Snacks
I rush in through the apartment door with a plastic bag. I slam it shut behind me. Dissolving my digikey, I toss my gloves onto the couch and rush into the bedroom. I immediately unplug the hoodie, stretch it out, and lay it across the bed beside my plastic bag.
Scrambling, I fetch a sheet of paper and hastily scribble a note on it: "AJ. Can you please come over? I have something fantastic to share with you!" I wad the paper up and shove it into the hoodie's pouch. Tugging on the tag, I send the message beyond the fabric of time and space.
I do not leave the room. I stand there, leaning against the footboard of the bed, wringing my hands together. My eyes are glued on the hoodie. Minutes pass. Half an hour goes by. At last—finally—the pouch bulges outward. I thrust my hand in, grab a piece of paper, and unfold it: "Just gimme a second, sugarcube. I gotta knock out some chores."
I try to contain my squeals. I fail. I twist my ankles together; it's all I can do to keep from bouncing up and down.
At last, I see the ends of the hoodie's strings pulsating. Just short of lunging forward, I grab onto the edges of the article's neckline and pull it loose. An adorable orange pony materializes in front of me.
"Eyunnnnghhh..." Applejack yawns. Her mane is a tattered mess, and I see splotches of mud and earth all across her soft coat. "Nnngh... now what's this all about, darlin'?" She blinks warily at me. "Reckon I can't stay long. I've got a lot to do around the farm and—"
"Applejack!" I exclaim, beaming. I grin in her face, then reach for the plastic bag. "You'll never guess what has happened?!"
"Nnngh... do I have to?" She teeters exhaustively. "Can't y'all just tell me?" Another yawn. "Nnnngh... so... m-many ears of corn... I swear to Celestia—" A tiny plastic bag falls at her hooves. She glances down at the thing, blinking. "Uhhhhh..." Her hoof nervously bats at the thing like it's a hackey-sack. "What in tarnation is this?"
"I want you to try some!" I squat down and kneel beside the bag. "This is something that's been an integral part of human civilization for a long... long time." I raise the tiny bag up and turn it upright between us, smiling. "It's very near and dear to our culture. We like to call it..." I rip the bag open and hold it beneath her, grinning. "...Chex Mix!"
Applejack's nose scrunches up. She stares into the bag, squinting. She tilts her gaping muzzle up to stare at me. "This... this here is food?"
"Yup!" I grin.
"As in... real... edible food?"
"Yup yup!"
"But... erhm..." Applejack fidgets nervously. "I figured it was against the rules... that it was downright dangerous for me to consume anythang—much less bring anythang from one world to the next—"
"The rules have changed!" I exclaim, giggling. "I just got done meeting up with the inventor of the Article! A new list of rules have been typed up! At the top of the list is the transferrence of bioorganic matter and edibles! You can totally snack on our snacks, AJ!"
"... ... ..." Applejack stared at the bag.
"Isn't that so awesome?! I can finally get you to try out sushi, pizza, venutian snails! I promise it's all gonna be so scrumptious and—"
Applejack grabbed the hoodie's strings, tugged them, and disappeared.
I stared at the deflated article on the bed. I blinked, nearly dropping the Chex Mix. "Applejack?" Silence. I reach forward and poke at the hoodie. "Applejack?" In a slight panic, I pull and tug at the strings. "What... where...?" I bite my lip, fidgeting. "God's Hooks... did... d-did she fade out of existence?" I gulp. "Did I piss her off too much? Oh, Zoram, bless me..."
Just then, the ends of the strings flicker.
"...!" I immediately snatch the neckline and pull it wide.
The first thing I see is the hoodie's pouch bulging to the breaking point. Then, breathless and sweaty, Applejack reappears. All traces of exhaustion and lethargy are gone, and in their place is a bouncing, smiling earth pony.
"Okay okay okay..." She leans forward. "I reckoned this day would never come! But—consarn it!" She makes a snorting sound, which I realize is the closest the mare can come to squealing like a little filly. "Yeeha! This is so amazin! Now! Now... close yer eyes!"
"Huh?"
"I done told ya to close them peepers now close 'em!"
"Alright! Alright..." I take a deep breath and pull my eyes shut.
"Now... hold out yer hoof."
"My what?"
"Erm... eheheheh... y'all know what I mean."
I smile to myself. I put my gloveless palm out. Something soft and round plops into my palm.
"Uhhhh... AJ?"
"Now... take a gander."
My eyes flutter open. The first thing I see is the color red... and a very vibrant hue at that. I sit up straight, turning the fruit around in my grasp. "It's... it's..."
"Pretend yer recitin' the human alphabet!" she says, grinning from freckled ear to freckled ear.
"Really?" I gawk at her. "This is an apple?!"
"Well, what did you expect it to be, darlin'?"
"But... b-but..." I pluck a tiny wooden-looking string at the top. "The Hell is this thing?"
"That's called the stem." Applejack grins wickedly. "Ya see, pony apples are grown from trees. They ain't processed in a factory like all yer nonsensical synthetic thangs."
"Grown..." I feel myself trembling slightly. "...from an actual tree."
"Yup! Sure as sugar is!"
"It... it's not going to bite me or something, is it?"
"Heeheehee!" Applejack rolls over onto the bed, clutching herself. Three more apples spill out of her pouch as she looks up at me. "It ain't that kind of a livin' thang, darlin'!"
"What... what do you want me to do with it?"
She smirks slyly. "What do y'all think?"
I give her a double-take. "No..."
She nods.
"Really?"
She nods some more.
I stare at the apple. It's so shiny, I can almost see my reflection. "Okay... uhm..." I move to get up. "Lemme go get a fork... or something—"
"Just bite into it, ya dag blame'd fool!"
"With... my teeth?"
"Unless y'all've got tentacles hidin' under that blouse of yers!"
"Uhhh... okay..." I gulp. Closing my eyes, I lean forward, then sink my teeth into the plush material. The skin breaks and the pulp floods into my mouth. I feel like I'm set on fire—only it's a soft, melting kind of a fire. My taste buds vibrate like sonic gates off the rings of Saturn. I don't realize what the bite has done to my vision until I reopen my eyes to a field of bright white sparkles. Once it's all said and done, I see Applejack standing up, smiling eagerly at me. She's about to tip off the edge of her hooves with anticipation.
"Well?" She wriggles with a flicking tail. "What do ya think?"
"I... I..." I run a hand over my head. "I-I don't think I can think right now!"
"Heheheheh!"
"You tiny horses actually eat this ambrosia on a regular basis?"
"Home grown and from the heart!" Applejack tilts her head up proudly. "And I'm plum-happy to be sharin' it with you, darlin'."
"Yeah, well..." I glance at the apple, smiling. "I'm happy too." I take another bite and relish in the waves of pleasure washing down my spine. "Mrmmmf... among other adjectives. Mrmmmf..."
"And that ain't the half of it!" She winks. "Y'all got the makin's for bakin's?"
"I'm sure I can go out and fetch some syntho-dough. Why?"
She simply grins.
I almost collapse right here and now. "You... you c-can make pies with these?" I gawk at what's left of the skin to reflect my gawking expression. "Do we live in such a world?"
"Reckon we do now." Applejack chuckles and picks up the bag of Chex Mix. "So, whaddya waitin' for?"
"I thought you had chores to do..."
"That was before the best part of my day happened." The stuck her muzzle into the snack bag and took a crunching bite. Her green eyes instantly bulged. "Whoa nelly!" Applejack coughed and sputtered, flailing left and right on the bed covers. "Salt salt salt salt salt!"
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Heh heh heh. High kitty-pony.
Oh dear... Salt...
Is Chex Mix something that was invented in our future, or am I just ignorant of it because me not American?
Yep. Salt.
Dammit. Now I want some Chex mix.
4633077 Chex Mix has been around for ages. Maybe from the 80s or 90s. It is pretty much a trail mix of various things like pretzels and Chex cereal.
Been watching this pop in popular for awhile and each time it shows up I would read the new chapter... think it's time to favorite this.
4633077 Chex Mix has been around
Though, I'm surprised that people don't know what an apple is nowadays in the future
Oh gosh, salt...
Well, if this ever develops into a more formalized trade relationship it seems like Equestria will have no shortage of high demand goods to ship across and sell.
Too perfect! Salt!
It's pretty juicy for an apple, but still it's really great.
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Thanks!
Protagonist's reaction to the apple reminded me so much of Holo from Spice and Wolf, a series that I love so very much
Salt. And pony.
deathandtaxesmag.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/what-you-did-there-i-see-it.thumbnail.jpg
I'm sticking to it.
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Say the title of that video ten times really fast.
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Yeah. Reading that bit makes me fear for my species...
Isn´t salt good for horses?
4633439
People in stories often use salt like an alcohol to ponies, from this scene -
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=Krj5ycxdf6M&t=47
So that might be it.
... now I want Chex Mix...
That being said, the description for that apple... wow... I'm amazed <3
ShortSkirtsAndExplosions, you amazed me once with the Funeral of Derpy Hooves. I cannot help but say that you are possibly the best writer I have seen. Like, better than writers that have their work published. .... Is it ok if I give you a story idea? I bet many people ask this and you skip over them, hands full, but I mean once you are free and up for suggestions. Maybe? But overall, lovin the story!
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Well that explains why there isn't a beach episode (to my knowledge). One mouth full of ocean water and they'd be tipsy!
Great... our narrator is going to get AJ hooked on Chex Mix.
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It's more likely that the narrator is used to synthetically grown genetically engineered apples. They're probably cubic in shape for easy transport and storage; with no stem, seeds, or core, to minimise wastage. Real grown fruit and vegetables are probably luxury items that are outside of the pay-grade of the protagonist.
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Not really. Sea water has about 3.1% - 3.8% salinity, so it would be roughly analogous to light beer or light cider.
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More like drunk, really.
4634347 That'd make sense; either that or they're so ancient.
Hell, the protagonist in this chapter - with the apple - made me think of the Book of Genesis
4634242 Hello there. How are you this fine day?
4633380 Explain for the stupid person, please.
I wonder what she'd think of hot fries (Chester's, Andy Capp, whatevs). I practically live off the stuff.
Just between you and me, I've never been too fond of apples as a fruit. *shrugs*
Called it.
4633077
"Chex mix" is a variant of the "TV mix" type of snack that became popular in the '50s as something to eat without interrupting TV-watching. Chex mix specifically began appearing as recipes on boxes of Chex cereal in '52 (at the time produced by Ralston Purina, the company now famous for products like Purina Dog Chow -- Chex was bought up by General Mills in '96). Pre-packaged Chex mix became available in '85. Predictably, the primary component to Chex mix is Chex cereal, although there have been very similar mixes over the years which don't use Chex, such as a recipe in a '50s Betty Crocker cookbook that utilized Kix cereal.
Personally, I don't like the salty Chex mix, and all pre-packaged Chex mix is either salty or chocolate-covered. My preferred variant basically toasts the mix in oil & butter in the oven, making the final result sweeter and generally crunchier.
4634958
Um, I have trouble explaining things.
It's a reference to another popular story on the site involving a human, a pony, and salt(Not as the main premise).
I could be wrong.
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*looks at banana pic
*reads tentacle quote
*'called it;*
two reactions
lol
&
wat?
Salt. A ponies catnip. ... i don't think i can take this much cuteness and live.
Mmmm, salt.
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but you still get what I'm saying.
Human gets first bite of real food in likely forever.
Pony gets fed high-grade intoxicant.
I figure we'll get EXTREEEEEME BAKING WITH APPLEJACK! next.
Confirmation on gender yet? Unless men in the future went back to wearing a blouse, methinks that our protagonist is female.
4636001 now, now, that only means the protagonist probably isnt male... She could still be Trans, Extra Trans, or Brazilian lol....
(But yeah, feels like a gender confirmation for our otherwise genderless narrator.)
4636040
My apologies. It's still up in the air whether or not the protagonist is Female, Trans, Extra Trans, or Brazillian. At this point I treat it in jest. Don't really think that gender plays a huge role in the story.
Breaking news: Small horse assalted!
Not the best initial reaction, but the same thing happens for alcohol. This might be even further intoxicating than belly rubs!
guidelines
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Ah, there was a discussion before on if people thought the protagonist was male or female.
Males don't wear blouses. Unless they do in the future.
4636239 Would it really be so bad? Also, again, genderfluid?
4636362
Who said anything about it being bad?
Still good and now the true movie nights can start.
4636239 true. there is also the mention of giggling and um...i forgot but it was something to do with the excitement of aj showing up. le girly
4636450 Yeah, and I wasn't referring to that. The sentence was based off of ideas for news reports.
Blouses on guys: Are they really so bad?
This whole thing is just too cute!
As ever, each chapter is a delight, and I'm eagerly awaiting more.
Please keep writing, I'll keep reading!
4635849
Oh dear. If AJ's drunk baking is anything like her sleep-deprived, concussed baking...
Hopefully the protagonist doesn't have much variety in his pantry. The pantry that may or may nanosythesize everything...
Well, I'm sure he'll be able to stop her from adding potato chips or soda... unless he just assumes that it's a magic horse recipe...
At this point, I'm just hoping AJ has decent sodium tolerance. Probably does, but she is kind of tiny in this universe.
In any case, looking forward to more.
If I could favorite this again, I would.
SALT? DID YOU SAY SALT? Hehe you got any salt? I need some salt. GIVE ME THE SALT AHAHAHAHAHAHAH salt.
Salt high is best high
4644990
I think you're running into a conservation of mass problem. Dissolving into a gas would be theoretically possible, however.
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i.stack.imgur.com/Z4MC1.jpg