Featured In4

  • ...

Octavia was an ordinary pony. She lived in an ordinary house, walked around on ordinary grey legs, played ordinary concerts in front of prestigious audiences across Equestria, and went on ordinary bomb disposal missions with a top secret government spy. But one day, everything changed. Except the house, it’s not like it randomly blew up or anything.

First Published
15th Mar 2014
Last Modified
15th Mar 2014
#1 · 77w, 5h ago · 1 · ·

Some nitpicks

With a second strike, the guard was knocked backwards, sending his sword clattering to the ground where his helmet fell.

"Fell" should be "had fallen".

Her apology was interrupted by a a distant rumble. "We don't have time for that!" Octavia shouted, "The volcano is going to explode any minute!"

You put "a" twice. Also, volcanoes erupt, not explode.

Anyway, this looks like a really promising story. I can't wait for the next chapter! :pinkiehappy:

Comment posted by Wryte deleted at 4:08am on the 15th of March, 2014
#3 · 76w, 6d ago · · ·

>>4084245 Octavia is a musician, not a geologist. I thought it was in-character for her to use the term incorrectly. You're right about the rest of those points, though. It's in-character for me to go fix them.

#4 · 73w, 13h ago · · ·


No critic for this one, is... fine i guess :twilightoops:



#5 · 15w, 3d ago · · ·

“I can’t mix a spell disruption enchantment with anything else, it will disrupt it!”

"Curse you, Looooogggggiiiiicccccc!!!!!!"

#6 · 8w, 5d ago · · ·

Well that was entertaining,  but what a mess of a story. Through I guess that's the point.

Login or register to comment