• Member Since 28th Jan, 2013
  • offline last seen Aug 17th, 2015

TroyValice


T

Rainbow Dash thought she had hit rock bottom when she got the letter saying her mom had died and another one saying she would no longer be aloud to learn to be a pilot at the Wonder Bolts Academy. But after a fateful encounter she finds herself aboard the Sun Flair, a privateering airship headed south east on a mission to the New Lunar Republic. The only question is will she be able to strike it rich as a legal pirate, or will the danger of the job and craziness of the crew do her in first

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 10 )

airships and ponies? INSTANT FAVE. good writing and a want for more? I CAN"T FAVE IT MORE THAN ONCE! WHY?
seriously, keep up the good work.

-C.Storm

4060193 Wow thanks for the high praise :twilightsmile: I will continue

Rainbow Dash... airships... pirates?! Curious. Should be fun.


I noticed a couple of places where you mixed up you/you're and your/you're.

So you free then!

That should be you're. (contraction of you are)

“Hey, I still don’t know you’re name. What is it?

In this case it should be your. (possessive)

Also, this sentence is bit icky.

... I getting beside myself, here I’ll introduce you to the captain!”

I think it would sound much better if went this way:

... I'm getting ahead of myself here, let me introduce you to the captain!”

4060368 the joys of writing on a phone with autocorrect :facehoof: Anyway thanks for pointing those out, Fixed them

faved, cant wait for more!:scootangel:

4061856 Thanks, I can't wait to write more!

This is going to be a good story.

I'm just going to take a moment aside to put about how totally ridiculous it is that mane six somehow happen to all be together in this alternate universe. There had better be a good reason or you've just devalued your story a bit, just saying. It makes sense that they're all in Ponyville (canon wise), but unless you've adjusted their basic dispositions/personalities there isn't a whole lot of obvious reason for why a bunch of theoretically peaceful ponies should all be crew on a privateering ship much less comfortable with guns. Then there's Spike, what the heck is with that? By most ponies' reckoning he's more at the CMCs level than that of the mane six. It really doesn't make any sense why he would be there and unless somehow, Twilight is still Celestia's student or the events of her early life are the same, he shouldn't even be there. Those events lead to her going to Ponyville and meeting her friends in the canon universe. If this is alternate universe then I think some explanation is in order.

Sorry if I come off as overly critical, but on first look some of the basic foundation of this story seems a tad flimsy.

4107289 not overly critical at all, in fact, quite timely, as next chapter will be addressing the reasons for why some of the mane six are together on the ship. But to answer some questions that I didn't plan on talking about for a while: Yes twilight is still princess celestia's protégée, but here she began doing "errands" for celestia, instead of going to the academy, until she was given the responsibility of captaining a ship of her own, but more on that later. She still hatched spike from the egg, and that's why he's on the ship as her assistant, but he won't have enough to do with the story to be considered a main character. Also, I do think that them being together can kind of go back to how, in the show, they are destined to become friends, even before they met, but I can see why your feedback is coming from.

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