Virtue and Vice: Equestria

by enigmaMystere

Equus Tactics #38

If one were to look around at the room currently housing a most unlikely duo, they wouldn’t find much amiss. The little amount of furniture in the office was set up straight and orderly; the walls were bare of any hanging picture frames to block the bland-looking wallpaper; the single window that let light filter in remained unblocked by the curtains pushed to the side, and would likely remain unblocked for the entire day.

Then one would look at the simple desk in the back of the room almost directly beneath the window, and might think that this piece of furniture was meant to be somewhere else. Papers were piled barely half an inch high, yet still managed to fall off onto the floor at the slightest nudge - of which there were many. Odd trinkets and knickknacks, from a set of dice to a crushed soda can, littered almost the entire area that papers and the hooves of the pony sitting at the desk did not take up. And with said pony leaning back in his chair boredly, finding the blank ceiling more interesting than anything on his messy desk, his hooves weren’t taking up much space at the moment to begin with.

The other occupant of the room sits next to his chair, bemused by his friend’s laziness. ‘You know, you’ve got a mission summary to finish filling out.’ He leaps up onto the desk, knocking over a couple stacks and patting the paper in question with a silver paw. ‘Come on! You know that the Princess won’t let me roam the castle if we don’t do this!’

“I know, Merc. I know.” The pony’s sudden speaking would have made anyone else jump, he had been so quiet for so long. “I’m just not good with writing formally. You know this. I can’t just jot it down in a two-sentence point form style like the kind that got me through elementary school.” He sighs and sits up straight. “There’s not even a lot to say about it.”

‘That makes it that much easier!’ He lowers himself to the desk’s surface, whining softly. ‘I don’t like being cooped up, Win. Even if it’s three rooms.’ He huffs, nosing one of the quills. ‘Just say that we broke up the cult, and no one was harmed. And that the chicken made us almost mess up.’

Win, or Winter Solstice, just lifts an eyebrow. “You know, I was there and even I feel like I need context to understand a word of that.” Nevertheless, he sighs and picks up the quill nudged towards him with his magic before adding to his statement. “And please never call her ‘the chicken’ again. She doesn’t need another person whose face she wants to tear off.”

The creature shakes his head before resting his vulpine muzzle on a blue book, his twin bushy tails curling around his side. ‘It’s not like she understands me, anyways. Why can’t I have a little fun with that?’

“Because if she catches me laughing at nothing in particular, she’s gonna ask what’s up, and you know I hate lying.” He chuckles before finally putting quill to paper, scrawling down in a moderately neat print essentially the same thing his friend had said - though, of course, with a little elaboration on some of the more vague parts. And the modification of a certain word.

The fox smiles slyly, patting the unicorn on his shoulder. ‘Thanks. Can’t wait to taste that turkey they brought in for those Griffon dignitaries!’ He laughs brightly, which comes off more as a series of sharp barks.

The stallion groans, briefly pausing his writing. “Merc, you know I don’t like hearing about stuff like that...” He resumes at a slower pace, one hoof at his stomach.

‘Sorry. I guess I should work on my jokes a little more.’ He shrugs, nudging the book he rest his head on closer to Winter. ‘Though I think we could practice a bit more. That newest one still doesn’t… fly straight.’

The unicorn chuckles. “Hey, you’re the one getting on my case about filling this out. Let me finish before asking for something else.” He gives the fox a playful rub on the top of the head as the quill continues to move along the paper.

He happily murrs, leaning into the royal blue hoof. ‘Fine…’

Just as Winter levitates the quill back to its place on the desk (which, just like everything else on it, was just wherever it landed when he dropped it), he hears a knock coming from the door. Looking up, he glances at Mercury. “Might have to wait a little bit, actually. Somepony - someone - is at the door.” In a mutter, he adds: “Still not used to that...”

The fox grumbles, shifting himself to look at the door. ‘With our current team, I think that’s one thing you’ll need soon.’

“Yeah, but thankfully, I haven’t been called a racist yet.” He laughed lightly before turning to the door again and calling loudly. “Come on in!”

The door smoothly opens to reveal the knocker: a gray earth pony mare. Her expression is flat as she slowly enters, the door swinging shut behind her and barely causing a ripple in her modest frock. Blue eyes take in the scene in front of her without giving so much as a twitch of what she thinks of it. “Winter Solstice?” The barely questioning tone is the only thing keeping her voice from being as flat as her expression.

The stallion nods. “That’s my name, and I still hate my parents for it.” He chuckles, which trails off awkwardly when the guest offers nothing of the sort in response. After a moment, he gestures to a chair on the other side of the desk from where he sits. “H-Have a seat, won’t you?”

She does so without a word, quietly sitting on the offered seat and waiting.

Trying to regain his composure from the failed attempt at humour, Winter digs through some of the papers as though looking for a file. “So...you’re Maud Pie, correct?”

“Yes.” Her answer is about as blunt as the rest of her.

Mercury glances from the mare to the stallion and back, ears twitching slightly. ‘Well, this is awkward. So, is that Maud as in ‘maudlin’, or just some strange way of saying mud?’

To Winter, Mercury was actually speaking; however, to anyone else, the only sound in the room was a high-pitched yipping that neither pony reacted to. Not wanting to try replying to his fox friend in front of somepony who he was just now meeting, the unicorn elects to ignore him and move on to the next question he needs to ask.

“...I assume you’re wondering why you were asked to come here?” He pulls a copy of a letter he had sent a short while before out from one of the few remaining intact stacks of paper and glances over it as he waits for Maud’s reply.

She looks at him blankly. “I was asked to come here for a job.”

“...yes, you were.” He clears his throat. “Sorry about the vagueness of the letter I sent you. Had to restrict information in case someone else intercepted it. Good to know that wasn’t the case.”

“You probably had your reasons.” Where one would imagine she would shrug after that, there remains only her stillness.

Winter nods. “I did. This...‘team’, that you’ve been asked to join, is one of a few organized by the Princesses. Each of them consist of select individuals chosen to protect the nation of Equestria where such forces as the Elements of Harmony cannot, utilizing each member’s own skills and capabilities.” This small speech of his sounds almost rehearsed. “You’ve been recognized for your own...strengths...” He still had trouble believing some of the information he had been given. “...and we are asking if you would like to lend such strengths to the team, and join us.”

She takes all this information in stride. “What things does the team do?”

Mercury groans, laying his head on top of the unicorn’s foreleg, huffing softly. ‘Wake me up when you’re done with the boring stuff. It’s not like I can contribute in any way.’ He closes his eyes, his breath slowing to a nice, even pace.

Once his partner falls asleep, Winter rolls his eyes and continues on, trying to avoid moving the foreleg that now acts as a bed. “Well, we’re called ‘Tactics’ for a reason. I suppose the best way to explain what we do is...when the other teams aren’t completely sure what to do, we get in there and scout around. We don’t meet our foes head-on like the Elements of Harmony, but we don’t sneak like the Stealth team either. We use our brains more than our brawn to figure out what to do, we do it, and everybody goes home happy. Sort of a diverse, but effective, method of...” He trails off when he feels something on his hoof. Looking down, he notices Mercury nibbling on his leg as he sleeps. “...uh.”

Following his eyes down to the fox, Maud comments dryly as she moves a hoof to a pocket on her chest. “They’re always cuter when they’re asleep.”

Winter blinks, looking up at her with confusion; partially from wondering what she was going to take from her pocket, and partially from wondering how she managed to say something like that and still sound bored out of her skull.

She takes a small pebble from her pocket, rolling it around in a circle on her hoof as she looks down to it. “Boulder never wakes up until he wants to.”

It’s difficult, but the stallion manages to keep his eye from twitching. “...right...um. Where were we?”

She looks up from her rock. “You were telling me what the team does.”

“Team? ...right, the team. Uh...I think I’ve just about covered everything...” He flips through a couple sheets of paper with his free hoof. “Any questions?”

“Do you see interesting rocks on the missions?” There may have been the barest hint of some kind of emotion in that statement… or maybe Win is just imagining things.

“...we...” He scrambles in his mind for an answer to probably one of the few questions he was not expecting he’d have to answer. “...depending on the location...sure?”

She blinks at this, staying silent for a minute. “Am I unable to leave if I say yes?”

“You are free to leave whenever you so desire, if you have a good reason for it and if you agree to not say a word about this to anyone else you may meet.” In his mind, he has a feeling that for her, the second part would be no problem.

She stays silent for another minute before speaking once more. “I’ll join.”

Winter smiles, only slightly forced. “Perfect! Let me just get the form for you to sign...” He looks down at Mercury, whose sleeping (and nibbling) form is taking up all the free space that remains on the desk. “...and try to wake up my friend here.”

She nods once, simply watching and waiting.

Focusing his magic on the little fox rather than any papers, Winter attempts to shake him lightly enough to make him stir. “Hey, come on. I need that hoof.”

Mercury peeks open an eye, black tails flicking slightly. ‘You done?’

“Yeah, all but the signing part. Which you’re kind of preventing right now.”

Maud doesn’t seem to mind that the pony is talking to his pet.

‘Fine.’ He stretches as he gets up, yawning dramatically before grabbing the blue book in his maw. He leaps off the table and sits down, looking up at the mare quietly.

She looks at him blankly, moving the hoof holding her rock down to his level. “Boulder says ‘Hi’.”

The fox glances at the pebble, then back up at her. He puts the intricate book down, staring pointedly at her. ‘Do you think I’m not that bright? I know that’s a rock, not a boulder.’

“Merc, be nice,” Winter warns with a tone not unlike that of a teacher talking to a misbehaving student.

Having only heard the barking coming from the vulpine, Maud simply brings her rock back up and stows it in her pocket. “Very talkative pet.”

The stallion quickly shakes his head. “Mercury’s not my pet. He’s more like a partner, or an understudy, or something along those lines. But definitely not a pet.”

‘I’d go with partner.’ He huffs, grabbing the book and moving towards the door. His words are muffled and marred by the item in his mouth. ‘Anything else sounds like I’m beneath you.’

“Okay, he is a fellow team member.” She turns back to Winter, seeing if he’s found the forms yet.

Thankfully, further awkward silence is avoided as the unicorn pushes a quill and a sheet of paper to the mare. “Just read through it, sign where asked, and we’re done here.”

Tilting her head down towards the page, the mare silently does as told. After a few minutes, she leans down and picks up the quill in her teeth, scribbling her name in perfectly straight print where asked. After she sets the writing utensil back down, she looks back up to the stallion. “Can I bring back souvenirs from jobs?”

Taking the forms, Winter scans them quickly to make sure she signed in all the right places as he answers. “As long as nothing you take back is of more importance to us, or would be illegal for you to possess.”

She nods once, but does nothing else.

After a moment, Winter speaks again. “So...unless you have any other questions, I guess we should go get you acquainted with the rest of the team.” He stands up, knocking yet another stack of papers over with the movement.

Looking down at the papers, she comments as she stands. “You need a secretary.”

‘Yea,’ Mercury chuckles, pushing on the door with a paw, ‘but he’s too lazy to look for one.’

“I’m not too lazy to find one!” Winter retorted. “They just never stay more than a day.”

‘Because you’re such a slob.’ He grins, eyes twinkling mischievously.

Maud blinks. “I know rocks that make good paperweights.”

The stallion growls to himself as he walks ahead, leading the way. “I don’t know who’s worse,” he mutters quietly to himself. “The annoying fox, or the rock-obsessed mare...all we need is a bar to walk into and we can do the whole joke.”

The mare follows the two of them, still as straight-faced as ever.