Prologue-Pt 4: Back To The Basics
August 25th, Afternoon
Rainbow Dash left the Library when she realized she was due to move a rainstorm over the town that afternoon, and she was late. “Remember what we talked about, Twilight,” she whispered before waving to Spike. “Take care of Volare you guys! I’ll check back after my shift is done!” And with that she jetted out the door, leaving a swirl of loose papers and dust in her wake.
Twilight set to work reorganizing the books that Volare had tossed off the shelves in a panic. She hemmed and hawed as she floated the volumes back onto the lower shelves before realizing that a number of them on the fourth row were also out of categorical order as she wished, instead having been set up in alphabetical order. “Spike!” she called out to her assistant, whom she was still irritated with for eating most of her breakfast. The baby Dragon popped his head out of the kitchen.
“Yeah, Twilight? What’s up?” he asked, a plate in one claw and a scrub brush in the other. “Kinda busy in here at the moment.”
“Well, I’m kinda busy in here too, fixing your mistakes.” She waved a hoof at the shelf and the tomes scattered along the base of it.
“Hey, I didn’t do that, the newbie did.” Spike pointed a claw at the Pegasus curled up on the couch and snoring softly. “I swear, all the guy does is freak out, make a mess, and sleep.” The Dragon shook his head even as Twilight’s frown became a frustrated scowl.
“You obviously don’t like him, Spike,” she said matter-of-factly, “but that’s no reason to blame your mistakes on him, especially considering what he’s been through just now.”
“Jeez, why don’t you marry the guy if you care about him that much,” Spike said off-handedly. He made a display of gagging as he turned back to the kitchen, but suddenly felt himself hauled off his feet and dangled in front of the now angry purple Unicorn.
“That is completely unfair and unfounded, Spike! I care for him because… well… because I was new around here once and I learned to treat others as I’d want to be treated, and so did you!” She sat him on the floor and rubbed her forehead with her hoof. “I’m sorry Spike. I lost it there for a second.”
Spike looked up at her a bit fearfully. Twilight wasn’t normally this edgy, but as she said, this wasn’t exactly a normal day either.
“Look, this is what I meant,” she gestured at the fourth shelf. “You know I want my books organized by category instead of alphabetical order, right?”
“Oh, I thought it was the other way around,” Spike said as he twiddled his claws, relieved that Twilight wasn’t mad at him for anything terribly serious.
“No, I want the books organized by category and the categories themselves organized in alphabetical order by shelf,” she explained, but Spike was now confused. “Example: start with Astronomy on the top shelf and end in Zoology on the bottom shelf, and then organize the books in each category in alphabetical order.”
Spike was about to throw the scrub brush at his overbearing friend when he heard a soft chuckle from the couch. They turned to see Volare sitting up and watching their exchange in amusement. “Heh-heh, Twilight, has anyone ever told you that you’re hella OCD sometimes?” The dark blue Pegasus smiled before swinging his hooves over the edge of the couch and trying to stand up, but nearly collapsed onto his side. He leaned against the couch cushion to catch his breath. “Urgh, still not used to this I guess.”
“Spike you finish cleaning up the dishes, I’ll fix the books in a bit,” the Unicorn said as she smiled at her assistant. All was forgiven as Spike returned the smile and waved to the ponies before heading back to the kitchen.
“You feeling a little better now, Volare?” Twilight asked with concern at his efforts to stand. He was like a newborn colt who hadn’t discovered how to use his legs yet.
“Yeah, still just feeling a little overwhelmed and… oh God… I passed out again, didn’t I?” At Twilight’s nod he covered his face with his front hooves in embarrassment. “Jeez, you must think that’s pretty pathetic, eh?”
“Well, maybe just a tad bit over-dramatic, but not too terribly pathetic,” Twilight offered her opinion. Volare blushed heavily as his heart sunk a bit. That didn’t help at all! Twilight caught his expression and changed her tact. “What I mean to say is, well, I can’t really relate to how you feel in this situation, but like I told Spike just now, I was new to this place once too. And I personally think that if I just went through a near-death experience and woke up not only very much alive but in a new body and in a new and unfamiliar place, common sense would say that confusion and panic would be a fairly normal reaction. I’m sure I’ve got a book on it around here somewhere if you doubt my sincerity, Volare.”
But the Pegasus merely laughed for a few moments before calming down. “Oh Twilight, you don’t have to prove something like that. Your empathy is enough for now. But, um,” he stared down at his hooves and sighed. “I do wanna clarify just a few more things.”
“I’ll do my best, Volare.” Twilight trotted closer and sat down next to the couch, her head level with the Pegasus’ and looking right into his silver-blue eyes.
“Ok, is my old body gone for good, Twilight?” He looked at her calmly, but she could see the moisture building up in his eyes. “Am I stuck like this forever?” Try as he might, he couldn’t stop the single tear that snuck out and ran down his cheek.
“Oh Volare,” she nuzzled his face comfortingly and sighed. “Yes… yes it’s gone for good. It was much too burned and damaged on the outside to save, and Celestia knows how badly it was hurt on the inside. If we hadn’t changed you like this, you wouldn’t have survived.”
“And there’s no way to get my body back at all?”
“Well, I mean, I could technically have Dash go back and steal a human medical book and we could use the information in there to try something,” Volare’s face rose slightly as she spoke. “But if we use the diagrams in those books, I could only create a generic human body for you. You’d be human, but you wouldn’t be you, Volare. I’m so sorry.”
The two ponies’ ears fell in unison for a few moments as they both finally accepted the truth: He couldn’t go back, and even if he did, by all accounts, he was dead on Earth. No, there was no going back at all.
“I-I understand Twilight.” The Pegasus sniffed and wiped his eyes with a hoof before straightening his face, his military attitude taking over a bit. He was in the presence of a lady, and he should at least show some backbone for her sake! “Well, since I’m stuck this way, I think I should learn more about myself. I think what I really need now is to learn how to at least get off the couch without looking like a fool. Oh, and some chow if Spike left any, that is.” He smiled awkwardly.
“Oh! R-right!” Twilight’s eyes moved over the books for a moment before finding the one she was searching for: “Equine Anatomy.” She floated the book off the shelf and flopped down on the couch next to him with the book in her hooves. “Lemme show you how our legs and bodies work so you don’t fall on your face again, Volare!”
“What, no food?” Volare’s stomach growled audibly as if to punctuate the statement.
“Heh, hunger can be quite the motivation to learn something.” Twilight gave him a friendly smile. “We’ll get you some food once you can walk to the kitchen on your own.”
“…you’re an evil Unicorn.”
Thunder crashed outside and rain began to patter on the roof as the storm Dash was attending to began. What better activity to do inside at the moment than to read a good book? “Ooh, this is just like teaching science to a young colt. It’s so exciting!” she exclaimed, clapping her hooves with a grin. Volare blushed again but she was right. He was about as functional as a newborn at the moment and needed all the help he could get. Twilight beamed and her eyes shined brightly as she opened the book to the Skeletal and Muscular Systems section. “Let’s start with the basics and work our way up from there. It’ll help you to appreciate how we work and what you’ve become.”
“Sounds like a plan,” Volare agreed, nodding as Twilight thrust a hoof in the air.
“For science!” she crowed before beginning the lesson.
-------------------------------------
“Ew, why are you guys reading about Pony Reproduction?”
Twilight gasped loudly and slammed the book shut before glaring up at Spike who had snuck up on the back of the couch and was reading over their shoulders. “Spike, you creep! It’s for science!”
“Yeah, riiiiight.” Spike turned to Volare who wore a rather bemused expression. “Hey dude, you reading about foal making ‘for science’?” he air quoted with his claws before gagging.
“I-I really hope so,” the blue Pegasus replied slowly, turning to look back at the Dragon with dilated eyes. “Cuz I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t read it otherwise.”
“Oh, you’re not uncomfortable reading this are you, Volare?” Twilight asked as she gasped and put a hoof to her mouth.
“Cannot unsee… what I have seen… with whom I’ve seen it with…” Sitting there as Twilight explained about pony reproduction just as calmly as she explained about bones and ligaments without realizing how much she was embarrassing him was possibly the most awkward moment of his life. “No Twilight, I’ll be fine in a few hours, don’t you worry.” He closed his eyes and rubbed his face with his hooves. “Have I learned enough about general anatomy for me to appreciate how ponies walk now?”
“Hmm, I suppose so,” Twilight said very matter-of-factly. She tossed the book on the couch and shot Spike a glare as he tried to lift the book cover back to where they had last been reading.
“Um, erm,” he twiddled his claws. “I think I’ll just sit here and watch.” He sat down on the couch and put on the most innocent face possible as Twilight got to her hooves and stretched before looking up at the window which the rain was still plinking against.
“Hrm, guess we could do this all inside.” She looked back at Volare and smiled. “Ok, you get up off the couch and I’ll support you with my magic. Just go through the basic trotting motion like in the book.”
“O-okay.” Volare pushed himself off the edge of the couch, expecting to fall on his face for a moment but then feeling a gentle warm sensation supporting his body in a purple aura. Twilight’s horn glowed as she held him up just as she promised, and he relaxed and began to put one hoof in front of the other. After a few steps, he put a little hop in his motion and smiled as he got the hang of it. Faster and faster he trotted around Twilight, never looking up from his hooves and nearly running into the Unicorn once or twice.
“Hey, watch where you’re going Volare. Trust yourself,” she coached with a grin. Slowly but surely, the confidence that marked him as a human began to return. After a few more laps, he actually leaped over a small pile of books on the floor.
“Hey Twilight, I think I’ve got the motion down.” He grinned and looked up to see that her horn was no longer glowing.
“Oh, I think you’ve got more than that,” she smirked, causing him to look down. His body was no longer glowing either. He was cantering around the room himself. “Whoa! Whoa, whoa, no way!” He looked up and beamed at his teacher. “I’m doing it Twilight! I’m running on my own!”
Even Spike gave an approving smile, extending his claw to give Volare a high five as he passed him. Then he got fancy, trying to slap Spike’s claw with his wing, but the sudden weight change on his back caused him to lose his balance, and he went careening into the bookshelf with a thud.
“Oh balefire!” Twilight winced and trotted over to the Pegasus as Spike peeked out from behind his claws and groaned at the mess of books that had been knocked off the shelf and all over the room. He’d be cleaning them up all night now…
“Are you alright, Volare?” Twilight nudged him with her snout, but was greeted not with a cry of pain, but laughter. “Er, Volare? Are you—”
“Heh-heh, did you see me running around that room?” The Pegasus whooped and clambered awkwardly to his hooves with the widest smile Twilight had ever seen. Maybe he’d hit his head on the shelf. “I, a human-turned-pony, just learned how to gallop!” He then realized how silly he must have looked and quickly calmed down. “Sorry Twilight, just got a little bit excited there. Yeah, I’m ok.”
“It’s quite alright. I remember when I first learned to run as a filly.” Twilight closed her eyes. “Running was like the ultimate escape, until I found books of course,” she said as she smiled and opened her eyes.
“Well, let’s go again, Twilight!” Volare practically hopped in place as he talked. “I want you to race me around the Library.”
“You wanna race me?” Twilight asked, surprised at how fast he was progressing. Much faster than any colt she’s ever seen. Heh, silly me… he’s not a newborn colt who can’t physically run. He’s perfectly capable of it. He just needed to learn how to use his legs correctly, that’s all. “If you say so, Volare. But I’m warning you,” she gave him a sly smile. “You’re looking at the fifth place finisher at the Running of the Leaves race last year.”
Volare nearly objected that she did so well because it was a marathon and she paced herself, but he just barely stopped himself. Whoa, whoa, watch it there, dude. You're really gonna freak her out if you let it slip like that. He shook his spiky mane and snorted. “Bring it on!”
“Where do we start?” Twilight asked, stretching her legs a bit.
“Hrm… the base of the stairs!” he pointed with his hoof and gestured along the wall. “Then around the room’s edge three times, over the couch, and the first to get back to the stairs wins!”
“Feeling a little overconfident, aren’t we?” Twilight smirked as she took her place by the stairs.
“I’ve got a good teacher,” he replied with a wide grin and looked forward, ready to go.
“Twilight, you always said no horsing around in the Library,” Spike tried to protest. He just knew this was gonna make a huge mess he’d have to clean later.
“Hush, Spike, I need you to be the starter,” Twilight cut the Dragon off, who simply shrugged, consigned to his fate for now.
“On your mark!” Volare’s tail flicked twice, the hair rising on his hackles and his ears pressed against his head. Twilight saw it and wondered if he knew what he was doing or if it was simply the pony version of the reaction humans got when they geared up for something like this.
“Get set!” The Unicorn pawed the floor and snorted softly. She wasn’t normally competitive athletically, but she wasn’t about to let Volare show her up so easily after just learning how to walk. She was determined to put him in his place for now.
“Go!” Spike yelled with a jet of fire from his mouth.
The blue Pegasus quickly jumped out to an early lead as they raced along the wall. But as they started dodging and weaving between the fallen books on the ground, he began to lose ground to Twilight who kept up the same pace throughout the first lap. As they jumped over the couch against the wall, Twilight took the lead!
Into the second lap, being the more experienced runner, Twilight stayed just ahead of her pupil, jinking left and right to keep him from pulling up even with her. “Argh, no fair, Twilight!” Volare cried as she shot him a smug look.
As they rounded the lobby for the final lap, Volare pushed himself further and put on a fresh burst of speed. Not gonna let this egghead beat me! As Twilight tried to block him up against the bookshelves, he gathered his legs under him and leaped into the air, scrabbled his hooves for purchase against the bookshelf to his right, and launched himself over Twilight’s head and into the lead in a shower of geology books.
“Haha, whatcha think about that-hey!” He felt himself tugged backwards by that same warm feeling and looked back to see Twilight’s horn glowing purple again. “That’s cheating-aaaaaaaaaaah!!” he cried as Twilight tossed him back over her head. He bounced off the couch and landed on the floor as she crossed the finish line and trotted in place in a dorky little victory dance. He pounded the floor with a hoof as Twilight cantered over, a smile on her flushed face.
“So —gasp— you thought you could beat me, eh?” She felt giddy for some weird reason! She hadn’t won a race in forever! “Can’t let you win that easily, Volare.”
“You didn’t say we could use magic in that race,” the Pegasus grumbled as he regained his hooves and shook the floor dust out of his mane.
“Didn’t say we couldn’t,” Twilight winked cheekily. “I beat you!” she crowed in a mocking sing-song voice.
“Leave it to a smart ass to find a way to bend the rules,” he gasped as Twilight bumped his hip with hers, a clear message for him to lighten up.
“Alright alright, fine. Next time, no magic,” she said holding up her right hoof pledge-style. “We’ll race fair and square.”
“Heh, we’ll see,” Volare crossed his forelegs and squinted at her. “Maybe next time you’ll have to use your magic to even have a chance in a race!”
“Is that a challenge?” She lowered her head and gave him a fierce look. They both glared at each other for several second before Twilight broke first and snickered. “Oh Volare, you’re too funny!”
He returned the chuckle with one of his own. “Man, I’ll bet we looked pretty dumb back there.”
They both turned to see Spike nearly in tears in laughter on the couch. “HAHA, you guys-heeheehee-totally should marry each other or something! I swear I’m gonna crack a scale here cuz you guys are fighting like an old married couple! HAHAHAHA!” He tried to point a claw at the two ponies, but he merely flopped back down again.
Volare and Twilight looked at each other and grinned. Twilight’s horn lit up. “Should I?” she asked with a glance towards the small Dragon still rolling on the couch and guffawing loudly.
“Oh yeah,” the Pegasus nodded with a smirk. With a flicker of her horn, Twilight grabbed the couch with her magic and flipped it over, sending Spike onto the floor with a thud, his laughter ceasing immediately. The incensed Dragon peeped up over the couch cushion to see Volare and Twilight leaning against each other and laughing hysterically, their laughter only growing once they realized how wrecked the Library was.
“Oh Celestia-heehee,” Twilight giggled at the mess. “It’ll take all day to clean this place up!”
“Aw crap-hahaha-sorry bout that, Twilight,” Volare snickered as Spike angrily kicked a book at the two crazy ponies and headed outside, slamming the door behind him, only to return a few moments later, soaking wet from spines to claws from the rain. “Oh crap, I think we pissed him off, Twilight,” he said softly to the purple Unicorn who slowly ceased her own laughter.
“I’m sorry, Spike,” she said, wiping tears away with her hooves. “It’s just been a long time since I’ve felt like this, and—“
“If you’d read that Anatomy book more closely, you’d realize it’s probably hormones from a male pony in your house or something.” Spike turned away and sat down on an Encylopedia of Everfree Forest Creatures, grumbling to himself.
“Spike, I’m sorry, really!” Twilight stood up and trotted over to the Dragon, Volare following behind. “We didn’t mean to make you mad.”
“Yeah, but you did anyway,” Spike replied looking away from her, a hot tear leaking from his green eye. He glared and hissed at Volare before turning back to the wall.
At that moment, the answer clicked in Twilight’s head. “Spike, are you jealous of Volare being here?”
The baby Dragon spun around so fast he nearly fell off the book. “What?! That guy? No way!” He crossed his little arms defiantly, but continued to glower at the Pegasus.
“Aw Spike come on bro.” Volare took a step forward, his expression genuine. “You know I don’t mean to get between Twilight and you. She’s just teaching me how to be a pony, that’s all.”
“Yeah, I’m worried about you learning too much…” Spike trailed off as he realized what he said and clapped his claws over his face, his scales blushing an even brighter purple than usual.
Twilight and Volare were taken aback and looked at each other for a beat before wincing. “Um, no way, not with you… I mean, maybe sometime waaaaay in the future if the planets align perfectly, but even then it’s a big maybe,” Twilight exclaimed and Volare performed his first of many facehoofs.
“Ow… that hurt a lot more than I thought it would,” he winced as his hard hoof thunked off his skull before turning back to Spike. “Dude, I’d never get between you and Twilight. She’s like a mom to you and that’s just not fair, especially if I just met her.”
Spike looked up at the Pegasus and sniffed. “You for real, Volare? You’re not putting the moves on Twilight?”
“Me? Nah!” Volare shook his mane. “Besides, she’s not even really my type and—“ He cut himself off in mid-sentence and covered his mouth with a hoof. But the damage was done. He turned back to see Twilight with a look of growing rage on her face. “…oh shit…”
“Bro, you might wanna run,” Spike hissed out of the corner of his mouth as Twilight’s mane began to smolder.
“So, I’m not your type, eh?” Twilight asked slowly, taking a step towards the Dragon and the Pegasus, who responded by taking a step back. “Am I not good enough for you or something? Too much of an egghead to be attractive?” Small flames began to dance on top of Twilight’s mane and around her horn as her eyes tinted red.
“Um, er, ya see Twilight,” the Pegasus mumbled as the angry Unicorn stalked towards them. “It’s just that I—“
“You’d better pick your next words very carefully, Volare,” Twilight spoke deliberately. “Because I can do more than just toss you into the air where you can’t fly yet. Hrm, maybe I’ll teleport you on top of the Library in the middle of a rainstorm and see how you figure out how to get down…”
“Um, not to argue with you on that, Twilight,” Volare glanced up at the window and pointed with his hoof. “But the rain’s already stopped.”
“Huh?” Twilight shook her head as she saw the sun break out of the clouds and resume shining through the Library windows. No sooner did she see the nice weather outside than the front door burst open and Rainbow Dash came jetting into the room, landing dramatically in the lobby and shaking the rainwater from her mane.
“Ah yeah, nothing like a late summer storm to really make ya feel alive!” She then glanced about the trashed Library and at the three she’d left there; Volare and Spike were nearly backed up against the toppled couch while Twilight’s mane and tail were curling smoke. “Whoa, what in the name of Nightmare Moon happened in here?!”
“Oh, um, we had a little race and tempers flared a bit,” Twilight quickly explained, back to her usual calm self. Volare and Spike nodded quickly, not wanting to irritate her further.
“A race, huh?” She then realized what her mind had skipped over: Volare was standing up! “Whoa dude, you learned how to trot and gallop while I was gone?” Dash asked excitedly.
“Yeah, our little Volare took his first steps,” Twilight teased.
“Did you get any pictures?” Dash chuckled before making her trademark wub-woo face, much to Volare’s utter mortification. “I’ll bet that was sooo cute-bwahahaha!”
“Oh ha-ha-ha, veeery funny, Dash,” Volare rolled his eyes.
“So how’d she’d teach you? Oh! Did she show you that one book on how ponies work?” Dash started to giggle behind her hooves.
“Yeah, what about it?” the male Pegasus inquired before Twilight spoke up with a wink at Volare. She had his back this time.
“You mean the one that I educated you with when you got curious about colts, Dashie?” Twilight smirked as Dash’s eyes dilated. “Yeah, we used that one.”
“H-hey!! Y-you said you wouldn’t tell anyone about that!” Dash sputtered.
“Ooops, guess it slipped my mind,” Twilight teased her friend as the rainbow Pegasus collapsed on top of the flipped over couch.
Twilight-1
Rainbow Dash-0
“My reputation… it just lost 20% of its coolness!” Dash moaned and shook her hooves at the ceiling as Twilight, Volare, and even Spike rolled in laughter at the overly dramatic pony. Despite the chaos of the past few hours, things were finding a way of working themselves out and even the pilot-turned-pony seemed a bit more settled in despite his reluctance to call this place his home just yet.
But the more he looked out the door at the bright sunny sky, the more he ignored the growling of his empty stomach and the more his body felt the urge to do more than just run laps in a library. The tingle in the feathery wings poking from his back was unmistakable.
He wanted to fly.
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More!This is getting epic!
~Your 'Stalker as you put it' jmlop0
Lolicopter comin' in for a landing. Lololololololololol
I really do like how this is progressing. However, I DO have a small issue with your formatting. You're sort of just... adding lines where there doesn't need to be. Nothing major, just breaks the reading more than you probably want.
*Sees part with our conversation in story*
Well...
Also, Never apologize for long chapters! Readers flourish with them!
378981 heh thanks!
I need an editor
379070 lines as in the dashed lines? I used them for min
or time skips to skip redundant and boring info.
Or spaces?
Not gonna be nearly as many in the next chapter.
378983 lol indeed! At least ya'll won't think I'm doing any shipping now
379526 Aha you caught that eh?
I must say that did save me from a small plothole, so thank you!
^^
379555 Well, it's sort of like... you start a new line
without finishing your thought. Now granted, you usually do it like this:
"blah blah blah" said Rainbow Dash,
"more blah blah blah"
and that just looks weird, they should be on the same line.
BTW, is there some trick to actually replying to someone properly? Or is my computer just stupid? (my replies always come up as these numbers)
379555 But you are, aren't you?
379704 Ah I see...that's how I was taught in Creative Writing freshman year of college to write dialogue, and it's stuck with me ever since...I'll try to vary things from here on out, thanks!
As for the numbers instead of names reply...idk ^^;;
379905 Notice the lack of a Romance tag?
Nah, Volare is a workaholic with his pilot training and is only interested in getting better at flying instead of relationships and what-not
LOL and he called Twilight OCD
It won't be your average "brony goes to Equestria and hooks up with the girl of his dreams there" sorta story
Sad day...
Meh, I love you all anyways!
380424 Heh... We shall seeeeee..... *cough* Dark side *cough*
Okies folks, the next chapter is gonna be fairly long and might take me a day or two to type up
(the summary nearly 1500 words on it's own)
So...I'll be working on it more tonight and then tomorrow to try to get it out by tomorrow evening!
EDIT: it's up!
Jees, its seems that EVERYPONY'S very moody in this fanfic.
In fact, maybe a tad bit too moody for my tastes...
Otherwise, fantastic story! Tracking, liked, and will continue to read!
Can't they just go to his house and pick a picture from there? I mean, they just changed him into a pony with imagination and a prayer, shouldn't be too hard if she had picture. I will be eternally pissed off if i found out i wasn't going to use fingers anymore. Not even pinkie party would cheer me up.
Stopping here and not reading anymore. No offense, but thanks to CB stories, i am officially hating transformation stories.
This doesn't warrant a thumb down however, as this is well written and flows very well.
Love both RD and blue angels (I wanna fly a F-18 at mach 2 over land and get danger pay)
and I already knew who the B.A. are im a huge fan
and redskin, FUNNIEST PICTURE EVER!
since the 'im so gonna love and tolerate the shit outta you' picture anyways
btw anypony know where to find that picture (not redskin's)
in this line:
“You mean the one that I educated you with when you got curious about other colts, Dashie?” Twilight smirked as Dash’s eyes dilated.
remove other or change colts to fillies or mares.
as Rainbow Dash is female so the sentence as it stands does not make sense.
I just started to read this. And I have to say something. (I know its late but I simply must). As you wrote, Twilight can to learn human anatomy but can't rebuild him. But, If they somehow get his documents, all medical files and photos, She should be able to rebuild him his own body.
And he is still young, what about him missing his family? I KNOW this is only 4'th chapter and there are 34 more. And I hope there will be something about this. Anyway, This fanfic is awesome.
Poor guy... I would really like him to retourn home, but let's see what will hapend.
“Ew, why are you guys reading about Pony Reproduction?”
Twilight gasped loudly and slammed the book shut.
“Spike, you creep! It’s for science!!”
this is gonna be me and my bro later in the year. i have to hide my life science book when we learn about "pony reproduction" i can SO relate to this chapter!
rd readen about anatomy?
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/191/809/me_gusta_mucho_by_megustamuchoplz-d416uqk.png?1319690633
me gusta. me very gusta
but this is not mature rated so its too much to hope for and i am finding myself both green with envy and pitying him at the same time
Situation: 1:00A.M. and, I can't stop reading, there's school tommorow, I have insomnia. WHAT DO
Okay, four chapters in. Time for a verdict:
You can dump a pilot in Equestria. You can dump a panicy idiot in Equestria. But you can't do both. Those two concepts are mutually incompatible. By showing a blatant lack of interest in establishing a consistant character for your OC (and arguably lead character) you are showing a lack of interest in basic writing, and have earned yourself a thumb's down.
1240602
let's read the story warnings, shall we? Teen · Sex · Gore.
Errr...Volare? Just go with the "I'm a different species mind you." line, it always works...because it's true lol.
381234«lost 20%of its coolness?» one does not simply overuse am overused meme!
This looked like an interesting idea when I saw it, and that sustained me through the first four chapters. But I'm afraid i have to give up on it here.
You're making the same mistake as another writer No-pony of Note. You set up your OC as some hot shot, then have him act like a complete idiot. In their case a decorated pilot who'd been through a nuclear world war and then been selected as a solo astronaut for a space mission acts like a sixteen year old and wimps out, goofs off and geneally messes up.
The way your guy reacted in the first chapter would have meant he should never have gotten out of flight school, let alone into the Blue Angels. Instead, why didn't you just have the plane develop a mechanical malfunction, something crippling.that would have had it augering into the ground. He does a zero level punch-out and gets caught in the explosion. Dash was trailing and saw it happen and goes in to rescue him. But I accepted that as the price of getting the story moving.
Also, other people have covered why your one way transformation didn't make sense. Dash can go get personal information, and once he's up and flying, he could go with her. They could even tow a chariot for Twilight. So she should be able to change him back into a human, though he might need to recover from the previous magic for a while. But even that you could explain by saying instead that the transformation spell combind with the healing spoells had put a massive strain on his body. Going through another transformation would almost certainly kill him. Wibbly wobbly magicy-wagicy stuff.
But this chapter is where i have to throw up my hands and say, "Stop, enough!" the way their personalities and emotional states shift make both of them look insane, the guy should be more worried about what he's lost, Twilight is playful one second and a Tsundere the next, it makes no sense! The OC is too random (and not in a Pinkie way) to gain any feeling of empathy or investment in him.
As far as I can see, this is turning into a bog standard HiE story, and not a very well thought out one. A pity, you could have done so much with the two way, reusable portal idea. Visiting back and forth between Equestria and the human world, freakouts on both sides, sinister goverment ageancies getting interested in real, magic using ponies, the Hub either offering them a job or suing for copyright infingement (though Twilight could make a good case of suing the Hub, as they're using her hard learned lessons). Dissapointing toi say the least.
By a LONG way to go, you mean 70 long, but yet awesome, chapters? Psshh. Count me in!
LIKE, FAV, FOLLOW!v
I thought I might like this story cos Rainbow Dash but what annoyed me was Twilight's personality. It's not that you wrote it wrong or badly but how well you did it actually. The dorky, geekiness of her's really annoys me like how she made Volare listen to a lecture about pony anatomy when all he needed to know was how to walk. Honestly, it's just how accurately you portrayed Twilight that put me off this story I reckon since she's the most annoying pony ever (To me that is) because of her OCD and self righteousness and arrogance. I applaud you for your writing skills and I did enjoy the story up to here, I just cannot bear any more of the waffling and stereotypical comedic elements.
Good story so far, love everything about it, also cause it so freaking hudge
(Snicker) "horsing" around!
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Fimfiction comments in a nutshell.
alright, four chapters in!
now, how much more do i have to go? *looks at word count* 
5203100 I love lengthy fics! That way you forget some parts and it's almost a new story everytime you read it :D
OK, looking at the comments I can’t help but agree about him suddenly acting strange. But given the circumstances, the near death experience and wondering whether this is all actually real, I can see this being the first signs of an oncoming mental breakdown- when he cant detract himself anymore and everything finally sinks in.
4885768 First1
Need some Brain Bleach?
Liked it over all but I can't see Twilight getting all pissed off because of not being someponies type especially after knowing he was human just a little while ago. I think with her experience in the running of the leaves she wouldn't resort to cheating like that either. Those are the only things I see with her being seriously OOC. Other than that though, nice story.
What's wrong with your character?! I thought he was an adult not an emotionally unstable teen. Omg why is he offended at the slightest things and why is he disgusted by a book about reproduction? Both of my parents are in the navy and they both have a great sense of humor even if it's mostly dick jokes and cussing, so I'm not expecting this guy to be completely strict, but he should be able to think about his problems in a rational way and adapt to the situation accordingly instead of freaking out and passing out like some sort of teen. Dude I don't like your OC I'm out.
P.S. Why are you already shipping the characters together? Unless your aiming for a harem type story there's no need to focus on romance this soon. It makes for terrible and generic humor
1251775 cocaine!!!
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While I don't agree with how he worded it what he said is true your character IS acting like a teenager not an adult however there isn't any romance just yet only hints and seeds of POSSIBLE romance. Also some people are more reserved than you are and don't feel comfortable to what is practically a stranger giving them a lecture on reproduction of the species that his OC now is especially given the fact that she was trying to get him WALKING which doesn't have anything to do with reproduction unless your genitalia interferes with your movements as you walk.
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You know, if I was less mature, I would make a joke about having a third leg, but since I'm a mature adult, and I do not participate in such garish behavour, I will do the adulty thing and not participate in such poor humour.
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What are you, Rarity?
Walking comes before trotting. Trotting is like jogging.
I'm enjoying this so far but can't get the memes out of my head.
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