This story is a sequel to A Little Push
Everypony must be so jealous of him. His parents are both retired members of the illustrious Wonderbolts. His mother was the last bearer of the Element of Loyalty, the only pony in hundreds of years to perform a Sonic Rainboom, and a key party in saving Equestria at least a dozen times.
But there are two sides to fame. As Prism Bolt strives to become his own pony, he'll find that stepping out from the shadow of his mother is easier said than done.
Once again, all credit for OCs goes to the supremely talented Kilala97
Proofreading done by the one and only, Prak. An author who deserves much more recognition than he gets.
Chapters (1)
This is amazing.
I love the idea good good good job and I'm a real stickler for creative story ideas and I hope you keep coming up with great story ideas
4249068
Glad you liked it!
4249100
So do I! I find that my best stories are created from simple questions. This one was 'Why'. Why did Prism go from an eager young flier to a lazy slacker? I hope the story succeed in answering the question.
-Lumino
4249253
How did you gain such an amazing writing ability?
4249268
By failing. A LOT.
Nobody in this world is born good. I did older works in the Golden Sun and Summon Night fandoms a long time ago, and those early works were absolutely horrible. In truth, a lot of writing comes from reading. I don't read as much as some here, but exposing yourself to the creativity of others is an excellent way to start.
After that, it takes humility. Be willing to accept the mistakes you make, and find someone who will point them out to you. If I had two cents for every time Prak called me out on a comma splice or using third-person omniscient, I'd have at least a dollar, maybe two.
Every step you take to improve makes you better. One step at a time, nobody can ask anything more of you.
-Lumino
4249288
Yeah I have a problem with commas. Not knowing when to use them or not, but I'll keep trying. Thanks for the advice
The story was a good read...but to me, it seemed to had lack something that your other two Prism stories had. It is by no reason your fault, as you are a great writer.
It was quite interesting seeing how Prism went from eager to a slacker, quite sad too.
I honestly think you should do a follow up to Wingover regarding Prism and Whirlwind. It's my opinion, but I really think you should do it.
Good job.
4249400
Hahahaha! Funny that you should say that, because I already have the final story planned out! Once I get the time to sit down and write it, we'll wrap the story of these two up nice and tight.
I wish I could have a better idea of what seemed off, but I suppose we'll just move on and always do better!
Thanks for the review;
-Lumino
How long will it take for this story to be on the feature box ('cause it totally deserves it)? Taking all bets guys, taking all bets!
Honestly, though, it's was a really great read. It shows a rather unpleasant aspect of being related to somebody famous, that is often overlooked. And an interesting way to cope with that.
Also, love that part about Twiligh being easy to read like a book.
How do you keep coming with such great "slice of life" ideas for your stories?
4249409
Answer: I just think, really. I pace a lot, walking to places instead of driving, or just let my mind wander. It lets me think, and when I do, I start asking questions. The question that spawned this story was:
"Why did Prism Bolt go from an eager flier to a lazy slacker?"
And then this story formed to answer that question. For me, the story was less important than the characters. The story was the logical conclusion of the path that characters had to take to get from point A to point B.
Dunno if that makes any sense, but that is how I came up with the idea.
-Lumino
4249401 Wow, you reply real fast. Anyways, I cannot wait. The story I'm working on that is based on your stories is collecting dust, but I think once college gets out for the term, I might have some time for it.
I think what was missing is the conflict. Sure, Prism feeling inadequate in the shadow of his mother seems liked a good conflict, but I guess there was no resolution on the matter or something like that.
I honestly don't know, but either way, you still made a good story about my favorite pony of the Next Gen Mane 6, and his special somepony. I know Priz and Dubz aren't together, but I still have my hopes.
4249417
See, Prak said something similar when he was proofreading. The conflict is Prism's, but the resolution of the story focuses on Rainbow. I actually did this on purpose.
It is very difficult to write a real solid resolution for a child character, because they are still mentally immature. A resolution is 'The end of a chapter' so to speak. A child lives day by day, so ending in such a way is much more difficult for them. You might recall that the ending of 'A Little Push' ended with more focus on Rainbow and Soarin than it did on Prism.
However in 'Wingover', when he is older, he and Whirlwind are the focus of the ending. That is because as young adults, they are able to learn and actually think on the lesson they learned over the course of the story, without it seeming out of character.
If I made Prism have an introspective moment about how he was coping with something he didn't even consciously realize he was doing, it would have felt very forced and out of character.
Instead, I used the prior scene to display that the issue was resolved, but used more mature characters to do so.
I hope the choice makes sense now;
-Lumino
4249434 Does now. I cannot wait for the final story.
(Scott Cocoa signature thumbs-up)
4249451
img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120324224647/mlpfanart/images/a/ab/3879_-_animated_gif_chuck_norris_dodgeball_thumbs_up.gif
-Lumino
Nice chapter. I hope your next story is as good as this one.
4249466
That makes two of us!
Thanks for the comment;
-Lumino
4249416 I see... thanks for answering that question, I will keep that in mind.
I feel as if I cannot come up with a relatable sort of story, you see. All my stories practically concentrate on darkish fantasy stuff and action, though I add a bit of cutesy and humor where I can. But writing a more real-life kinda problem is another matter. I did it/plan to do it a few times, but those were/will be... rather uncommon cases, and a little bit disturbing. Like that one thing... well, suffice to say that it was a really risky chapter, which thankfully was rather well received. And lately... I had a similar idea, but this time it would be for a story set in kilala's Next Gen universe. I won't go into details, as I really doubt that one will come to life. All I'll say that the title would be along the lines of "Red Alert on Sweet Apple Acres" and leave the rest to your imagination.
Oh, and on the thinking process: yeah, I do to that walking and letting mind wonder thing, though a hot shower also does wonders.
Sorry for taking up the space to write about my problems
Once again, great story.
Very good work. Keep it up, maybe someday I'll be as good at this as you.
4249543
Don't put me on such a pedestal. There is nothing I can do that you are not capable of. Just keep working on it.
-Lumino
Pretty darn great, though I wish it had been longer.
Even though I only read about the first 500 words. I could tell this STory had a true purpose. Keep it up. And you could publish this on one of the websites for M L P
4250053
Any particular reason you stopped there? I am always looking for ways to improve my writing.
-Lumino
okay kilala's wiki page has been updated with this story
4250097
Thank you very much, sir! I hope you enjoyed it!
-Lumino
This was so enjoyable!
I really want to read this, it looks like fun. But SoarinDash is still one of my most hated pairings. It's a wall made of Adamantium to me, I just can't get past that.
4250827
I'm sorry? I don't really know what you expected me to say to that. Nothing personal, I just don't understand the purpose of leaving the comment.
If you do decide to read the story, I hope you enjoy it;
-Lumino
4250833
Oh trust me, this really does look like something I'd like.
And the comment is just the result of this weird impulse of being torn between something that I think I'd like and a pairing I don't like. It's just a weird habit of mine. It's not an insult to you, it's just something I have to do.
Sorry if it's an inconvenience.
4250983
I find that it is healthy and helpful to try to view things with an open mind. I may dislike the SpiLight ship, but I'd still read a story with it if I thought the premise was solid.
That said, thanks for the explanation and I hope you have a fine evening.
-Lumino
4250827
How come?
4251002
I have been doing that lately. If it was me from last year that found this, you would have gotten flamed so hard.
And I hope you have a nice evening too.
4251026
Bad first impression. I saw a picture of the two, I saw it as degrading to Rainbow's go get em character, and I hated it ever since. Plus I see SoarinDash as a blatant celeb crush relationship and... that's just not good enough to base a long term relationship on. I don't like AppleDash for the same reason, but that's another subject all together.
4251192
I see, I'm glad that you at least have a good argument about that.
I was affraid that you would say something like "Because I do." Or "They have no chimestry."
I actually read this to see if your reason for Prism being a slacker was anywhere near mine
but I always enjoy you stories, though you said Twilight was a socially inept bookwork, and I think you meant bookworm. Love this one and can't wait for the next.
4251339
No matter how much we edit, something always slips through the cracks.
I hope you enjoyed the story, and that it met your expectations!
-Lumino
Wow, you got featured, Lumino! Great job! (Not that there was any doubt, of course.
)
4251411
Were it not for the ancient, legacy fic, I'd be top of the box. But I am ok with that, I can share.
-Lumino
4249518 Yes! I can literally spend an hour in the shower brainstorming about stories.
Well paced, great writing and plot, and humor sprinkled where it should go. 2 hooves up
4251468
I'm glad you liked it! Always nice to hear your work is appreciated.
-Lumino
Okay, so I like these sort of plot premises. However, I feel like this could have been executed better. It was hard telling which colt was which, often requiring me to read up at the beginning again in order to reaffirm the character names. IMO, the story is lacking in critical character development and building early on and could easily be remedied with a couple additional sentences explaining the brothers in detail.
To my dismay, I feel like you fell into the "This is a new character. We will talk about them for three lines and you'll never hear from them again," trap when they were setting up for the guest speaker. The part about the blind filly (who was that btw?) and some sort of dragon were kinda rushed. I mean, why even mention them if you'll tell us barely anything about them only for them to be completely ditched in the next paragraph?
This scene, as well as the one before it, is crafted quite eloquently. It really puts a true depth to the fear and dismay Prism has about his mother.
I'm assuming Starburst is Twilight's kid. But really, the constant OC name dropping kept ruining the immersion. The supporting characters felt shallow, you could easily throw in practically any other name and the story wouldn't be affected in anyway, that's how meaningless their roles are.
I really don't think this should be a proper noun. It's a descriptor for how the books are laid out. By capitalizing it, you are claiming that it's an unique entity of itself. Yet the usage of the word in context implies it to be a sort of adverb at most, not a noun. Just my thoughts there.
The time skip was decent to say the least, but I feel like it hurt the general flow of the story. This may just be personal preference but the scenario felt a bit jarring from the sudden shift.
It isn't abundantly clear, who's daughter is it? I assume Luna, but it could easily be argued that it could be Twilight's.
The following scenes with Twilight and Rainbow are executed quite wonderfully.
That is a huge character assumption. However, I do agree that perhaps something will progress in due time, I don't feel like they should just push the issue away.
Granted, why Twilight hasn't suggested a parenting book or two to Dash is a bit perplexing. It would definitely give her some pointers, but she definitely isn't one to follow something by the book. She's too dynamic for that. I'd think that Twilight wouldn't have totally not jumped on the opportunity to recommend a book to her friend.
That said, the ending was cute though. I feel like you need to watch out your usage of OC characters. As soon as you name a character, a common reader will try to register that name in their mind for future citing so that they can easily connect that character with descriptions used before. However, your usage of OCs are like akin to using something once and instantly throwing it away, having served some entirely small purpose (or no purpose at all), just for the fun of it.
Just my thoughts. I haven't read any of the stories that might have predated this, nor will I probably read the sequels. I only look into fics as a spur of the moment sort of deal, and the description for yours piqued my interest.
Overall, it wasn't a bad fic. I was able to enjoy it. Keep writing~!
4251727
Well, in fairness, you are reading the second story in a series with no knowledge of the first one. This story was based around the fanart of Kilala97 (which is noted in the description). If I had to redefine every single character every time I wrote a story, I would be saying the same thing fifty times. There comes a point where I have to say "The information is out there, I don't need to say it again."
Now, as for the mentioning characters and then moving on, I actually got into an argument with my proofreader over this. He said, quite accurately, that I shouldn't mention characters if I do not intend to use them in the story, and on any other day I would tend to agree with him.
But see, Spike is my favorite character.
It is my steadfast belief that if a character the audience knows would be there, then they should at least be mentioned as being there. All the characters I named are important characters in this canon, ones that my target audience are familiar with. So, why not ignore them if they have no purpose in the story?
Because 'Sweet and Elite' did that, and it infuriated me. Twilight's birthday party, Spike isn't written in because he wasn't important to the plot of the episode. That was a major screw up in the writing, and any time I don't at least give a cursory mention to characters that would be present, I feel like I am doing that. I don't particularly like Starburst or Golden Delicious as characters, but if I don't mention them, then their absence is a much stronger issue than their appearance ever was.
Not to sound rude, because I do appreciate you comment, but this story clearly was not aimed to you. It was inspired by the artwork of another, and was created for fellow fans of her work to enjoy my view on the characters and how they grow. You had no attachment to the characters, and made it quite clear you had no interest in delving into these identities any more.
The potential audience of this fic falls into two categories. People familiar with the characters who want a story, or people who have never heard of them but are willing to look into it. Either of those groups will find something they like here.
I'm sorry that it didn't hit that spot for you, but I do appreciate you taking the time to comment on it.
-Lumino
4251784
Yes but by skipping over the characterization, you severely weaken the overall story. Remember Season 2's intro? The writers reintroduced us to the characters again. Those who hadn't watched the show got to be hooked into the premise, while those who had been following mlp were able to forgive it because of the brevity. Your story could have easily benefited from doing this, but instead you opted to make the user go read other sources of information. That's detrimental to your universe imo and as a writer you should try to strive to allow your work to be accessible to everyone. By requiring your readers to have previous intimate knowledge of these characters beforehand you shun out potential new fans to your universe.
Also as an one-shot story, I would expect there to be little need to read any previous works in a series. I would figure said story would be complete.
4251448 wana know how i spend a hour in the shower?
4251842 Uh...I'm scared for the answer...Someone else want to ask him/her?
4251821
I don't think 'intimate' is the right word. An average reader could get by just by knowing the names of the characters before hand. Perhaps I could have included a sentence of explanation on each of the characters, but I felt that would slow the story down far longer than I could justify.
I needed, for my own personal sense of satisfaction, to have them mentioned. However, I didn't want to slow the stories pacing down by reintroducing them when the majority of my audience would already know who they were. One is not expected to describe Vinyl Scratch when they write a story, it is assumed that the target audience will be aware of who this background pony is.
So yes, my target audience is a bit smaller, I'm OK with that.
-Lumino
4251842 4251854
Keep it on 4chan, kids.
-Lumino
4251856
That's because the site here is dedicated to ponies. Vinyl Scratch is a canonical pony with lots of merch and facetime in other sources of media in this universe. Knowing who she is would be a given to coming to this site.
Your background characters and OCs, however, are not privy to this sort of level of based knowledge. By watching the show, I do not know about your fan made characters. These are completely new, unknown ponies/characters that unless I was a fan of the creator or had seen them somewhere before, I wouldn't know about them.
Basically you cannot use this point here. As writers, we are writing in the MLP universe, as such, we don't need to describe characters from the show by necessity.
However, if a character isn't a part of the main, central universe, then you are better off writing more on who these characters are such that you are not delivering this story on a crutch.
4251861 so i sit.there.and think.about.good food and stuff like the next gen pizzas and computers.
Oh offspring stories....
fireden.net/4chan/images.4chan.org//vg/src/1389838555985.png