- Member Since 18th Mar, 2012
- offline last seen 7 hours ago
Dark0592
Here lies the wistful delusions of the sleep addled mind. Actually wait, no, just me.
Dark0592
Joined 18th Mar, 2012 ·
Offline
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make sure you use your summary space to write a SUMMARY.
380527
Don't say "magicked."
Ever.
I understand that you probably had trouble thinking of ways to convey the information that Twilight is 'using her magic to ______' something, as I was once in that same position. Next time, try using different words, like Levitated, summoned, 'using her spell she ______". For that little part where she fixed up the ruined bed, try something like pieced together, combined the parts, or whatever else you can think of.
And I agree with Cleff, please utilize the summary box, it was there for a reason. However, I would like to see where this goes, please, do continue.
380571 eh, i see your point but at the time i couldn't really think of what she was doing exactly, magicked works well enough though...definitely not the best but it fulfils its purpose
Shipping yay!
Wait... grim dark shipping? IT'S SO DIRRRRTTTTTTTYYYYYYY
Well... not really, but you get my point.
380637 it won't fall under that category really until later, but it will be there
Just a couple of quick comments. I do like the story's start, but be careful on pacing it out. As hard as it is to write slower parts, if you don't the story suffers. Second, try and go through and check capitalization, punctuation use and the number of something your talking about, because these issues can be distracting. Also, you might want to watch outfor how fast the ponies get past some things, because Twilight seemed to be a bit calm after completely freaking out a fairly short time before. I do have to say that I love the plot you've come up with, because it is fairly original. Keep on writing, all I can say is practice and time will help a lot.
I sense an OC being introduced in a logical, organic way, which is nice to see.
How grimdark is this going to be exactly on scale of 1 to 10?
385157 hmm...so far I just wrote the first grimdark and I'd say it's about a 6/10 depending on how you look at it. it's going to get worse though, that I'm sure of
385192
6? Well, I guess that's okay. Just never go stupid grimdark like Cupcakes or it's stupid spinoffs. Please.
388852 I'm sorry I appear to have mislead you, I thought this was on my other story. I haven't written any real grimdark yet for this story, but in the next chapter( chapter 5) I will most certainly make it good and grimdark. and the only time I write things like cupcakes is for my ships and gore oneshots
...
Really Temeraire...I thought only I read that
3367995 nope
my favorite book series
I have all of them :3
3368400
same