Don't sell yourself short. You are a better writer than most on this site. Are there mistakes and areas to improve? Yes. This prologue, however, is tense and cinematic. I liked it. I want to know what happens next.

dang pretty awsome hopefully we can find out next chapter what happened to them and what they were fighting.

its really a good story please continue on it if you can.

Man, that was pretty great. I enjoy sad stories, and this looks like one of them. So far it's proven that this might end up being something great. keep it up!

got me hooked, can't wait for the next part because this sounds very intense.

>>375699375699 this

The title for this story is from a movie during the vietnam war, where a group of U.S. soldiers rape a vietnamese girl.

>>375836375836 That I uh.... I didn't know....

Thanks for all the positive comments guys, really means a lot to me :)

>>376936376936 Shocking? Yes, but if you like the title, go with it. I digress, this is actually good for someone new to fanfic. Although you could tell us as to why are they in this scenario.

I do hope you write more.

I will :) Thanks to you all I'm more than happy to continue writing this. + the idea still won't leave my head ><

great story so far (i know this is th eprolog) but in the atual story do make this alot longer per chapter (perahps in the tenthousand word range(well the story could do that grante di have trouble getting 1000 words per chapter) not realy but make it a couple thousan dplease an dat leqast 6 chapters long i dont want a talented author throwing in the towel to early in a story with great potinal so keep up the good work (srry if seem like a jerk im still sad about your other story :P )

typos typos everywhere

I know this chapter is extremely lacklaster from the previous chapter. This is always the hardest part for me, getting to the action scenes so please bear with me on this painfully bad-written journey.

Nice!

As a great man once said, "Write lots and lots of shit!"

You're doing well for a newcomer (although I'm one myself)

haha thanks :) I'm still trying to improve as much as I can. The support has been really great!

What was with the new names you gave to some of the mane 6,were they undercover names? Anyway great chapter!

OMG HAHAHA THEY APRIL FOOLED THE WEBSITE! THEY CHANGED ALL WORDS WITH PINKIE TO SURPRISE ETC!!! HAHA it'll set back tomorrow... i hope

Oh Luna...

This cannot end well

hmmm i wonder if twilight knows any fighting magic in this story or if its forbidden to nonmilitary ponys like in others (i support the right to bear horns!)

>>412726412726 that wouldn't stop twilight.

also, I sense impending Flutterrage

Pinkie shouldn't forgive AJ

i must say since i was linked here through funnyjunk i've loved this story.. please upload soon i cant wait to read it some more and find out what happens

>>460007460007 Hello fello funnyjunker! Glad you like it! It'll be updated about every 4-5 days :)

AJ is orange. You called her yellow.

>>499126499126 Whoops sorry, wasn't thinking clearly at 3am in the morning. Thanks!

you got a mistake in the frist line.(Twilight, Pinkie Pie and Applejack  ascended the stone steps ) (it sould be Twilight, Pinkie Pie and Rarity ascended the stone steps ) as applejack is with RD unless you changed it?

other then that it was good

I need to go read some Flutterpie shipping now...

>>528950528950 Yes that was a mistake. Thank you for pointing it out ^^

>>529685529685 Haha there is not really any shipping in this story (even though it looks like it, it'll be explained in the next chapter) but yes, Flutterpie, Appledash and Flutterdash are 3 of the most awesome ships

aww i was expecting twilight to blow that generals head off then his replacement  would come and they would be on thier way being chased but at some point i want this to happen

Image: http://i50.tinypic.com/vg1tgw.jpg

...this is going in my read later due to the cover pic

>>653997653997 I do hope you enjoy it!

sweet update keep it up bro anyway atleast rainbow dash has broken the stupid controll over her. that i'm happie about.

>>659822659822 Thanks! Hopefully the other updates will come quicker :)

>>661071661071 agreed

didn't know you'd go this far with the story, bravo!!

>>661112661112

And the story still has a LOT more to tell ;)

YES!!! You didn't use lines like the purple maned pony again!!!!

If you don't remember me that lines gona sound fucked up to you...  But anyways good job! Next chapter

>>381962381962 can't help it, simple plot development

>>702697702697 I remember :D I'm really cutting them down!! ^^ Prepare for a new chapter either up today or tomorrow!

"That time I misplaced the oven... Perfect title for your next fic

War Ensemble - Slayer

Happy National Day Of Slayer! FUCKIN' SLAYER!

>>705790705790

nice to see you again :D \m/

I liked this chapter, making rainbow dash go against her element, nice

>>460007460007 brohoof fellow funnyjunker /)

You specifically added the "white space" for us funny Junkers didn't you?

>>708411708411 Thank you!

>>709142709142 Sadly, I'm gonna have to admit that wasn't for the FJers :(

i really hope these griffons are friendly and i also hope rainbow survives anyway doo keep going on this story is fabulus and your getting the characterations dead on.

I read

"the dark sky seamed to be get darker than twilight."

I was like "da heck that is so out of context" then I reread it, and felt stupid lol

>>814122814122 awesome song!! :D

>>814280814280 thanks

You really like RD dying don't you? In ur past stories she's died at least twice, and now it's happening again. For some reason I get the feel she's going to live this time though, that or you could be building us all up then you l are going to smash that building lol .

This was a pretty good chapter, as always I like how you describe your shit. The only thing I have to say is this line. "He was pulling along a large wagon, cuboid in shape and holding presumably his goods." It could be that I jut simply don't know the meaning of "cuboid", but I think that's a typo, again if I'm wrong my bad just trying to help

Also I like Roland, he's got that wise old man feel to him, tell me hes going to have a bigger role in the story. Ooor you could kill him, I like that idea too. Sorry it's your story, I should have no right to tell you how to do your shit, so good job great story and keep on writing

>>817425817425 Its no problem to say what you hope to see! :D Glad you're liking it! And I won't say more, you'll just have to wait and see ;)

>>818130818130

*rages* damn

You're a pretty damn good author and artist too. Can't wait to see the end of this!

>>830458830458 Oh, I didn't draw those pictures. They were by Karmation/Story Pony on deviantart ^^ Link in the description!

Next chapter is there! Sooo exciting

Quick! I need the next chapter! NOW !!!

just so amazing!!! But I hope RD is saved, so sad

>>832006832006 Hahaha next chapters will due in time :D

wow! No comments to describe! Just so awesome Sooooo excited to know the next chapters  of the story

Pinkie!! Why you not forgive AJ ?????

Woo! That's good. I just hope Rainbow will be okay and that the mission comes out well, but it's just awesome, yay

Be cautious when you are writing Roland's name, you wrote "Rolant" a couple of times. Beside that, I already told you how EPIC this fic is on DA ^^

How could nobody comment on this chapter yet??? beside The First Forbidden Spell this has been the most epic, dramatic and gripping of them all in my opinion. Awesome work of course~

Plllllleeeease tell me when this is gonna be updates, its been over a month now T_T

>>10140761014076 http://www.fimfiction.net/blog/49956 :)

>>10141081014108 Ahhh, thank you very much ^^ Wish you luck on your schooling~

I wonder where the story will go from here. I was almost certain Roland would be like "Surprise!" And turn them in to the authorities.

oh my god how has no one posted yet? this ones is like, crazy!

please dont be offended, but when roland tells twilight his name, it says rolant instead of roland

just saying

i dunno, but whatever happens, i cant wait to find out, but i hope rainbow is okay....i mean, she is rainbow dash!

cant wait for moar!

>>11168781116878

That's just stinkin' thinkin'!

AWESOME!!! I have been long awaiting this and this is an absolutely awesome chapter, completely worth the wait~

BTW, here are some minor mistakes--

"Twilight felt the cold, sharp talon on her chest, over her heat. She knew that one small force would end her immediately, taking her life in a blink of an eye." --Dont you mean "heart"?

"Now listen close, Twilight Sparkle, I said ‘most’ as this hospital contains the only three understanding griffin that remain in Gryphus."-- Griffins, not singular.

All in all, PERFECT!!

Ooh, cool. I know you said there wasn't any shipping, but I feel like I'm detecting slight Appledash... which is fine with me Also, this whole story feels like it should be a graphic novel, I can really picture everything you write. Keep up the lovely work, can't wait to find out what happens next

“Don’t worry, sugercube. We’ll be right here with ya!” Applejack gave Fluttershy a small huge before the both of them boarded the carriage.

a small huge?

Can't wait for the next part!!!!

Next chapter but I like it

I do pray that this awesome fic is not discontinued

>>20520762052076 Ugh, nono, I really would hate to discontinue this. But I guess I'll make a blog post explaining it.

Finally!

And is Dovan (the king) incognito?

Its been 7 months since an update i had completely forgot about this story

Ermergersh I'm glad you finally did!  I LOVE this story's line.  Can't wait to see where you take it.

>>21932342193234 Dovan is not the king. Trela is the King. Dovan is just a young griffon boy :P