am to darkfic and such. What I call "dark" when I write probably doesn't match others' definitions.

    FlutterDash long ship.

    Lost and Found really made me want to explore FlutterDash on a deeper level. This is it. The problem is that I'm not sure I can write another non-adventure ship just yet. It'd be fairly intricate and emotional, but I've done a lot of those lately.

    Other ships/stories I want to do:

    TwiJack - I have an angle that could work. It's Ponyville-centric, so the problem is the same as with FlutterDash, but I really want to do this.

    RariLight - I have some very specific unicorn-centric ideas that could be good. May even be a friendship fic. (Cloudy writing non-ship? Ha!)

    FlutterDash - I have no less than three other ideas for this ship of varying length, though the goal is to use as much as possible for the fic above.

    PinkieShy - Of all the "pure" ships I want to write, this one is very high on the list. Again, same issue as above with it being a pure ship, but if I could make it part of an adventure, I'd be very happy.

    AppleDash - Problematic in that the ship's been done to death. That in and by itself isn't the issue, but that I don't know if I'm stepping on others' hooves is. I have two possible angles, one being rather different from the usual ship formula.

    ApplePie/RariPie - I have semi-similar ideas for these, but I've written so much heavy emotion Pinkie Pie that this will probably go on the back-burner. Also, it's actually the closest to sad that I'll ever want to go. I could write an ApplePie that I'm sure would be a decent read, yet I'd have no desire to read it myself. That is an odd position to be in.

    RariDash - Painful sweetness here, but it needs a framework I haven't worked with yet. One that is neither adventure nor simple long-ship. This will be a challenge, and I'm not convinced yet.

    That's basically what's in my head at the moment. The two ideas I had in the last ficwriting deadspace are still very strong, those being RariLuna and FlutterDash. The PinkieShy idea has basically taken the spot of CellyPie now that that's done. Still, I am almost positive that in reading, watching and talking in the coming weeks, I'll have far more ideas to choose from, and hopefully I'll land on one that convinces me fully from the get-go.

    If you've read this far, well, damn. I thought about cramming some images in here, but I have no idea what those would be. Sprucing it up with images just to make more people read it is silly anyway. I figure people will read if they're interested, and if they are--if you are--I'm flattered.

    In Other News

    There's a reason for that Within and Without tag other than "hey I may write something similar." If you've problems with the downloadable formats available through FiMFiction, there's an awesome guy by name of JeffersonPeters who took it upon himself to provide a superior alternative. Here is a downloadable ePub variant of W&W/O for all your reading pleasure! I don't have a fancy reading thingermabob, but I'm told it's quite good.

    It's worth noting that he used alternative cover art in the .epub file, and the artist hasn't yet responded to the request for permission to use it, but there should be a link with attribution and everything in there. The real problem, though, is that the artist's dA has been taken down since, and redirects. Still working on that.

    That's it! Thank you for your time. If you hate me for abusing your eyes for italics, well, at least I didn't use comic sans. I'm gonna get around to replying to comments on TaB as soon as I can, but know that I've read them all, and that I'm floored (and thankful!) for all the comments!

    53 comments · 764 views
  • 88w, 12h
    March Apologies, Twice as Bright

    I am just leaving a quick note here to say that I'm sorry for not responding to PM's, comments or mails for the moment. I've tried to keep on top of things, but it's just not working out. If you're just tuning in, or if you've recently left a comment or sent me a PM, I am very happy to make your acquaintance, please don't doubt that -- I can only apologize for the delayed response.

    I'm having a bad time of it, and I need to readjust. There's no drama, and everything that's failing is related to my lacking ability to deal with things that are beyond my control.

    Fic updates will go along as planned because quite frankly, I don't know how to stop. Twice as Bright will likely continue at one chapter per week unless something changes.

    52 comments · 537 views
  • ...

Twilight and her friends are approached by Princess Luna who presents them with a set of questions that trigger a long and perilous journey.

Did you ever stop to wonder what became of Trixie, Gilda and Blueblood after your encounters? What did these episodes truly mean to you? What role will they yet play in the lives of the Elements of Harmony?

Last, are these questions as relevant as the journey towards the answers? Who will benefit from seeking these answers - you, them, or I?

First Published
1st Apr 2012
Last Modified
23rd Apr 2012
#1 · 138w, 5d ago · 1 · · Chapter 4 ·

Oh thank the Lord; it is here - the story that got me writing fiction in the first place. Thank you so much for this, Cloudy. To this day it still is one of my strongest sources of inspiration. (Also, the world building in this is some of the best I have seen to date. You really need to do some more adventure!)

As always, all my love! :heart:

#2 · 138w, 5d ago · · · Chapter 4 ·

Not gonna lie. This is probably one of the few stories of its length that is worth the words. It's like, 2:41 am and my laptop has 30 mins of power left. So i'm cutting this short. But I do love this, even if there are other fics you made I love more.

:rainbowlaugh::yay::pinkiehappy: <- :heart:

#3 · 138w, 5d ago · · · Chapter 4 ·

This is the fic that manages to perfectly blend serious Adventure with serious Shipping in near perfect balance.

This is the fic that made me realize I dislike the Romance genre but LOVE romance mixed in with other genres.

#4 · 138w, 5d ago · · · Chapter 1 ·

i just started reading an dnoticed you seem to have change dsome charaters names i can sorta stand this but i cna already see its going to be a confusing read when i try to picture until i ge tuse to the name changes but if these are new ponys all together you might wan tto have of intrudeced via letters to the princess or something so noone would write this so if thier new ponys:twilightoops:

#5 · 138w, 5d ago · · · Chapter 2 ·

wait 17 likes 9 views? ithought this just relsead the intail book realease on teh top of teh page  oh god i cant spell today:facehoof:

#6 · 138w, 5d ago · · · Chapter 4 ·

Oh good, the first Pony fanfic I ever read is going up here.  Win.

#7 · 138w, 5d ago · · · Chapter 1 ·


It is an April Fool's pank by the admins.

#8 · 138w, 5d ago · · · Chapter 2 ·


It was previously released on Equestria Daily.

#9 · 138w, 5d ago · · · Chapter 4 ·

:yay: One more story makes its way here. Now if we could just get "Don't Let the Sun Catch You Crying"...

Too bad the site's April Fool's trick defaces it and prevents featuring.

#10 · 138w, 5d ago · · · Chapter 4 ·

>>393021 ok holy crap ive been up to late oh well ill go to bed latter i have more reading to do (who needs sleep anyways:twilightsheepish:)

#11 · 138w, 5d ago · · · Chapter 4 ·


There is a button/link at the bottom of the page to turn off the name swapping (below the link to the FAQ page).

#13 · 138w, 5d ago · · · Chapter 4 ·

>>393028 If we got Don't Let the Sun Catch You Crying, I would probably cry with excitement.

#14 · 138w, 4d ago · · · Chapter 4 ·

Everyone else seems to have read this before but i unfortunately have not. I like it so far but the one thing I find weird is the different chracter names. Also I don't know if u've noticed but u seem to change between rainbow dash's name and your name for her. Other than that its a solid 5/5 from me :twilightsmile:

#15 · 138w, 4d ago · · · Chapter 4 ·

Sorry, just realized the April fools thing. Certainly tricked me:twilightsheepish:

#16 · 138w, 4d ago · · · Chapter 4 ·

This is one of my favorite stories and one of the best Adventure/Romance I have read.

Cloudy builds a fantastic world in this fic and does a great amount of character development along the way.

Looking forward to seeing all of it up here! :pinkiehappy:

#17 · 138w, 4d ago · · · Chapter 4 ·

I just recently re-dug into "The Party Hasn't Ended" and now this other EQD masterpiece deserves the same treatment! :pinkiesmile:

Silverstein222 out!

#18 · 138w, 4d ago · · · Chapter 4 ·

Ah, 'Within and Without.'  I read it back in September; spent all my free time for about three days on it. One of my favorite fics to date, for sure, and one of the fics that sold the idea of pony shipping for me. Definitely going to re-read this in a few months.

#19 · 138w, 4d ago · · · Chapter 4 ·

I'm glad this fic is finally here. I enjoyed it a lot when I first read it. I'm sure I can enjoy it again.

#20 · 138w, 4d ago · · · Chapter 4 ·

Brilliant bit of adventure so far, I haven't seen much romance so far but I think I see something going on between Pinkie and Rainbow and something between Twilight and Luna. Twi-Luna is best ship!

#21 · 138w, 4d ago · · · Chapter 4 ·

Oooh, I haven't read this yet! Yay! I will leave an actual review at a later point in time (discussing the lovely pacing, characterizations, back-stories, world-building, etc., that you're doing here--and making it look effortless, to boot), but for now I am just going to be crass and juvenile:

Heh heh heh, Applejack totally and unrepentantly SHUT DOWN Pinkie Pie's chance to get laid. AJ is stone cold. Hee.

Also, is it just me, or is Twilight Sparkle completely oblivious to the ... um ... togetherness that Rainbow and Pinkie have been exhibiting? Dunno if those two are an official item or just on "special friends" status, but it's plain as day that SOMETHING'S going on with them. (Which I, of course, highly approve of.) Do they have to go full-on make-out in front of that unicorn before she clues in?

Oh, what the hey, why don't I throw in a real, grown-up comment, too? I LOVED the revealed back-story about Fluttershy traveling Equestria to find Rainbow Dash. That was just beautiful, and it's made me rethink Fluttershy as a character--in a good way.

#22 · 138w, 4d ago · · · Chapter 4 ·

Hmm. This sounds interesting, and I usually LOVE your writing. :pinkiehappy:

I'll probably skip straight to EqD to read the whole thing and post my thoughts at a later date.

#23 · 138w, 3d ago · · · Prologue ·

so far i like

#24 · 138w, 3d ago · · · Prologue ·

I wonder how often you come onto FimFic these days, Cloudy.

It's very strange, viewing this fic through a pre-Season 2 lens. By now, the whole "Luna feels anguish over her banishment" trope has been explored multiple times, and the end of the prologue leaves me wondering just how the story plans to unfurl over the next several chapters. Then again, however, this is you at the helm, and I've certainly agitated for your work in the past.

The part with Luna watching the baker close his shop at the beginning is, I feel, a very well-executed moment. Two hundred nights passing since her return, and she's still fascinated by the quotidian routines her subjects follow. Being gone a thousand years, that hardly seems like a long time at all, doesn't it?

Hoping to read more as time permits. Obviously, I'm tracking this.

#25 · 138w, 2d ago · · · Chapter 4 ·


... When the first comment on your story is this kind of shining endorsement, it kinda makes it hard to not at least give it a try. :twilightsmile:

#26 · 138w, 2d ago · · · Chapter 4 ·

>>403049 I definitely recommend it! :twilightsmile:

#27 · 138w, 2d ago · · · Chapter 4 ·

Yes! This is most certainly one of my favorite stories. Glad to see it is finally on here.:pinkiehappy:

#28 · 138w, 1d ago · · · Prologue ·

Well.... why wouldn't they be fearful of them? NMM or not... they are being incapable of dying and hold the most powerful of all magic, they can raise the sun, the moon and the very stars... not being fearful of them would be stupid in a way, I mean what interests would they really have in lesser beings beside if it was benefiting them somehow?

Also I like how there are some tension between Luna and Celestia because most stories are like "yay we are best buds again!" and really... if anyone had punished you like that (a 1000 years of banishment) would not be your best bud ever... not even if blood related.

But by the looks of this chapter you may have been a little easy on that in the end, but I can't say for sure as I have no idea what they were talking on in between as you left that part out of the story.

#29 · 138w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 1 ·

hm... i couldn't help feeling like rarity's reason for going is somehow related to blueblood but why would she? does she feel like its her fault that he went missing like the others kind of do with gilda and trixe? i just don't hope you will start shipping her with him... that would suck -_-

also seems a bit suggestive that pinkie is extra friendly towards dash but i'm with that ship, even if it might not make all that much sense.

#30 · 138w, 12h ago · · · Chapter 2 ·

hmm... pinkiedash on the side line? :P oh well... at least you make pinkie pie likable (i normally don't like her very much)

#31 · 138w, 8h ago · · · Chapter 1 ·

Hmm, I wonder if I can read this whole story in one night...  Probably not, but that doesn't mean I can't try!

Now, so far, this is no where near what I was expecting.  It's all just so blunt.  I mean, she just launches it out there, and the way Luna acts is just kind of odd, and then her motives are pretty hard to pick out just why she has gone to them.  I can put most of that up to 1,000 years on the moon.  Eh, this is only the first chapter though, I'm sure it will pick up later on.

Also, you have me a tad confused with the romance label.  I'm sure it will make itself apparent later, but there is no defined ship yet, and you don't mention it at all in the description... I'll just mark that up as a surprise for me to find as I keep reading ^-^

#32 · 138w, 7h ago · · · Chapter 2 ·

Okay, now Luna is opening up more, which is good.  I wasn't really all that happy with her seemingly non-phased nature before.  

Although I'm just going to assume there will be a Twilight and Luna relationship in here, I'm also on the fence about whether or not your adding side ships, there have been little minute instances that suggest (and others not so minute, to the utter embarrassment of Rainbow) there will be.  And normally when you have more than one ship being focused on, it takes away from others.  But hey, you seem -- and are -- a competent writer, so I'm sure my fears will never come about :twilightsheepish:

#33 · 138w, 6h ago · · · Chapter 3 ·

And this is where you begin planting these little seeds that will grow and expand until they all come to bloom into a beautiful array of flowers, not excluding the weeds that will no doubt pop up along the way.

Suffice to say, this is where things get interesting :twilightsmile:

#34 · 138w, 6h ago · · · Chapter 1 ·

I might have to echo the sentiments above when I say that Trixie, Blueblood, and Gilda come a litle bit out of nowhere, since I don't recall their names popping up in the prologue between Celestia and Luna. I'm sure once I get into the further chapters, however, I'm sure whatever trouble they've gotten themselves in will justify the somewhat sudden start of this fic.

That said, I felt like I was reading something of my own: arguments everywhere! Scenes like this make me realize how difficult it is to balance six incredibly dynamic characters in one space! I think Pinkie definitely stole the show here, though. I laughed out loud at the muffin part. It was amazing. Also, I can't tell for certain whether you gave Twilight lists before Lesson Zero, but I'm sure the episode pleased you more than a cat on a heated rug in the wintertime.

Will comment more later.

#35 · 138w, 5h ago · · · Chapter 4 ·

Oh goodness. That's a lot more comments'n I'd have expected just for the first batch here. Next set of chapters should go up mid-day Saturday, if not before! I haven't planned how many chapters I want to do at once, but I'm gonna try to avoid iffy cliffhangers.

>>392577 Thank you! Your words are far too kind and you humble me, really. I don't know what else I can say, so I'm just gonna be hiding here. Under my blanket. (I do in fact plan another adventure sometime soon after I finish the two shipfics I'm working on; I hope it doesn't disappoint you!)

>>394901 Crass juvinility (juvenileness? ju- I don't even) is the best, surely! I of course don't want to comment too closely on your thoughts for fear of spoiling, but I will say that I hope to one day poke at Fluttershy and Dash's past in another fic. Everything pertaining to Fluttershy in this fic = my pet headcanon project. Anyway, thank you for reading - I hope I won't disappoint going forwards, truly. The party's just getting started, after all!

>>395009 The EqD links are still "done", but bear in mind there may be some spelling errors without RBDash47's excellent editing, and I'm still not decided how extensive this edit is. I'll be looking into having the EqD post updated to point to FimF when I'm done. That said, I'm flattered you'd jump at it like that!

>>409475 I of course wouldn't dream of spoiling by answering your questions or commenting on your commentary, but I'm glad the Luna/Celly dynamic is appreciated! Interested in hearing what you think about the issues you raise as the story progresses.

>>415319 Some 17 chapters to go, sir or madam! It shouldn't be a surprise that TwiLuna is indeed the main ship here. I should probably put that in the description considering how many readers decide on what to read based on the ships etc.

Beyond that, I'll say little! On the tags issue, though; it really was hard to decide what to go with. It isn't a true "ship" fic, no, but romance is part of it, just like how parts of it are dark and arguably sad, but in the end, I decided against those tags because I don't feel they're representative of the story. Adventure and Romance are the two running themes that define it.

I guess it's inevitable that a fic of this length will be a little all over the place. Or, perhaps it's just because the author is a messy-head. Thinking the latter, actually. I have terrible focus in all areas of life.

>>415374 Were I to try to defend myself, I'd say "of course I have a plan with everything". Fact is, though, if something is perceived as weird at any point, it's becaue something has been inelegantly implemented by the author. I hope that it feels better/makes sense/adds up in the end, at least, should you choose to stick with the story.

I still can't fathom how I managed so many ponies for so long a time, myself. That's not me giving myself a pat on the back: I'm still not convinced I "managed", truly. And yes, I was well pleased with a lot of things in S2 so far! It's to the point where editing this to fit with S2 lore almost feels doable, but I don't want to get stuck in update hell. This is and will forever be a S1 fic, even if I can't off the top of my head map out what that means beyond not giving Luna a nod wrt. the Royal Canterlot Voice.

@ Everypony else: Thank you, thank you both for reading and for taking the time to leave me your thoughts! This, this is why I write, do not doubt it for a second.

#36 · 138w, 5h ago · · · Chapter 4 ·


Don't be silly, there is no need to put it in the description.  One of the tags happen to be romance, and the two ponies most prominently shown on the cover art are Twilight & Luna.  It's actually painfully obvious that it would be centered around them, but that's just me being sleep deprived and careless.

(Although the description, as I said before concerning Luna, is a tad blunt, but that's just me).

To comment on chapter 5 -- I am actually enjoying this little world and its history you are creating here.  Albeit Luna was a little vague on her description about the city, and just what exactly it was that caused those ponies to flee (Was it Night Mare Moon at first, or did she come later?).  Anyhow, I'm really looking forward to peeking at Scandaneighvia [I think that's how you spelled it...].  I always love to see different nations built around Equestria, especially when they have to do with the griffins.  Mainly to see if their is any great cultural difference, because that is just the type of thing I like to think up from time to time.

There need to be more stories like this, you need to write more stories like this.  Yet I still have 17 chapters to go, so until then my patience can be maintained.

#37 · 137w, 6d ago · · · Chapter 4 ·

I remember this... one of my first that I read on EQD, and in my top 5 favorites, since I still think about instead of the hundreds of other throwaway fics.

But why isn't the rest here, too?

#38 · 137w, 6d ago · · · Chapter 4 ·

>>417327 Thank you for your kind words! The reason this is incomplete is that I am not just copy/paste/importing, but editing as I go. I do 4-5 chapters per week, and the next batch is due tomorrow.

#39 · 137w, 6d ago · · · Chapter 4 ·

>>417356 So the story is going to be better? I might section off a day from this 3 day weekend and read 'em through again. I probably won't have time, but I'll try :pinkiesmile:

#40 · 137w, 6d ago · · · Chapter 4 ·

>>417373 Mainly, I'm uploading an error-free version of the story as generously edited by RBDash47 of the Pony Fiction archive, but I'm keeping an eye out for awkward phrasing, comma-heavy sentences and such, too. I doubt the actual "story" will be very different aside from the addition of a second epilogue.

I'm just trying to make the story the best it can be, but I'm not rewriting it, if that makes sense? It's a peace of mind thing, I guess!

#41 · 137w, 6d ago · · · Chapter 4 ·

>>417411 Second epilogue? :rainbowkiss:

Got it, though.

#42 · 137w, 5d ago · · · Chapter 8 ·

really good chapter, but please more!

#43 · 137w, 5d ago · · · Chapter 8 ·

Must... read... more... :raritystarry:

I really, REALLY like this story for some reason. The length of the chapters seems a bit longer than you need (I have noticed some of the linebreaks being perfect chapter-breaks that have gone unused) but I'm not complaining. The way you've painted Luna, and indeed many of the mane characters has gone into surprising depth of personality detail, something I doubt I could even contemplate if I were to write like that. The adventure plot is alluring, and at the same time there is enough personal interaction that it almost qualifies as SoL, which I also enjoy.

At the same time, it's nice to just see Pinkie being Pinkie (even if the nibbling on tails and manes is new... maybe she misses muffins?) Twilight being her typical introspective self, Rarity pining away in typical Rarity form, Applejack being herself (though I might think I am just not quite getting her typical southerner drawl... perhaps it's because she's out of sorts for being on the road so long?), and Rainbow Dash being flighty. The concept of Gildash as a BACKSTORY is an interesting thing I'll admit, though yuri has always been something I frown upon, and Fluttershy has been a bit more skilled in medicines thanI would have thought. I know it's a logical chain of thought to assume that treating animals for so long makes being a field medic a given, but somehow... the fact that it's not explained just confuses me a bit. Nothing much.

#44 · 137w, 5d ago · · · Chapter 8 ·

"This buys me five minutes of silence afterwards, yes?" the griffin-turned-surfing implement asked, hope plain in his voice.

Best Comedy Line EVER!:pinkiehappy:

#45 · 137w, 5d ago · · · Chapter 8 ·

Nope, just could not take the epicness of this story and went to finish it on EqD all in one night when I should have been finishing random responsible things:facehoof:

Soooo worth it though xD I'll probably re-read it as you edit it too, but man your ability to describe the cities, simple trots through the jungle, snow, rain and green hills was so vividly clear. Please excuse me while I look for more fanart of this fic.

Somehow, I couldn't get the song "Stuck here on the moon" out of my head the entire time I was reading this fic. It just randomly stuck so well with the later chapters xD.

#46 · 137w, 4d ago · · · Chapter 5 ·

drats the romane is comeing around oh well its still adventure and you  already got me hooked so ill bear through the romance:twilightblush:

#47 · 137w, 4d ago · · · Chapter 8 ·

hmm RANDOM FLUTTERSHY ATTACK:flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage:



#48 · 137w, 4d ago · · · Chapter 8 ·

This is a good story and you should feel good.

That said, hurry up and upload the rest! I don't get many opportunities to download things in Afghanistan.

#49 · 137w, 3d ago · · · Chapter 8 ·

I really like the pacing of the story, which I think I already mentioned, but it's still true so I'll mention it again. Really like the pacing. It's nice to have time to get a sense of the scenery and some conversation between the characters, especially as there are multiple subplots occuring simultaneously. All in all, it just lends the story such a feeling of ... breadth. It feels like we're on an epic journey.

Other things I like include the subtle development of the Twilight/Luna relationship, the revelation of just why Rarity is so fixated on the disaster with Blueblood (which hurt my heart a bit to read--oh, Rarity, I wish I could hug you), and the continuation of the subplot involving Fluttershy and Rainbow's friendship. I also admire and appreciate the way you've been able to write conversations with six or more characters all taking part, which is something I have the hardest time doing. (Almost always I split characters off into groups of two or three to talk, because I have such a hard time writing conversations with more characters than that.) It allows for all of the Mane Six to get good "screen time," and that really adds to the feeling of togetherness and friendship, I feel.

I think my most favorite part from this last batch of chapters, though, was the scene where the griffons go after Rainbow Dash. I LOVED how all of her friends surrounded her in a protective circle and got ready to fight for Dash--that is a beautiful moment, something that is simple but says so much about these characters' relationships with one another.

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