Pretty cool, keep it up

a soldier through and through, shot first and didn't ask questions.

Not bad. But good. Keep going.

First Contact Report-

Rookie: "Fuck."

Royal Guard: "Fuck!"

Celestia: "FUCKER SHOT ME!"

You, sir, have just made my Halo side happy with this story. Keep it up.

>>400856400856 Now That, made me laugh more than it should have....

You're damn right losing your father's flag is worse. He's not just rolling in his grave, he's coming back up to kick your ass.

>>400878400878 Thank you, thank you, I'm known for my comedy...not really.

Good story, make the rookie NOT TALK AS MUCH!! He didnt talk even when asked a direct question by his ODST's, so atleast keep it to yes and no, and maybe a few words more per sentence? but other than that, EPIC... Also, dont make it death, i mean, All the other good fics have it as banishment, or being locked in the castle, plus it makes so much more sense :P

you sir are legit real good story!

>>400897400897 Yea, i realized half way through the story that he is talking too much and i WAS going to change it to Buck but it was too far into the story to fix that. so i left it as the Rookie

Nice story.

>>400909400909 Short and Sweet, I like it

Also, one more thing. He IS an ODST, trained to survive such shitstorms such as these (minus the new sentient talking pony race of course), you know.... survive in the wild, eat the grossest of things (as long as not poisonous), but too far into story anyvay, just make him sneaky and stuff when he goes to Ponyville.

>>400924400924 I got something planned for that...... it will be eventful

Well, I was afraid that this story would not...live up to expectations.

Thank you for proving me wrong.

EDIT:  To make this post seem a bit more positive;

My inner Halo Nerd has awakened.

>>400968400968 Glad to hear it

Going good so far apart from the aforementioned talkativeness (Not that there was THAT much talking, but this is the Rookie we;re talking about here). Looking forward to more!

*Watched*

>>400984400984 Yea but how shit would a story be if the main character DIDN'T TALK. it would be like:

The rookie sat there, playing with a rock. after a few minutes, the world exploded. The End

Heh heh, shot Princess Celestia. If he shot Twilight, then that might've been effective.

Rookie:

MA5C Assualt Rifle: 20 spare clips (640 spare rounds)

M6G Magnum: 20 spare clips (160 spare rounds)

Shotgun: Used one shell on Celestia.

>>401022401022 Big Planet, Lots of things to shoot

>>400995400995 Still better ending than Mass Effect 3.

(P.S.) Still better than cupcakes

Looks interesting.  Two things, I don't see Celestia as the type to make this large of a misjudgment, and she is damn lucky he only had rubber bullets loaded in his shotgun.

If there weren't so many grammatical flaws this could be a really nice story. I find myself losing attention to the scene when I see an error.

Maybe it's just me?

Im liking this so far and hope you continue.

Twilight: "That was the worst first contact, ever. Of all time."

Celestia: "Not my fault, somepony put a rookie in my way."

<=That is all.

Good story and honestly better than i expected

Then again i am a sucker for halo crossovers

I really can't wait to see more of this.

You better damn believe that rubber shell knocked her out.

those fuckers hurt!

More, please? This is by far some great stuff, and I can't wait for the next chapter! Which I hope is coming soon.

Wow celestia is a troll already.

this is to awesome for my brain looks like i need a better one again..

>>401156401156 dont remind me i got one to the head on accident i then woke up 5 hours later

First fic I read in which the Rookie talks; im ok with this. You have my thumbs and tracks

Looks like we're both writing halo crossovers.

You're doing ODST's, I'm doing a Spartan-III.

Good luck. :D

i know that feeling bro

>>401360401360

You obviously haven't read ODSP.  He has a few lines, though they're short and simple.  I'm a little leery about the Rookie being this talkative, but I understand the reasoning fully.  Can't wait for more.

EEEEEEEEPIC BEGINNING I need to read more right meow!

>>401412401412 I haven't read it, can you link it?

Loooooooooool hell ill read this for the comedy alone!

But ill also read this for what ever the author has in mind

>>401438401438

sure

NOOOO!

NOT THE FLAG!

Wow, not two chapters in and Celestia already got shot. At least it rubber but those funking things hurt. Next chapter please

There were more than a few simple format and spelling errors as well as extra words worming their was into the sentences. The pacing seemed way too fast and twilight seemed out of character rushing towards the unknown in the dead of night alone in below freezing temperatures. Personally I think the main reason this is so popular is because it is a halo crossover and involves Celestia getting shot.

This is a good story, but it could use SOOOOO much more descriptive detail. I felt as if the events were simply moving to fast because the scenes were very non-descript.

>>400924400924 never knew that how do the survive in a forest if there all glassed?

I like the direction you went whit this one instead of having the chief he can be cold and clinical at times and having a odst is favorable because he can be more passionate and human like tracking

So in the span of about a week we've had fan fics about Rorschach, Niko Belic, and the rookie arriving in Equestria...

Image: http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/156/722/131214113431.png?1312164875

Oh you crazy fanfic writers

I like how the guard acts as if shooting royalty is somehow eviler than shooting a commoner. And is also ignoring the fact that Celestia shot first.

PS; are you suggesting that Rookie is that guy from the "we are ODST" trailer? Or is that guy Rookie's father?

Good, but you need to stop RandomCapping. It ruins the immersion.

Apostrophes (') show ownership, not multiples. i.e. it should be ODSTs (group), not ODST's (Belongs to someone named ODST). Also, it shouldn't be capitalized (not part of the abbreviation).

This has been your friendly neighborhood grammar police, signing off. G'night!

Ooooo..Riot shell point blank to the chest! Thats GOTTA hurt!

looks good to start. minor flaws here and there, but my fics are no different. faved.

I really like the premise of the story, but I think the dialogue and scenes are wayyyy rushed. There were so many things to explore with the first contact scenario, but you really kept it to a bare minimum of interaction.  I do not know if this was your intention, but you may wanna take a look at it sometime. Anyhow, keep it up!

Well I am hooked please continue.

heh, if i didnt mention before, this is a pretty good read so far. The rookie talking doesnt bother me too much. also celestia getting shot made me laugh for some reason. probably cuz i imagined a blue rubber ball instead of riot pellets.

Man, how'd you get on the front page?  I've had an ODST fic for about two months and you already have the same number of views mine does.  HOW DO I GET NOTICED?!  

Great story so far keep it up!

>>401656401656 Well, you need back-up, apparently. Heeeere's the punctuation police!

Many, many, many commas missed. Almost as many periods missed.

Fix that shit, and I'll come back.

*le tracked*

If this is as good as the other ODST crossover I'm reading, I'm totally looking forward to it. However due to the insane amount of fics I'm reading at the moment...into the read it later list with you!

>>401744401744 I only give one tip a shift. It helps keep the authors from yelling at me for being a Grammar Nazi, which I am not, though I do have the protocols embedded so deep into my head that I sometimes want to bash my own head in with a brick. I've started seeing errors in actual, published, edited, books. Anyways, I could work as a proofreader for someone who needs it. I've done it once before, though never on this site.

>>401777401777 I proofread for Wanderer D, GaruuSpike, Flames Lone-Wolf, Marik_Azemus, and a few other people, not all of which are a part of this fandom. I do a LOT of editing. And my head hurts from all the mistakes.

I especially hate it when the mistakes appear in my fics, seeing as how nopony'll proofread for little ol' me. TT_TT

Well, back to reading the best night ever!

A lot of grammer errors...

If you want, author, you can send it to me and I can fix it up for you, sound good?

Good start though, looking forward to it.

>>401123401123 Now that, Is Funny

Looks like this is going to become a series...

BETTER REVERSE ADAM JENSEN AND EZIO!

>>401730401730 Luck, PURE UNADULTERATED LUCK

Imagine if that riot shell was pointed at the head...

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ( Everything 9000 planets

away hears)

>>401611401611 Yea gaurds a pricks

Anywho, yea im implying the guy in the advert is the Rookie's dad and is now dead.

This and "That Lone Wolf Stuff" has inspired me to do one too! (I am a total Halo geek)

I put this comment so that at least you get some of the credit.

SPOILERS: John-117 is the character.

when i finished reading this chapter i forgot that this was a mlp halo crossover

>>401994401994 HOW?

Better keep them chapters coming...or else

Image: http://fc04.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2011/140/f/4/twilight_sparkle__cut_you_up_by_closer_to_the_sun-d3gtat1.jpg

>>402036402036 AHAHAHAHHAAHHA, IM IMMORTAL!

>>402038402038

I was looking for something to say but i just couldn't so i found this

Image: http://images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2011/4/3/66ea655a-4364-4e0d-83bf-26d0a1c81e1b.jpg

>>402013402013 well i forgot about the pony part since im a huge halo fan and when i hear or see something about halo everything else dosent matter and escapes my mind but still an awsome story though

>>402095402095 Ohh, Makes sense

>>401123401123 Fucking brilliant.

Good Story and the Rookie may be OOC cause he is talking but

Image: https://encrypted-tbn2.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQ7Im6DuDIsLRJWDETVmR0R3GVS9Oz2fjGigJZtu79Uezihik3N3Q

It's good to have the Rookie talk, always hated it when the main guy is a mute in games. Apart from Sonic he started off as a mute and started to talk in the end.

This story...

Image: http://www.google.co.uk/url?source=imglanding&ct=img&q=http://cdn2.holytaco.com/wp-content/uploads/photo/da/7677/Not-Sure-If-Want.jpg&sa=X&ei=XPd6T86-JuaW0QWp5pjHCQ&ved=0CAsQ8wc&usg=AFQjCNFTKRuMuG0zvSIDKGBtqY4NESsTrw

As long as  the quality improves, or at least stays at the level it is currently at, I'll be happy to continue reading. But if any werid shit goes down, like clop or ponyfication or any of that kinda crap, I'll be outta here.

>>402013402013

I was just informing  this part:

He had a silenced pistol with at least twenty spare mags, a riot shotgun filled with rubber shell and a common assault rifle with also at least twenty spare clips. The Rookie reached above him, to find a camouflage backpack filled with field rations and the means to collect water, plus other general pieces of survival gear.

This part made me awaken my inner gun-nut. (psycho?) There is a big differences between a 'clip' and a 'magazine', which I don't really feel like going in depth about right now, but just to leave it simple; we don't use any guns that are clip fed for military service any longer. Just to make it simple.

>>402372402372 So should i change it to magazine? wich i have no fucking idea what the diffrence is btw.

I request more tackling, but minus the whole "shotgun is best fallback plan" thing

>>402397402397 Tackling, Got it. Now i have something planned for Chapter 3

>>402397402397 But shotgun is best fallback plan

>>402386402386

You don't have to, and I exaggerate the difference, it really isn't much difference between the two.

But and example of a clip fed weapon would be the M1 Garand, or most top loaded bolt-action rifles around WWII and WWI.

And an example of a magazine; something like a M-16 or a AK-47.

HA, pretty much the only difference is one holds the ammo and pretty much exposes it on all sides (clip/ kinda like a paper clip, except the paper is cartridges, and the paper clip... is a clip)//// While a magazine holds the bullets and almost fully encloses them. (like a cup of water, except the water is cartridges and the cup is a magazine)

psycho gun rant complete.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Something I saw that you should make a note of the fix in future writing, stick to one measurement system.

The first measurement you do is in SI units then you convert to US units of measurement. You should try to stick with one of them and not just hop between the two.

>>402412402412

Best 'fall' back plan?

No no no no no, you mean shotgun 'is best all around plan.'

>>402426402426 DAMMIT I SHOULD HAVE GIVEN HIM A ROCKET LAUNCHER!

>>402441402441

Silly filly, why you think of good ideas to late???

>>402445402445 Don't worry, I have an idea...

>>402448402448

HE FINDS ROCKET LAUNCHER?!?!?!?!?

>>402453402453 It would be VERY convinient if he just FOUND one, but nah i got a good idea.

>>402458402458

No idea is better than rockets, except maybe 2 rockets????

>>402464402464 How about bouncy green rockets?

>>402465402465

nah bouncy rockets ssuucckk! But they will have to do.

>>402473402473 Yea, your getting bouncy rocket, AND YOUR GOING TO LIKE IT!

>>402486402486

NO! I no like bouncy rockets, and you can't make me like them!

I only play halo once, it was reach at at a friends house, I also read a book but never finished it, but this is awesome

>>402556402556 Winning!

this....story...is.....

Image: http://lovehateadvertising.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/guiness-brilliant.jpg

I can not wait to see this develop some more. I loved ODST and I love MLP:Fim so this can only lead to good feelings all around.