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  • T Mission: Implausible

    Octavia and Vinyl Scratch: Musicians and secret agents.
    31,111 words · 9,576 views  ·  664  ·  7
  • T You Only Live Twice

    Secret agents Vinyl and Octavia reunite to tackle a threat to Canterlot.
    36,476 words · 3,258 views  ·  333  ·  2
  • E Trains, Carriages and Airships

    What should be a simple overnight ride turns into a three day trip from hell.
    28,168 words · 12,463 views  ·  549  ·  8
  • T Maybe

    Some ponies never change. Prince Blueblood is one of them.
    7,812 words · 3,031 views  ·  281  ·  3
  • E Rest Stop

    At a rest stop on her way to Appleloosa, Twilight Sparkle has a rare moment to reflect...
    5,836 words · 10,702 views  ·  225  ·  3
  • T When the Curtain Falls

    An incident in a Manehattan theater quickly draws secret agents Vinyl Scratch and Octavia into a hunt for a strange killer.
    36,535 words · 2,243 views  ·  254  ·  4
  • T The West Is Not Enough

    Secret agents Vinyl Scratch and Octavia find themselves locked in an epic struggle against a ruthless group of outlaws in the wild west.
    29,047 words · 2,433 views  ·  313  ·  6
  • T The Wreck

    A.K. Yearling is haunted by dreams of a shipwreck...
    13,126 words · 716 views  ·  121  ·  1

Blog Posts188

  • 1w, 5d
    Well, that was fun

    So now that things have calmed down a bit and the dust has settled, let’s talk about what just happened here.

    I’ve been teasing the idea of doing some sort of second-person HiE clop trollfic for a while now, and it’s mainly because of the Suffer series. After reading so much clop on the feature box, grumbling over its tired clichés and tropes, and idly wondering what gets into the box and why, the allure of trying it for myself became irresistible. Just for a moment, I would cast aside any pretenses of quality or respectability and shamelessly embody “The Player” that I had spoken of.

    I mean, come on. If I’m gonna keep talking about this stuff, I might as well try it for myself, right? Plus there was just the fun of poking fun at all these easily mockable tropes. Good times!

    When I posted the fic, there were three things I was hoping for:

    1) Get on the feature box. Check. (Though this was mainly so that I could…)

    2) ”Suffer” my own story. Check. (This was the most important one to me. When all is said and done, I have a feeling that the crowning achievement of the Suffer series will have been the excuse to utter the phrase “The Feature Box Suffers John Perry.”)

    3) And finally: Force RainbowBob to suffer my story. Ch– Oh. Hmm.

    Well, two out of three ain’t bad! There were also a couple of things to come out of this story that I hadn’t expected, but that I loved: one was finding out that Sethisto had read it, and the other was seeing this fic get more downvotes than the rest of my stories combined.

    Actually, let’s talk about those downvotes for a moment. I have literally never seen a worse upvote/downvote ratio in the feature box than my fic. I’ve been told 1 to 1 has happened in the past, and I believe it, but the worse I had personally witnessed was in the ballpark of 2 to 1 (2 upvotes to 1 downvote). When my fic was in the box, it was around 1.8 to 1. (As of writing, it’s dropped down to around 1.4 to 1.)

    And I love it. While it doesn’t exactly speak well to the mechanisms of the feature box that such a poorly received fic managed to remain in the box, I can’t help but take heart in the fact that so many people saw this premise and immediately went “NO.” Which isn’t to say that everyone who downvoted it did so without reading it; there were plenty of people who went in expecting clop and were disappointed to be reading a trollfic, or who were put off by the overt crudeness of the fic (fair enough; it definitely isn’t for everyone). But there were undoubtedly a lot of people who downvoted on sight, probably without realizing what this thing was.

    And to be fair, it looks like a clopfic from the cover. Most people on FIMFiction wouldn’t recognize my name, and if you don’t know any of my other work (namely the Suffer series) there’s probably no way you could have known that it was meant in jest.

    So kudos to those who tried their darndest to keep this blatant piece of feature bait off the feature box. But I think what we’ve learned is that downvoting en masse is a terrible way to try to keep something off the box. It might be more effective to just ignore it and hope it falls off the box due to lack of “heat”.

    So now that that’s over with, I return to my normal suffering of the feature box. I’ve had my fun, and now I’m at least one step closer to understanding the strange mistress that is the feature box.

    A big thank you to all you guys for indulging me in my insanity. Kudos all around!

    12 comments · 282 views
  • 2w, 19h
    The Feature Box Suffers John Perry

    12 comments · 345 views
  • 2w, 22h
    SEX! ...And now that I have your attention: SEX!!!

    You know, after you read enough clop in the feature box, re-reading the same tropes and even what feel like the exact same lines over and over again, at some point you start thinking, "Well, shit. I could do this."

    So, uh... I did it.

    Okay, strictly speaking, it's a clopfic parody, but make no mistake: there's clop. And if you're not feeling too squeamish, I would be most appreciative if you could drop whatever you're doing, right this second, and read/like it. If you like, you can think of it as one of my Suffer reviews of a clopfic... but much longer and in the form of a story.

    Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present my single greatest piece of feature bait...

    Rainbow Dash Gets You Laid

    (Link goes to my recent stories page, since this might be too hot to link directly to in a blog!)

    In other news, in case you haven't already seen it, the Royal Canterlot Library did an "Ask Us Anything" post to celebrate the group's first anniversary, and we got a lot of great questions. Some of them are specific to the RCL, although there were some questions addressed more to the individual curators, so if you want to see more ramblings from me, along with noted reviewers Chris, Present Perfect, and horizon, go check that out.

    But you know, after you read the clopfic, obviously.

    8 comments · 233 views
  • ...

Today he is known as the most important conjurer of the pre-classical era, the inventor of many a useful spell and the mentor to one of the most important figures in history.  But for all his magical and scholarly achievements, there is another side to Star Swirl the Bearded, a political ideology that many of his contemporaries sought to bury and forget.  This is the tale of the last journey of one of ponykind’s most unusual figures and the role he played in the events that led to the founding of a nation.

First Published
29th Mar 2012
Last Modified
17th Jul 2012
#1 · 134w, 2d ago · · · Act I: Chapter I ·

Oh sweet Glory, this is amazing!

I... I feel complete now. I feel like going through all the trollfics and abominations has all be worth it now!

Tracked and favorited.

#2 · 134w, 2d ago · · · Act I: Chapter I ·

Interesting, tracking! I love these kind of historical and adventure stuff! :twilightsheepish:

#3 · 134w, 2d ago · · · Act I: Chapter I ·

That was, I feel, the start of something rather epic. I love your portrayal of Star Swirl, Clover and the politics of the pre-classical era. :twilightsmile:

#4 · 134w, 2d ago · · · Act I: Chapter I ·

I've been looking forward to this ever since you teased it on your blog. Now, one chapter in, and I love Star Swirl already. The guy knows how to throw down and suss out in equal measures. I'm looking forward to how this adventure is going to play out.

Heh, Red Tape. I love it. You are really good with coming up with puns for pony names.

This setup is rather neat since it's obvious to us that the unicorns will not head Star Swirl's advice. Depending on how this goes, I can see a bit of tragedy slipping in regarding Star Swirl's ultimate fate. But, now I'm speculating too much and need to just let the story flow naturally.

Looking forward to more!

#5 · 132w, 17h ago · · · Act I: Chapter II ·

Really digging the story and the world building. I also like the little touches that call back to The Hobbit, with Star Swirl's Gandalf impression (though still being his own character) and Humble Pie's "unexpected party."

Looks like the plot will be kicked into high gear next time. Looking forward to it!

#6 · 132w, 12h ago · · · Act I: Chapter II ·


Me too. The nods to the Hobbit really made me smile. The world building is coming along great. :moustache:

#7 · 131w, 5d ago · · · Act I: Chapter II ·

No, I don't need to say anything.

Faved. Tracking.

#8 · 131w, 5d ago · · · Act I: Chapter II ·

OMG, I am getting The Hobbit flashbacks so bad, I almost couldn't finish the chapter I was smiling so widely.

#9 · 131w, 5d ago · · · Act I: Chapter II ·

Awesome. But it's been a while since I've read the Hobbit, and this story's very nice in its own right. :twilightblush:

#10 · 131w, 4d ago · · · Act I: Chapter II ·

Its great.

#11 · 131w, 4d ago · · · Act I: Chapter II ·

This looks good.

#12 · 131w, 3d ago · · · Act I: Chapter II ·

Hey, hey! This is looking like it's going to be a really fun ride! The Hobbit homage's are really quite awesome, yet it is managing to stand alone with its own sources of tension building. The chapters are a little on the short side, but hey, at least the pacing is good! Some pretty nice world construction, as well. I am rather enjoying it.

Overall, I am liking where this is going. Keep it up!

#13 · 130w, 5d ago · · · Act I: Chapter III ·

I said this before, but I like where this is going. I like that Humble Pie isn't a direct copy of Bilbo and that he's got a better reason to be going on this adventure. He actually has some prejudice (minor but it's still there) of other races, particularly the pegasus. So, I look forward to seeing how he adjusts to being included in a pack of 'em.

Now we have the plot, so ADVENTURE TIME!

Better be careful stepping out that door. It's dangerous business.

#14 · 130w, 5d ago · · · Act I: Chapter III ·

I like Star Swirl's reasons for getting this quest together. All the characters reasons and motivations for going all make sense.  This is looking like it will be a fun read all the way to the end. Keep it up. :twilightsmile:

#15 · 130w, 5d ago · · · Act I: Chapter III ·

Oh, I do so hope that Humble Pie and the dragon have a brag-off. Humble Pie, barrel rider!

#16 · 130w, 5d ago · · · Act I: Chapter III ·

Haha, this is awesome.

#17 · 130w, 5d ago · · · Act I: Chapter III ·

This is very interesting, i must say it has a VERY The hobbit feel to it.

btw here some song from the movie inspired by said book.

(This one very fitting if encountering Diamond dogs)


(And this fitting if facing Changeling.)


#18 · 130w, 5d ago · · · Act I: Chapter I ·

Now this is good stuff, really i must say its a good start to it.

#19 · 130w, 5d ago · · · Act I: Chapter II ·

i like how you introduce star swirls traveling companion (Btw another good song that would be good for chap three is this

The greatest adventure


#20 · 130w, 5d ago · · · Act I: Chapter I ·

After reading the first chapter, I feel this is missing a strong hook. But lets see how this continues.

#21 · 130w, 5d ago · · · Act I: Chapter III ·

OK, now there is definately a strong hook. But now I am missing the songs from the hobbit. Five pegasi singing about their misty mountain clouds. :raritywink:

#22 · 130w, 16h ago · · · Act I: Chapter III ·

It's a really a shame that there exist so few classical fimfics.  But, after seeing this, I feel like just one does the trick.  Because this is amazing!  I expect nothing but the most epic of epic quests in the chapters to come.  :pinkiehappy:

#23 · 129w, 4d ago · · · Act I: Chapter III ·

cant wait for the next part

#24 · 128w, 6d ago · · · Act II: Chapter I ·

And the journey begins! :pinkiehappy:

#25 · 128w, 6d ago · · · Act II: Chapter I ·

Humble Pie has got to be one of the best OC ponies EVAR. :rainbowkiss:

#26 · 128w, 6d ago · · · Act II: Chapter I ·


And yet he's so modest.:twilightsmile:

I've shared my thoughts on things though I'll comment again in that I looking forward to seeing more!

For the Hoofshire!

#27 · 128w, 6d ago · · · Act II: Chapter I ·

OH NOES :pinkiegasp:

Incoming unknown pairs of eyes. GET UP YOU GUYS :raritydespair:

#28 · 128w, 5d ago · · · Act II: Chapter I ·

Looking good!

#29 · 128w, 5d ago · · · Act II: Chapter I ·

I like how well this story blends what we know of the political climate, and the story of adventure.

#30 · 128w, 2d ago · · · Act II: Chapter I ·

Oh dear either thieves, or cutthroats. Either way not good!

#31 · 128w, 2d ago · · · Act II: Chapter I ·

Sorry i mean beast for the second one.

#32 · 128w, 2d ago · · · Act II: Chapter II ·

This chapter eases us into the danger part of the journey very well. No serious harm is done, but it gives the ponies (and us) the wake-up call needed that danger is on the way.

I think we've all had that moment where emotions get the better of us and we can't hold it in. Humble Pie really comes off as, forgive the analogy, human. When written right, it doesn't matter if the story is about ponies or any other type of creature. Equines might be the shape that these characters take, but they still show all the quibbles that make us who we are. Well done.

Looking forward to how events go from here!

#33 · 128w, 1d ago · · · Act II: Chapter II ·

Love the explaination for the bells.

#34 · 128w, 1d ago · · · Act II: Chapter II ·

Oh, Swift Cloud and Humble Pie.  She really tries, and is just a tad socially awkward. :twilightblush:  But hey, at least she's genuinely caring for Humble Pie.  (Who is still the best of all OC ponies. :rainbowkiss:)  

#35 · 128w, 1d ago · · · Act II: Chapter II ·

pretty good interaction with oc and eases us into the danger part of the journey, good work

#36 · 127w, 4d ago · · · Act II: Chapter II ·

This story inspired me to re-read The Hobbit, There and Back Again, or the Red Book, depending on which version you pick.

I likes. I likes very much. :yay:

#37 · 127w, 15h ago · · · Act II: Chapter III ·

I'm curious to see what these new creatures look like. Given what I know of sirens from Greek mythology, I doubt they're calling the ponies in for a spot of tea.

I also like the growing relationship that Humble Pie is having with Swift Cloud. Though, Humble should realize that you should never start a sentence with, "Don't take this the wrong way." It's always taken the wrong way. Especially when speaking to a woman.:trixieshiftleft:

And it seems that Star Swirl and Humble can get on each others' nerves. I'm wondering if that will lead to anything.

Good goin'! Looking forward to more!

#38 · 127w, 12h ago · · · Act II: Chapter III ·

Hmn, and now I am wondering if Pinkie Pie is going to get a little pegasi in her ancestry. :pinkiegasp:

#39 · 127w, 11h ago · · · Act II: Chapter III ·

Awesome. Looking forward to the next chapter.

#40 · 127w, 7h ago · · · Act II: Chapter III ·

Am I the only one who went back to check if Humble Pie has a wife?

#41 · 126w, 4d ago · · · Act II: Chapter III ·

Bilbo meets smaug


love this chap nice to see star swirl and humble interaction very interesting, also now we see Siren in action, not good.

#42 · 126w, 2d ago · · · Act II: Chapter IV ·

Featured! At least for now.

Ah, a fake out. Or perhaps a team-up of two sets of creatures? Double whammy!

I had to laugh when Swift Cloud hid herself in a cloud, as all I could think of was that picture of Rainbow Dash with most of her body in a cloud and going, "Beep. Beep. I'mma jeep!" At least I thought it was funny.

Oh, and Swift Cloud and Humble Pie seem to be getting closer with each encounter. Interesting...

Till next time!

#43 · 126w, 1d ago · · · Act II: Chapter IV ·

Humble Pie and Swift Cloud, OTP.

>>640815 I had that exact same thought about the cloud.

#44 · 126w, 1d ago · · · Act II: Chapter IV ·

Aw yeah Swift Cloud/ Humble Pie shipping

#45 · 126w, 1d ago · · · Act II: Chapter IV ·

Another great chapter. This is a lot of fun, haha!

#46 · 125w, 5d ago · · · Act II: Chapter V ·

Star Swirl really knows how to throw down when needed. When in doubt, kill it with fire!

Heh, Hurricane's going to be eating her words next time at being saved by an earth and unicorn pony. That won't end well.

And Tempest starts entering the fray! That sword of hers was just itching to bust out and start powning everything in sight.

As always, looking forward to more!

#47 · 125w, 5d ago · · · Act II: Chapter V ·

Hurricane is so never going to live it down that she was save by both a unicorn and a earth pony.

but seriously Tempest and Star swirl are badass!

#48 · 125w, 5d ago · · · Act II: Chapter V ·

Couldn't resist, sorry. Read the ASOIAF too recently.

Anyways, I really enjoy reading this story and as I have finally found cause to post, I'm going to tell you that you're awesome and should feel awesome.

#49 · 125w, 5d ago · · · Act II: Chapter V ·

Excellent chapter. I'm really enjoying this series.

It's going to be tough to read/watch LOTR without imagining Gandalf having little bells on his hat though

#50 · 125w, 5d ago · · · Act II: Chapter V ·

Star Swirl the Bearded? More like Star Swirl the Badass! :rainbowdetermined2:

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