They're after her... and Applejack knows it. The say the wolves are the products of a diseased mind, but Applejack knows the truth. These beasts are after her and all who stand in their way.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 23rd Feb, 2014
- offline last seen Jun 28th, 2019
KillingMockingbirds
Boy howdy I used to be wordy and pretentious.
KillingMockingbirds
Joined 23rd Feb, 2014 ·
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Wait, what?
Well, that was good, but you should really put more space between paragraphs. Looks like a wall of text to me...
What about the elements? You should make a sequel!
Well, in FiM Fiction nowadays, there doesn't seem to be much critique-r or pre-reader for that matter...
Anyway, don't use so many exclamation marks. It makes this fiction look like some it was made by a amateur author. Just one exclamation mark will do. When you made Granny speak out about Aj having schizophrenia and got her killed by Aj when she tried to open the door was somewhat mildly believable.
You have to go a little bit more in depth bout Aj's thoughts at that moment when Granny Smith tried to unlock the door. Applejack seems to be lacking in any kind of emotion except 2. Fear and happy(?). You should describe about what Aj felt when she plunged the knife into Granny Smith.
Anyway, almost everything seems to be flowing quite well. Good luck in future stories
4038873 Thank you. I'll be sure to correct my errors and add depth to Applejack's character. I am grateful for your constructive criticism.
Holy mother Celestia.....
I freaking love this!!
this need a sequil, like a mental hospital thing! But freaking!!!! I - you - you need to write more of this! Love it