A war story with a hint of ApplexDash... I'm looking forward to this. Grammar looks pretty good, and the only thing I'm really unsure about is Applejack's reaction to Big Mac. It doesn't seem like she would cry in front of the other residents of Ponyville. I can see her walking off and crying once she's out of sight, but she just seems like the one that would try to hide her feelings before she showed them.

But that's just minor. Otherwise, I'll be looking forward to the next chapter.

-Randomosity19

FIRST LOL WOOT I AM THE BEST

YOU GUYS ALL SUCK

LOLOLOL

I'M SO MUCH BETTER THEN YOU GUYS

----

Ahem. Trackimundo.

>>371570371570

Image: http://oi43.tinypic.com/33x7kma.jpg

Nope.

>>371569371569

Well, seeing as how it's a war story, I'm trying to bring out the more raw emotions that have to do with dealing with large amounts of stress/disaster.

>>371592371592

Damn it.

When I posted it, it said I was first. No other posts. Balls.

>>Distrance

JKJK ROFLMAO

...Don't know what everypony else is doing, but I like the story.

Even though I'm a little disturbed that I do, given what just happened at the end...

I like it.  

>>371722371722

Thanks! It means a lot, and I like to keep readers happy. Writing Chapter 3 now!

Finished Ch. 3. Might write Ch. 4 tonight as well. We'll see how it goes :)

this is really good i like it and btw I lolled so hard at that spongebob reference at the beginning

>>372375372375 Yeah lol. I did the Battlestations! One for KND :P Thought that might entertain some people

GOLD TEAM RULES! xD spongebob ftw

Yay!

Looking even better right now. Can't wait to see what happens during capture the flag!!! (On a side note, when a new speaker says something, it's a different paragraph.) Still, awesome job.

-Randomosity19

>>375004375004

Yeah, I knew that, but I didn't want the page to be super long.  So, anytime there's dialogue, I don't indent the paragraph.

Thanks btw!

Nevermind what i said, I do indent them :P

Perhaps I am a bit critical, but considering the importance of the elements, shouldn't they be something more then just typical soldiers?

I mean, they saved Equestria several times.

Also, as another thought, wouldn't Celestia want to keep Twilight, her personal student, safe?

Just thinking.

Great chapter BTW

>>375414375414

Thanks for the comment! You're very observant! And it's all part of the plot lol! Things will come together in later chapters. I'm writing Ch. 5 atm. You'll see, and I don't think you'll be disappointed.

Oooh...

Shiny new concepts...

*Am I losing focus?*

Good work!

>>375764375764

Thanks! I'll probably write chapter 6 today too.

>>375792375792

Thanks! It meant a lot to me, and I'm glad you guys are happy!

Also, I don't plan any of this out, eheh It just comes to me, and I go from there :P

Alright, that's it, starting chapter six now!

>>375807375807 Cool, and it's a little coincidental but thats exactly how I write my fanfics xD

Interesting way of portraying Celestia, Luna and Discord. Never thought about it that way. Honestly, I probably never would have if it weren't for this fic. Still looking good, and I'm really enjoying your writing style. (Mine Countenance Whereupon Chapter 6 news: )

-Randomosity19

Human tag but no humans?

Explain this bullshit!

>>376125376125

Whut? The FAQ said put this tag if there's ponies, and there's ponies so....

>>376143376143

There is Always ponies...

Its what this website is about.

>>376155376155

Obviously aha! I just didn't understand the whole no ponies thing. But whatever, water under the bridge eh? Read the story :D

Hmmm... a Skyrim reference, definitely. Perhaps a Halo book series reference... (for those of you that don't read the books, SPI Armor, standard with all Spartan III supersoldiers. Less protective that MJOLNIR, but camoflage equipped. Of course, it really isn't perfect, but the camo effect is better in this story if it is actually a reference.)

Once again, very good job! The story is not only very action-packed, it is also rather explorative of the feelings that go through a soldier's mind. The Fluttershy part seemed a bit melodramatic, but that, once again-again, is minor. I honestly have no problem with the way this is going.

-Randomosity19

>>376173376173

Don't worry about it, bro!

>>376176376176

Thanks! Ahaha, Yes, there was a Skyrim reference, and also a Halo reference with the radar, and a MGS4 reference with the camo changing suit :P

As for the drama , I figured having an arrow in your leg would make you freak out a bit lol

>>376209376209

I suppose nopony really likes Nylund's portrayal then. Oh darn... But honestly, I've never played MGS before, so that kind of ruins it for me.

Actually, what I meant by the melodrama thing was that it seems like that line is overplayed in war stories and movies. I can understand being freaked out by getting shot in the leg with an arrow, but that's honestly no reason to play the, "Go on without me!" line. But that's just my opinion.

-Randomosity19

>>376242376242

No, I loved Ghosts of Onyx, and the S-III's. It's just that I thought that their armor bent light. And it doesn't ruin MGS4, I hope. Snake's suit simply changes color with his environment. Only in the 4th game though! It gives away none of the story!

Also, writing ch. 7!

...I was going to say something, but... never mind.

>>376560376560

What was it? Aha

>>376565376565

Yeah, reaction to the Skyrim reference.  The only thing I could say would have been a groaner foul.

>>376572376572

I know, it was bad of me, but I couldn't resist!

>>376583376583

Haha!

Oooooo AJ you dirty girl xD lol

>>376650376650

Woah... And I was about to PM you that you'd started leaving too much emotion out of the story.

I see it's back.  Well worded!

>>376714376714

I know I keep saying it, but it's how I feel. Thanks! Means a lot to me. And gotta keep readers happy :) Will probably write ch 8 tonight too

>>376730376730

Hay, I'm loving how many pages are being crammed into one day, but be careful not to over-strain your mind with too much improvising and damage the story.  If you start losing a little focus, don't hesitate to call it quits for the day... You've more than done a great day's work.

>>376746376746

I'm not being pressured at all :) I feel like I can write forever! Aha. I won't of course, but I still have stuff to write :P I know my limits. It's really fun. Don't worry!

>>376805376805

Good to hear!  I suppose some ponies just keep the story flowing as effortlessly as a heartbeat.  I look forward to it!

How omnomnominous...

if theres so many of them and theyre so strong why don't they do the work themselves? they would get more work done aaannnd there would be no rebellion. lol overall it's really good

>>378190378190

Because they're evil and lazy :P

Well, well, well... what do we have here? A budding romance between Rainbow Dash and Applejack? (I think I love you!) This is getting super interesting. Amazing work between them by the way. It makes sense, and everything fits with their canon selves.

-Randomosity19

Ooooooh, an amazing cliffhanger. Hopefully this mission goes better than the last one. (Knowing how this has been in the past, it probably won't, but I can still dream.)

Mine countenance whereupon: "That's bizarre and ominous..."

-Randomosity19

Thanks a lot! :D Sorry about the late upload for Ch. 9

My internet cut out until just now. But I'm back and ready to roll!

NO BIG MAC

So that's how you're going to end it? What?! That can't be it! I just can't believe it! I just can't believe it! Seriously, why end it that way? That's just depressing and impossible to think of after reading...  at least to me.

-Randomosity19

>>380404380404

The chapter was entitled Tragedy after all.

They girls will carry on.

i was going to say AJ you dirty girl, but instead I'll say, Fluttershy you dirty girl ;D  lol the story's getting really good and I like that it doesn't have any of the happily ever after crap, even though I miss Big Mac lol but anyway good story, and it's gettin better

>>380956380956

Thanks a ton! :) Glad you're enjoying it

*sob*

Maakit stop!

Oh, maakit STOOOOOP!!!

Somepony needs to make out to change the mood...

Wow...

You're good...

You're horrifyingly good...

>>382664382664

Thanks :P Are you talking about any part in particular?

>>383298383298

Well, Fluttershy's 'alternate' self...

That ending scene...

This is frighteningly emotional.

>>383316383316

Aha, I had a lot of fun writing those parts. I love writing this entire story, but that might just have been my favorite chapter to write so far

>>383347383347

Heh.

Oh, by the way... You'll notice I haven't made any efforts toward sending you correction updates.  Sorry about that, but I have a feeling Rofldude's Halo story needs the help a bit more than you...

You're doing great!

>>383410383410

Thanks Writing ch 11 tonight. Might not get uploaded till tomorrow, but it'll be done tonight.

>>384168384168

Sweet!

I might actually choose to help your story with proofreading anyways, since Rofldude still hasn't replied...  Then again, he probably lives in a different time zone.  I'll give him 'til tomorrow to tell me if he likes the one-paragraph sample I sent him.

So... Freakin... Adorable.

>>385643385643

(Overused comment coming) oooooo vinyl you dirty girl xD lol good story good story, I like a lot how it's not all about the tragedy of war and all the characters have like a little thing going on inside there head's it gives a really cool feeling making me want more.

>>386449386449

Thanks! Onto the next chapter then

Names are changing, at least on my screen. Here are the changes: Firefly = Rainbow Dash

Pinkie Pie= Surprise

Aw, it's over.

Awesome story!

>>392220392220

Thanks a bunch! I'm mentally exhausted now though. lol

YAY PINKIE'S NOT DEAD! lol very good story and i loved reading it.

>>393386393386

Thanks! Spread it if you can. I'd love for as many people as possible to read it

Whoa! Definitely didn't see that coming. Although, now that I think about it, with Fluttershy's assertive self, it would make sense that she could fit with Scratch. We can all write shipping stories about FlutterxScratch! Let's do it!

Nice job with not overdoing the emotion in this chapter. The story's starting to get a bit heavy, but that can work, so long as the plot remains. (No, not that kind of plot. ) Everypony's reactions seemed sensible according to their characters, and it seems so right that AJ and RD would take it worst. Very well... on to the next chapter!!!!!

-Randomosity19

D'awwwwwwwwwwwwww... "Hnnnnnnnnng!!!!!!!" I think I just had a heart attack from the cuteness of this chapter.

(Spoiler Alert)

So anyway, who came up with the whole, feather-given-to-another-pony-means-the-giver-loves-the-reciever thing? I see how it works and how it's cute, but I was just wondering if you knew? (I'm thinking it's probably from Building Bridges, but I might be wrong.) Either way, it really helps advance the ApplexDash.

HOLY CELESTIA! What's going on with Fluttershy? Now she's hearing voices in her head? ... and those voices are somehow related to her alternate self? This is crazy, but it works. Somehow, it just bucking works.

-Randomosity19

The only thing I can think of: "I have the wingest boner."

Loving this scene more than anything else in this story; but I really don't know why though. Oh well, it's only getting better.

-Randomosity19

Okay... back to the action! Strange that everypony would give up their souls so quickly. Maybe that's just me though. The only question I have is: Why would they send a letter to the ponies of Ponyville? It seems like the element of surprise would be better. (Keep it that way if it works for you though.)

I only found one possible error. I believe "Discord care for somepony?" should either be "Discord caring for somepony?" or "Discord, care for somepony?" Either of those keep the same thought process, and, at least in my mind, are more grammatically correct.

-Randomosity19

A splendid ending to a splendid story. SPLENDID!!!! Now onto the actual review.

The battle was very good, but it seemed to lack that back-and-forth tension that exists in a lot of climaxes. Sure Vinyl's speakers were destroyed, and magic didn't work on it, but it just seemed like "Master" was way too overpowered. (Perhaps the effect of having him repulse every attack with no reaction?) Also... defeating him with love? Seriously? That is probably one of the most overplayed and cliche endings I've ever heard of. Oh my Celestia, it's just too much.

Still, I'm glad they all made it out in the end; and what you did with Discord was priceless. "Chaos and chaos go together," as they say.

The only other thing that stuck out to me was Big Mac's dialogue at the end. It just seems too British to me for some reason. Maybe if you incorporated more of his southern drawl and a few more contractions into it would make more sense.

Still, I'm not complaining. What this story may have lacked in following canon characterization, it made up for with plenty of references and pretty good battle scenes. The relationships were very interesting to say the least, and I may even write a ship involving FlutterxScratch.

Overall, /5 moustaches

-Randomosity19

>>400721400721

Thanks a ton! I had a lot of fun writing it. And I'm not surprised if there are one or two grammar errors. And for the final battle, well, I figured, if it was pure evil, how else beat it? Aha.

Finally, with Big Mac, I figured if he didn't say much in life, he could talk just a little more in death aha.

Glad you enjoyed it :) Onto the next story!

And the feather-giving business, it just came to me I suppose. Things with wings like to fly, so I figured it giving that up would be symbolic to love or something like it.

Also changed the Discord sentence :) And I figured if there was a large-scale battle, they might want to survive on for a little bit, instead of going straight to the afterlife

Aaahhh! Reading this brings back memories of the good old days...

Vinyl communicates through music? Is that like Bumblebee and his radio speaking?

>>376176376176 You really Sheldon-ize each chapte, don't you?

Excuse me while I put down the iPad and go cry for 10 minutes...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

... Okay... I think I can handle myself better now... HOW THE FUCK COULD YOU KILL OFF BIG MAC!!??!!??

>>434449434449

You know it...

-Randomosity19

>>434439434439 No, she can talk normally. She fights with music, or more accurately, sound. And Big Mac... Eh, it was a big decision. I didn't feel like killing off one of the girls, because I had romances planned ;D