hmmmmmm, this could be interesting

*Clicks track*

reads only comment...

**clicks track**

tracking as well...

what was that crystal thing in the lab?  it seemed a little weird to have it there if you don't explain how it got there or why twilight was studying it.

Excellent descriptions of expressions, actions and scenes, a professional standard of English and the storytelling is superb. This gets a tracking and if the next chapter is as good or better as this one a thumbs up is guaranteed .

How many of you noticed that the image of Twilight Sparkle features wings and no horn?

I gotta say, this story well deserves to be featured.

I can't wait for more!

>>360654360654

It's going to come up again in more detail later, when they're trying to figure out exactly what happened - I suppose I could add a little more now, I'll have to think about it.  Mostly, I wanted to establish that it existed and not really focus on it until the party in this installment.

>>361156361156 This story will most likely be featured. It has already gotten 11 likes or so and its only been up for about an hour. And it has been put in Writing gold.

>>361179361179

And it totally deserves it.

Can't wait to see it on that bar.

>>361207361207

>>361179361179

All y'all are far too kind!  I blush, I do.  Really, I can always hope.

Is it weird to anybody else that you can favorite your own story?  Not going to do that, sounds a little like patting yourself on the back, and we all know where that got Rainbow Dash in Mare Do Well.

Oh, hey, randomly, people commenting - if you could mention a specific part of the story that you liked or thought needed work, that'd be helpful.  I've been working on the next chapter and I'm curious to know how well certain things are playing out with the audience.

(To my embarrassment I realized I forgot to complete the story description.  The very first sentence was incomplete!  But as it turns out, there has never been any error and we are at war with Oceania.)

>>361251361251

I really like the entire idea of the story. Everyone changing races? That would do so much for the characters.

Twilight suddenly a pegasus?

Rainbow suddenly unicorn and/or earth pony?

Can't wait for more!

Looking through it, I really can't find many problems with it. There are probably a few grammatical errors somewhere, but it's not like I'm hardcore editing it pre-reading style. The crystal, like Twilightnova said, is a bit oddly placed. I get the symbolism, and hope it will be explained later, though.

>>362734362734

Consarn it, I may have to take a serious look at that darned crystal.  Foreshadowing apparently isn't enough for some ponies :D

While I can't commit fully to reading this fic, I will say it'll be on my to do list after looking through this first chapter.

"The fence-lined lane cut between several cottages, and ponies heading to and from town with their foals or carts of product or saddlebags looked up at the disgustingly satisfied young pegasus with baffled and confused looks, their steps quickening as they trotted along the muddy road."

As a suggestion, in this paragraph, wouldn't 'produce' be a better word to use than 'product'?

>>364236364236

Produce refers specifically to farm-produced goods, specifically of the literally (rather than figuratively) consumable variety.  Product is a more general term meant to refer to any end result of production processes, which include produce, artisinal, and industrial goods.  Thus, I meant to imply that some of the goods were from artisans or cottage industry or the like.

No, I'm not going into that much detail in the fic, that just came to me ;D

>>365351365351

Well then in that case wouldn't a more plural version be better?

My brain has finally reached the conclusion and/or review of this chapter.

More. Want. More.

>>368819368819

Because I may be just a tad obsessive about terminology, I went ahead and looked this up.  I didn't ask an English professor, which would be the next logical step, but I have seen product properly referred to as a plural of itself.  Both products or product would be correct, in business theory/terminology.

Ex:

That store offers a variety of products.

We've got to sell a lot of product by the end of the month.

>>371210371210

Oh. Well in that case, carry on.

That wasn't something I knew, but all my literacy is self taught so there are gaps, guess I should show gratitude for one being revealed and filled.

*drops an I.O.U and scoots*

>>373078373078

Nah, I like being corrected on these things!

Good chapter. I loved it. The only problem I found was that there wasnt enough panicing from the mane 6.

Other than that, great job.

Is that bit at the end involving Cabbages supposed to be a subtle nod to that 'Avatar' show? Cause that's what came to mind.

>>377347377347

Yes, yes it is.

Good job, ether! I found your chapter engaging and left me wanting to find out what happens next. However, since your story is slice-of-life, whatch that you stay in character; also, with RD, even if she did get Twillight's horn, she is still 100% new to magic. Don't OP her. I liked what you did with emotions this chapter. Other than that, make sure that you look over your story for contingency... I had to read a couple parts a couple times. However, that MIGHT be because I read this at midnight after a long day. (on an unrelated note: one wingpower equals out to around 100 -190 horsepower.) In conclusion: I like what you are doing with this. Keep up the good work.

Nerd out.

Not too bad, but i noticed you called Thunderlane both "Thunderhooves" and "Thunderbolt" at two points. (Am I the only one who heard his name as "Thunderling" in the show?)

This part was a bit disjointed, and you lingered a bit long on Twilight it felt, but overall it wasn't bad. Good practice, at least.

>>377405377405

*bangs head*

You saw nothing!  There is no Thunderhooves, only Zuul!

Seriously, all of my prereaders and myself missed that, thanks :D

>>377408377408

Cats and dogs living together, complete chaos!

>>377409377409

As for 'Thunderling', I thought I heard that, too, but after a couple listen-throughs and especially towards the end, it's definitely Thunderlane.  Official naming places him as Thunderlane, I believe.

>>377413377413

Yeah, I know it's the official name. And I can hear it too, once I read that, but half the time I was like, "wait, Thunderling?" Which actually would have been somewhat cooler, 'cuz it sounds like some sort of name you'd give a being made of lightning, which is awesome.

>>377375377375

I know I already addressed this to you personally in chat, but I should probably add it here in case people are worried about the same thing:

Explicitly, Rainbow Dash is no more powerful than she would have been had she been born this way - the abilities demonstrated are no more indicative of skill than a foal's uncontrolled outbursts, driven by emotion and permitted by the absolute lack of practice and restraint.

I'm enjoying the story so far! Can't wait to see more!

Oh, crap.

Twilight, element of MAGIC, mind you, is now a pegasus.

Is Twilight now the element of...pegasus magic or something?

Either way,

MORE.

>>382814382814

They won't notice until the hospital, but you're quite right in that their marks (and elements, as it happens) are still the same.

Oh.  Crap.

Dash.  With Twilight's full unlimited cosmic powah.  And not one single ounce of control.  I think they're going to need some more princesses on this one.

all three types of ponys have there own kind of magic.

Unicorns draw there power from light (sun, moon and stares expecaly) it is derected by thought and is the most noted and reconized

Pegasi draw there power from the sky and derecte it throuwe phisacal action for the most part, it can build up like unicorn magic but it cant serge.

Earth-Ponys draw there power from, well, the earth, dah! thay dont derecte it at all, it is as invalentary as a haert-beat. It cant build-up becouse Earth pony's cant "not" use it. Rarity and Fluttyshy have been useing earth-magic from the minnet thay became earth-ponys with out relizing it.

this is how I see it, Fluttershy was right. Dash dos not have twilights magic, she has her own magic in unicorn form. if dash was born a Unicorn she would have around as mutch raw magic as twilight dose.(I think)

Well... this might be... problematic.

>>421659421659

Pretty much my thought, minus the sourcing of unicorn powers fro m the heavens, clever as that is.  I figure most pony magic comes from within.

>>422437422437

Oh, maybe 'drawn from' isnt the right word, 'connected to' sounds closer. It's just that, when A.J. relized the loss of her connection to the earth, she looked to the stars for comfert. Ether way, it wouldn't be the samething, poor A.J. I think she was as attatched to being a Earth-Pony as Dash is to being a Pegisus or Twi/ a Unicorn, she just dosnt know yet. Shes going to find out being a Unicorn dosnt mean a added horn and new powers, even thou its not as obveus as the wings and horns there freinds lost, she and Pinkie lost something too, and it's something realy importent to who AppleJack is.

BTY, hear is my thoughts on some stuff, tell me if I'm close

A.J. has above avredge magic, but nowhare near Twilight and Dash's level, she might rank 3th in the group thou.

Rarity has about avredge magic levels, but was varry good at useing what she had at 100% efficiency as a Unicorn

Fluttershy dosnt seam to be that good at Pegasus wether magic, but I think she strugled with the phisical side of it more then the magic side of it.

And Pinkie Pie, well, she has a lot of powers and abilatys that have nothing to do with being a Earth-Pony, so hard to get a read on her, she has anuff narmal magic in her to get by thou. I think the reason shes so O.K. with this has more to do with her being Pinkie Pie then anything else, in an alternate universe a Pegasus-Pony by the name of Surprize was just turned into a Earth-Pony and is having just as mutch fun as Pinkie is.

Alright, alright, take my thumb.  I waited to see how you handled chapter 3 before deciding, and you've earned it.

But really, you're doing great at developing this concept, including how the friends cope with it or try to solve it.  I like the part where Twilight's magically lifting the... nevermind.

>>422744422744

Who gave you my god damned script?  I'll cut his throat.

Kidding :D

That's a very interesting idea, I might have considered it, though, in my opinion, I think the magic of unicorns and pegasi are fully 'expressed' and direct, entirely unsubtle.  The magic of Earth ponies, I figure, is significantly more subtle and very deep - Applejack found comfort in the stars because they were at once familiar and awesome, I should say, which is worthy enough, especially when one feels a severing of a deep, important connection.  You're absolutely right in that the change is much more than superficial.

I'm not going to 'measure' them excessively, but I will say that Twilight is the strongest, by simple definition - her very special talent is magic, straight up.  It's quite possible that, with time, she could exceed Luna and Celestia, since, after all, they are no better at flying than Rainbow Dash (that we've seen.)  I do not take the notion that Alicorns are gods, myself.

Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie are, indeed, the least affected of any of them - they had the least to lose of all of them.  As for that Surprise idea, nah, I don't go for Alternative Universes except in very limited fashion, I feel Infinite Mirrors basically depletes a setting of any real urgency, sense, or impact.

>>423230423230

Hard to please, I see!  Thanks a lot :D

That was one of my favorite jokes to do, I knew I had to.

>>423277423277

Thnx, I'm told I'm vary observant in this types of things.

Twilight being on top, makes sens. but she might have some conntrol issus early on, ether way I am looking forword to when she takes to the sky.

As for the Surprise thing, I was just trying to make the point that, if the sicuason was reversed, Pinkie Pie would be just as O.K. with it becouse shes Pinkie Pie.

Very nice. The quality of your writing has improved with this chapter, and you've really developed the characters more.

This is shaping up to be a good fic, alright. Keep up the good work.

This makes me go hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Very intriguing, very interesting, well-written too.  Keep it up!

>>432332432332

Thanks!  Could you tell me what you liked most?

Same goes for everyone!

Yessss~ ponies on flying power tools!

I definitely like this so far and am interested in how you'll continue it.

Well, it's not so much that I liked a quality of the story (though, don't get me wrong, I do like it, it's neatly written, your characterization and storyline are good and things don't feel to be moving too fast or too slow) as it is that I have -no idea- where this story is going to wind up.  That makes it far and away more interesting than anything else, and I really look forwards to discovering where  you go with this.

Read this after the major edit thing, and am putting up things I found wrong. (i.e. typos or something)

...Then again, maybe Rainbow is just being Rainbow, she considered, with another depressed sigh. If I were Rainbow Dash, if I had lost the wings that made me who I am... If I wasn’t a unicorn any more, if I didn’t have unicorn magic, when what am I?

When what am I? I think you mean't then what am I, but who knows

Thought there was an issue about Owloysius and spelling, but I double-checked myself.

Prediction that is totally far-fetched and impossible:

Who knows? Maybe these were the races that they were meant to be. Maybe Applejack was meant to help out on the farm using telekinesis. Maybe Twilight was meant to be the fastest flyer in Equestria.

Ah, I can see the headlines now. The Sonic Twiboom.

I make no sense

>>519968519968

Fixed the when bit :D

oh this gun be good. CONTINUE!! XD

>>626772626772

Hey thanks!  I'm currently working on pretty intensive editing for submission, but rest assured, there will be more!

Is this story dead?

Nope!  I've just gotten a new job and a new place to live, so I've had other priorities of late.

Is it dead now?

Still nope.

I find this story quite interesting. The characters react to their transformations quite appropiately (and for once it isn't Twilight's fault, but Rainbow Dash's instead for not reading the warning label). I feel like comparing each of the main sixes situations to a possible situation in other things (with the character's emoticon that fits their reaction best). = Giving a gun to a super hero who doesn't use or need one, = A pianist losing a finger, = a national comedian getting a passport, (none that fit for RD)= An up and coming boxer with the potential to stand among the best losing their arms, = A high tech computer genius sent back to the 1800s, and(none that fit for Fluttershy)=An ordinary person losing a finger (Coming up with elaborate metaphors is fun!).

Can't wait for the next update!(Assuming it ever comes.)

>>17799011779901

It's a-comin'!  I'm doing some serious editing and re-writing.  Had a long break due to work.

>>18022901802290 Great to hear. I can't wait! Let's see how they continue to adapt to their new prespectives.

I'm somewhat torn on this story. Brilliant storyline, great writing and a wonderful sense of depiction of the events. But there are a few scenes that I just skipped over, having read parts and not having seen the storytelling point of such a scene (Twilight's musings on the cut of her tail was one in particular.)

I did love your opening scene. It's so rare to find a story here that so masterfully begins in the climax and slips back into the past so perfectly.

The pros most definitely outweigh the cons, but I'm just unsure of how much I'm invested in this. I hope you don't mind a tag for 'read it later' and more reading/comments at a later date.

>>23012662301266

I know what you mean. There won't be any updates until I've fixed it up. I'm revising the chapters.

This is at the top of my list of "needs to be resurrected" stories.

>>25198732519873

Once I finish writing chapter 7 of Pirene, which is nearly done, I plan to A) finish a one-shot I haven't published yet, B) work on a collab with GaPJaxie, and C) do revision on A Mile.