Fluttershy has a heart attack, she's too shy to tell anyone.
Uh oh.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 30th Jun, 2013
- offline last seen Last Tuesday
Pickleless
A man is driving home, thinking about beating his wife. Along the way, he passes a turtle. I am that turtle.
Pickleless
Joined 30th Jun, 2013 ·
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This was pretty good.
Comical opportunities missed. Requires more Spike.
Brilliant!
I know it's a comedy and I shouldn't overthink it, but the bit with Nurse Redheart just made me sad. It reminds me way too much of how I've been misdiagnosed over the years.
"I'm sure it's nothing but if it persists come back in 3 days"
SAID EVERY DOCTOR EVER
At least she's a mare of her word?
Bwahahahahaha!
This is great!
And that cover art is perfect. Fore reel, dough.
Possible feature incoming?
4177400
Oh.
Whoops.
Well, the next story is gonna be about Spike I guess.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=XlJuxpeTatshttps://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=XlJuxpeTats
Rainbow Dash stood frozen at Applejack's door, her hoof only inches away from its wood. She was not sure if this was a good idea. Would Applejack even understand? Rainbow had reviewed the book as much as she could, hoping it would help her with her confession. She still had doubts though.
"Come on, Rainbow," she muttered to herself. "Applejack's one of your closest pals. Of course, she'll understand."
She prepared to knock again, but hesitated. After another long pause, she turned around.
"Maybe I should just forget the whole thing."
But as she started to walk away, the door opened.
"You sure you don't want me to help with anything else?" Spike asked as he backed out of the house.
"It's fine, Sugar," Applejack said with a chuckle. "I can take it from here."
"You really sure? I can organize your sock drawer!"
The cowgirl sighed. "Spike, I don't wear any socks."
The dragon blushed. "Right. Your underwear drawer then?"
"Get out. Now."
"Don't wear that either, huh?"
"Spike..."
"Okay, okay!"
As he held up his claws and backed away, he bumped into Rainbow Dash. When she turned to face him, he was blushing.
"Whoops!" he laughed nervously. "Sorry, Dash!"
Applejack rolled her eyes as she gently pushed him away from them both. "Get out of here, ya rascal."
"Right. Sorry, again!"
As they watched the little dragon disappear over the hills, Applejack could not help but chuckle.
"What was that all about?" Rainbow asked.
"Aw, nothin'," the cowgirl said with a shrug. "Spike was just bein' Spike. So how ya doin' today? Did Twilight help ya with yerr dilemna?"
Rainbow glanced around. "Not here, okay?"
Applejack shrugged again. "No problem. Come inside. Spike and I baked some fritters this mornin'."
"Hold on. You actually let Spike into your kitchen? After what happened last time?"
"Oh, he's less trouble now. Especially when all I ask him to do is hand me the apples."
"And he didn't make a mess?"
Her question was answered when they entered the kitchen. There was a glob of squished apples over by the stove.
"Eh," Applejack said with a shrug. "He's gettin' better. Help yerrself to a fritter while I get the mop."
"Yeah, sure," Rainbow said, looking at her wearily as she grabbed a plate from the cupboard.
The thoughts swimming in her head were eager to escape through her mouth. What should she say? Should she get straight to the point?
She figured she should just start with casual conversation and work her way up.
"So, um," Rainbow uttered as she put a fritter on her plate. "Why did you let Spike ruin your kitchen again?"
Applejack rolled her eyes as she mopped the floor. "He didn't ruin it. He just wanted to help."
"Why? Isn't he supposed to do that with Twilight?"
"He said he was ahead of schedule, so he came over here."
"Huh. I would've thought he'd gone to Rarity's."
"That's what I thought, but apparently Rarity had company."
Rainbow blinked. "A guy?"
"No, a client. Spike didn't say what gender though."
The pegasus smirked at the cowgirl's little joke. This eased the tension a little, but she still felt queasy in the stomach. She was both hungry and nauseated. The fritter was in her hoof, neither moving towards her mouth nor the plate. Applejack glanced at the pegasus over her shoulder. She knew from experience that when a pony lacks appetite, something is on their mind.
"You okay?"
"Huh?" Rainbow uttered, snapping out of her daze. "Oh, uh, yeah."
Applejack raised her eyebrow, not believing her.
"Is this about the whole gay thing from yesterday?"
Rainbow said nothing. Applejack let the mop drop to the floor as she moved to sit with her friend at the table.
"Come on, RD," she said, putting her hoof on hers. "You can tell me anythin'. I won't judge."
Rainbow lifted her eyes to meet hers. She did not know why it was so hard to talk to her now. When they were talking about her possible lesbianism, everything was easy. Her nightmare came to mind, and she remembered that Applejack had been one of her persecutors. Now, Rainbow was no dream interpreter, but she figured Applejack, Fluttershy and Rarity had been the judges because they were all straight, at least as far as she knew. She realized it had not been the real Applejack. No, the real Applejack was not condescending.
Then why was she so afraid to tell the truth? This was the Element of Honesty, for crying out loud! She was also the most level-headed pony she knew. Rainbow had never had trouble being open with Applejack (save the egghead incident). Why was she having trouble now?
"Dash?"
The pegasus took a deep breath. "Applejack, have you ever been in love?"
The cowgirl looked away for a moment as her cheeks turned pink. "Once."
"Well, when you were in love, did you ever think of...sex?"
Applejack's green eyes widened. "Gland sakes, Rainbow! We weren't that close!"
Rainbow grinned a bit. "So you're demi?"
The cowgirl blinked. "I'm what now?"
"Demi. You know, like Twilight?"
Applejack scratched her head. "Huh?"
Rainbow's grin vanished. "She didn't tell you?"
"Didn't tell me what?"
The pegasus was silent for a long while. Then she zipped out of the house, knocking over Applejack's kitchen table in the process. Her confession would have to wait. Right now, she needed a talk with a certain alicorn.
She did not bother using the door. Instead, she burst open the shutters of the library window, surprising Twilight and Spike, who had apparently just returned.
"Rainbow?" Twilight said. "What's going...?"
"You didn't tell Applejack you were demi?!" Rainbow demanded, flying in the alicorn's face.
"Demi?" Spike said, scratching his head. "Demi what?"
Twilight's face grew pale. "Spike, I believe the room upstairs needs dusting."
"But I just dusted this morning..."
"Now!"
The dragon was taken aback by the alicorn's tone, but grabbed his feather duster and rushed upstairs. Rainbow glanced between Twilight and where Spike had gone.
"You haven't even told Spike?!" she asked accusingly.
"I haven't even told him about heterosexuality!" Twilight exclaimed. "You can't just barge in here shouting stuff like that, especially around a baby dragon!"
"You still haven't answered my question! Why does Applejack not know you're demi?"
"I...I..."
Rainbow sighed and sank to the floor. "You're afraid of coming out too, aren't you?"
Twilight looked away and nodded.
"But...you told me yesterday."
"Because I figured if I gave you the book, you would find out anyway. And I thought you'd understand, since you're ace."
Rainbow gasped. "How did you know?"
"Don't get me wrong. I wasn't judging, but from how you were describing your non-sexual attractions to Soarin, it seemed the most plausible."
"If you thought I was ace, why didn't you tell me?"
"I thought it best that you figure it out for yourself."
The pegasus took a few steps towards her. "How many ponies have you told? About you, I mean."
Twilight looked her in the eyes. "Just you and Pinkie. After reading the book, she asked me."
"Yeah," Rainbow grunted as she sat down. "That book."
There was a long pause.
"It scared me," Rainbow admitted. "I mean...it was a relief at first, the idea that I actually belonged to a group. The others never really did it for me, and knowing there was another one that fit me perfectly made me feel like a weight was lifted or something. Then..."
"You read the part about corrective rape," Twilight finished with a nod. "Yep. It's disgusting, it's wrong, but it happens."
The pegasus hung her head. "I'm scared."
Twilight nodded again. "So am I. I feel like I shouldn't be. I'm not ashamed of what I am, but others..."
"Might be. Yeah. I know. Heck, it took me a while to accept that lesbianism was a thing."
"Only because you didn't understand it, I gather."
"Yeah. It's even a little hard to wrap the whole ace thing around my head."
"It's difficult, I know. Most of us grow up thinking there's only one form of love, between a mare and a stallion, because that is what pony society teaches us. It also teaches us that...sex is a part of life and that feeling the need for it is natural."
She paused as tears formed in her eyes. "You know...I didn't get all these ideas from the book. As I was growing up, I did not find myself all that interested in colts. I had a few crushes, but they were never intense. I told my parents that there was something wrong with me. They said that I...that I hadn't fully blossomed yet." She sniffed. "That I would grow out of it. Then..."
She trailed off for a moment. "I met this one colt. It was like love at first sight. And as I got to know him better, I had...thoughts. Thoughts I had never experienced before."
"Did you," Rainbow gulped, "do it?"
Twilight turned away. "It doesn't matter what happened in that relationship, just that it ended. But after him, I...I couldn't feel anything else towards other colts. I didn't even have another crush for a while, but it wasn't as strong."
She sniffed again. "I found the book, read it, took the quiz. It explained everything. But...I couldn't tell any pony. I...I was afraid they wouldn't accept me. I couldn't even tell my parents, or Shining Armor! I couldn't even talk about it with the girls! And Spike, he's too young to even know about these things! I...I..."
She buried her face in her hooves as she released all her tears. Rainbow put her hooves around her and rocked her gently.
"It's okay," she whispered soothingly. "I know how you feel. I'm too scared to even talk about it with Soarin."
Twilight raised her tear-stained face. "You're worried he'll try to..."fix" you?"
Rainbow glanced down at the floor. "I'm worried he'll dump me."
The alicorn nodded in understanding. "For what it's worth though, I don't think Soarin's that kind of guy. I mean...don't you always describe your dates as casual and non-lovey-dovey?"
"That doesn't mean we don't have a physical relationship. We've made out a couple of times and I sort of enjoy it. But...when he ran his hoof up my..."
She could not continue.
"You should tell him," Twilight concluded. "If he can't accept your preferences, maybe he's not the one for you."
"He's the one," Rainbow insisted. "I'm sure he is."
"Then he'll accept you for you."
"And what about you? Won't the others be just as accepting?"
She looked her pegasus friend in the eye and they came to the same conclusion.
"We should tell them," they both said.
"But I'm still scared," Twilight admitted.
"I am too, but we can't hide ourselves forever. I mean I had planned that, but now that I think about it, it's stupid. I mean they're our friends, right? And if they don't approve, then they're lousy friends."
"But how are we going to break it to them?"
Rainbow locked her foreleg in hers. "We'll tell them together."
Suddenly, something pink popped out of the shelves. The two of them yelped and then calmed down once they realized it was Pinkie Pie. She hopped between them.
"Ooh!" she piped. "Sounds like fun! We can have a Coming Out Party! We'll invite our friends for games and cake (which I know you love, Dashie), and then we'll all come out of the closet! Well, I wouldn't say my metaphorical hiding space is a closet, more like a bathroom..."
"Pinkie," Twilight interrupted. "That's not what a Coming Out Party..."
"It's a party, isn't it?"
"Yes..."
"And the three of us are coming out, right?"
"Right, but..."
"Then what else are we supposed to call it?"
Twilight opened her mouth, but found she could not argue with Pinkie's logic.
"So..." Rainbow uttered. "You haven't told any pony other than us that you're pan?"
"Panny," Twilight whispered.
"Right."
Pinkie shrugged. "It never came up in conversation. But the whole world might as well know! I'm panny and I'm proud!"
"Now, now, Pinkie," Twilight said. "Let's start small and just invite our friends, okay?"
Pinkie grinned. "Okay, Twi! So when should we do it? This afternoon?"
"Please, no," Rainbow insisted. "I need a little time."
"Oh. Tomorrow, then?"
The pegasus thought for a moment and then nodded.
"Sounds good to me," Twilight agreed.
"Perfect!" Pinkie squealed.
Rainbow was confused to see Pinkie so happy. Then again, she was always happy, but after yesterday, she had expected otherwise.
"Uh, Pinkie?" Rainbow asked.
"Yeah, Dashie?" Pinkie replied, ceasing her bouncing.
"Can I talk to you?" The pegasus glanced at Twilight. "Alone?"
The alicorn got the message and silently trudged upstairs. Rainbow Dash gulped as she turned to face the pink pony.
"Pinkie," she said, rubbing the back of her neck. "About what happened yesterday..."
"Don't worry about it," Pinkie said with a sympathetic smile.
"No, I really need to get this off my chest." Rainbow sighed. "I'm sorry I reacted the way I did. You just caught me by surprise and... Still, I should've been more sensitive about your feelings. You're a cool pony and all, Pinkie, but...I'm just not interested in you in that way. Anyway, thanks to you, now I know for sure I'm not interested in girls."
She paused. "But for what it's worth, the kiss wasn't all that bad. And...if I did like girls...I think I would like you."
Pinkie's eyes were flowing tears of joy. "Aw, Dashie..."
The two met in a gentle embrace. It felt good to be hugged by Pinkie. Not because she was attracted to her, but because she was her friend.
"But," Pinkie said as she pulled away, "I've moved on."
Rainbow blinked in surprise. "Already?"
"Since you started dating Soarin, I've been keeping my options open, and now that I know for certain you can never be attracted to me, I can fully move on. Also, you really need to work on your kissing."
"But...who?"
Pinkie then pulled a piece of paper out of her mane, stared at it and sighed dreamily.
"I have a new love now," she declared.
Rainbow Dash peered over her shoulder to see a picture of that traveling party pony, Cheese Sandwich. The pegasus shook her head with a smirk.
"You two would be perfect together."
"You think so?" Pinkie asked.
"Come on. How often are you gonna find some pony as random as you?"
The party pony snorted. "Yeah, you may be right."
"So...no hard feelings about...?"
"No hard feelings!"
And so their continuing friendship was sealed with a shake of the hooves.
4178943
Huh. Well that was pretty cool and everything, but why did you post that here instead of as a story on your own page?
Well, that got a few chuckles out of me. Poor Fluttershy. Poor Redheart. Poor banana.
4178943 You do know you can post fics through your userpage, right? Like, actually having a story? You don't need to post them as comments, and you really shouldn't. Especially when they have absolutely nothing to do with the story you're commenting on.
It's this it no sequel?
4179307
She's dead.
I'm not really sure where else to go with that-ohp.
Having a heart attack in heaven.
Still, probably not gonna continue this.
4179351
Eyup u got a point there...
4178943
Dude. No.
The comments section of a story is for discussing the story in question--in this case, Doon Lickwong. Nothing else should be posted here.
4178943 Um... I liked that story too, but why would you post an entire chapter of it here? It's not even yours.
I loved that story, I just don't get the title.
4179940
Should I say yes or no? :p
4179841
You know, I COULD tell you what the title is based off of.
But I actually wanted to see people guess a little. So I'd rather not.
4180047
Okai-dokie-lokie!!!
Just making sure not trying to get u mad :3
4180005 Well, that's gonna keep me up at night...
Yeah, we're just a sad disgrace of humanity...
I...Wow. This...um....wow.
It certainly had me laughing from the sheer randomness. And leave it to Pinkie to know exactly what's wrong, yet do absolutely nothing to help.
Also Bananas.
4180567
Thanks!
4180765
Either way, my sides left our sun's orbital range! Good job, mate!
I really don't think that is how heart attacks work...
As for the banana, well that is one way to get potassium...
You're silly I think I'll follow you.
4178965 Because it ain't his story. I read the real one not too long ago. It's basically Copypasta'd.
4181906
Oh.
Should definitely have a dark tag. Otherwise, pretty funny.
If only heart attacks were this comical.
4178865
Yes, maybe in the next story Spike can be the one who dies in a hilarious fashion. Perhaps several times!
4185221
I already made it.
It's called Fiddle Fatnasty.
I don't know how to feel or what say about this, eh.
*favourites it*
....I like your choice of avatar.....
4186111
Thank you. I'm rather fond of it.
Oh dear,
Poor Fluttershy
This may be kind of messed up, but that's exactly what I want to happen at my funeral...
Comedy tag? This fic gave me the sads.
4185353
Does Spike die? :D
4189194
Ahp, sorry. Rarity's mostly the victim.
I lost it when I read the description.
4190021
See my response to your pithy PMs. Don't ever speak to me again.
4190232 I did apologize. And I sure as hell never threatened you with the kind of unwarranted violence that you threatened me with. I never would.
But I guess your ghetto origins explain everything.
4190363
But you did threaten me with what legally constitutes a physical attack on my person. I only told you the ramifications of carrying it out - with no threat of my own. Do you want to make this a legal issue? I've got my phone right here. Or maybe I should be nice and just report you for your threat, the one you desired to carry out on me for not liking the same fictional cartoon character you do.
Or should we just post our little PM tirade here on the story, since you seem so inclined to do so, you slack-jawed and insipid waste?
Or, instead. You could take my advice, shove your weak anger up your own ass next to your head, take your degrading apology and choke on it, and then NEVER SPEAK TO ME AGAIN. Like I've said TWICE prior to this. Further infractions will be considered harassment, and for God's sakes stop cluttering up this story's comments.
4190383
You two are fucking adorable.
4190510
You'll make me blush, Q. Stop.
Everything's smoothed over, nothing to see here.
4190383
I literally don't care what you're going on about, nor do I care who's right.
I don't even want to listen to you explain, so don't.
Just shut the fuck up and take it somewhere else, you insignificant little twatwaffle.
In the span of two comments, I fucking hate everything about you and everything you stand for.
I have no fucking idea what you are or what you stand for, but I hate it because you are a pedantic little shit.
Same goes for the other guy.
Did not get this story sorry