I'm an old-school MLP fan, glad the new show is doing great.
Trapped in stone, Discord recruits former enemies of the Mane Six to free him, but Trixie takes it upon herself to stop the God of Chaos and his band from within.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Liking this concept. It's like the Injustice League with ponies... and dogs....and a griffon. Meh, still like to see more.
I can has moar?
Seriously though, please continue with this. It would please me greatly.
What an interesting story so far. Trixie may not be the best of ponies, but she isn't an idiot. She knows you can't trust Discord, and is now secretly working to keep Discord from awakening. Keep up the good work!
Still, I would have liked to have seen a part when Blueblood was about to give the gem to Trixie where Trixie was actually tempted by the thought of that power, and she was fighting to resist that temptation.
Also, I think one of the ulterior motives Trixie could have for stopping Discord and his new minions is that if she succeeds, she will be a hero and that will make her famous again.
StarswordIsCool has a point, but I like the idea of a Trixie who has been thoroughly turned around and humbled beyond recognition.
I look forward to Trixie's noble espionage!
StarswordIScool had a good idea with Trixie's ulterior motives. She's not the kind to act benvolent unless there is something in it for herself, and heroic reputation is definitely something she would consider worth going up against Discord for. It's your story, though, I'm not trying to write it out for you.
It's really well written so far. I'll definitely be tracking (or favoriting, as it's called now) for more.
There's a character tag for the Diamond Dogs and the Flim Flam brothers, you know. Please add. BTW, "Tracking".
Interesting. I would like to see more.
can't wait to see what trixie does.
Well, Trixie, welcome to the world of the Indy Ploy. So far you're holding your own... but can you handle the inevitable complications?
656108
Of course she can. She is the greatest Unicorn in all of Equestria, after all.
And so its Trixie, off to save the day!!
Instantrack
And so, The Great and Powerful Mare lied in wait for her plans to come to fruition.
Well, you've got my interest. I approve of this portrayal of Trixie: she's no saint, but she's also not a bad pony at heart. Quite curious to see how she bests Discord's newest agents.
828105
Well, when you need the very best, you don't send someone who lives in a tree. You send someone Great and Powerful!!
Awesome story so far, Trixie isn't stupid, she knows what'll happen with Discord running things.
384160 lol, thanks. An Injustice League, with one rogue element.
384233 Thanks, and gonna try to.
384314 I find she's practically a paragon compared to... every other antagonist. Hell, I don't even consider her to be an antagonist. As for power, why? All she wanted to do in Boast Busters was put on a magic show and earn some bits.
384523 Hmm... she doesn't really need humbling, just maybe separation of her show persona and real life. It's part of her job to put on an act and boast and aggrandize. Did she take it too far? Yes... but it's hardly a crime worthy of the horse apples that happened to her.
385766 Okay, I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Why? Why wouldn't she act benevolent? I'm not picking a fight, just thinking fanon has taken control of her character. She fought the Ursa when she easily could've escaped it, confessed to making it up the story, too. She's a lot better than what some people think. And thank you. I try my best.
423607 I'll add one of them, but the limits on tags and such...
439777 And she can't wait to figure the heck out what she does...
656108 Non-powered, she could run rings around that group. With Discord's boon... remains to be seen.
662701 Well, underrated at least.
828105 lol, thanks. And she tries.
850833 Thanks. Truth be told... I'm starting to see that Trixie in Boast Busters got screwed by the Mane Cast and the plot. Seriously, too.
857961 lol, knowing Twilight, she'd grab a book.
And not only is she not stupid... I don't find her to be all that bad, either.
Oh dear. Things aren't going well for the Elements of Harmony. This can only end so well...
Also, thanks for updating!
No offence, but FINALLY! dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Twilight_Sparkle.png
I'm not sure what spell Trixie's casting at Twilight, but I bet it's not what Blueblood's expecting.
keep em coming thisis getting good.
Can't wait to see where Trixie's plan takes her...Somehow I have a feeling it's not going to go the way she envisions.
So Trixie is weaving a tangled web is she. Great to see an update.
More like 'desperately holding onto a rope', really.
And for all her plans of undermining Discord's new minions, Blueblood seems to grow on her a little. It might be difficult for her to throw him under when the time comes, or at least it'd be painful.
Really, Trixie? A blue jester's outfit? You could have picked a more embarrassing color scheme, like yellow and red checkered. Twilight looks sharp in blue.
Okay kids! Here's where it gets complicated. Trixie's wibbly wobbly, twisted and tangled, complex and convoluted plan hits a high point. Now to gather the two sets if Element holders together and begin a mighty battle! All while stealthily aiding Team Harmony, of course.
Nice displays of skill from Rarity and Trixie.
So how much of Trixie’s over-acting will they pick up on and how much of it will they put down to her being stupid?
...Really, it could go either way. Trixie's clearly anti-Loyalty. Which means either the Elements of Discord are doomed from the start (Loyalty supports the group and Trixie's the opposite of that) or Trixie's attempts to thwart her companions' actions are actually helping them (she's embodying her element)
1026471 lol, sorry.
Six fics then...
1028462 Was it what you expected? ;)
1032194 Thanks!
1337377 As odd as it might sound, if you in any way wish to use that for your Twixie stories go right ahead.
1337424 And she's getting tangled in it too.
1337760 For Blueblood and Gilda, I wanna flesh them out/show some sort of good side to them. I can't with the Flimflam Brothers or the Diamond Dogs, but they're not too bad methinks.
1339656 I... wrote it as black and white, actually. And complicated, yeah. Just a tiny bit.
1358869 Thanks. And the Elements will see things not quite adding up with Trixie. Not to mention later actions...
1363206 Well... there's no counterpart thing going on with Discord's gifts. There's no Element of Betrayal, no Element of Greed. They just increase the innate powers/magical abilities of whoever wields them, while also doing a partial corruption of their mind.
i totally cant wait for another chapter.
Good thing the real bad guys are stupid; otherwise, they would have realized that that last line can be taken in a way that isn't to their advantage.
The villains might stand a chance against our heroes, if they just-
Nope. Couldn't keep a straight face. They all got an "F" in evil.
If they weren't so focused on their specific revenge, they could possibly make a decent showing. Or they'll be sent blasting off again. Either way would be fun.
Haven't finished the chapter yet, but
I think you know what I mean here.
Alright, finished the chapter, didn't see anything else that needed fixing.
Though really, was there ever any doubt that it would? //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Trixie_lolface_1.png
Good to see Trixie's plan working out so far.
Nice development. Trixie as the double agent, trying to subvert their plans while keeping their suspicions off her great and powerful flank, very interesting. Well enough within her character, and shows a good bit of depth of personality.
I have to say though, the so-called 'boons' they got don't seem to help much. Heck, the Dogs fought worse than their original appearance. Although it would be perfectly in character for Discord to give them gems that only made them think they were more powerful. And quite a bit more crazy. Still, hoping you'll raise the bar in the next confrontation.
This review brought to you by Authors Helping Authors
Name: Spanner in the Works
Grammar: 9.5/10, no major errors spotted, a few sentences I thought could use some rewording but no real problems
Pros:
- I quite like the unique spin you've put on the rather overdone "All the Mane 6's enemies unite" storyline
- The tone of the story is in the style of the show (the Slice of Life episodes, anyways)
- Characterization, by and large, is spot on, except for a few.
Cons:
- Rarity's and Blueblood's characterization seem a bit off. I can't really see Rarity being so aggressive and physically violent against the diamond dogs, and I have trouble believing she can kick the ass of all three at the same time. Blueblood seems to be less cowardly than he was in the show, but since his character was not well established beyond "utterly-self centered" I think this is more excusable.
- I have to say, I was going into this expect a srsbsns adventure fic, but it's turning into more of a comedy/slice of life story. It's not much of an adventure when you can't take the villains seriously after all. Maybe that will change in the future, but I think you might want to consider adding a Comedy tag on there.
- The villains seem... too dumb. The Diamond Dogs and Blueblood I can understand, Gilda is an arguable one, but the Flim Flam brothers most certainly should not played like fiddles. The Flim Flam brothers are smart and crafty, and I'd expect them to at least suspect Trixie unless the gems are messing with their intelligence.
Overall, this is humorous and well-written, although I'm afraid my ability to comment on fics like this is rather limited. Still, I hope you found this review helpful, and would be pleased if you could review my fic Fragment.
" “Celestia and Luna will know!” she cried out. “And if you-we-free Discord now, they will most certainly summon the Elements of Harmony once more!” A shaky smile crossed her lips. “And they beat him once before.” "
Smart Trixie, last time elements won because Discord was trolling around, this time he would annihilate elements right away, hopefully Celestia and Luna will join mane 6 in they mission instead of sending them to do all dirty work, because so far mane 6 survived only because they enemies not wanted to kill them, and for a being like Discord, Nightmare Moon and Chrysalis, killing mortal ponies would be very easy ( not to mention that Discord can just take away and hide elements with easy ).
I hope Trixie left hidden message in costume Twilight is wearing now.
This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Spanner in the Works
Grammar score: 8
Pros:
Everyone was in character.
It was a very original idea.
It was funny how the characters reacted to Discord moving on to the next person.
Cons:
There were some issues with grammar.
It could've used more details to transition each scene.
Gilda eating a deer at the beginning.
Notes Section:
It is a very good idea for a story, and I enjoyed how you wrote out the characters. There weren't many errors with grammar, but when I found some, they usually had to do with dashes.
Eg:
Technically, a dash isn't supposed to be there. Any time the character interrupts themselves or you lead into another statement--like this--you need a hyphen. If you type in Microsoft Word, all you have to do is put two dashes next to each other and it'll automatically change into a hyphen. If you don't, two dashes should suffice. Moving on, I didn't really like how you made Gilda eat a deer at the beginning. It may be an opinion, but even though she's a griffon, I don't think she'd end something's life. It may just be me, though. Also, at the very beginning when Discord was in his stone prison, I didn't understand how he made himself translucent to go talk to the other ponies. I also had to go over the transition scenes a couple of times to understand that he was talking to the next person, instead of the same one. I'd suggest describing it a little more, and adding more details. Overall, though, it was a good story.
Enjoy your review, and have a thumb-up!
I presume that you intend to use "Twilight Sparkle: Most Powerful Unicorn, Celestia's Fool" as a running gag?
Hold on, that phrase would do very well as a story title. Perhaps you could write it after this story is complete?
Good to see an update, even if it's a bit on the short side and light on the action.
Not too fond of a whole bunch of named OCs jumping into the plot, but I'll assume you will make it work.
Also, Screwball?! She joined the royal guard? Please tell me that was intentional and you plan to do something with that, it would be so awesome.
Great chapter.
It took quite long for this chapter to come, not really much happened in it but it is still progress.
However I noticed that MLP show tend to put mane 6 do all Dirty work and no one helping, that now in almost every story autors go out of they skins to find excuses why mane 6 have to do all Dirty work, why no one should help them, or why 2 powerful Alicorns should always sit on they flanks or fail in fair fights when mane 6 have to win again far more powerful enemies.
The fact that this story managed to get 12 guards and Shinning Armor to team up with mane 6 is impressive considering how annoying it is that all autors fear that princesses or someone helping mane 6 would break balance, but I still can not get over the fact that mane 6 get minimal reinforcements and half of this chapters is practically pointing out excuses why princesses or entire army can not do they job for once ( if there is fanfic where Royal Guards or Princesses actually do a fair share of work with mane 6 again possible threat without tons of excuses why mane 6 have to do everything alone, I would be grateful for link to it ).
Ittttt's BAAAAACK!!
a very clean hit young padawan..keep it up and someday you'll be a knight...
oh and in case you guys are wondering why no one went after fluttershy is cause, trixiw i believe was the one that was supposed to go after her, i believe, if i remember correctly..and trixie is kinda helping the mane 6 out in disguise..when wiill trixie reveal her true purpose to the main 6. seriosly shes looking for redemption after all.
2296060
While Trixie is helping them, she started this crazy ride on her own. Since she didn't think anyone would believer her.
I'm kind of surprised Twilight didn't pick up on all the things Trixie did, such as just dressing her funny, and throwing smoke around, rather than an actual attack. Then yelling about being in the Everfree. Or she didn't notice, or at least think about, how Trixie is the only one without a red gemstone on her.
Well, maybe I shouldn't be. Since I'm sure RK_Striker_JK_5, is also in on it up to his eyebrows!
I LIKE this.
That being said, there is one slight problem. Out of all of the beings there, Trixie is the one who in canon took the opportunity to empower herself, even given the negative consequences. However, i can accept that the circumstances are not quite the same. Trixie may not have known about the side effects of the Alicorn Amulet, or thought she could overcome them. Whereas here, she knows releasing Discord is hiring a wolf to keep foxes out of the henhouse. So, I can see where you're coming from. I just expected her to be more tempted.
This story is pretty good, shame it seems to have been cancelled
It's alive!
Hmm, the guards are doing a pretty good job of being, well, good without being overpowering, so far. Hope that'll carry.
And I wonder what game Trixie is playing now. I'm assuming she was worried Blueblood or Discord might have been spying on her, or she would have had a good opportunity to show her colors there.
Still, it was fun to see her do the whole "worthy adversary" schtick with Fluttershy.
Also, that had to be one large bucket the Friendly Neighbourhood Trixie was hefting, to fit over Manny's whole head. He's kinda large-ish.
-----------------------------------------OMAKE----------------------------------------------
Trixie "Yes, my puppets, dance to my tune! For soon all of the cheese crackers will be mine, MWAHAHAHAHA!!"
Blue Blood cleared his throat. "Trixie?"
Trixie gasps/squeaks before quickly covering the table with her cape. "WHAT?! Knock, next time! Knock!"
"Dinners ready."
"Oh.....did you see anything?"
"No, Trixie, I didn't see you playing with your dolls again."
Glaring at the closed door Trixie uncovered the table while picking up the miniature Twilight and Trixie. "These are far more poseable then any mere doll. Isn't that right, Twilight?"
"You'll never get away with this Trixie!"
"Oh but I will Twilight, for you will soon see that good is dumb."
*Gasp!* "Liar!"
"Am not!"
"Are too!"
"Am not!"
"Are too!"
"It's true, and once you've fallen under my power I'll make you wear all manner of costumes as my sexy assistant. Now kiss me you nerdy librarian."
"Oh Trixie, you cape is so big!"
"It also doubles as an air mattress."
Behind the showmare Blue Blood, Gilda, Flim & Flam as well as the Diamond Dogs continued to watch while trying not to laugh.
[Meanwhile at the Ponyville Library]
The bearers of the EoH and their guards watched Trixie's show while laughing out loud as Twilight watched the magic mirror she had painstakingly enchanted to spy on the showmare with horror as she knew she'd never hear the end of this. Looking around the room Twilights eyes briefly fell upon Pinky Pie who managed to mouth the word "FOREVER" amid her laughter.
It's back! Today is a good day.
New chapter? Check.
Good? Check.
Twixie shipping? ...No check.
You get two checks out of three...good enough, but it can be better hinthint.