An ancient trickster has awoken and eternal winter has come to Equestria. The North calls to its former inhabitants. The keepers of the Elements of Harmony must travel to their ancestral home to save both Equestria and the current inhabitants of the Northern Kingdom. But can they save the Kingdom before the North takes its toll on them?
Note: Does not take most events of Season 4, including the season finale into account.
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Well that was unexpected not sure what I did expect but it was not Loki, that is for sure
4156578 Thank you. I figured it was time for a Norse story.
It was enjoyable. I can't wait for more!
4157515 Thank you for the compliment.
Okay, so I gave your work a look over. I think I got a pretty good general gist of what you're going for and where it's going, so I'll try to not make this too bulky and just give tips I think would work as good starting points for you.
First, I would suggest rewriting your story synopsis. Remember that this is the first thing your audience will see. As it is, it's a story on it own. Your synopsis should be a hook or a teaser as to what your story is about, not a history lesson. Try to cut it down to the primary plot points of what you want to tell in your story and omit needless sentences. This will keep readers from getting lost in it before they even open the first chapter.
For the bulk of your writing itself, my first recommendation to all authors is to get a pre-reader and editor or two if you don't have one yet. They will help weed out simplistic and advanced grammar mistakes, such as capitalization issues and comma abuse, as well as any other suggestions to improve your work that you as a writer might miss when creating it. They'll also give you a fresh pair of eyes to bounce chapters off of before releasing them to the masses. This will help strengthen your writing from the ground up.
That's where I'd suggest you start from. There are a couple groups that specialize in this that I would recommend, starting with The Proofreader Group or Looking for Editors. Once you have a partner or a little team, let them have at it and give them your ideas of what you want to happen, then listen to their input and go back and forth with them.
I hope this helps you out, and I wish you the best of luck with the rest of your story! Keep writing!
— DQ
4801989 Thank you very much.
Hi there. (this is Jessica from Comic Book Issues / CBI, behind this Fluttershy beanie baby.) I really like this story so far - I will get caught up as soon as I can, but I've still got a ton of school. But I know you've shared it in the group and it's really, really good. Pony Odin for the win!
5629925 Thanks, Jess! It's gonna get even better. Long Live King Odin!
"Beside from that, Discord hasn't done anything." Should probably be "Aside from that."
Aside from that, this is a good chapter. I know I've mentioned it before, but I really like that you used Caribou. I've seen some people use zebras, but other than that most people forget their are other sentient quadriped species in Equestria (we've seen buffalo and cows).
"You will have the right amount of jewels to by the loyalty" - should be "buy."
Oh boy - we have Jotuns! So looking forward to where this is going. :)
5766482 Thank you. More to come.
Hmmm hinting at why they're not Queens ... interesting.
Overall this is a nice continuing chapter, and I'm looking forward to more.
5971808 Thanks. I will be churning out a new chapter much quicker.
Great next chapter! I really like the tensions in the inn and I like that the Mane 6 respond perfectly in-character to that issue. I'm interested in Tyr's song, that was a nice touch.
6090010 Thanks!
Excellent update. I wasn't quite expecting that at the end with Odin turning his eyes to the south, but in hindsight I should have known.
6111909 His kind of unity... might have consequences.
We are at 200 views!
This story doesn't have nearly enough attention. It's fucking good.
I am, of course, rooting for Loki 'cause I'm kind of an ass. Regardless! I look forward to more.
6176128 Thank you for favoriting and the kind words. :) As for Loki... Who knows. He might get what he wants in the end. Maybe.
I like this chapter. The reveal of Jorgumunder was pretty humorous. And of course ... that is exactly how you'd infiltrate the ponies. Fluttershy's kindness is so reliable for that purpose.
6892212 Thanks, Jess.
Another good chapter. It was humanizing, for lack of a better word, of Odin.
However I did notice that you said that "She was good at that" twice in the paragraph where you talk about Frigga calming Odin's temper.
7188038 Ah, thanks. I'll get rid of that.
Awesome story! My two favourite things combined: Nordic mythology and ponies!
And you got everything right as well, regarding Ragnarök, the gods and the creatures of the Nordic world. Just two small things:
-Maybe you shouldn't give away too much backstory in one go but sprinkle it through the plot as you go along.
-There are a few spelling mistakes, but that's just nitpicky
-Lumbr is a great (and funny) Nordic OC name
I'm totally going to read the other chapters too! Can't wait to see what happens next!
Harmonicajay, could you please finish this awesome story? I really like the complexity and the different perspectives, and to be honest, I am dying to know what will happen with Twilight and her friends once they reach Odin's hall. Please finish it; you're doing a great job so far.
7750157
Hello. I am back. I’m sorry about being gone for so long. I’ve been in a two year slump due to a lot of shit in my life. I plan to go back to it. Thank you for your kind words.
8922069
Thanks for the response. I hope you're doing ok in real life, and that you'll get some new inspiration!
I see his point finishing a spell has nothing to do with being a leader.
It make more sense if she was chosen as an archmage instead of a princess.
Also Tyr may be wrong but at least he questions celestia when most southern ponies just follow her blindly.
8926994
Indeed. All about seeing things from a different point of view.
8926994
The Mane Six will be learning the dark side of politics as well as the hardships of leadership.