You seem to have javascript disabled, or your browser is failing to execute it properly. Much of Fimfiction's functionality requires javascript so we suggest you turn it on! If this message goes away after a few seconds, ignore it, javascript support sometimes takes a few seconds to detect.

Featured In7

More Stories20

  • T You Only Live Twice

    Secret agents Vinyl and Octavia reunite to tackle a threat to Canterlot.
    36,476 words · 3,315 views  ·  337  ·  2
  • T Mission: Implausible

    Octavia and Vinyl Scratch: Musicians and secret agents.
    31,111 words · 9,672 views  ·  669  ·  8
  • E Trains, Carriages and Airships

    What should be a simple overnight ride turns into a three day trip from hell.
    28,168 words · 12,510 views  ·  551  ·  8
  • T Maybe

    Some ponies never change. Prince Blueblood is one of them.
    7,812 words · 3,105 views  ·  282  ·  3
  • E Rest Stop

    At a rest stop on her way to Appleloosa, Twilight Sparkle has a rare moment to reflect...
    5,836 words · 10,741 views  ·  228  ·  3
  • T When the Curtain Falls

    An incident in a Manehattan theater quickly draws secret agents Vinyl Scratch and Octavia into a hunt for a strange killer.
    36,535 words · 2,267 views  ·  257  ·  4
  • T The West Is Not Enough

    Secret agents Vinyl Scratch and Octavia find themselves locked in an epic struggle against a ruthless group of outlaws in the wild west.
    29,047 words · 2,468 views  ·  317  ·  6
  • T The Wreck

    A.K. Yearling is haunted by dreams of a shipwreck...
    13,126 words · 747 views  ·  124  ·  1

Blog Posts195

  • Saturday
    Musings in a Post-Suffering Era

    Boy, let me tell you guys, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas here... and I'm not sure I like it. I know it's a cliche to say "Golly, the holidays just seem to come earlier every year!" but holy hell, it really seems like the holidays came super early this year. Around November 10th, the Salvation Army guys were out with the buckets and bells, the local supermarket started selling Christmas trees, Starbucks was selling their holiday drinks, the town put up their snowflake-shaped lights along Main Street, and a couple of the houses in the neighborhood put up Christmas lights. Now, the first three I could just chalk up as capitalists looking to jump-start the holiday shopping season, but the last two don't have a monetary incentive behind them, so the consumerist explanation doesn't quite explain what I'm seeing here. I could swear that just last year I didn't see this kind of upstart celebrationism until Thanksgiving. The holiday season is my favorite time of the year, but I don't think I'm ready for two months of it.

    Oh yeah, and then last week, right as all this holiday stuff was going up, we got hit by a snowstorm and it's been so cold since that the minuscule two inches or so of snow we got still hasn't melted. Winter was really in a hurry to arrive, I guess.

    In writing news, I'm starting up a little non-pony writing endeavor that I'm excited to invite you guys to read: it's a blog called Your Future Sucks. The first post explains the idea behind the title, but basically the concept is that I'm going to talk about various visions of the future, from things like world's fairs and Tomorrowland to more contemporary notions like driverless cars or to apocalyptic visions of environmental doom, to ponder what these visions say about us as individuals and as a society. On the way, I'll poke fun at what I find to be absurd ideas about the future (the real meaning behind "your future sucks") as well as praise a few that genuinely excite me.

    Right now, there's only a couple of posts up: the first introducing the premise of the blog, the second a writing piece I did in the style of a news article about a future in which Miami is rebuilding after a devastating hurricane. For upcoming posts, I'm planning to discuss various things such as the fate of Walt Disney's Tomorrowland, Silicon Valley's branding of the future, how we talk (or don't) about the future nowadays, and maybe an invention or two while I'm at it.

    Anyway, please go check it out and comment if you like what you see. I'm much more likely to actively pursue a writing endeavor if I think there are people who will appreciate it.

    And lastly, it's late November, and if you're in college and your college experience is anything like mine was, this means you're entering panic mode as the end of the semester and the finals it brings is now looming large in your mind. Or perhaps you're feeling gloomy from the sudden onset of winter weather, or sick from the cold/flu season that comes with said weather. Or maybe work sucks. And the holiday season isn't here yet (despite the signs claiming otherwise), so the joy of presents and cookies is still too distant to be appreciated just yet.

    But take heart, for the end of the year lies on the not-so-distant horizon. So, as a public service, allow me to share the greatest pick-me-up ever created. Listen, then repeat as necessary until you are filled with the steely confidence needed to face the world.

    12 comments · 160 views
  • 1w, 4d
    John Perry Suffers the Feature Box: I Did It for Me

    37 comments · 398 views
  • 2w, 1d
    I Have Met the Enemy, and He is Me (or, an important Suffering announcement)

    Guys, I gotta be honest: Suffering the Feature Box just hasn’t been much fun lately.

    Mostly, it’s just me. The novelty has long since worn off, I’m in a bit of a creative funk at the moment, so the enthusiasm just isn’t there for me. I’m getting to that point where I’m doing these posts more out of a sense of obligation than because I actually want to do it, and that is not a place you should be when it comes to fan fiction.

    However, the box really hasn’t been helping me out lately. Long-time readers might have noticed that there’s been a general uptick in the quality of stories in the box lately. Or at the very least, there are fewer real stinkers in there, and the notably bad stories were the basis of most of my humor. And I never really intended for this to become a serious review series, so this is a problem for me.

    You might have also noticed that the recent change to the box mechanics, which allows stories to stay on the box much longer than before, has screwed with my routine a bit. But I feel like it has also made my reading selection somewhat… stale, giving me less variety to play around with. Case in point: earlier this week, the top clopfic in the box was Gleaming Shield’s Teats (which is still in the box, by the way). Now the top clopfic in the box is… its sequel. Oh thanks, box.

    But honestly, that’s all incidental. The long and short of it is that I think I need to take a break, so that’s what I’m going to do. Sometime next week (contingent on when the stories currently in the box finally fall off) I’ll do a “final” review post, and then stop the series for an indefinite length of time. Maybe at some point I’ll be able to come back to it when I’m feeling fresh, or maybe I’ll start some other endeavor. Who knows? (Certainly not me!)

    19 comments · 349 views
  • 2w, 6d
    John Perry Doesn't Suffer the Feature Box: Button -ash Edition

    You thought it was over? You can’t hide from this thing.

    I happened to know about this Button -ash onslaught ahead of time, seeing as I was invited to be a part of it. However, my idea didn’t really pan out, so I dropped out pretty quickly. I very briefly considered writing “Button Cash,” in which literally every line of dialogue uttered by Button Mash would be a line from a Johnny Cash song, which meant coming up with a series of situations which would justify him saying things like “I fell into a burning ring of fire” or “Tell the rambler, the gambler, and the back-biter.” It was one of those ideas that seemed funny when I thought of it, but once I actually started writing it I immediately realized wasn’t funny at all.

    That, plus it turns out that listening to Johnny Cash songs is a terrible way to put you in the mood for writing silly comedy. (I know, whoda thunk?)

    But even if I couldn’t write something in time for this, I can still attach my ego to this thing somehow. That’s right, it’s review time! Let’s take it from the top, in alphabetical order:

    Button Ash by RazgrizS57

    What I see: One day, a young colt found a briefcase. This colt’s name was Button Mash, the briefcase contained a big red button, and the world and all who inhabited it were cursed to damnation.

    Thoughts coming out: Raz really doesn’t like Button Mash. Let’s just leave it at that.

    Who would like this: People who don’t like Button Mash.

    Button Bash by RainbowBob

    What I see: Button the Masher, the most fearsome warrior on the battlefields, defends his championship as king of the bloody hill from all contenders. But today there is a new combatant in the fight, one who could prove to usurp Button's title and honor from him.

    Not if Button's axe has anything to say about that!

    Thoughts coming out: Pretty straightforward, this one. Button Mash takes his king of the hill game too seriously, hurts another pony, then proceeds to get increasingly grounded for it.

    I’m not sure where the “bash” comes in.

    Who would like this: People who like seeing Button get grounded.

    Button Cash by CouchCrusader

    What I see: Bereft of arcade money, Button Mash journeys out into Ponyville with the burden of finding things to do with his Saturday. Things begin to look up when he finds a penny on the ground.

    Bereft of allowance money, Diamond Tiara finds Button Mash and his penny.

    This should end well.

    Thoughts coming out: This one actually has a lot of really clever (and cleverly subtle) jokes sprinkled throughout, and Diamond Tiara (who shows up trying to claim Button’s penny for herself) is downright charming in her deviousness.

    Who would like this: People who like seeing Diamond Tiara be devious.

    Button Clash by chono

    What I see: A tale of fashion in the workplace.

    Thoughts coming out: The grammar is this one is pretty dang rusty, though I do appreciate the misdirect in the title. Well… actually, it’s not really a misdirect at all, but it’s just probably not what you were expecting.

    Who would like this: People who don’t know who Button Mash is.

    Button Dash by plumander

    What I see: Button Mash has a plan to win over his one true love.

    Unfortunately, that plan involves doing something athletic.

    Thoughts coming out: Button dashes in order to get with Dash, before his hopes are promptly dashed.

    There’s almost no comedy to speak of. But there is some cutesy, inoffensive and very mild shipping at the end.

    Who would like this: People who like shipping Button Mash.

    Button Flash by FloydienSlip

    What I see: It's just a normal day in Ponyville when Button Mash gets a bizarre curse.

    Thoughts coming out: Well, that was… completely nonsensical.

    Also, I’m disappointed that Flash Sentry never made an appearance.

    Who would like this: People who like random nonsense.

    Button Gash by Regidar

    What I see: Button Mash and Rumble, the best of butt-buddies, find their relationship challenged one day after Button is unable to keep his mouth off of things that aren't his.

    Through the two young colts' shared experience, they find that their relationship only grows stronger.

    Thoughts coming out:

    Let’s just move on.

    Who would like this: People who like… um… Button Mash abuse?

    Button Gnash by Aquaman

    What I see: In which Button Mash shouts incoherently at the most advanced hoofball simulation ever developed, Sweetie Belle observes and provides internal commentary, and something just left of shipping ensues.

    Thoughts coming out: This one is actually pretty sweet and adorable for what it is. Even though it stops shy of being a shipfic, there’s genuine emotion to the relationship presented here. For all its silliness and FIFA video game references, there’s a wonderful sincerity to this fic.

    Who would like this: People who like good writing. And soccer references.

    Button Goulash by PresentPerfect

    What I see: Button Mash, Rumble and Truffle Shuffle have been invited along on a Nightmare Night Eve camping trip by the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Their mission: help them earn their merit badges! But when a ghost story turns night into fright, can they save the Cutie Mark Crusaders from the creepy crawlies lurking in the Whitetail Woods?

    Thoughts coming out: This one’s a pretty straightforward tale with a very slice-of-life feel to it; the CMC invite three colts to camp in the woods, which leads to a series of events involving goulash and a ghoul in ash. It’s mostly cutesy and involves foals acting like foals. In fact, Button isn’t even the focus of this one for much of it.

    My one real critique is that loquacious dialogue isn’t a very interesting character trait.

    Who would like this: People who like reading about kids doing kid stuff.

    Button Hash by shortskirtsandexplosions

    What I see: It's been two days since Apple Bloom and her three schoolfilly friends went missing.  After searching and searching, an exhausted and hopeless Applejack comes home to catch some much needed sleep so she can rejoin the town's quest in the morning.  All of the sudden, she wakes up in the middle of the night to strange noises, bloodstained doorframes, and a lone button lying on her kitchen room floor.

    Applejack is about to learn true despair.

    Thoughts coming out: What, no marijuana references? What about hash browns? No? Well, screw this.

    Actually, this one is pretty amazing, if just for what skirts pulled off in the span of about a week. It’s very riveting and unfolds in absolutely terrifying fashion, it quite fitting for the season. But fair warning: this one is not for the faint of heart. Maybe I just need to watch more horror movies, but I was actually feeling a little nauseous at the end there.

    Who would like this: People who like horror and gore. And gorey horror.

    Ⓑⓤⓣⓣⓞⓝ Ⓜⓐⓢⓗ by Obselescence

    What I see: This is Ⓑⓤⓣⓣⓞⓝ Ⓜⓐⓢⓗ: Ⓣⓗⓔ Ⓖⓐⓜⓔ. The world's first-ever RPG/FPS/MMO/MOBA/RTS/TBS, now on Joy Boys near you.

    You are Button Mash. You have just woken up. You are also playing a video game, because when are you not playing a video game? Hopefully you can make it downstairs. Breakfast is starting.

    Thoughts coming out: This one is a whole lot of fun; besides being full of great jokes and just generally a delight to read, it’s also a great send-up of choose your own adventure stories, utilizing the premise and poking fun at it with equal gusto. It also plays well with the Button Mash mythos (by which I mean the fanon character created by Jan), so there’s that too.

    Who would like this: People who like Button Mash.

    Button Nash by Hap

    What I see: Button Nash didn't used to be a pony. At least, not before he died.

    Thoughts coming out: I think I love this story just for this line alone:

    With a scowl, he shoved the impotent joystick to the side as he clambered off of the stool and listened to it flop back to its neutral position.

    Stop it with the sexual imagery!

    Actually, this one is kinda fun. I guess the premise of this one is that Button Nash is the reincarnation of someone from Nashville, who dearly misses the wholesome soul food he loves so dearly. For something this short, it’s not exactly straightforward nor is there much of a conclusion, but then I think that’s part of its charm. It rambles and moves at its own pace, but it still has a soulful tale to tell.

    Who would like this: People who like soul food.

    Button Splash by Pres– I mean, uh, “ShiveredTimbers”

    What I see: Button Mash has a terrible secret. Unfortunately for him, it's about to come to light as he and Sweetie Belle have their first time together...

    Thoughts coming out: Others may say “wat” to this story, but I say:


    Actually, this one is pretty dang funny. There are some really solid lines, the twist is completely random and hilarious, and altogether this one is just really fun to roll with, for those who can dig the random and mildly risqué.

    Who would like this: People who are totally into wet stuff.

    Button Squash (Or, Maud Doesn’t Write About Rocks) by Rinnaul

    What I see: I like to write poems. They are about rocks. My sister says I should try writing about things other than rocks. I don't see the appeal, but Pinkie is very insightful.

    Pinkie said buttons are a popular topic lately, and they should be paired with something ending in "ash".

    Button squash end in "ash". They are not rocks, but I like them.

    This is about button squash.

    Thoughts coming out: This one is pretty adorable, with the sisterly relationship between Maud and Pinkie Pie being the focus of this fic. There are also a couple of good jokes about poetry that I appreciated, and a bit of meta humor that I didn’t mind, mostly because I think I agreed with it.

    Who would like this: People who like Maud Pie. (So… everyone, really.)

    Button’s Stash by ABagOfVicodin

    What I see: There is a legend that Button's Stash is so Button Brash that you'll Button Crash in a Button Flash. Unfortunately, the legend got a little Button Rehashed about the Button Cache. Whoops.

    Thoughts coming out: The powers of punnery are strong in this one.

    Who would like this: People who want to live, to long and to love, to lose and to laugh.

    …And people who like puns. Them too.

    Button Thrash by Jake The Army Guy

    What I see: Left home alone after being grounded for mouthing off to Miss Cheerilee, Button Mash goes snooping through his Dad's closet. He finds a box of relics from his Dad's past, including a few vinyl records from some odd-sounding bands that turn out to be just the thing to incite a bit of preteen rebellion.

    Thoughts coming out: Yeah, this one was pretty good. Lots of solid heavy metal references in here. Actually, I was a little surprised; I’m not anything even approaching a metalhead and I still got most of the jokes (my favorite being someone hearing “I wanna rock!” and expecting to see a twisted sister burst through the door… or something along those lines).

    Who would like this: People who were raised in the 1980s, me thinks.

    Button Vash by AppleTank

    What I see: A life in a day of a not really a pony Button Mash, and other weird things.

    Thoughts coming out: And to wrap this up, we’ve got this… uh… well, I’m not sure what to call this thing. It’s random as hell, clearly went through no editing, and left my mind a scattered mess. The chapter title probably sums it up just as well as anything can, to be honest.

    Also, I didn’t pick up on any Trigun references, for those who were wondering.

    Who would like this: People who… um… *scratches head* …I got nothing.

    24 comments · 368 views
  • ...

Today he is known as the most important conjurer of the pre-classical era, the inventor of many a useful spell and the mentor to one of the most important figures in history.  But for all his magical and scholarly achievements, there is another side to Star Swirl the Bearded, a political ideology that many of his contemporaries sought to bury and forget.  This is the tale of the last journey of one of ponykind’s most unusual figures and the role he played in the events that led to the founding of a nation.

First Published
29th Mar 2012
Last Modified
17th Jul 2012

Oh sweet Glory, this is amazing!

I... I feel complete now. I feel like going through all the trollfics and abominations has all be worth it now!

Tracked and favorited.

Interesting, tracking! I love these kind of historical and adventure stuff! :twilightsheepish:

That was, I feel, the start of something rather epic. I love your portrayal of Star Swirl, Clover and the politics of the pre-classical era. :twilightsmile:

I've been looking forward to this ever since you teased it on your blog. Now, one chapter in, and I love Star Swirl already. The guy knows how to throw down and suss out in equal measures. I'm looking forward to how this adventure is going to play out.

Heh, Red Tape. I love it. You are really good with coming up with puns for pony names.

This setup is rather neat since it's obvious to us that the unicorns will not head Star Swirl's advice. Depending on how this goes, I can see a bit of tragedy slipping in regarding Star Swirl's ultimate fate. But, now I'm speculating too much and need to just let the story flow naturally.

Looking forward to more!

Really digging the story and the world building. I also like the little touches that call back to The Hobbit, with Star Swirl's Gandalf impression (though still being his own character) and Humble Pie's "unexpected party."

Looks like the plot will be kicked into high gear next time. Looking forward to it!


Me too. The nods to the Hobbit really made me smile. The world building is coming along great. :moustache:

No, I don't need to say anything.

Faved. Tracking.

OMG, I am getting The Hobbit flashbacks so bad, I almost couldn't finish the chapter I was smiling so widely.

Awesome. But it's been a while since I've read the Hobbit, and this story's very nice in its own right. :twilightblush:

Its great.

This looks good.

Hey, hey! This is looking like it's going to be a really fun ride! The Hobbit homage's are really quite awesome, yet it is managing to stand alone with its own sources of tension building. The chapters are a little on the short side, but hey, at least the pacing is good! Some pretty nice world construction, as well. I am rather enjoying it.

Overall, I am liking where this is going. Keep it up!

I said this before, but I like where this is going. I like that Humble Pie isn't a direct copy of Bilbo and that he's got a better reason to be going on this adventure. He actually has some prejudice (minor but it's still there) of other races, particularly the pegasus. So, I look forward to seeing how he adjusts to being included in a pack of 'em.

Now we have the plot, so ADVENTURE TIME!

Better be careful stepping out that door. It's dangerous business.

I like Star Swirl's reasons for getting this quest together. All the characters reasons and motivations for going all make sense.  This is looking like it will be a fun read all the way to the end. Keep it up. :twilightsmile:

Oh, I do so hope that Humble Pie and the dragon have a brag-off. Humble Pie, barrel rider!

Haha, this is awesome.

This is very interesting, i must say it has a VERY The hobbit feel to it.

btw here some song from the movie inspired by said book.

(This one very fitting if encountering Diamond dogs)

(And this fitting if facing Changeling.)

Now this is good stuff, really i must say its a good start to it.

i like how you introduce star swirls traveling companion (Btw another good song that would be good for chap three is this

The greatest adventure

After reading the first chapter, I feel this is missing a strong hook. But lets see how this continues.

OK, now there is definately a strong hook. But now I am missing the songs from the hobbit. Five pegasi singing about their misty mountain clouds. :raritywink:

It's a really a shame that there exist so few classical fimfics.  But, after seeing this, I feel like just one does the trick.  Because this is amazing!  I expect nothing but the most epic of epic quests in the chapters to come.  :pinkiehappy:

cant wait for the next part

And the journey begins! :pinkiehappy:

Humble Pie has got to be one of the best OC ponies EVAR. :rainbowkiss:


And yet he's so modest.:twilightsmile:

I've shared my thoughts on things though I'll comment again in that I looking forward to seeing more!

For the Hoofshire!

OH NOES :pinkiegasp:

Incoming unknown pairs of eyes. GET UP YOU GUYS :raritydespair:

Looking good!

I like how well this story blends what we know of the political climate, and the story of adventure.

Oh dear either thieves, or cutthroats. Either way not good!

Sorry i mean beast for the second one.

This chapter eases us into the danger part of the journey very well. No serious harm is done, but it gives the ponies (and us) the wake-up call needed that danger is on the way.

I think we've all had that moment where emotions get the better of us and we can't hold it in. Humble Pie really comes off as, forgive the analogy, human. When written right, it doesn't matter if the story is about ponies or any other type of creature. Equines might be the shape that these characters take, but they still show all the quibbles that make us who we are. Well done.

Looking forward to how events go from here!

Love the explaination for the bells.

Oh, Swift Cloud and Humble Pie.  She really tries, and is just a tad socially awkward. :twilightblush:  But hey, at least she's genuinely caring for Humble Pie.  (Who is still the best of all OC ponies. :rainbowkiss:)  

pretty good interaction with oc and eases us into the danger part of the journey, good work

This story inspired me to re-read The Hobbit, There and Back Again, or the Red Book, depending on which version you pick.

I likes. I likes very much. :yay:

I'm curious to see what these new creatures look like. Given what I know of sirens from Greek mythology, I doubt they're calling the ponies in for a spot of tea.

I also like the growing relationship that Humble Pie is having with Swift Cloud. Though, Humble should realize that you should never start a sentence with, "Don't take this the wrong way." It's always taken the wrong way. Especially when speaking to a woman.:trixieshiftleft:

And it seems that Star Swirl and Humble can get on each others' nerves. I'm wondering if that will lead to anything.

Good goin'! Looking forward to more!

Hmn, and now I am wondering if Pinkie Pie is going to get a little pegasi in her ancestry. :pinkiegasp:

Awesome. Looking forward to the next chapter.

Am I the only one who went back to check if Humble Pie has a wife?

Bilbo meets smaug

love this chap nice to see star swirl and humble interaction very interesting, also now we see Siren in action, not good.

Featured! At least for now.

Ah, a fake out. Or perhaps a team-up of two sets of creatures? Double whammy!

I had to laugh when Swift Cloud hid herself in a cloud, as all I could think of was that picture of Rainbow Dash with most of her body in a cloud and going, "Beep. Beep. I'mma jeep!" At least I thought it was funny.

Oh, and Swift Cloud and Humble Pie seem to be getting closer with each encounter. Interesting...

Till next time!

Humble Pie and Swift Cloud, OTP.

>>640815 I had that exact same thought about the cloud.


Aw yeah Swift Cloud/ Humble Pie shipping

Another great chapter. This is a lot of fun, haha!

Star Swirl really knows how to throw down when needed. When in doubt, kill it with fire!

Heh, Hurricane's going to be eating her words next time at being saved by an earth and unicorn pony. That won't end well.

And Tempest starts entering the fray! That sword of hers was just itching to bust out and start powning everything in sight.

As always, looking forward to more!

Hurricane is so never going to live it down that she was save by both a unicorn and a earth pony.

but seriously Tempest and Star swirl are badass!

Couldn't resist, sorry. Read the ASOIAF too recently.

Anyways, I really enjoy reading this story and as I have finally found cause to post, I'm going to tell you that you're awesome and should feel awesome.

Excellent chapter. I'm really enjoying this series.

It's going to be tough to read/watch LOTR without imagining Gandalf having little bells on his hat though

Star Swirl the Bearded? More like Star Swirl the Badass! :rainbowdetermined2:

Login or register to comment