Wrong Hospital Niko Bellic
Niko opened his eyes find himself once more in a library. The very same library he had left earlier today. “My head hurts,” he mumbled absently to himself. He went to raise his hand to rub the sore spot on the back of his head. But his arm didn’t move. He tried with the other, it didn’t move either. “What the hell?” he wondered aloud. He was sitting on a cushion, up against a bookshelf.
He moved his hands experimentally and realized they were tied. His hands were tied around his back through the rungs of a ladder. “Hey,” he called out. “Why am I tied to ladder?” There was no answer. The library was completely quiet.
He looked around at where he was sitting. A single white frosted cupcake sat on a plate by his side. The word ‘Sorry’
was stenciled on the top in rainbow colored frosting.
There was something smaller below it written in pink frosting. Niko had to squint to read it. ‘I’m really sorry I snuck up behind you and hit you in the back of the head with a cooking pot. But you were like totally freaking out and stuff and scaring my friends and then I got scared so I thought I’d hit you in the back of the head with a cooking pot. Sorry! ~Pinkie Pie.’
The sentence was finished with a little smiley face.
“What the fuck?” he voiced aloud. “Whole sentence is written on cupcake.” He realized he was still hungry, considering he hadn’t had time to finish eating at the bakery.
Niko reached out to grab the cupcake. Or at least, he imagined himself reaching out to grab it. What really happened was his hands coming to a stop against the wooden frame of the ladder. “Hey!” he yelled. “Untie me! I can’t eat my fucking cupcake!” Still no response. He pulled hard against the ladder behind him; it didn’t budge.
The front door opened and Niko snapped his head around to see who it was. A yellow pony stood in the doorway; her pink mane obscured half her face.
“Oh, am I intruding?” she asked quietly, looking quite nervous.
Niko shook his head. “No, I am just sitting here tied to wall.”
“Oh, okay,” the yellow pony said hesitantly. Niko could see now that she was a pegasus. “Is Twilight here? I wanted to talk to her about something?”
“You mean purple pony?” Niko drawled.
She gave a tiny nod, stepping a little further into the room. She closed the door behind her and gave him a worried look. “Yes,” she replied quietly.
“I do not know,” he replied evenly.
She looked at him for a minute. Niko was just about to say something. Her eyes were really starting to creep him out. “Um, may I ask why you’re tied to a wall?” she asked hesitantly. “If that’s okay.”
Niko half chuckled half snorted. “I do not know. I get mad in bakery, get hit in head, and wake up tied to a wall.”
The yellow pony blushed. “Oh well that sounds…. bad.” She finished lamely. She looked around the room awkwardly, looking anywhere but at Niko.
“So what is your
name?” Niko said dully, poking at conversation to keep him occupied. That and away from the unreachable cupcake by his side.
The pony stated her name but all that Niko could make out was “Flu.” The rest of it was just gibberish.
“I did not hear you,” he pressed.
“Fluttershy,” she answered, this time loud enough for him to hear.
Niko rolled his eyes. Of course it would be that. “Nice to meet you Fluttershy.” He nodded towards her, considering he couldn’t reach out his hand. “I am Niko.”
“Well it’s nice to meet you Niko.” Fluttershy blushed harder and turned her head away, examining a very interesting section of bookshelf. Niko went back to glaring at the cupcake he could not reach.
The door opened again. This time four ponies entered the library-house-tree-thing. He recognized three of them as Twilight, Rainbow, and the evil pink one. But there was a third orange one he didn’t recognize. She was wearing a cowboy hat.
Niko hung his head and laughed at the sight. “You ponies wear hats too?” He looked around at all of them in turn. Anger surged through every nerve in his body but he covered it up with laughter. “Do you guys wear fancy dresses to ball to?” he laughed pointing his accusing finger like a gun.
“Well,” Rainbow started slowly.
Niko laughed once; it was more a taunt than a laugh. “You do! Ponies wear clothes!” He laughed until tears filled his eyes and he was forced to look down into his lap. He looked up at Pinkie Pie, pure rage filled his mind. “I am going to kill you!” he bellowed. Fluttershy squeaked and lowered herself to the ground. The pony wearing the cowboy hat took a defensive step forward. “You hit me in head with frying pan!” He pulled hard on the ladder, hearing the wood creak.
The pink pony giggled. “Well actually,” she drug out the word actually so that it took her a whole four seconds to say it. “I hit you in the head with a cooking pot. But yeah, sorry about that. You were being a meanie.”
Niko trembled with anger. This pony had hit him in the back of the head with a pot. And now she was laughing about it. He threw his whole body forward and the ladder came free from the wall with a splintering crack. He stood up slowly, trying to put as much intimidation into his angry gaze as possible. The ladder fell over sideways and thudded to the ground. The bottom half was held in the air by his arms. “Now you have made me angry,” he spoke lowly. Now that he was free he felt that he didn’t have to yell.
The orange pony with the cowboy hat stepped between him and Pinkie “Ya’ll need to calm down.”
He stepped forward; the ladder dragging behind him. “You shut up redneck pony!” he yelled. Never mind, he was still yelling. “I have business to settle with the pink one.”
Pinkie Pie took a step away from him. Niko lunged at her. With his hands still tied behind his back, he chased her around the room, dragging the ladder in his wake.
Rainbow Dash flew up into the air jeering at the two of them as they ran circles around the library.
“Come back here,” he gasped. “I just want to choke you with apology cupcake.”
“No way,” she called back. “You can’t hurt me with a cupcake!” she chortled. “Maybe broccoli, but never cupcakes!”
“Fine then!” he improvised. “I will go to get vegetables and choke you with broccoli!” As he made another round around the room, the cowboy hat pony jumped on the ladder he was dragging behind him, adding significant weight to his load. He looked back angrily, still trying to run. “Get off of my ladder!”
“Not until ya’ stop chasin’ Pinkie Pie!”
He slowed to down so he could glare back at the orange pony, which was hard because she was directly behind him. “But she hit me with pot.” He turned to scowl at the pink pony, who was no longer running. Niko stopped running, sensing the stupidity of what he was doing. He flopped stood, regaining his breath.
“Look,” he said dully. “I am sorry for chasing crazy pony and threatening to kill her with broccoli and cupcakes. I have just had really shitty day.” He laughed at his own suspense. “I promise I will not try to kill pink pony again.”
The orange pony on the ladder looked into his eyes for a second. She nodded once. “I can tell ya’ are tellin’ the truth.” She hopped off his ladder and trotted up to him. “Name’s Applejack.”
“Niko,” he replied in monotone. He gave an annoyed tug on the ladder and the rung broke free. Niko pulled his hands in opposite directions and the ropes came unraveled. He rubbed his wrists. “Of course, now the ladder breaks.”
Rainbow landed next him and nudged his waist with a hoof. “That was awesome,” she laughed.
He looked down at her curiously. “Why are you only pony that does not make me angry?” he asked her.
She shrugged. “Not sure, maybe I’m just that cool.”
Niko’s phone started ringing. “One second,” he said to the five ponies in the room. He turned his back on the curious looking ponies and crossed to the other side of the room.
“What’s that noise makin’ thing?” Applejack asked.
“I think he likes, talk to people on it,” Rainbow replied
The caller ID read Jacob. “Hello?”
“Aye Niko mah bruddah how’s ah hangin?” The voice of Jacob exclaimed.
Niko laughed. “Not so good my friend. I have been walking around in strange land talking to ponies.”
Jacob was silent on the line for a minute. “Aye Niko ave’ ya’ got inna’ my stuff mon?”
Niko laughed again. “I do not know, but shit is pretty fucked up. But I do not know how to get out of here.”
“Niko mon, it be okay, I mean I go a blah bleh blah blah, ya know ababidaba blah Niko mon an then ya go an bawalah blah. Cause wit da bilop ahabach mah blah heabah. Ya get what ahm sayin Niko mon?”
Niko nodded in understanding. “Yes Jacob, thank you for advice.”
“Look Niko, I got ta go, a blah meh cheka habbal a smoke while drivin.”
Jacob hung up on his end. Niko looked at the phone, then to the little X over the service bar. “This is making my head hurt.” He pocketed his phone and clapped his hands together. He turned to face the ponies. “Okay, I have had good talk with my friend Jacob. And I will try not to get angry. But if pink pony hits me again, I will get angry.”
Pinkie Pie nodded and smiled. “Don’t worry I won’t.”
“And stop smiling at me,” he commanded. “It makes me uncomfortable.”
“Now what?” Twilight murmured. “We can’t just let him sit around all day. I don’t want to see what happens if he gets bored.”
“I am standing right here,” Niko casually informed. “Talking about me as if I am big trouble does not make me feel good.”
“Maybe we could put im’ to work on something?’” Applejack suggested.
Niko shrugged. “I can work.”
The five ponies murmured their approval. “Do I get paid?” Niko asked.
“Sure, if you like pony money.” Applejack replied. “We don’t have none of your paper money stuff.”
“So what?” Niko rolled his eyes. “Do I just walk around town asking for job?” * * *
“Excuse me,” Niko asked a blue unicorn. “I need job. Do you have job for me?” She shook her head at him and trotted away. Niko spun in a slow circle, looking around the market. That was the fourth pony who he had asked. So far she had been the one to turn him down in the nicest way. He was giving it all he had not to lose his temper. They were just ponies. There is no good reason to get mad at colorful mini horses. Niko spotted another target. It was a pink mare with a darker pink mane and tail. Her cutie-mark-thing was of a vine of grapes and a strawberry. She was struggling with a basket full to the brim with grapes. The mare overbalanced and almost fell on her face. She set the basket down and looked around.
Niko walked up to her. “Do you need help with basket?”
She looked up at him nervously, then around the square of ponies, then back to him. “Sure,” she said, sounding somewhat surprised.
Niko picked up the basket, which was surprisingly heavy. “Say,” the mare said. “Aren’t you that human that Twilight found in a ditch a day or two ago?”
Niko nodded. “Yes,” he replied evenly. He shifted the basket of grapes in his grasp. “Why do you need so many grapes?” he asked. “Is there going to be some sort of grape extermination?”
She laughed at that. “No, I use them.”
Niko hefted the heavy basket. “For what?”
“Stuff,” she replied defensively.
Niko would have held up his arms, but he was carrying the basket. “Okay,” he instead replied. “I was just wondering why pony would want so many grapes.” Niko felt awkward. The mare wasn’t quite being friendly towards him. “You are not going to like, bathe in these, are you?” he asked half-jokingly.
She shot him a wry look. “I may indulge in them; but I certainly don’t plan to take a bath with them.”
Niko frowned. “What is your name?”
“Berry Punch,” she replied hesitantly.
“I am Niko,” he replied lamely.
“Well um…” Berry punch looked around awkwardly. “Nice to meet you… Niko.”
Niko rolled his eyes. “Look, I am carrying heavy basket for grape bath. You could at least not act like I am going to steal your grapes.” Niko looked down at Berry Punch. Something in her gaze told him that he would not
be stealing her grapes, even if he wanted to. “I am carrying grapes for berry pony.” Niko chuckled to himself. His phone started ringing. “One second,” he told the mare.
He set down the basket and pulled out his phone. Berry Punch tapped her hoof impatiently. “Hello?” he asked the phone.
“Hey Carl, it’s Sweet, I’m in a lot of trouble here man, I need your help!”
“I am sorry,” Niko replied. “I think you have wrong number.” He hung up the phone. Niko bent down and picked up the basket again. “Sorry,” he apologized to berry punch. “It was phone call.” She shot him a curious look and they set off again. Niko let the pink mare lead, due to the fact he had no idea where he was going.
“This way,” She said, turning of the main street and heading down a walkway. Niko looked at the house the mare was approaching. He rolled his eyes. He couldn’t even tell the difference between a house and… whatever else it was that ponies had for buildings. He had no idea what the building in front of him was. Berry Punch held open the door for him. Niko ducked down, making sure not to hit his head on the roof, and entered the house-thing.
“Thanks for the help,” Berry said.
“Do not mention it,” Niko replied, looking around the small room. “You do have knack for furnishings.” On the far wall of the dank room was a shelf stocked with bottles. Niko walked over to the shelf, intent on examining its contents.
“Oh, don’t mind those,” she said dismissively.
Niko looked at the deep red liquid in one of the bottles. “You have wine?” he asked in surprise.
Berry turned towards him. She looked both glad at being addressed yet annoyed at it. “Yes,” she replied casually.
“I did not think ponies had alcohol.” Niko picked up a bottle and examined it. It had no label.
“Yeah well, most don’t.” She trotted up to the shelf and pulled out a bottle filled with a more purple liquid. She crossed to a table, already set with a glass, and poured herself a generous ration.
Niko remembered the whiskey of his first night in ponyland. He missed it quite thoroughly. He pointed a curious finger at the shelf. “May I ask,” he started, attempting to sound casual. Berry turned to gaze curiously at him. “If I help you rest of day, can I have a bottle… or two?”
The pink mare looked thoughtful for a moment. “I don’t see why not,” she mused. Niko silently thanked himself for asking. “You can help me in the winery. Normally I do it all by myself, some help would be nice.”
Niko nodded. “It sounds like fair deal.” He anticipated drinking the alcohol. Maybe he would even see if the rainbow pony wanted some.
<I got around to writing this next part. Sooner or later I'm going to have to find a way to wrap it up. I'm starting to run out of ideas.
<Please, feel free to comment. I like to know what ponies think about my stories.
<I urge you all to check out my other stories. This is not the only thing i have put effort into.