Let the child inside alive. Leave all who would slay them far behind.
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Apple Bloom and Rumble are bored out of their minds. Their friends are away and most of the other foals in Ponyville are too busy to play with them regularly. All they have is each other for one week. On the second day, they decide to go and explore a cave in the mountains near the little hamlet. They will not return the same.
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You have my interest, can't wait to see where this goes
Bloom and Rumble?
Not Button and Sweetie?
I hope the enders get them.
Hopefully it will get featured
This deserves a watch!
4201911
I admit, I haven't developed an attraction to Button Belle. I'd rather write a Silver Belle before a Button Belle, personally.
What is it with Thunderlane? xD
4202596
He's, like, the master playa wit all dem girls in da club.
... Obvious white boy is obvious.
ZYTHARROS.
ZYTHARROS, YOU MAN. YOU MAD MAN.
I will read this.
Excellence. Nice set up here, Zyth, can't wait to see where this goes!
Also, you made it into the popular stories box xD
I'm a bit conflicted. It's not a bad story, I mean, it's well written and a nice idea and so on, but it's also kinda... stylistically counterintuitive, I guess? On one hand there's the kids doing cute kid stuff, on the other there's the somewhat detailed references to Thunderlane's extreme sex life. I don't mind either of those things on their own, but put together in the same story results in a kinda weird tone that makes me unsure just how I'm supposed to feel about it.
Are Apple Bloom's comments about AJ & Mac suggesting they are doing ‘super-lovey-dovey-mushy-mush’ together, or with others?
4202699 you made quite the active boy. god hope you don't write Macintosh based fics.
4204766
The original idea behind this fic and the first thought I had when drumming up the concept was the theme of "childhood awkwardness". If you feel a little awkward during this fic, it's a remnant of that creeping into the writing.
4204475
4204917
I'm not keen on incest, so it means that others are involved.
4204920
I admit, I'm wildly surprised at the success of this fic.
This has all of my yes. RumBloom seriously needs more love.
4205503
Hear hear! Write all the Rumbloom fics!
Now, I'm more of a Rumbleoo type guy, but I'm OK with this. Nice start. I think I know what happens next. *Creepy grin.
"Spelunking"
>Bloom and Rumble
"This is definitely clop. Definitely."
>Description seems harmless.
"Uh. Do I just have a dirty mind?"
>Teen · Sex
"Fair enough. Wait, what?"
4210949
It's comments like this that tell me I've done my job exactly right with the different elements of a story's cover page.
The title says Spelunking.
The tag says sex.
What could ever go wrong?
4212768
Quite a lot, actually. All stories and actions can be screwed up. Something about every action has a reaction?
I don't even . . .
After reading get ready to Rumble, this doesn't even faze me.
Not sure if thats a good or bad thing
YES! JUST YES TO ALL THE SHIPPING!
Flitter has a thing for Rumble...
No surprise here.
Da lulz in this chapter are AMAZINGLY LULZY!!! xD
...Incest?
4228037
See 4205289. Third comment.
This is getting good, I am ready for the ships to begin.
This is great. I like the mirroring narratives right at the start.
Thunderane and his marefriends sound like they are not only embarrassing in a normal way but also really weird. Poor Rumble really shouldn't have had to hear that, that sounds mortifying.
Man, that comment about AJ and Mac getting into that kinda mood made me stop and go "whaaaa?" for a moment, before I noticed it said "AJ OR Mac".
I really like the short, simple comments about where people are. Such, relatively, subtle and casual mentioning of where the Mane Six are are great. Really liked the "prismatic tail on a cloud", obvious though it may be.
Why did you use "coerced" about getting people to join the game of tag? Was it just the joke? 'Cause it sounds odd.
Also, it should probably be: "Two bored ponies MET in front of Sugarcube Corner.
Now, for the next chapter.
Sounds like Flitter is scarily inappropriate. But that might just be me.
Great chapter. Classic spit take.
Good work. Have a like and a fave. Update soon!
Happy writing.
Oh, right, and I forgot: D'aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw.
4238262
I see your point. Kids don't necessarily need to be coerced into a game of tag – *slap*/You're it! Is about all that's needed. I'll switch it up for something better.
Tracking this, ja?
Pretty fucking good so far. Excited for next chapter! :D
Wow, Rumble. How on Earth did you manage to write that?
Speaking of Rumble, he really seems to have been damaged somewhat by his brother's antics, seeing as where his thoughts seem to go at the weakest prompting.
I just realized, is that innuendo-laden letter because of his brother's indiscretion? I could just imagine Rumble unconsciously picking up cheesy innuendo and then accidentally using it.
This is still a lot of fun. Just be careful with the emotional descriptions. Too many fanfics completely drop the ball by overusing the "I feel something, but I don't what it its" as well as generally going waaaay over the top in general with regards to romance. Slow and subtle is something really worth working for.
Well, looking forward to the next chapter.
4315434
Oh, it's only going to get more fun from here. Believe me, I've got some shiny gems I've been saving just for this story.
And yes, Rumble is broken because of his brother.
This isn't going to be a "whelp, we don't understand, so let's just bang and fall in love from there" fic. Those, besides being wholly unrealistic and statistically damaging to the long-term viability of the relationship accelerate too quickly for my liking.
The first part of the chapter was just perfect xD I can't wait for more :D
I... Really, really hope you're not going to do the misunderstanding-due-to-innuendo thing. That's been done to death.
Rumble had no idea that he could have ever experienced anger with the fierce intensity as he did the next day. He was awoken by the five vilest words he had ever heard until that point in his young life, combined with three other things: the fields of white and orange too bright for his still-exhausted mind to make sense of, the searing blindness of the sanity-obliterating daylight, and the sheer earliness of the hour.
“Rise ‘n shine, li’l guy!”
I know that feel.
AND NOPONY MISUNDERSTOOD ANYTHING AND EVERYPONY WAS HAPPY, THE END.
...yeeeeeeah, I think we know better than that.
...ya dun goofed, boy.
I'd like a Big Mac with extra Bacontosh please.
4322305 ugh so un healthy. i only eat applejack cereal
Huh... how would that work though...? Would the flowers feed off of earth magic?
4827942
Couldn't tell you, but Earth ponies having magic...
fc01.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2014/222/0/a/itscannon_by_zytharros-d7uirap.jpg
Since Rumble doesn't own any stalactites and stalagmites this joke ends up feeling a bit forced. Consider changing it to something like:
Except for this nitpick, I'm really enjoying the story so far.
4827998
Gotcha. I like that better.
4828003 when is next chap out? I cannot wait...
This was an interesting chapter. I look forward to the next one when it comes out.