The year is 2281 - The setting is Los Pegasus. A city of wonder and ruin, a wasteland full of danger and treasures far and wide. After one mishap in the vault that had gone wrong, four best friends decide to adventure out into the uncharted and ruined world to explore, to learn, and most importantly: To share a bond like no other group could ever could. Look through the eyes of Silver, Gordon, Arctic, and Double and see the world through their eyes!
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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First of all: griffins. Good work. I like griffins. Although it has to be quite depressing for someone/pony/thing (?) like them to be trapped inside a stable for their entire life (as if that would ever happen. Although it would be an "interesting" story, a 50 chapter story inside one stable)
Also: colored griffins. The awesomness has just been doubled.
Some of their choices, like killing the Overstallion, seem a bit...radical (damn, why is there no small RD with shades picture) and unnecessary. They could have grounded him or stage a coup against him and his dictatorship (which could be elaborated further. I don't see why he's evil at this point)
Isn't it a little bit...reckless for your characters to shoot the leader, then leave the obviously dying stable along with the stable's one technician? That doesn't seem like the right thing to do. (Which is the whole point for them shooting the Overstallion in the first place)
Perks: you could highlight the names of the character(s) who earn(s) the perk. And/or make the perk's name in italic, just to emphazise it a bit. (but tha's just my opinion.)
A bit like this: Silver - Quick Learner - Well, look at you, learning quick from all the situations you've seen so far. +5% bonus whenever you earn experience.
Grammer/Spelling: No issues for me.
You'll get a like for using griffins (which are strangly enough the two only griffins in this stable and not related to each other?)
4156116
Yeah, actually looking into the plot structure as we speak. I feel that some of the things could be changed a bit.
This is actually a collab project, and the griffons are both OCs of the other writer of this story.
4156362
Just keep on writing, you two/three/etc. authors.
4156599
We plan to
Journey reference!
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