Canterlot, the glowing jewel of Equestria. Home of the Princess of the Sun and Moon, this city is revered by all.
However, there is another side to Princess Celestia's home. Beneath it's glorified exterior lie the dark underbelly of the city. Underhoofed deals are made, cutthroat schemes enacted in secret and hidden pacts are formed.
Clear Truth, a rookie-lawyer from Manehatten, is asked by none other than Celestia herself to solve Canterlot's first murder. By his side, Spike Sparkle, adopted brother of the newest princess of Equestria. Will Clear Truth and Spike be able to find the true killer, or will an innocent pony face the hangmare's noose?
Based off of the Phoenix Wright games owned by Capcom. Everything else property of Hasbro.
Except my OCs, they're mine. Unless you ask politey so you can rent them.
New Editor who freakin' rocks: Firesight Started on Chapter 10.
A very good premise (I like how you point out murder in Equestria is a rare occurrence) and I can't wait to read more.
I never played Phoenix Right, but I do know one attorney who could also take the case:
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Thanks, we were considering Harvey but we decided to put him on bench if things don't work out.
Not bad, not bad at all
Loved the concept. Really exciting plot, I want to see where you go with it. I love Phoenix Wright inspired stories. Some grammar and wording issues, but not enough to ruin it for me
I don't exactly like the phoenix wright crossovers as much as I like the OC/just pony stories. congrats!
fc03.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2012/318/f/d/twilight_sparkle_clapping__vector__by_jaaryx13-d5l02wa.png
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Thanks, I'm trying to polish up my writing skills.
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Appreciate the help, hopefully the next chapter will be up soon.
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Hooray!
Wow. You're writing has improved exponentially with this chapter. I had a lot of fun reading through this one, you've got a good story going here. This is awesome! I'm really looking forward to the next chapter
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Gotta say I owe you a big thanks for that.
Notice anything out of place?
4349237 Uhhh. Let's see if I can't find some.
Should be...
Another...
It's a little repetitive (bang and banged).
Not much I can tell. Honestly, it was so entertaining, I think I overlooked most every mistake. I would suggest reviewing rules for commas, as there were places that needed them.
I almost thought Spike Sparkle was an oc. I cringed at the idea of such a badly named oc for a moment there.
Sorry, had to get the thing that bothered me the most out there.
Anyway, this is the Ace Attorney style I like seeing, where it doesn't try to just be an unofficial sequel with turnabout storm. I already like the story with that said. But, you asked me to share my thoughts and there are a few things in the first (actual) chapter that bothered me a little.
-Does Luna even say things like "thou" anymore? It can sound really awkward when not used properly. Just a warning, it's not the easiest or best speech pattern to use.
-The story described Celestia as a mother to Spike, but...have the two of them ever actually had any real interaction with each other before? (This is a nitpick)
-Actually, I lied. THIS is my biggest complaint. The story is called Clear Truth, yet the character Is named Clear Trust. Don't even know what to say about that.
And now: Off to the next chapter!
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Ahh, stupid auto correct, that was something I way overlooked here. Thanks for that.
When I creating this character, I debated between Clear Trust or Truth, in the end I choseT ruth. I swore that I had changed it to Truth.
Several sentences and phrases sound off, but for me to criticise about them would be too hypocritical.
I myself am more big on the actual story when it comes to fanfiction anyway.
Pretending there's no grammar issues though, I'm honestly having a hard time reading this, and I feel so guilty for that because I know you like my AA story.
I'll make a list like in the last chapter.
-Is this character's name Clear Truth or Clear Trust? The last chapter at least kept using just one name, but this chapter kept switching between one and the other.
-I'm feeling no sense of identity for these characters. I don't feel that I know anything about Clear's character, nor Pop's, and you mention that the victim's name is Aspect, but that is literally all I know about him. I know I'll probably learn more about all three later, but anything would've helped for now. Because OC's are characters that only their creator really understand, it becomes that much more important to show us, the reader, who they are and what separates them from other characters (OC's or canon). So far, it honestly feels like some background ponies just got some dialogue.
-There's some inconsistencies with who we've been following. We've been hearing the thoughts of both Clear and Celestia. This also really hurts the next thing I want to mention.
-The psyche-locks: So an earth pony can apparently see psyche-locks. Why? This would've been a great time to be given a bit of good exposition and help us know who our main character is, but because we were in Celestia's head, we're left in the dust for just about everything. We need to know who the heck Clear is! Actually, I sort of want to know who the main protagonist of this is.
I feel bad for being a bit harsh on a story I haven't finished reading yet.
Alright, now this is much more like it.
This chapter actually had:
-An oc who's character actually got established (I felt like I actually knew who Waltz is)
-Evidence, which reminded me that this is an ace attorney story.
-You actually called the character Clear Truth! Consistency! YAY!
-Details of the crime, which we should've already known about (though I still don't feel like I know who Aspect even is)
A big improvement. But, there's still some issues with the other characters
-Again, I don't think I really know who Clear Aspect is. Or Pop or Truth for that matter.(Question: Why do we have two characters named Clear?)
-Honestly, I think you could've done better with Richard Gumhoof. He feels too much of a rip-off of Gumshoe and unless a person already knew who he was from the games, the readers still wouldn't know who this oc actually is. I've always been against the idea of giving ponies human names, but that's just me.
Still, a big improvement. I'm actually interested enough to keep reading now.
Putting Truth's reaction in the same paragraph as Celestia's dialogue makes it look like he was saying it, even though by context I can tell it was Celestia's dialogue.
To... help you?
And why is Celestia withholding apparently important information?
What exactly is the deal with Spike's instinctual unremembered actions, here?
I'm really digging how you write Spike, too. He's that sort of slightly impish and clever, but also well-meaning and a little foolish that Spike can pull off well.
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Thanks for all that. I seriously need to find an editor/proofreader for this. Already have one for another fic of mine. I just feel so lazy having taken my time with writing this.
Except the miracle never happen.
Just kidding! This sounds very intriguing! I will read more!
Nice FNAF and Bioshock Infinite references. I like how this is shaping up. Please publish more!
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Thanks, I enjoy it when people point out the references I place in the story.
This is very good story hope to read more soon.
Breaking the 5 locks will be satisfying.