WWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
"Oh, Twilight dear, you simply cannot wear that to the gala, you'll only embarrass yourself."
Twilight Sparkle honked and beeped angrily at her friend Rarity, who was busy trying to retake her measurements.
"I'm sorry, but the harsh reality is that you've put on a few thousand pounds, and while it may be incredibly last-minute, I cannot allow you to go to the Grand Galloping Gala dressed in that...thing,"Rarity said in a disgusted tone. Of course she wasn't just being a massive bitch, Twilight Sparkle was wearing a gigantic purple tarp that covered her entire body.
"Now, if we're going to get accurate measurements, I'm going to have to remove your tarp," Rarity said, grabbing the corner of the tarp. Twilight became incredibly bashful, turning her wheels to express her discomfort.,"oh hun, I know you're sensitive about your body, but trust me, you make being a giant purple rectangle look good."
"WOOOOO ACHHHHHNNNNN," replied Twilight, finally working up the courage to speak intelligibly,"WEEEOOOOOO BRRRRBRRRRR!"
"Please don't be difficult, the gala is in four hours, and I can't have you looking so atrocious."
Twilight finally gave in, releasing a massive spurt of water from her hose to fling the purple tarp off of her body.
Rarity looked on in awe, what she'd said before was not just her bullshitting like she usually does, Twilight looked about as beautiful as a purple rectangle could. Her dazzling purple paint shone brightly in the light of the boutique, only accentuated by the adorable, perky fire-hose that stretched out of her body, twisting in various fabric coils. The ladder on top of her was akin to a ladder used by gods, it's pink rungs adding to Twilight's girlish charm. Her sexy little muffler was modestly tucked away underneath her, letting the boys know that she was available, but they'd have to try damn hard to get a piece.
But it was those beautiful black wheels that put the whole thing together, so perfect, immaculate, and ensuring lots of traction. The Firestone logo on the sign was a symbol of quality, and Rarity got all hot and bothered just looking at them. She turned away to hide her blush from Twilight, pretending to look through various fabrics and sowing supplies.
Twilight honked impatiently.
"Ugh, fine I'm hurrying, you don't have to shout," Rarity hustled on over, measuring Twilight's tires, her windshield, and her various other areas that could not be measured through the tarp.
Finally Rarity was finished, and she and Twilight walk/drove over to the train station. Rarity would have to settle for finishing the dress in the train. Of course once they reached the train they found another problem, namely, just how the hell were they going to fit a firetruck inside of a train cart?
"WEEEOOOOOOO BECHEBEEEEENNNN,"said Twilight, so they tied her to the back of the train, as was her suggestion, and she shifted into neutral.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------2 hours later------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
They were finally there, at the Grand Galloping Gala, where all of the snooty douchebags gathered to wave their money at poor people. The ponises were so excited that they started singing about all the cool shit that was totally gonna go down. Fluttershy sang about bestiality. Rarity sang about a gay guy. Applejack sang about how Jewish she was. Pinkie sang about how annoying she is, and Rainbow sang about how she's a #originalgangsta.
Finally it was time for Twilight to sing, and sing she did.
"BEEEEEEEEEEEEP WEEEEOOOOWEEEOOOOWEEEOOOO
MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHH
BWIPWIPWIPWIPWIPWIPWIP
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWW
BWEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
After Twilight finished her verse, all the other ponies clapped and cried, moved by her beautiful voice. Afterwards the five ponises, and their firetruck m8 split up. The others did the stupid shit that you already saw in the episode, so go fuck yourself, Twilight however was having a pretty fucking shitty time driving up the stairs to Celestia's "Shake hands with a rich cuntface," platform. Celestia didn't care though, she's a cunt like that.
"WEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Twilight screamed at her mentor, trying to get her assistance.
"Would ya stop hollerin' at me? Criminy!" Celestia replied. Twilight responded in kind by pulling out her high pressure fire-hose and blasting Celestia right in the face. Celestia growled and teleported right up into Twilight's grill, not he metaphorical gangsta grill, her actual grill. Celestia was now stuck in the middle of Twilight's grill, partially fused with it.
Twilight panicked and backed up as fast as she could, crushing every single pony behind her, the blood ending her firetruck form sliding even faster down the stone steps. A couple of loose cannon cops who don't play by the rules tried to arrest her, but she's a damn firetruck, so ordinary-human handcuffs don't work on her.
The poor dear was so terrified that she drove headfirst through a glass door, sending shards shooting into the skulls of the pony party-goers, especially Fancy Pants, who would certainly never tap dance again.
Twilight drove in manic circles, beating the shit out of Grillestia every time she crashed into something.
"BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR BRRRRRRRRRR BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!" she cried as she collided with both a table and Prince Blueblood.
Suddenly Fluttershy burst through the doors, a horde of animals leading the way.
"You're going to love-huh?" she said, stopping her stupid screaming the second she saw the horrifying carnage in front of her. She hadn't any time to react, and Twilight clipped her from the side, knocking her head of, and sending flying into the punch bowl.
Rarity of course knew what the problem was, she had forgotten to give Twilight her dress, and it drove(;D) her into a murderous rampage. So Rarity threw the dress at Twilight, where it got caught on her ladder, and Twilight stopped immediately.
"I did it!" cried Rarity, but in reality she did jack shit, and Twilight just ran out of gas.
Discord later took over because two of the elements were dead.
The End
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Welp.
This has happened.
What else can one say?
How did this get accepted?
Scratch that, there is something one can say.
Well, this is exactly what I expected.
Okay, this is without a doubt the most brilliant piece of shit randomfic ever conceived by fimfiction's (increasingly) creative userbase.
Have a thumbs up, good sir/madam.
~The lizardman's brains need unscrambling
I can't even rate this fucking thing because the title is so retardedly long.
I upvoted this.
You bastard.
4235768 AAAAARRRRRRMSTROOOOOONG!
Have an upvote, you dirty bastard
I only upvoted this because I made a wtf when I stared at the group addition link.
4235800
lol
Really gets you right where it counts, eh.
Also:
I hate you so much....
...
...
...
*upvotes story*
This, this is beautiful........
WOT
Holy fuck.
Life is worth living.
I don't know what to say.
Have a picture of a pink firetruck.
media.winnipegfreepress.com/images/PINK_FIRE_TRUCK_20110912_14.jpg
WTF... just... WTF...
Here, have these.
The description itself made me shit my pants
-Cyneryk
s21.postimg.org/hx33jfnbb/big_lebowski_joint.jpg
This made me considerably high.
*faves and upvotes*
I cried.
...What have I just read?
Correction. What have I just thumbs-upped?
Yep...
Do you know how hard it is, as a closet brony-firefighter, to laugh about this story, in the face of a fellow firefighter, who most certainly is not a brony?
I almost cried from laughing!
I once wanted to make a group for mystery fiction. It doesn't exist anymore.
When accessing this story, I accidentally added this to one of the group's folders for psychological thrillers.
Well, then...
i.imgur.com/6MrWqNZ.png
~Twi
Faved, upvoted, following.
I will never be the same again.
We've been lied to before.
...Why a firetruck?
4237193
Because a Sherman tank would have just been silly.
*goes back to work on Fluttershy Gets Replaced By A Sherman Tank*
4237207 Oh my god. Please do it.
You always fail to disappoint, Chaz.
Have an ordinary-human thumbs up and a happy star, free of charge.
4237217
The other option was Spike Gets Replaced By An Email App, but I wasn't sure most of Ponyville would have noticed.
This mother fucker is a genius.
We need grenades next.
WHAT. THE. FUCK. DID. I. JUST. READ. ?.
What.
This has just the right amount of absurdity to be hilarious.
what "WHAT THE FUCK!!" was a key element while reading this story.
4238057 I...concur...uhhhmmm...what she said, that is. STFU, RAIN!!!!
This > Past Sins.
This is better than anything I ever wrote.
WTF did I just read?!
Is this a Trollfic? If so then I give it a five trollestia stars:
WTF, lol.
DA FAQ
How in the holy fuck are there any dislikes?!
This may be the greatest story ever made. You really know how to make a firetruck sound hot...no pun intended.
i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/147/335/729.jpeg
The only missed opportunity is not referencing You Got the Touch from Transformers (1987) when Twilight mows down party guests.
Oh and of course, I favorited the fic, like you even need to ask.
Peace Out.
When ever I read Twiliight's lines, I could only think of Dubstep...
What is... I just...
... No.
...Uh...Wha...Why cant I stop laughing?! I don't even know why i'm laughing!