Doctor Sparks has never believed in ghosts, and the stories about Canterlot General Hospital being haunted by them didn't discourage him at all from taking on a position there as assistant chief of surgery. But when he awakens one night to a lifeless building filled with inexplicable and horrifying creatures, the doctor is forced to reconsider everything he thought he knew about the hospital, his beliefs, and his own mind. Because at Canterlot General, the past has a way of creeping up on you. Because at Canterlot General, sometimes the present and future do too. Because at Canterlot General, there are things that haunt you, things that hunt you, things you can never truly escape from.
Because at Canterlot General, everything loops.
[Originally written based on the /fic/ Writeoff prompt "Time And Time Again".]
Holy shit. Some parts left me confused at first, but then it was all explained....WOW.
I'm really liking the combination of psychological horror and action. The story so far is giving me a Silent Hill vibe.
Narrow and close, my friend, narrow and close... You sir, are very good at creating atmosphere and writing a genuinely chilling story. It sickened me, it thrilled me, and it truly scared me at times. congrats.
Forget graveyards; ponies go there to be put to rest. Hospitals are where they go to die.
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Same here. I love the slow, methodical Silent Hill vibe building here (is that stuff outside snow or ash?)
Came here from the EQD post, and I love what I have read so far.
This is creepy, I can't do this. Horror for its own sake? Don't much like that.
At this point? Everything honestly...
This is probably stupidly wrong, but I am going to call it and guess that the mysterious stallion is actually a future (past?) version of Dr Sparks or his demented psyche
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I do not know if this was intentional or not, but the the song/music from the Resident Evil OST with the same name is quite apropos to this story.
I find it a bit hard to imagine that Dr. Sparks never dealt with his "problem" instead of ignoring it and trying to forget it. That is certainly not something you should be carrying around inside, repressed and festering. Should not have Dr Sparks gone to somepony he trusts and has dealt with similar "events" when his first "event" happened? (Intentionally vague here so as to try not to spoil the story for future readers; you should be able to get what I am referring to once you reach the end). Yes it is certainly is a tragedy when "those things" happen, but if you cannot make your peace with it in some healthy way, you are most assuredly in the wrong field...
Minor nitpick aside, I loved this creepy story.
Well that was certainly a chilling, albeit short, ride. Loved the creepy atmosphere, and this from someone who normally can't stand horror.
"The flames were inches behind the colt, practically licking at his heels"
That didn't seem right, so I did a quick search.
http://www.horse-diseases.com/_images/horseanatomy.gif
Looks like maybe "ankles" would be more correct, assuming you didn't want to just refer to his hooves...
Great story, great atmosphere and dialogue, but I think my favorite part was how well you showed Sparks' mental state steadily deteriorating as he endured those hellish experiences, very reminiscent to me of the uncanny feeling I got from reading Stephen King's "Survivor Type" (totally diff circumstances, i know, but still... shiver me timbers!). Btw I totally agree with you, there should definitely be a horror tag here, as well as more great horror stories on FIMfiction! :D
Thanks for sharing, I really enjoyed it. Cograts on the EqD post, too!
img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120505132313/callofduty/images/6/63/PI_The_Wanderer_that_is_Alone_Pinkie_pie.png
I had figured about the other stallion. I guess I'm still sort of confused, though, as to the locations he was taken to. Do they hold significance to each "ghost"? That would be my assumption because of the colt, but then, some seemed less pertinent. And what did happen when he was being chased by the invisible "ghost"? Why did he teleport and jump forward in time one day? Oh, and just to confirm, the way out of the loop that future Sparks referred to was death, right? Hence contemporary Sparks going to find new loop Sparks, so that new loop Sparks would eventually kill him, the way contemporary did future?
Even with me being confused by some things like that though, this was expertly done. As said by previous readers, a very nicely done atmosphere, and you went through Sparks's mental transformation very well.
Ah, he's a had a psychotic break.
I suspect he's in a loony bin right now, trapped in perpetual schizoid-type hallucinations.
By the way, did you know that true sociopaths are never haunted by such things?
Emotions and empathy are such weaknesses...
vaguely reminds me of like madoka magica, or such. also (ignoring the multiple paradoxes), is killing yourself from a different time suicide?
4407531 yes, that was very much an intentional reference. I am not completely oblivious to nostalgic video games.
I could sit down and try to figure out what happened, but I got the general gist and was really creeped out. All in all, a good story.
Pretty good start. Reminds me a lot of Outlast and the begining of Walking Dead when Rick wakes up.
Wonder what the Mane 6 are doing right now...
So... Did he unintentionally kill her?
I can't say I didn't see it coming. I mean, the title of the story is "Loop" after all.
I'm still confused whether there's an actual time spell going on, or that's the explanation his mind came up with when he went insane, and it's all in his head now. I bet that's intentional.
But, if the rest of the ponies in the loop continue to wander after their deaths... will his own death be enough to break him out of the loop? I suppose he never saw his dead future-self wandering the halls, but the story cut to the future-Sparks before we could see that.
Guilt is a bitch to deal with. Even if your rational self tells you that there's nothing you could have done, that it wasn't your fault, it'll still tear you up. Never once did Sparks ever mention or think about friends or family who he could have talked to for help, which is why I think it was a psychotic break rather than an actual time loop. My theory, anyway.
There is a review for this story here.
I've been waiting to read a fic like this for a long time. Can't believe it's been sitting on my RiL for more than a year. Time to fix that.
Aww, he has a friend now? That's Dead Space levels of mood killer. Still, lets see where this goes.
I like this.
Spooky as Tartarus. Interesting.
Where is the link to the reading if loop?