- Member Since 2nd Feb, 2012
- offline last seen Nov 8th, 2015
dark ganymede
Just starting to write fics, constructive criticism is greatly appreciated.
dark ganymede
Joined 2nd Feb, 2012 ·
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Just a thought, I'm considering on doing a sequel to this so, let me know if I should or shouldn't. Any other suggestions help as well.
who the hell is Princess Cadence?!
383797 Are you trolling?
http://mlp.wikia.com/wiki/Princess_Cadence
383817
honestley im not...i dont troll
383911 Well then.
She's Princess Celestia's niece and she's canon. Other then that did you enjoy the story?
383917
sure did. I spotted a few grammar mistakes but i like it
383964 Grammar?
I'll fix that later.
Thanks.
383972 by grammar i mean: Missing words, minor spelling mistakes
good day
Not that i want to interfere your conversation but i just wanted to point out that i will read this story right this instant and that i will inform you about my cognitive attitude towards this transcription good sir
386130
If you could give your attitude to the story that would be nice if you don't mind.
Honestly: I really don't know what to say about the Fic. The characters were portrayed fine and it seems as if you have put a lot of effort and thought into the story.
However there were a few things that didn't let me enjoy the story as any other well writen story. First of all: it is too short. I know that many readers of clopficts want to get to the action but the steamy part has a much greater impact if you develop a relationship between the chracters that actually explains their behavoir. Although you have put effort into creating belivable characters you could have done so much more.
The Idea of Luna sacraficing herself for her best friend was very touching idea but again it came kind of rushed. You could have gone in depth with the feelings and development that drives her to this extreme action.
The other thing is the choice of characters. I just cannot imagine Princess Celestia being lustfull and stuff, she is more like a god figure to me. But again thats just my opinion. Maybe I'm too heavily influenced by Crowleys stories.
Bottomline if you want to continue writing short steamy fics you defenitely got the idea but if you want to shift more into the romance-steamy teritory I'd suggest you read one or two mature labeled fics by Crowley
Cheers
389936 Thanks! After writing this I was actually considering on extending it or making it multiparts and I'm working on a second chap of it right now. I rushed it a bit because I was bored I guess. I wanted to experiment. As for length, I'll probably revise this story and add in the second chapter but like I said this was just a side project, a break from my 15 chapter story. Thanks for the feedback though.
*insert epic you just found something melody here* Well, its done.
"Oh boy, I love incest!"
all the commenters so far have twilight in their name conspiracy
I tucking support this!!!!!!!!!!!
Hello there. I'm from High Quality Fictions and I'll be doing a review of your story. This comment will be copied to this thread.
I apologize beforehand if this sounds too angry/aggressive. This is just my method of reviewing; nothing personal.
I honestly find it very unrealistic that Luna would chose to forfeit her own life in order to save Shining Armor. True, he is an excellent guard (captain, whatever), but Luna herself is much, much more valuable to the ponies than he is. He is a meek mortal -- granted, with powerful magic -- but still, Alicorns are still known to be the most powerful beings in Equestria. I also didn't like how Celestia's interest for Cadance was introduced to the reader. It is shown like "she always had this thing for her" and "she had some traits of Twilight and some from Luna as well". Shouldn't it be the opposite, since Cadance is older than Twilight? It should be Twilight having some traits from Cadance, but I digress. The story quickly changes from a nice gloomy setting to full blown Molestia whom craves (not loves, for she blatantly states that she "wants her body") Cadance.
The bold part in the quoted text is present in the original story.
And, to top it off, we have Cadance getting all moody because Shining Armor died and then she goes to the Statue Garden to pleasure herself... wat?
And Cadance is masturbating whilst thinking of Celestia... I have no problem with this, were it not for the fact that she was sad a couple of minutes ago because of her deceased husband. Not even people with Manic-Depressive Psychosis have such volatile mood.
Sorry, I am not even going to try my hand at chapter 2, against my previous statement. It could be the epitome of brilliance, but it would do nothing to save this fanfic if the first chapter is present.
No.
711363
I asked you to review this? Or you did it on your own accord?
Either way thanks I guess, your review made me laugh.
711750 It was up to be reviewed. I'm not sure if you asked it or not. Might be a fan, IDK.
And I'm glad it made you laugh. Even if it's out of spite- you were happy for a moment, which is always something good.
is this luna X celestia shipping? and if so to what extent or amount is versus other shipping?