Page generated in 0.04 seconds
Total duration
1,074 users online
1,721,048 hits today, 2,004,447 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Oh my first Just like clockwork updates and now FO:E Starlight now tahts a nice way to end a day for me.
On to reading the chapter!
Suddenly Echo and his band of merry misfits appear!
No, you say?
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4ekrscSOp1qi6aga.jpg
Ohnoez cliffhanger AND first relationship problems!
And the first thing i thought of when they realized they had to go back to Fort Knowledge was a litte rhyme one should know
"To find your precious Elements just make sense of this turn of events: twists and turns are my master plan then find the elements back where you began"
And now there is this band of villans that are kinda special and to spit out a wild guess i would say Pride is something like a changeling while Lust has soul jar wings!
What i noticed about pretty much every FO:E story is that the hero always beats him/herself for not saving ponies whose death was completly out of his/her control to prevent. In this moments i always think that i would just be glad it hit them and not me.
Does that make me a bad person?
ugh cliffhanger cant wait for the next chapter
651544
Doesn't make you bad at all! I am trying to keep that as low as possible though, the occasional why me is worth it.
Nothing will be revealed yet about Lust and Pride. I will say that although they know of each other, they are independent and do not work with each other unless it suits their own interests.
Thank you again for the kind words and your little chapter reviews, they have been quite awesome!
651803
I know right? Thanks again!
651464
Hilarious good sir. Quite hilarious. Thanks for the comment!
an ambitious story among other things IMO, and I like it!
I'm not one for long critics so all I have for you is great story and keep it up ^^
I expected the part about pinkie and her last message and you did a great job! You really did do that scene justice.
And that's it, now I'm off to read the next chapter.
It's too bad there's no one with a couple mechanical limbs to take care of all these emotions running wild.
Slowly getting through this. Being ill doesn't help much -_-
> “Where isn’t it safe for us?”
Looks like this should say "Where is it safe for us?", to show Star's point is moot since all of the wasteland is dangerous anyway.
> The blades from the pegasi’s wings
"the pegasus' wings". The fact there are multiple wings is no reason to use the plural form of 'pegasus'.
> “Ah ah… spoilers. You’re not supposed to know that one yet,”
That... kinda doesn't make sense if she's there to kill them, now is it? It's as if she expects to fail
The fma references are becoming physically painful.
Soo...FMA? also, if you want a cyborg to kill Sins, try Security. She has enough cypernetics for the job. Or Silver Storm, fresh out of Heroes.
The word 'several' was used far too many times in this chapter... Rarities necromancy spells, Lust's kills and those putting out fires, amount of crates being transported, the entire rad scorpions battle and aftermath, Fluttershy posters, Killer Joke fields, amount of Alicorns that are supposed to be in the zebra town. (You use several quite a few times to describe the number of things in previous chapters as well.) I believe you need a bit more variety in numbers to keep ones imagination running, just picturing several of stuff so many times is boring and a headache.
The dialogue with Diamond Night could use more information, I was honestly expecting Violet to probe Diamond for the whereabouts of the other six Alicorns that were supposed to be in the village and the fight between Star and Violet just seemed rushed.
I'm sure Steel and Patch have their own reasons for not butting into a squabble between Star and Violet, but both of them are combat veterans and in their line of work your long term survival rate demands strong survival instinct and good intuition... Why they did not voice their own opinions regarding Diamond Night's threat level or why they were not even asked for their support opinions to validate Stars or Violets arguments is bothersome... Aren't these four supposed to be friends? Shouldn't they at least try to look out for one another, before all hell breaks loose?
Oh, Pride, you pitiful fool. If Twilight ever wakes up - if she sees what her pride wrought upon the world - you shall never see the light of day again.
Gawd dammit Star when will you learn that if you can teleport others, you can teleport enemies downwards!
Alright, REALLY gotta stop letting stuff come up and focus on doing some more of these.
Well we had left our heroines in a rather touching, sad position. So, where to next? And was this really why Homage had sent them that.. way way WAY to cryptic hint to go here?
Given he past condemnation for the ponies of the past, this is actually rather big deal. And does show her growing, better understanding how complex things were back then. And just, so very very beautiful.
Those, potential to be right up there and, very poignant. Except.. for the fact she hadn't really cuased any pain that I can think of. Nothing on the level of needing to worry about forgiving herself. Granted it's still a good sentiment, and a very powerful opening but, why is she feeling that bad about herself?
No. no.. bad commentary. Don't kill this sad quite, touching, moment with minor quibbles.. don't...... okay but keep this in mind, I'm coming back to it
Okay that makes it a tad better.
Okay, pretty much what I thought. And moment is mostly over so, time for the quibbling.
That "lost herself in her Project" I don't like it. It over emphasis something that only came up here. makes the whole project take on to large a roll. Makes it seem so large, so important if it alone was causing her that much distraction. Now, Spark referring to it as "projects' as in, all her work at her Ministry, this, the Stealth Suit, the IMP, The Gardens. All of it. That.. fits perfectly. But trying to single out this one as being so much more a drain on her attention, compared to the epicness of the IMP and Gardens. It feels a little.. trying to hard to make this story's plot points be major issues in the established setting. No where NEAR as bad as certain other stories, but still shades of it.
Also, her knowing Rarity was using necromancy.. how? The only spell Rarity used.. wait wait.... the mirror spell. The touch a mirror and make it reflect your soul rather then your image. That... okay i COULD see Twi working out the basics of it, enough to see the necromantic parts of it. Know Rarity knows something she isn't telling. Alright story you get a pass on that one.
Yeah i REALLY can't see Twilight forcing this on anypony. maybe, like using a nearly dead volunteer? Somepony who was mortally injured, and this process could save them? Something like that? But, yeah it is really really hard to see Twi going THAT far. Or, is that why she never completed it? She knew what it would entale?
Ohhh, SOOO many places i could go with that.. I have no idea where to start.....
Sometimes, that CAN work.. but very very rarely. And this does not feel like one of them.
That.... cannot be good. And yet, still SO much story left to go so... plenty of twists there.
.. I.. I just....
Yeah I quibbled about minor details but this whole scene was just.. so.. tragically, sadly beautiful. Giving pinkie the final resting place Littlepip regret failing to give her. handling it well, subtly, yet powerfully. Just, so good... sad.. but good.
So, back to Tenpony. Though not hitting up those books first does make sense, since they wold have had no idea what they were looking for. Now they have a better idea about what is going on. If not the complete picture, and so stand a better chance of finding the right thing.
Oh.. orrrr that. Though I'd say checking out the books in her antheneum wold be better first. It's closer, plus that was her private stash. Books she kept that she wanted secret. Books that were on the MoI's 'destroy' list, but that Rarity saved for her.
And you know that reminds me.... they really really REALLY need to freaking read The Book of Littlepip, or here the full story, something. It would give them the perfect place to go. Spike. (It reminded me, because his cave was where she sent the overflow of the books once her Antheneum was full.)
Well, it's possible. But no real reason there should be. Granted there will be, since you are operating not under real rules, but the Laws of Narrative Causality.
Well, even she admits that after two nuke strikes, it's not likely anything worth finding out is left. And yet, I can understand why she still feels that way. It was such big part of her life. Where so much changed for her. Where she became who she is. SImply, knowing you have to go back, to see it, even if just for a little closure... it makes sense.
I found a typo! HOW MANY POINTS DO I RECEIVE!? Also, Fimfiction, why you no have Luna icon?
D'awwwwwwwww
Ohhhhh yay. This should be fun. Also such a nice emotion to see in it's pure form. Star, get your metaphorical pins ready to pop her head if it gets to swollen.
'She' is talking about herself in third person. But at least not to the stage of also refusing to use pronouns. So not quite up to Trixie levels of insufferable arrogance. More, Post "Long-gunner' name change LOTA. (And if you don't get the reference, why the hell are you not reading Schlock Mercenary? Jut in that one relatively minor character we have a robot, built from a space-tank that took a ride through a nuclear blast with just enough damage to make it non-combat usable. Named the Longshoreman of the Apocalypse. Who ends up in upgrading and taking control of a weapon the size of a space station that can fire a massive beam-o-doom through hyperspace to any point in the galaxy at will. Hence the name change. Also, that arc contains the phrase "Your robot just sat on us and stuffed us into it's soft pink bowels?")
Hey now.... Lust would be much much MUCH more fun to hang out with. besides, it's not cheating if it's all in your own head.
The channeling of a small green muppet with much wisdom I sense in her. Yes.
That a girl, now leave this blow had and go find her. Also, we better get to meet her now. Second also, no Star, as I said before.. no it's not. Plus, maybe she can teach you some useful tricks to make Violet extra happy.
Let's play the pronoun game to keep the audience guessing just who 'she' is referring to *ding* So she men She Pride, or She Twilight?
Well that is debatable. Pride did say she was pushed aside because of that, not created. And yeah Pride can be good, when controlled, but really all the emotions are pretty much nothing but the purest form of that emotion and little to nothing else. And almsot anything taken to extreme is bad. So ti's hardly unique here. Now, the idea of Twilight learning more from Trixie then even she though... could warrant looking into. But this particular case, not so so much, but some. Now, could it have been that pushing Pride aside so hard made it grow so large and bitter? And that meeting Trixie was why Twi did so? Possibly. But she always was rather humble to begin with. And Pride talking in the third person, is it a result of Twilight seeing Trixie as kind of an avatar of how Pride in it's purest form would act, and so her inner Pride taking on the same characteristics? Or, given it tends to be a common thing for the incredibly prideful to speak, is that simply how Pride works, and Trixie just gave it free reign?
So yeah an emotion that could be great to take the time to fuly explore, and does open up some good questions but, doubt will get to to into things.
Yeah.. we'll see about that. We still have a lot of story to go. Though, best guess this can end in one of three ways. Star submit and allows Twilight to fully take over and be reborn because she comes to feel it's for the best. She finds someway to allow Twi to be reborn and get her out of her head, without being turned into her. Some other option. Or she ends up over coming this and either fighting Twi back down, or getting Twi to give up and rest. Last one is my bet on the general idea of the ending. Though still could surprise me.
Good question, at least the story realizes something is odd about that. better question why with such a really nonsensical way of doing so?
A Junior member... with a really huge and kickass minigun. That is like, the ultimate library card. But I do like that bit, that they keep certain things restricted, it makes sense.
.............. This story screws with Equestria's geography almost as bad as today's episode (The Yak one)
So that part she knows about? It's odd how much she both does, and does not know about Littlepip, and especially Velvet. Star I can forgive as her simply being lazy and not ever paying attention while somepony tried to explain these things. But Violet?
Wait.. wasn't Violet the first pony she met after the death of The Goddess? damnit, been to long but, that seems.. odd...
Okay re-reading, the way it was phrased is vague enough that this IS possible, but still feel really weird and very retcon-ish. Only working because the early chapters kind of rushed things to much to have enough detail to say it couldn't fit through the massive cracks.
With about an 85% chance of ending up with a side quest we stick around to do a bit longer.
With how small the rest of Equestria seems to be..... how is that even IN Equestria? Seems like something that far way should be halfway to the Gryphon lands or something.
Have fun you two. Though the way that is written.. so she's.. monologing this to the reader in real time? Just, never quite clear where the first person is coming from. Recording from later? Just, narrative choice? Actual meaning or just done because, it's FOE, it's supposed to be in first person?
You knew you couldn't spend an hour in a town without something blowing up, or some other disaster needing you to sort it out, did you?
Oh yay, Enclave remnant attack. How wonderful... And, just happening to do this now, while they are here?
Hmm, on the one hoof, I highly doubt Enclave armor could ever do that, and it was never hinted at it could. In anyway. On the other, it's kind of cool, and I can so see Dash doing something like that. Maybe he just has a rare, heavily modded armor with that ability that RD made because it was cool, but ended up with some weakness that made it unsuitable for mass production and battle.
Of course. Like it could be anything else. Good thing this town should be as used to rebuilding itself up in not time as Ponyville.
So who do we have now? I'm guessing Wrath.
.... or Lust.
Wing blades, one of the most theoretically impractical, and yeah so freaking awesome weapons ponies can have.
Who was just calmly standing there the whole time while you all talked this out? Good thing talking is a free action.
I get what you are going for, but again, that is just... such a bizarre way of going there.
Called it!...... eventually.
What? that.. makes NO sense... if she batted it away... it didn't punch through anything. And how the hell can she move fast enough to dodge freaking MINIGUN fire, let along swat a bullet out of the air? I mean she has armor so slightly more believable she can do it without the bullet just ripping through her wing but still. Wha? Would have made more sense for her armor to simply be that damn tough the bullets couldn't break through.
............................... The Bullet is one thing, but 'batting' a freaking laser beam out of the air? Again it' worse because it's so simple to make it work. She simply blocks it on her armor, that harmlessly disperses the shot.
............. No you didn't. That would have been an MAS thing. You know, unicorns. Then again after two centuries of Enclave propaganda, they probably invented sliced bread too. And how the fuck does that let you do something.... that should be impossible?
Okay... that makes some sense...... ONLY if she is talking about the armor covering the tops of her wings. Having the wings themselves made out of it..... what? Also, gee thanks for the convenient exposition explaining your power so the hero knows what they are facing without having to figure it out themselves.
Huh, I kind of figured 'Lust' would be all over the idea of a threesome.
That fight... was awkward, but not bad once it was made clear how things were going. Could have made it a lot better by making clear what was going on. Her blocking the attacks by using her wings as shields. Not, moving fast enough to swat minigun bullets out of the air.. or freaking laser beams. So not bad, but really could have been better.
Funny, you'd expect that the day AFTER being treated with some of Candi's 'special' medicine.
.... What? One, the idea.. isn't TO bad, and does make SOME sense she'd have to pay a bit. But.. she'd just saved the town... and those prices are just... ludicrous. Plus... while it's not OOC, and she was barely around enough to really be explored as a character, Candi feels really flat, and, without any of the emotion she had in the original. Just, basic.
Her massive periods of blackout are the space-time continuum's way of restoring balance after the warping of it she does to travel so far so fast, isn't it?
Lemme guess, Ditzy? Also good timing on her part.
SQUEEE!! YAY! Ditzy!!!!!!
You didn't really think you could get out of a new town WITHOUT some side quest, did you?
True... though for a moment, thought Star had just realized it was inevitable she'd end up on these side quests so stopped trying to fight it.
Well.... that seems unusually simple. Now, how bad is that going to go wrong?
wait... all four of you keep watch.. all night? Now the set up they have spreading out, keeping to their strengths, that is pretty well done. But having all four of them.. stay up all night to keep watch, and then keep marching all day? Rather then the four of them just keep watch in shifts?
Hmmm, on the one hoof, forced romance drama is something I hate. And it's rather.... obvious and blatant that there is no reason for Violet to BE upset. But on the other, the fact Star is so new to this, which makes sense given her history, and cares so much that she is worried about that is rather adorable.
Are we going by FO3, uber badass pains in the ass that will fuck your shit up, or FO:NV, tough, but more annoying then anything? Radscorpians?
Compared to the ponies who have been awake even longer and are fighting, without any sign of being tired?
\
Didn't you just say they weren't fighting?
Star speak for "I'm going to do something really really stupid. Get back out of the immediate blast range, then rush in and save my ass."
Okay.... that is one hell of a badass idea.
D'awwwwwwww, yeah these two's relationship is rather sweet.
I liked this part. The caravan guard made sense, worked. You knew something was going to go wrong, but I like it was just some random, natural issue like setting up camp too near a Radscorpian nest. Just some minor, bu still deadly threat that wasn't part of some bigger plot. It works, it makes sense it would happen, and it was handle fairly well. Still personally would have liked more detail more action, just.... bah hard to describe. It was well done overall. Really liked it. Conclusion was a bit fast for my tastes, but again for my tastes, and again that's the story as a whole and personal preference issues. Plus, Star had a plan, one involving explosives even, that didn't blow up in her face.
... she should be very very very worried right now. Also, yeah you collapsed one entrance to the nest, but shouldn't you still move a bit further away just in case?
Well you could try.. I don't asking and explaining the situation. You have a valid reason for wanting to look through there, It's worth trying.
The wha? Where... huh... what? I don't even know where to start with that one. The what?
Jealous? Though there is something... off about the mare. A little to formal, a little to, grand in her wording. Maybe just a leftover bit of Trixie's ego. Not definitely wrong but, something a bit odd. Or, personal issue between them?
That kind of comes out of nowhere. Though as I said, yeah there did feel like something was a bit off about her. Though, given Violet is the only one to catch onto it, jealously making a tad overly suspicious? Just, odd Violet would be jealous at all, just, doesn't seem like her.
Seriously? Where is this coming from? it's just right out of nowhere that Violet is acting like that. I'm closer to siding with Star. Yeah something was off about the mare, but the way Violet is reacting really does paint her more as just being jealous.
I'm with you Star.
that is like, the worst possible thing you could do. Both because of her feeling a little off, and for pissing of Violet.
But... yeah this whole fight feels so incredibly contrived, forced, out of nowhere, and just.... Diamond Night better have been using some kind of mental magic to push them into acting like this or something, otherwise, it just makes no sense and is just some petty, pointless romantic 'drama' for the sake of the plot, no matter how flat out idiotic it has to devolve the character to in order to make it work.
"One of my friends says she things this pony is up to something, so to find out I'm just going to go along with everything nthe pony says to try and see what she does." ...... Okay, that at least is about on average with Star's plans.
Well then. Alright story, looks like you might just pull this off.
SYMBOLISM!
So, to do that you decided to stay in the one place she told you she doesn't want to be?
Not really. This was pretty much on her. Though not totally blameless, Star was closer to being in the right. But it's still nice she sees this and isn't being pissed at Violet just to be pissed.
Ye we do! Star Star, go back, this is important... details, yeah it's important to note the details... ALL the details, very vital for understanding what is going on. Yes yes, for understanding you condition, purely research into that. So.. what's going on? Again in detail.
So time to meet Lust? The, Inner Twilight one, not the psycho killer one.
Wow Star must really be depressed if not even watching some hot Twilight on Twilight action can cheer her up.
Star.... I know Int wasn't one of your priorities for stats, but it wasn't a total dump stat either. What emotion would be all about getting down and dirty, that you just freaking talked about in your last trip into here?
Hmmmmmm, okay so Passion, not Lust... but that does make sense. Lot of ways this could go now.
You do realize that by not telling us, you force us to picture things even more depraved then what is likely intended right?
No, no... that's not creepy at all.
Well yeah, but again, Violet hardly made a good case for it.
I'm with her..... wha!?
Well that could have been dramatic except, again, memory orbs do not work that way. They aren't triggered by touching a horn, they are triggered by a unicorn touching them with their magic. I mean ti least it's a consistent issue in the story so not THAT bad, but still....
So, Pride.... using some small touches of magic to makes both of them feel more prideful and more likely to lash out? Cause yeah, if Pride wasn't doing something odd to their heads, or at least Violet's, that fight was WAY to forced and contrived. Luckily, it looks plausible she was.
Well another interesting chapter, and hopefully won't take AS long to get to the next one.
Well, that drama came out of nowhere. :B It was at least foreshadowed: the moment Star said she wouldn't know what she'd do without Violet, something bad was going to happen. I was of course expecting an untimely death, but this suffices. I can't blame her, though, considering Star spent this chapter staring at one mare, being kissed by a second, and contemplating mind-fucking an aspect of Twilight Sparkle. Radiant Star, more like Wandering Eye. <.<
So, Lust and Pride in a single chapter? Sure is Fullmetal Alchemist in here. :B I'm a little miffed by the revelation that she's got the Seven Sins to fight, but at least it explains why Pride was an emotion in Star's mind. And I guess Greed is really dead? That's surprising, I still kind of expect him to come back.
Other things. That she was reacting to Pinkie's memory orb as though she were Twilight was interesting. If there's one thing those statistics were good for, it was the continual update of how much her mind had been taken over, since it's not always obvious in context. I mean, it would be better if you had made it more obvious in context, but... "You're my faceless hero" was strangely endearing. And lastly...
Okay, so the alicorns are all sisters because they were all children of the Goddess. And they're all female, so they're all lesbians. So why was Star staring at her sister's flank? D: GAHHHHH
“Didn’t I tell you that your future belongs to us”? Now I wonder what that means.
6610664
My theory is that it was probably one of Pride's abilities. She did admit to messing with their heads after all