Luna starts to look back on her life, until one memory in particular comes to mind. She always thought that she was in the shadow of her older sister, even when they were young. Until, she remembers that one night alone.
The credit for the cover art goes to - MBlood
This story has been approved by Luna's Fanfiction Library
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Chapters (1)
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Everything and more of what I expected in a story from you. Great job!.
4149363 Thank you so much!
Great story. Only one thing. You seemed to mix Luna's and Celestia's ages. What I mean is, in many parts, you portray Luna as being the older sister. While in actuality, Celestia is the older one. Here is an example: "Luna opened the door with her hoof, analyzing the room with her eyes and looking at her YOUNGER sister". There are other such cases. The only exception where you got it right was this one: "Luna wiped a tear away from her eyes. I love you so much, BIG SIS.". Just to let you know, as you may want to correct this.
Maexam out.
4149627 I'll be sure to edit it right now. Oh, and thank you! :)
Aww that was cute and sad.
The feels were pretty good, although like that one guy said is that the whole age difference is a bit wrong. Other than that this story is perfect! 
4154115 Don't worry, I fixed the age difference problem! I'm glad that you loved the story, I always aim to please.
4149650 You're welcome. And it's no problem at all.
this is kinda like mine.
4507932 What are the odds?!
Greetings,
I have read and reviewd your work, so here are some of my play by play comments, and then overall review;
((you started with great description, however, this part feels rushed. To be picky, horses/ponies don’t actually have tear-ducts, so they can’t shed tears. Don’t think that really matters. Anyways, you could slow it down a little, by describing the torment going on in each of their hearts, how Luna must feel, battling Nightmare Moon, (there IS a small inner battle, no?) and how Celestia must feel, seeing her beloved sister go to the dark side…much despair, I would imagine! Describe that, and it will help slow down the pace a bit.
Also, what does Luna look like compared to N’Moon? Is her gaze darker? Flashing shadows in her mane or eyes? A evil glint? Readers live for this sorta detail…at least, I do, and if you really wanna play the two egos of Luna well, these descriptions are a must.))
((What does this look like, the powerful blast? Can you describe it, like a glowing aura, or a slimey green wave of ickyness? See how lack of description leaves the reader open to what you might not want them to invision?))
((Well, that was fast. How was the news spread so quickly?? Again, rushed. If you want to portray this properly, delve into the citizens’ panic and chaos, describe the terror, and how that terror spread, so that eventually, not long after, they all knew. See where I’m going with this?))
((Again, fast and abrupt. Add the struggle; was her pelt damp from sweat from the effort? Were her muscles burning? Head spinning from maintaining the magic? Gritting her teeth? DETAILS!!!))
((what does the castle look like? What are the halls to Celestia’s tower like? Is she alone as she walks, or does she pass guards?))
((This is funny, I like this humor. It adds a good comic relief to the downcast mood you have set – which, by the way – you are keeping a great job at maintain the mood. It takes good writing to stay true to the mood you are trying to set. Well done!))
((Annnd…time to describe what they look like in her eyes!!))
((Proclaimed?? I think she would feel sheepish about it, sad, uncomfortable? If not, make sure to describe how she feels, so it is appropriete to say ‘proclaim.’ Maybe it is just me, but proclaim seems to strong of a word for this.))
((Beautiful ending. :) ))
OVERALL REVIEW;
Rating; 2/5 stars.
Overall, add more DESCRIPTION!! This piece has so much untapped potential. Your strength is definitely setting and maintaining a mood, but it is hard for the reader to keep up as you rush it. Readers need to be brought along slowly, so you can intensify or slowly change the mood you are writing.
For instance;
THE BATTLE
Soooo much more description could have been used! Readers live for this kinda stuff, and battle scenes have so much potential to be epic, but with lack of description, sensory details and emotions, it goes by way to fast, with lack of…epic-ness. You feel me?
AFTER MEMORY/CELESTIA’S ROOM
When she entered C’Tia’s room, she seemed like “Hoity toity, everything is fine, wanna snuggle?” when, if you had used description as she walked to the room, you could have toyed with her emotions, and the readers. What was she thinking of the memory? Did she manage to shake of fher feelings by the time she reached the room, which is why she was able to ‘proclaim’? Or was she feeling shaky, sad, and wanted comfort?
If she wanted comfort, the ending few sentences fit in much better.
That is all I have so far, I am glad that I was able to read it, because it was good, with lots of potential! If you have any questions, concerns, smart alec remarks, feel free to PM me, and make sure to send me more review requests!
While you are at it, you may return the favor and respond with a rating to my review?
Well done,
Untill the next time we meet in the wonderful written world,
~Inspector Me
4585325 Thank you for your honest review man, really appreciate it! I should be more descriptive in my stories and actually convey emotion, similar to acting. Thanks again, I will be sure to improve!
5/5 for your review.
4585387
Thanks!
4585392 No problem!
4585403 Check out my SIsters Forever when you can, please?
4585406 I did already.
4585408 Comment? Like? :)
4585414 Liked, but did not comment yet.
4585444 I await eagerly
4585450 Well, I will comment.
Huh, I know a guy that wrote a slightly similar story with the same title...
4671755 That's odd.
4671759 1Shot as well, written like, December 2013 or something, can't even remember his name...
4671760 Maybe the inspiration came from that story.
4671763 Maybe, dunno.
4671764 Well, both stories are pretty great.
4671778 Aye', have you ever woundered why no ponies ever wear sunglasses indoors?
4671782 Not really, maybe they don't mind the glare of the sun.
4671788 th00.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/i/2013/031/9/6/handsome_princess_celestia_01_by_lordofhalo333-d5tedxj.png
4671792 Celestia, please.
4671797 Celestia, wat'ru u doin? Celestiah, stahp.
4671801 I'll make sure that she does.
4671811 Communist ponies.
Speaking of which, did you read The Aryan Next Door?
4671815 I did.
4671822 Love that, Sir Hat is awesome.
But he scares me slightly, one day he just randomly up and followed me, i'm still not sure how to feel about that xD
4671827 Better to accept it. xD
4671829 I think i'll go with honoured, but on guard.
4671831 Sure why not.
4671837 poking intensifies.
4671839 Ow!
4671853 Intensify the intensifies the pokingly intensify.
4671855 The poking is so painful!
4671856 A thousand nordic stars poke!
4671862 Thanks a lot, Loki.
4671870 I'm Swedish, i'm allowed to!
Ten Thousand Fingers Glare Poke!
4671882 I surrender!
4671888 The Poke To Rule Them All!
4585473 is just me, or if I put Chaotic's profile pic on the right, and Arya's on left, it looks like they're weary of each other, staring each other down.
4703963 Maybe it does.
This story has been approved by Luna's Fanfiction Library
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Mention us in description?
4777288 Of course I will!