Twilight finds some ancient magic under her library and when she decides to use it things go very wrong. After Twilight messes up the old magic spell that she found in the ancient spell book in the library's basment Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Spike and the rest of Ponyville need to learn how to keep everything running while Twilight tries to fix everything. But everypony finds it hard to live a life that they were never suited for. Will everypony figure out how to keep everything from falling apart. Or will Disharmony set in and cripple the pony world?
Chapters (4)
The story is fine so far, but you should take a second look at your use of punctuation marks.
For starters, many sentences appear to just drone on, throw in a few commas to break them up.
Second, all quotes have to end with either a comma, a period, an ellipsis, a question mark or an exclamation mark (in order: , . ... ? !), like this:
"But Twilight," Spike said, "why can't we go there?"
Finally, only use capital letters at the beginning of a sentence, or at the beginning of a name. You forgot to give Spike a capital a few times, and you threw in a few odd capitals.
Still, my complaints are all about technical details, and the story itself is interesting. I'll be keeping an eye on this.
381991 Thank you that's what i needed and i'll fix that. When i went through with the ABC check it doesn't check the capital's just the misspellings. Thanks for the constructive critisicim again.
This is Chapter 5 it took a while to figure out how to start and since i decided to make each chapter around 1000 words long so they wouldn't be like Chapter 2
Sorry about that guys...
Anyway this is Applejack and Rarity
Enjoy!
hm potencial
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983436
Thank you so much! And I am working on the next chapter and it might be here by the end of the summer...so look for it :)
1033076
so you abandoned this story? thats bad, it had potencial
1804478
I know this is like half a year old but no i didn't abandon it i just haven't updated it!
I have written chapters i just need to submit them...
2669501 well thats good i guess, i was just with re-reading this story with other stories in my fav list
2669739
Oh okay well I'm working on getting the chapters on here then there will be new things to read...but chapter 5 is already longer then some of them...and it's not yet
2669806 any news on those chapters? :D
hope you finish the 5th chapter soon because it's getting good!
Nice twist that Angel is the snake,I like it!
So PPLLEEAASSEE write chapter 5
3835489
There is going.to.be a chapter 5 you don't have to worry its not a dead story.
Alright,Thank you!
I'm waitn':
URG CANT WAIT ANYMORE!!
i think its a great story