First thing first....this is my first fanfic ever so be kind to me in your criticism but don't be afraid that you may hurt my feelings I can take it. Also I hope people will like my story and how I see some of MLP FIM characters (though following them exactly will be hard for me...I think) anyways you're reading this for the description of the story. The first chapter has be edited (only grammar problems fixed and a few other) still the same as before but without most if not all of the problems before.
Vigilant is a young stallion who retires from the Royal Equestrian Army after a tragedy . He moves to Ponyville to return to civilian life, all he wanted to do was live is life in peace. Though living in Ponyville you don't tend to live a normal life. He rescues a young filly, he reunites with an old friend from flight school, he discovers a possible Coup...With internal war on the brink of happening will Vigilant stay as a Civilian or will he return to being a Soldier to protect those he love and the Princesses from a power that is even more powerful than they are?
Hope that description caught your attention... again hope yall enjoy my first story (well fan fic) I ever wrote.
(I'll also update the category and characters as I go aaand the Romance is not the main focus of the story)
Editor/Proofreader TehSporkBandit
Sir, I'm going to do you a courtesy that others would not do for me...
I couldn't finish reading your story because of several blaring issues i had with it, mainly being grammar, but i will not downvote it. I am somewhat of a grammar nazi and noticed that you made the same mistake i fell victim to in my first fic, you keep switching from current tense to past tense.
But aside form that...
i didn't know one could put one's hooves into their own face
that sat next to
It was only yesterday that Vigilant moved into his new cloud home
not wanting to draw any attention as he finished moving
he grabbed a towel and wearily gazed at his reflection while drying himself
He was a white stallion with a blue streak in his mane and tail accentuated by the remaining blonde.
he roughly brushed the bed head from his mane
just a friendly go at trying to help you out...
i suggest getting a proofreader, hell, i'd do it, but you don't know me :D
I agree with the above comments. Try going to the Authors helping Authors group, get yourself a Pre-reader or two, and an editor.
I really like the concept though. Fix that grammar and this fic could really shine. Have an upvote and if it gets better, I'll hoof over a fav.
4041819 You are right my grammar is terrible I know this. And to be honest I have no idea how to get into a group here though it seems simple enough. I have a friend i try to read it but he...well doesn't read much and I think he is only slightly better than me in grammar. Now I wouldn't mind you proof reading it checking my terrible grammar. I have this on google drive that i copied over to here so easy enough to get someone to look at it and fix it. And I also think I only need one proofreader who knows what their doing. so if you want to proof read it for me send me a message TehSporkBandit and well see how it goes. And if you want to help me with groups and such I would appreciate that to. ~Blaze
I sense DRAMA in the future. Nice little race between Vigilant and Rainbow, Vigilant knowing a trick to barely pull off a win is a good way of showing his capabilities yet keeps Rainbow established as the faster racer. As for the drunk orphanage employee...
is it wrong for me to wish she suffers greatly in the near future???
4093989
ah told you, Blaze! Ahm not the only one who wants bad things to happen to her! XD
4093989
that orphanage employee is to be hated and I was thinking it helped explained why Scootaloo left that orphanage. And I am glade you sense the drama, there will be more to come. And next chapter you will learn more about Vigilant and his military history, well, one thing he did. 
~Blaze
4099718 Good, I can't wait!!!!
I am actually really enjoying this story. I like Vigilant's good guy character traits. However, I think you should try to keep the show's characters in character (if that makes sense.) For example when Scootaloo calls out to RainbowDash you write "Rainbow." In the show when Scootaloo calls out to RainbowDash she says her full-first name- RainbowDash. That may sound very picky but it's just one of those things that gets to me. :P lol ignore my presence.
Other than my OCD (CDO) problems- keep up the good work and don't stop! ^_^
4111040 Thanks for enjoying my story, and I am sorry about Scootaloo not being like the cannon version I am trying, Can be hard at times. Either way , its nice to see people likeing what i write. Was nervous putting my imagination out to the world.
~Blaze
Vigil is a pretty good leader, I want to see more of his past with the armed forces. I can totally see him training Scootaloo in a bit of hoof to hoof combat.
Not bad, I like the back story. It helps to establish Vigil as a leader and expand his personality.
However, your grammar... Lol :P It's not just your spelling, your spelling is pretty good actually. It's your use of words. For instance, you use the word "tail" when you should have used "tale" instead. Just something small. :P lol I did read it as soon as I got up, though so my eyes could have been a little off. ^_< lol
Other than that, good work. ^_^ I liked it.
No problem for the follow, lol. I look forward to reading more of this. ^_^
4134162 lol yeah those mistakes are because I was writing this late at night or early morning, it was after midnight. I do sometimes use a word that sound the same but has a different spelling and meaning. (HATE THOSE) and as my A/N said I am out of town and wanted this up soon, but Spork (my editor/proofreader) didn't have the time to do it. I am going to add any edits he does and points out. Now I need to really think what happens next.
~Blaze
When's the next one coming out? :P
4180545 Honestly, I have no clue.
I just started the 4th chapter and was working a little bit on a second story (here is a hit about that one....It's a squeal to this one but not a squeal 
)
I only had the first 3 chapters in my head for sometime before starting this story, so I need more time to figure out what I want to do in later chapters. That said I have figured out what I want to do with the 4th chapter. I would say give me 3 days to get it written and maybe a few more days for my editor to check it for me. I know what I want to do with the story as a whole but the small chapters will take me a little bit of time (also got Resident Evil Remake and trying to beat it for the first time on my own) Sorry for the wait but have enough patient it the next chapter will come out, I also am at the end of being sick (still sick but better than before)
~Blaze
Angsty chapter is angsty... we need to see Vigilant get his hero on. Right now I hope that if he realizes he has something to protect in Scoots and Spitfire that he can shake off his sadness and rise up to fight. Of course, Spitfire probably doesn't need protection so much as a battle partner who can keep up with her
I pity the thug who sees them taking down his friends and grabs Scootaloo hostage, he'll get a double high speed whammy from Spits and Vigilant
4193746 Lol well put, I do plan to do some 'heroic' stuff soon and got some more planed for what's to come. Stay toned in and you will see
~Blaze
Come on! Where's the next one? :P
Oh, C'mon. When will there be a next chapter?
4555317
I do think you guys will enjoy the next chapter and I have finished it and now I wait for my editor to look at it and find all the silly mistakes I have made in it, soon should the next chapter be uploaded, Within the week I guarantee it 
~Blaze
4348940
okay okay sorry sorry, My life kind of got busy and made it harder for me to write, but I do still plan to update every so often, hopefully more than recently
Nice chapter, especially Vigilant leading the mob pegasi on a merry chase through Ponyville.
I can totally see Scootaloo having a few nightmares from being held hostage at knife point, so I expect Spitfire and Vigilant to spend a few nights keeping her company until she feels safe again.
I have a feeling that assassin Pegasus is going to be the victim of a lynch mob from all the Wonderbolts fans. I like Vigilant teaching Scoots his unique method for flying, can't wait to see her master it.
This moves a little fast and there was no reason for him going to Sugarcube Corner and getting a party then, nor should Pinkie have know about him, or that he would go there. Also if you say Pinkie sense is the cause of her knowledge then how did she get ALL the ponies in town to Sugarcube Corner in the time it took him to fly there WHILE HE WAS FLYING THROUGH TOWN!!! I'm sorry it is just that all this happening is a stretch even for Pinkie. Also Rainbow isn't immediately all that friendly no being is just instantly friends with one another like that other than Pinkie.
This guy is supposed to be a soldier?
A real soldier would have freaked out more over the surprise party and if his past is what he says it is he would have killed or at the very least he would have pulled a Batman and broken the bones those mafia thugs for threatening Scoots the story needs a bit more consistency.
I feel that the Mafia is going to have the full weight of the Equestrian army bearing down on there asses.
This is going great so far