Page generated in 0.028 seconds
Total duration
1,015 users online
9,502 hits today, 2,004,447 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Chapter 6!
Enjoy. This was a fun chapter to write! I really appreciate your feedback and help!
To the death with out stargazer @_@
563440
Cliffhangars. Aren't they something?
563601 nop there stupid pplp that get stuck on a cliff
563646
Lulzy.
563678 like blue balls pplp give me wired looks when I'm obviously talking about blueberries duh.
"Filly Flasher"
and duel to the deaths are great fun for the entire family!
Unarmed, no-magic duel to the death? I thought her best chance was Stargazer?
I only found one tiny error in this one:
> and [its] causing the other gangs to stop fighting
"it's"
Do you have something against Twilight, or something?
I just can't resist any longer, it's become far to blatant to ignore.
....really....a full metal alchamist reference?...i mean, it is working surprisingly well...but......just..really?
Okay, so, they found a safe place for the night, Star's drunk, and they met the final pony to join their team, but what wacky circumstances are they going to end up in to make her want to tag along?
.... after last chapter....... BOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! TO SOON! TO SOON!
But another sweet little opening bit. Very true and, so dmn good. Do like their relationship overall just, well, you know.. felt rushed. Not even all that much, they'd been together a long time, clearly cared about each other from the start just, how much Star went on about not being sure how Iris felt, and then seemingly out of nowhere, boom together. Just, didn't have a lot of emotional build up like it seemed it should. If they had been like that from the start, it wouldn't have been odd, or, even have her have more of a reaction when Iris revealed she did have those feelings. But still very sweet.
A "We're all going to die, the shit's hit the fan Game over man, GAME OVER!" type alarm due to her simply being in the building and the universe not being able to have shit go wrong around her.... or simply a "Wake the fuck up" alarm?
Okay, so given the lack of screaming and her general attitude, the "wake the fuck up" type. Also....
D'awwwwwww
Wait.... WHAT! Oh.. ohhhhhh.. BUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Very nicely done story.
Well, this could take some explaining. Just like... how is Patch pressed up against Star's legs... if Star is on her back?
WHOOOOOO!!!!! Go Star.. Go Star!
Also... CALLED IT!
That could very well be what happened. Maybe you'll get lucky and they'll help refresh your memory on that if it did.
Yup, so, looks like your mare friend might be open to all kinds of fun. Lucky you.
Seriously.. this scene is just getting better and better.
Wait.... damnit story going to make me go double check this aren't you? One sec.....
Okay never mind. Guess I was thinking about another place they stopped they explicitly got two rooms, one for him, one for them. Carry on.
First... so they even got the plumbing working, and a good supply of water? nice. Second.... pony toilets... just, something you never really think about, and I really wish I could not think about.. thanks a lot story. Third, why would the flushing toilet remind her she should be asleep? I mean, that Violet is coming back yeah, but she just said go back to bed, not like she can expect you to pass out again that quick, or be upset if you don't
Awwwwwwww So much for super sexy mare three way fun time..... Dang. Though, saw it coming.
Well, if it doesn't happen by the end of the story, I'm sure some type of one shot little off shoot bit where it happens can be arranged. Granted, might end up the two 'little green mares' are aliens that abduct you for very sexy experiments, not the two you want......
okay, that scene.. that entire scene.... it was AMAZING!
HEY! You are the one who thought it first!
Of course, one of the laws of the Wastes, no main character can enter any sort of town or community or building filled with non-aggressive ponies without getting at least one sub-quest to deal with while there.
Now you are just being paranoid. Yeah he said others, but 1. It's DISCORD!, 2.Likely meant some other rather high end, knows about this stuff entities. Not likely other groups who likely have no idea what is going on.
Yeah, they know the routine.
Oh hi Greed!
Hey and she knows this too. So, time for some 'STAR SMASH!'?
Somehow, I am not the least surprised.
Yeah I definitely like Patch. Also, she has a good point so double awesome.
Though given her image in the title picture... this is going to go badly for her, isn't it?
Oh hell yeah!
If you don't use them all up shooting dummies... really need to work out a way to find out how much ammo is left in that things before you drain it completely.
The rest of the training bit, ehhhhh... why would they have live fire training bots? Or, anything as complicated and impossible to replace as one they actually shoot at with live ammo? I mean it was impressive, but quick and, so many questions....
More proof of the fact that ponies are part cat.
So, getting from the hotel, to the center of the city takes over a day, but getting from Manehatten to Filly takes only a few hours? Space is warped and time is bendable.
Or did they just leave really really late?
Yeah cause the rest of you passed the fuck out while she did. Just, don't do that again. But, she does have a point, she's their biggest hitter, so if something does happen.... to bad there's no way of snapping somepony out of an orb early.
Pretty smart idea. Definitely not Littlepip, then again if this was Littlepip, she would have watched all six orbs before even leaving Tenpony.
Then again....... That's a bad Star. Bad Pony. Just be glad it wasn't a Pinkie Promise. Well, how screwed will they be when she wakes up?
OOOoooOOO
That... that was.. was........ Just... sad but.. touching and, just... so well done, even with how sad it was. Not rushed, direct, it felt like how they would react. Even AJ, crying on the inside but being strong for her friends. And, it's easy to see ways this could tie in, what this might drive Twi to do. Maybe some secret project that led to Star, or simply the IMP project itself. So, definitely the best of the memories yet.
Damnit, got distracted and hit the post button before I was done, oh well enjoy this bit rest will be along soon.
Okay, so they aren't to screwed, just Star. And well, you brought this one on yourself.
Well, that was fairly quick. But.. it works. She was more angry at her for doing it, but it was a quick anger. She vented a bit, Star made clear she regretted it, and they do care about each other so, yeah it works. But still, better find the only florist shop in the wastes still operating and get her something nice ASAP Star.
That never bodes well.......
So, the old pretend to be a slaver here to sell the others to the group trick?
Wait the crater is FULL of radiation, and we've already seen it supercharge one alicorn, a Balefire phoenix, and a ghoul. So, just have Star chill out in there till she goes Super-Alicorn mode and have her squash the place?
Well, so not the old try to fool them trick, but simply blow them the fuck up. I like this mare.
They have StealthBucks/Stealth Cloaks.... well fuck.
Wow... there's psycho, and then... there's this fucker.
Rip his head off Star.
Well, as nuts as he is, he likely might not have thought to remove those explosives, soooo, Boom Boom time?
Also, wait, they are leaving them alone, in a cage, together, everypony paying attention to Greed... why not just teleport out?
Yes, let's wait for some arbitrary big event to kill the hero and enact your plan for ultimate power, rather then doing it at the first possible moment.
Like.. Teleporting maybe?
Gee what a surprise.
So, ummmmmm, this could go to a rather fun place. (Yeah yeah, platonic love, not romantic, but still.......)
Well that was certainly interesting. Not.. not entirely sure how to feel overall after that. It was good, lot to think about, somewhat odd, but it made sense. Now, how will it inspire Star to rip these raiders to pieces?
Again, nothing good ever comes from that phrase...
Okay then, again not quite sure about that. It's interesting but, another dragon? And, what does it mean and, yeah over thinking it, nice little bit, sweet, her needing to open up to Star, trust her this much, given this could end very badly.
So, rather touching
... Okay so, she can teleport, she remembers she can, why doesn't she just port them all out of the camp then blow it the fuck up?
Yup, this looks like it'll go as well as any 'plan' can. But, why would he? He's Greed, not Pride. Then again, gotta prove he's got the biggest dick for the rest to follow him, plus he's cocky, and he knows he's invulnerable... let's see how he likes splatting from half a mile up.
Okay overall..... Damn good chapter, few places near the end it got a bit closer back to being rushed, but once more nitpicking, all around, good, solid, nothing amazing other then how hilarious awesome that first scene was. Pacing is MUCH better, nice clifhanger, so yeah, story is really taking off.
Greed's not that great a villain. He's power-hungry and invincible and that's about it. I'll say I kind of appreciate just how far toward cartoon villainy you pushed with that speech of his, though. I like the idea of someone trying to keep the Wasteland wild. Also, I wish Star would stop talking to the reader. >.<
So I've been pretty harsh on this piece so far; let me point out two good things. First, it took 5 chapters, prologue included, to get even the merest hint of rape, and so far none has really occurred. That's a distinct leg-up over the original, if you ask me. Second, I've been doing considerably more yelling at the characters than at you. For all that we never got a good look at Star before we're supposed to care about her situation, that means that I consider their actions realistic enough, they don't seem like plot contrivances, and that's good.
There's some of the character depth I was looking for in the side characters.
I know this is a long time ago written, and hopefully the issues aren't as common.
But she constantly cries at a beat, doesn't use any magic at all, and acts more like a pegasi filly.
Not to mention the inconsistencies throughout the first few chapters where they're going to bed just past sunset and she uses an orb, comes out at sunrise?
A twenty minute memory? An hour of night?
I'm still reading, don't get me wrong here, but I just hope she stops crying over everything and using some magic.
I mean she can teleport, and it's in a cage with all her friends and two guards well outside the cage. And she can't teleport them to a roof across the street or a block away where they can make a break for it in the confusion?
GAH!
Alicorn. Use magic! 😃
Tut tut Star, no breaking memory orb related promises, even for Jeff Wayne's WotW songs.