Daisy Dreams, master of lucid dreaming and a rare earth pony in the field of subconscious investigation, enters the dreams of troubled ponies to help them overcome their troubles and get to sleep at night.
Best story I've read all day!
Very good and well written, I eagerly await more
DAT "INCOMPLETE" TAG
My day is made.
Good show! I enjoyed it a lot, I really did. I take it you've seen Paprika? I am very much looking forward to more.
My only complaint is that Rainbow Dash's epiphany is just a teensy bit plain and overt. Someone like her, who stammers when emotional and generally speaks in brief, slang-laden quips wouldn't spell it out completely.
I can't really say when it will be ready, but the next part is a thing that's gonna happen.
It seems like all of my stories are reminiscent of anime I've never watched. I'll be sure to check that out though. Truth be told, this was inspired by Inception.
My only complaint is that Rainbow's epiphany is just a teensy bit plain and overt. Someone like her, who stammers when emotional and generally speaks in brief, slang-laden quips wouldn't spell it out completely.
That's a good point. That scene wasn't there in the first version of this story... Applejinx said I'd "tapped into the grandiose, overdramatic spirit of Dashie". =/ Well, I'll mull it over and make some tiny changes. Thanks for the input.
Truth be told, Inception and Paprika were both (AFAIK) inspired by Dreamscape. Paprika is specifically about a young therapist whose career is traveling into her patients' dreams and helping them confront their fears, so I was inclined to think that was the inspiration. It also came out a few years before Inception
Make sure you're sitting comfortably when seeing that flick. Nothing could possibly prepare you for Satoshi Kon's greatest mind-scramble.
CONGRATS ON EQD
Daisy's a pretty cool guy. She defeats nightmares and doesn't afraid of anything. Jokes aside, I really enjoyed reading this chapter and I look forward to more, this is a very interesting story you have here, I've never read anything like it.
Grace - Tony Iommi with Glenn Hughes
This story beams with brilliance, but as someone who's written research papers on dreams, you're interpretation of dreams outraged me. Bahaha who am I kidding pony dreams probably don't function the same as our dreams, but still I know way to much about dreams to read this story without my scientific mind going "Well that's not right."
This story has successfully made not only my day, or week, but possibly this month. Keep it up please!
Woah, this story is off to an epic start. Can't wait to see more!
damn this was good. can't wait for the next episode! reminded me of quantum leap at the beginning, jumping into other ponies' "worlds" to try to help them out. Nice moral at the end! I did think the "nightmare" was going to be Discord at first (maybe it was the overconfident tone coming from them), but way to take an almost unconceived-of character stemming from the show and give them life!
My thought process was "Inception, but with a therapist instead of criminals". That's kinda funny now that I know about Paprika.
Relevant heavy metal? A very useful service. I thank you, sir.
I guess that's what I get for writing about something I don't really have much knowledge of. But hey, like you said, pony dreams are probably totally different from human dreams.
This story was riveting the entire way through, but I agree with some of the criticism about the way Dash just kinda spilled her guts at the end, in a way that seemed a little out of character. I would have eliminated the last two paragraphs after "...because Fluttershy!" We understand what she learned without you having to spell it out. The last two paragraphs kinda remind me of a 'letter to Celestia' which is great for the show, but a little to childish for a serious story like this.
I would have rather had Dash go home knowing she now possessed the knowledge to overcome her character flaw, and face her demons. It was a little too convenient that just one "dream session" provided her with an insta-cure and now everything's hunky dory.
I have never bothered to critique a fanfic like this, and I only do so because I loved it so much, I just want it to be the best it can be.
Having said that, your writing style is downright masterful. I was completely sucked into the story. Your description of the dream-world made me feel like I was there. Very engrossing^^ The plot is amazing, even if it is based off a movie. Inception+MLP is a combo made in heaven! Also, the end got me super excited. I can't wait to find out what's going on with "Shadow Daisy".
My only other small critique is about the way you described how Daisy was looking for Dash's friends at the beginning of the dream. These two paragraphs...
"Or would she? A quick glance into the middle of the stadium revealed a zigzagging streak of rainbow colours. All Daisy had to do was find the group that was paying the most attention to Dash's warm-up!
Daisy slowly scanned the stadium, paying careful attention to each group's body language. The signs that she was looking for were subtle things – movement of the eyes, slight upturns of the lips, dilation of the pupils and a hundred other little indicators."
I know these are for the purpose of showing us that Daisy is a true professional with a keen eye for detail and whatnot, but is it really necessary to look for "pupil dilation" when there's a bright pink pony yelling "go Dashie"? Just find the group that she's standing with... I would have deleted these two paragraphs. I can clearly see that Daisy is REALLY good at her job without them.
Well, that's all. These are just my humble opinions. I am by no means a professional writer, just some guy with an opinion.
I give this story an overwhelming 5 out of 5. I can't wait for the next installment. Insta-fave, insta-watch.
You're right about Dash's monologue at the end. That stupid ending speech was added in the second draft of this story because I felt a need to beat my readers over the head with morals, I guess. I think I'll remove or at least shorten it. Because this is a published story, I'm wary of making too many changes, but yeah.
I'll certainly keep this point of view in mind for future chapters. Guess it is a little too convenient and easy to have everything solved by a dream session.
I know these are for the purpose of showing us that Daisy is a true professional with a keen eye for detail and whatnot, but is it really necessary to look for "pupil dilation" when there's a bright pink pony yelling "go Dashie"?
Yeah, that was kind of the joke. She was being all analytical and then Pinkie started yelling. Not sure how clearly I portrayed it, but it's one of those silly comedy things where someone tries to achieve something through overcomplicated means and then finds out they don't need to, because what they're looking for is glaringly obvious. There's probably a trope name I should be quoting.
Thanks for your input. I really appreciate comments like these.
I'm glad I didn't offend you. I really was just trying to be helpful.
And I have to just say this, just because I'm the weird kind of person who has to point out stuff like this. The real reason I had a problem with the "dilation of the pupils" thing...
Everything that Daisy sees is being formed in Dashie's brain right. Now, as a lucid dreamer myself, I know the power of the human/pony brain can create unbelievably elaborate and intricately detailed worlds. However, the only way that Daisy would be able to utilize looking for pupil dilation, is if RD happened to posses that knowledge herself. If RD was unaware of this fact of pony physiology, then it would not happen in her dream. And, to me at least, she doesn't seem like the kind of pony who would know that sort of thing...
But that's just me being REALLY picky. Please disregard my nonsense^^
BTW, this story should have WAY more views. It really is one of the best I've ever read.
Is it a trend for authors on this site to get offended by useful and well-intended criticism? If so, well, their loss, I guess.
You have a very good point there that no-one's brought up before. Some have said that Dash's dream feels too much like a flashback and not enough like a dream, and I guess this is a part of that.
I'll keep what you've said in mind for future chapters. I haven't really written too much about dreams before, so I suppose these kinds of mistakes were going to happen.
Anyway, thanks for the honesty. Criticism is the only way I can improve as an author, so please don't be shy with it.
I am so glad I bookmarked this to read later on.
Very interesting idea, and executed well so far.
I loved this story... how did I miss it?
This was great! You put a lot of imagery into just 5500 words, eh. I was really sucked in and thoroughly enjoyed it!
So, when can we expect the next installment?
I'm working on the second episode, but I really can't say when it'll be ready. It's likely to be longer than this one. I really just need to find a good amount of time and just sit down and write the damn thing.
PROTIP: Don't work on two incomplete stories at once.
Oh wow, this is great. I actually found myself involuntarily sitting closer to the screen in my eagerness to read this. The voice sounds very mature and I love that.
Hooray for updates! Very interesting chapter, worth the wait.
Error: brain loop protection has triggered a breakpoint,
when Twilight took a book
Yay! New chapter!
HOH MAH GAWD AN UPDATE
seriously, I absolutely loved the first chapter, I thought it was never going to update!
Yay, this still lives! Can't wait to read it later!
And so it begins...
This is so weird, I almost never remember my dreams but today I did and THIS story updates. So weird... This was a good chapter more like it please.
Oh man. This is, like, the only going-into-dreams story I've seen that acknowledges their weird, disjointed nature.
I was so worried this story had been abandoned.
But once again, you freakin' delivered like a boss
This was great. I was totally engrossed in the story, and I loved every second of it!
Have an approving Applejack for your efforts
It took me far too long to read this.
Having read it, I have no idea why. Largely, I liked it, but a few things bother me.
I think more descriptions of the dreamscapes would have helped the chapter, particularly in the case of the first level dream, giving us more hints that it was a dream. Currently, it sort of comes out of nowhere, as though you were jealously guarding your story for fear of the reader predicting you rather than giving it foreshadowing to build it up. For that matter, if your fic runs on Inception rules (and granted I'm not sure if this was explored in the movie), why didn't Daisy enter the dream at that first level?
Not as long as it took me to write it. =P
I think more descriptions of the dreamscapes would have helped the chapter, particularly in the case of the first level dream, giving us more hints that it was a dream. Currently, it sort of comes out of nowhere, as though you were jealously guarding your story for fear of the reader predicting you rather than giving it foreshadowing to build it up.
Hmm. I see your point. That particular reveal was tricky to do right (the last few thousand words of this chapter were written and rewritten a fair bit... emphasis on last, I guess), and I'm not surprised I slipped up a bit. Still, I'll try to keep that in mind for the improvement of future chapters.
For that matter, if your fic runs on Inception rules (and granted I'm not sure if this was explored in the movie), why didn't Daisy enter the dream at that first level?
I guess the easiest answer here is that it doesn't, entirely. Evidence in this chapter suggests that Daisy enters dreams at the deepest level.
Thanks for the comment. Glad you liked it.
If.. It's okay with you, could you please write some more of that fiction? I really enjoy it.
Writing on the third chapter has begun! I'm a bit busy with stuff in general, and I like to take my time with this fic so I can make chapters as good as possible, but rest assured that the third one is indeed on its way.
Oh cool! ^^ Thank you for the heads up. Don't worry about time. I'll wait a year if I have to. xD No good thing ever comes out of rushing.
I don't remember what this story was about, but I recall it being quite excellent in the writeoff and Vimbert just reminded me of it. Yay!
Just stopping by to let you know I reread this. One of my favorite fanfics of all time. You really have a way of making me forget completely about reality. I get totally absorbed into this story. You have such a great writing style! My dream is that you will eventually write one of these for all 6 ponies.
Wow, thanks! That comment really made my day. I also hope to write a chapter for all six, and several of them are in various stages of brainstorming/planning/writing, but I've had a little more trouble than anticipated writing the next chapter. By now, though, I think I've got it mostly figured out, so expect number three soonish (touch wood).
So is there ever going to be an update for this, or is it cancelled?