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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Ah need a couple o' days and Ah'll send ya PM after read all of new chapters.
lol Lucky came back as a ghost I like that I doubt its her crazy but its weird that only she can see Lucky though
For a mare named Lucky, she seems to be extremely UNlucky. Shot Star by accident, killed by a ghoul, and now she can't even travel to the Afterlife? Not to mention that she gets lost all the time.
But still, she would make a great spy. Nopony can see her, shoot her, or talk to her, and she can walk through walls. EXPLOIT!
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Iknowright?
totally unexpected .. again XD really should stop trying to guess
And I have to say it once more, a really ambitious story sir!
Keep it up!
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Thanks. Trust me, I'm sure to keep it going!
PM'd you.)
Wasted all my good stuff pming you on irc.
Now awaiting a chapter .5 depicting this "pleasure" the Lotus clan treats prisoners with.
Okay, really great story, really, really great plot and characters. I mean, the last time that I had to stand up and walk away before I started breaking things was past sins. You are toying with my emotions in a good way, thanks.
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D'awww, well I'm glad that my characters and story have provoked even some sort of response, means I'm doing something right at least. Thank you very much for your comment, it's much appreciated.
Finally it started being really, really interesting to read.
Alright, so now Star has her hooves on a Megaspell that should not even exist, let alone be where it is, and a pony, who by all evidence we've seen also should not exist is dead and she blames herself, well, this is going to be interesting.
Hmmmm, go the snarky, "that's not dying Star, that's just you wishing you were. Maybe if you'd stop getting beat up so much." type approach. Or along the same vein, pull out some Sir Pterry
Sam Vimes: "Will you help me?"
Death: "Of course."
Sam: "When?"
Death: "When the pain becomes to great to bare."
But yeah I get she means painful for those who knew the dead pony.
Well, and again, that would hold more weight if there was more bonding between them, more time for the two of them to get to know each other, more connection to Lucky.
Well even for Star's normally oh so uplifting and cheery start of chapter asides, this one was pretty morbid and glum. It pretty well speaks for itself, and yet, yeah, wow can Star get melodramatic. (And yes, more hammering in how hard Twi's lose hit her... I think that nail is as flat as it's going to get.)
True, but we do know that it was made out of gems, maybe some metal, but it was mostly gemstones. Hence why Mouse ate it.
A question even more apt then you know Star.
... Okay, yes a megaspell is bad news, but ONE megaspell isn't going to be THAT bad. Even a Pink Cloud one, it would make a region impossible to live in even more then normal, and could wipe out this city sure, but wouldn't really do much past that. Plus, without a dragon to eat it and become an undead Pink Cloud factory because of it, it would fade after a much shorter time then Canterlot.
..... Star....... the Pink Cloud megaspell had been going essentially non-stop, without anything containing it, for the past two centuries.
Technically true, but it only prevented the spread to the outlying towns directly around Canterlot, giving them time to evacuate, nothing any further out was in any danger from it.
Okay this, this I agree with, the fight to gain control of this thing would be HUGE, and likely end up with it detonated inside the city in the process.
It's where I keep all my stuff.
It's an AJ statuette isn't it?
Okay... there has never been any hint of memory orbs having different colors depending on the memories in them...... though I'm having a hard time remembering ANY mention of memory orb coloration other then the Black Opal's used in recolectors, so as long as this isn't one of those, I'll give you a pass... this time.
"Do as I say, not as I do." Also, alright so where did this one come from? AJ was one of the two that had four out of seven accounted for, including Twilight and AJ's own copies of them. Breaburn had AJ's in Iron Shod's HQ, and Twi's is with Spike, like her entire set has been. So, whose AJ figure is this one, and how did it get where it is now?
See this.. this whole bit, THIS is good, this actually shows her having anger issues, over reacting, lashing out in excess to what the situation calls for. Good job story.
And now she's hallucinating dead ponies...... yeah this is making a really good case for Star losing it now.
At this point, that is kind of an understatement.
No.. no it doesn't. "The Wasteland" simply doesn't care, at all. Cold, unfeeling, not caring at all about the lives it ruins.... it's rather Lovecraftian in that respect.
Huh... okay so hallucination... or ghost? Ghosts are actually canon to FOE.... though under rather specific circumstances.. however those were spelled out in Kkat blog posts not the official story so can't realistically expect things to fit perfectly. Generally a hallucination would be a projection of Star's subconscious and not actually seem to think it's the real Lucky. But if a ghost... how? As to Star being able to see her... did she take the Wild Wasteland Trait? But still, so long as there is an explanation for what is going on and how she became a ghost, how Star can see her etc... do like the ghost idea better then the hallucination.
How is a ghost creating hoofsteps?
Good question.
Giving her the gun did nothing for causing her death, and there wasn't much you COULD have done to save her.
I think we past that point awhile ago Star.
Star just cannot catch a break.. also, alright Lucky what the buck did you do?
..... Alright story, have to admit.... mobster Brahmin... never saw that one coming and.. well.... it is kind of an awesome idea.
And good bye goons.
Star.... when the buck are you going to learn about this thing called 'cover' it tends to greatly reduce the number of bullets that hit you.
you mean 'at hoof'?
Again story.... show don't tell. Show this happening, don't just say it is.
That has got to be one of the stupidest ideas ever... in so many ways. First off, that would kill all of you as well. Second, do you really think Star wouldn't rather set it off herself in a relatively isolated area then let you use it how you want?
Yeah... you really need to work on the whole strategic thinking thing Star.
What? Why? How? Okay story this is coming a bit to fast and out of nowhere, why the hell is he that suicidal AND stupid?
Or, did Star just roll a natural one on her Sense Motive?
So... which faction went and sneaked it out while you all were busy? This getting comical. New one as well? Or Lotuses? Stealth is kind of their thing. Still, how seriously stupid are all of these people? That thing makes a HORRIBLE chess piece for them, they only have one, and setting it off would kill them as well. So why would anyone actually use it in the city?
Yup. Star... just get your friends, and get the buck out of the city... leave these idiots to their own idiocy.
Something Star really should have figured out they'd be doing.
...... see a bit above for a response to that. Yeah same issue.
This really would be rather pathetic.... if it wasn't just so damn comical. Story.. I'll fully give you credit here on pulling this off really well. Keeping things just absurd enough to be comedic, yet not going into full out farce and also keeping it serious at the same time. Tone wise, it's really close to the show, even a bit more so then FOE itself at times in that regard. So yeah, doing a really good job with that.
Hmmm, normally I would ding the story for just foisting a line in like this simply for having it, without it making sense in context for why the character would say it.
However.... Star does have a lot of Twilight's memories leaking through so.. that phrase just popping into her head regarding this.. yeah I could totally buy.. good job story.
So....being dead let's you see invisible things? That.. does kind of make sense.. I mean it's not like they have retina that photons are impacting to create vision, so something that is invisible because it's bending photons around it, really shouldn't work.... Also, Star, now would be a really good time to again remember you know how to teleport.
Or that, though not that great an idea, they all know where it is and with enough time, offense always crumbles to defense, they would eventually find a way to cut into the vault... granted take a while and be really hard given each faction would be fighting each other too. But still so long as they know it's there, it won't be safe. Best bet... Teleport it away, hide it, AND seal the vault making them think it's still there and waste time trying to get in.
Pretty sure it doesn't take much to move that thing, you know, besides a strong back depending on how heavy it is. But it is still light enough the Zebra's managed to smuggle one undetected into Canterlot.
Well that's a neat trick.. where'd you pick up that one?
Again.. not hard given it wouldn't be giving off any radiation in the first place..... And even if it was, why would you have to 'grit your teeth' Alicorns are healed and even super charged by radiation.
Or, was she soaking up the radiation specifically TO super charge herself a bit and pump more power into her spell?
Still bravo for doing the smart thing Star. Still would have been better to seal the vault and make them think it's still there, but given you didn't know how to do that... not bad.
At this point Star.. why are you ever surprised? Though guessing you over taxed yourself with the teleport and passed out.
Yeah... really new.....
Wellll.. Technically......
Not sure if not so subtle dig at Star's rather lacking power of observation and deduction or not.....
........ That is not how it works story..... each pony has their own Virtue that they hold above others and is more a core part of themselves, with those six simply being the most important for ponies, but hardly the ONLY ones, hence Littlepip's virtue being Sacrifice, Steelhooves' Persistence etc... They are not the only six virtues, and it's pretty clear that it was exactly that train of thought, focusing ONLY on those six, that caused Littlepip to take so long to understand her own.
Again.. no not how it worked. Hell she gave her lie to safe Fluttershy, RIPPED UP HER SOUL in order to try and help her friends... no she did not. Granted, this might just be Star's own rather twistedly cynical take on the past.
Or not..... yeah not how it worked story.. at all.
Still dubious about that assertion, on both parts.
...... okay.. this.. this I did not see coming and.. actually makes sense.. I never thought about what type of baggage Star might be carrying over this and.. yeah that.. that makes a lot of sense.. just... wow.. nice one.
It sure is nice having a running plot driver in your head to tell you stuff like this when needed, isn't it Star?
Okay about halfway.. and liking most of the chapter and getting back to having a lot of interesting twists, some good stuff, and a few more 'that's not how that works' issues.. but get into those later.
So, Star is seeing and talking to ghosts, is now able to also communicate with the 'spirits' of the Elements of Harmony for lack of a better term, and has just made off with her own personal doomsday device. Star, how much more screwed up can your life get?
Hmmmm, really unlikely those would have lasted, or have been left on all by themselves for two centuries, complete with beeping so, who she'd end up teleporting to? She was aiming for Rarity (Or was it Twilight?)'s hotel room.. could see either of them having something like this there, so who moved in and started using it, or was she just way off target?
You mean you don't see the INVISIBLE megaspell? This being Star if it is a case of it still being cloaked, she'll nearly break her shin tripping over it...
Hmmm, so there is someone there... and for some reason, I'm betting it's the Minotaur...
Called it! Also 'cackled" as in, coming from some kind of speaker?
"I thought you'd be bigger" cliche *ding*
Star.... really? You REALLY have to ask that? At this point, it's a bigger question how ponies DON'T know who you are. At least with Littlepip, as much as DJ kept extolling her awesomeness, she never gave a physical description, and there really wasn't much all that distinctive about her aside from being small. You kind of stand out.
How, who, and why? DJ having them was explained. Hacking into an Equestria wide monitoring network that the MAS, MOM, and MAW were all joint working on while putting up the SPP towers.
How hospitable. I can see a good reason this guy doesn't seem to get many guests.
Hundred caps says Littlepip could find it in her sleep. Also, so, now what ridiculous errand is Star going to have to go on for him?
Well, glad for that.. yeah I really did not like his stage persona.
I kind of doubt he has cameras down there.
Then again, if they'd been dragged out of that vault by now.... how long was she out this time?
Okay, how did he get spy cameras in there? Also, wow with treatment like that, Star should be jealous she wasn't on of the ones captured.
Again, this really isn't good for Violet as a character, it really reduces her. Being THAT terrified? Scared yes but, this is just... pushing it to far for a pony that till now has been as level headed and confident and in control as her.
No shit Sherlock.
You know... not counting the events that just saved the Wastes from an Enclave invasion and returned the sky to it..... Also, even before that, Friendship was rather common, just limited to those you could trust and ponies were very very wary of trusting anypony else, so it was a rather limited commodity.
......... No way......... Though he could simply be a Chaotic type of character and not actually BE Discord. Still, alright story that was a well done show line, good job.
Like I said back then, your deal never stated anything about what condition the device had to be in.
That......... is completely and totally logical and makes complete sense.
Now THAT........ I am not exactly surprised but still... Well, yup definitely a connection. (Though took me till here to get it, reading the name the first time, I thought he said Wraith.) Still, Wrath being there and doing that... again.. did not see this coming, and yet, it does seem to fit perfectly.
Kudos for actually remembering the Alicorns are supercharged by radiation, not hurt by it. Also, at least you don't have to port as far this time.
Of course DOES raise the question of how she got here, why her teleport brought her here......
So, going one way was a massive strain and require absorbing a ton of radiation and the strain blacked her out. But making that same port the other way... is almsot boringly simple?
So, you figured Star would need your help... and so stayed in the one place you know she isn't, because she explicitly left that place. And hung around on just a vague guess that maybe she'll come back when she has no reason to? And if she's stuck to Star, why was she left there and not pulled to where Star went, or drawn there? What is sticking them together if Star can just leave like that? Or is she simply figuring, since Star is the onyl one who ca see her, might as well stick to her? Very confusing what Lucky is talking about and doing right now.
So, Star isn't sure if she's hallucinating Lucky or not still? Even though you didn't see her at all when you teleported, and Lucky displayed the ability to acquire and reveal to you information you did not know nor have anyway of getting on your own?
Or accepts Lucky is a ghost, and figures her 'new kind of crazy' is being able to see her anyway?
Why would a group like that set up in an MAS hub? Seems like there would be better options to set up that kind of shop.
Ummm, no.... you did nothing at all to bring her along, nor did anything to get her killed.
This.. is a decent point. The "I should have been able to do something" train of thought, it does make sense. It isn't rationale but, it does make sense for Star to feel this way. But still fail to see how she could possibly blame herself for getting Lucky involved in this in the first place given she had nothing at all to do with that.
Ummm, Lucky.. how does that make sense? I mean, yeah the line itself does, but how does that make sense in relation to what Star said. She doesn't think she is weak because she cares, she thinks she is weak because she couldn't save you, that, has nothing to do with your response.
Okay, Star blaming herself, perfectly understandable, Spark doing it too... unless Spark is just trying to be a dick and fucking with Star for some reason........
Ooookay, yeah this is... kind of what the fuck Spark!? Or, is this all part of some grand plan being used to manipulate Star?
Very good question.
That... isn't right.... unless Lucky actually is a manifestation of Star's mind somehow, also in there. But then, explain the seeing the bomb?
Wait, SEE her? IS that Pride tagging along invisible and fucking with Star's head? Or, was Spark always a separate entity.... this.. just got a lot more confusing, but maybe get some answers out of it now.
Well then... that's not an evil color scheme at all... nope... So we have an evil Twilight clone following Star around... another spirit? Was this all just her messing with Star? Really the embodiment of the Element of Magic or.. something else? Ghost? Just, SO many questions. Plenty of possibilities so, time to see where they go? Oh could others see Spark now too? Just... so many ways this could be going, and all I know is, do not trust 'Spark' at all. Just just.. LOOK AT THAT COLOR SCHEME! That is pure evil right there.
Maybe you could sell tickets, raise a few bits?
Yes... that's not creepy at all.....
I just NOW got that Chicacolt is supposed to be a play on Chicago. I was saying it more like "Chick-a-colt" and thinking about like some Latin American type city name
If this really is the camp of some group, why wouldn't they have cleaned up a bit? That cannot be healthy or pleasant to have around. Sure most places are left lie this, but only because they are either abandoned, or infested by raiders. Why would a building that has been occupied by non-raiders for a while not have been cleaned up?
Okay, this just raises even MORE questions. makes sense they'd cam out in another MAS hub, but why? And... will we actually get some answers now? What was The Minotaur doing in all this? Is he what I'm suspecting he is? Just, so many questions...
I mean, yeah she's been under a lot of stress, but still.... this is getting almost farcical with how easily she get's knocked out.
So, we manage to have a blackout without a trip inside her head... story simply had nothing to do in there, or a sign of something going on now that she's seen Spark? Also, so.. they picked her up and put her in bed. Good call, and way to not be assholes. And then stood around watching her sleep... okay that's crossing into creepy.
And why are they talking about signs and portents and what not? The Twilight Society was never like that.
That is one hell of an understatement. Though 'magical burnout' and yet able to teleport back the same way that caused the burnout without any issue, and having no real trouble doing anything with magic that we've seen? Again it's a show don't tell issue. When Littelpip dealt with it, we directly saw her having trouble with her magic, struggling to do even the most basic levitation, could feel the strain she had to do and how much it was affecting her.
Ummmmm..... Why? There are a LOT of alicorns now, and, Twilight was never a goddess, or even close. Even in the show she's still clearly a few tiers below Celestia and Luna.
Ummm, the only one left there was Life Bloom, who had no damn clue what was going on. So not really 'brethren' I mean, sure I guess it could be singular, but it sounds odd in context for them to be talking about just one pony.
You're not alone in that one Star.
How... why.. I don't even know where to begin listing how many ways that does not make sense. Or at least appears not to, that.. just raises even MORE questions then it answers, and not in a good way.
No story, just no. Pinkie you can get away with having some idea, especially since it was up for debate just how clear things were to her. She knew about Littlepip, and knew about some things Littlepip would need, but they were rather common sense things that you could logically deduce she would need. information about the Statuettes and the black Book, details on just what the SPP was, etc... And even then they were pretty much just a backup plan in case she couldn't stop the End. Twilight pulling that... is really stretching it. Doubly so with that much detail. Which was most likely knowing that in order to activate The Gardens they would need a new Element of Magic and.. well we'll see where this goes, have some ideas already.
Star.. out of all the things that have come out of nowhere, and all the things that don't add up... this was the one thing that should have been extremely clear from the very start.
Very good question, added to that, what the fuck IS Spark cause.. after that reveal.......
Given what that face was..... I don't blame you.
Given the flow of events.... what makes you think you aren't still IN the MAS hub? Why wouldn't you still be there for that matter?
Seriously? If that really IS from Twilight.. not buying it in the slightest. No way that could work. Now, Spark being behind it... still a bit of a stretch to be that detailed, but given the circumstances, could work. Of course that means whatever is behind this is linked to the Sin Ponies.
Next question, why? On the twilight Society's part. Why would they do this? they weren't some cult bound in honor to Twilight and worshiping her as some prophet or religious figure like they are coming off here. They didn't even really venerate her beyond her being a genius who created all their neat toys. They were a Society dedicate to preserving and protection the knowledge she left behind in Tenpony Tower. To her work and what she created, not the pony herself.
Ooookay, yup this is starting to actually make sense. Of course, this just makes the Society doing this all the more WTF!?
And why are they taking orders from it? Again, their defining trait was them being stubborn assholes who believed they knew best what to do. until Littlepip beat them over the head with how screwed up their policy was. Is this.. just them having a massive over correction? Just.. it feels really out of place for them to be acting like this.
Yeah, this person also said this was the Cult of Iron Will, so, take things with a grain of salt. Also, more proof something is up with the Minotaur, and he's tied up in these events somehow.
Me to, three above all. What. The. Buck!?
At least you are smart enough to realize there IS someone behind the scenes manipulating things.
Gee, certainly didn't see that coming....
derpicdn.net/img/view/2012/6/27/22463__safe_animated_scootaloo_sweetie+belle_reaction+image_hearts+and+hooves+day_oh+come+on.gif
Seriously!? This is just getting ridiculous. Star..... please feel free to tell them to go buck themselves.
Not really... well other then as, you know, the one in charge of freaking Celestia One! Seriously, them just leaving like that.. still makes no sense at all.
Which they never really were.....
Well, given Star wants that scroll too, guess It make sense for her to go after it.
Wait, why are they working on the free the friends plan, when she was told that would only go down AFTER she found the scroll?
Okay, so it is a case of this being under the Hub, was suspecting that and.. fair enough it does kind of make sense, or is at least plausible, Twilight would create something like that.
Wait, they never bothered to make a copy of it?
Well this chapter got a lot more interesting near the end. can't say I really like the portrayal of the Twilight Society. they come off more like "The Cult of Twilight" then what they originally were. It's not to to bad, but just off enough to stick out to me. Still, learning more about what is going on, and proof there is something behind these events, and likely tied to the Sin Ponies.. something is up with the Minotaur.. lot's of hints.. Lucky and who knows what is up with her. Spark clearly being evil in some form or another leading to a whole mess of implications.
So yeah still invested in the story, even if there are a lot of points I need to either point out the illogicality of them as they are presented, or simply snark at.