Star Well has put it off long enough.
He finally has enough reasons to go to Ponyville to asks Princess Celestia's student for help. After all, who else can help create the spell he needs?
But he will soon find out that this descion has decided the fates, of not one reality, but two.
On Hiatus till I can get my shit together. So God only knows, go figure.
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Dam you ponies!!!! Y actually got me to right a fanfic.
If you can't tell, this is my first fanfic EVER. I will gladly except any constructive critism.
With this Fanfic, I have placed 2 goals for myself, to not suck and to have fun. Lets just wing it and see what happens.
362306
Okay, I don't spot any grammar mistakes, and your going very slow, and going into detail, however mentioning 'Humans' threw me off by a milestone.
Track and thumbs up, just try too gett a BIT faster, not too fast, just a little faster.
I am enjoying this immensely. Didn't see any major mistakes, you did a good job of dropping a lot of necessary background without making it seem forced or breaking up the flow. I like the way you've expanded on unicorn magic. Star Well is likable and believable thus far, and having Screwball along will undoubtedly provide some good contrast to his practicality. Can't wait to see how Ponyville reacts to them.
Hmm...expert on humans.
I'm assuming that's Lyra, but time will tell...
...DAFUQ
That didn't even make sense and even if it did it doesn't even conect to the story so I ask you...
DAFUQ JUST HAPPEND?
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What happened are events in Canterlot that are happening the same time as the events are happening to Star Well in Ponyville.
This chapter, I am trying to establish the main villains (the Empire) as an legit threat, as well as cause establish plot points to wish to build on.
Honestly I am not sure if it would be better to break this chapter up and section it through the story or keep it as a whole.
Hopefully the next chapters will help clear confusion.
After reading this my only grip is the action. It began almost too fast,
Normally this is a good thing, but for this story it felt it came too soon
Anyhow keep up the good work
634659
Thanks! Its hard to reach that perfect rhythm. Before I was told that I was going a little too slow.
Ok, good so far the next 2 chapters will have to be done right
Facts you laid out so far
No pony fighting to save your OC has seen real combat, so the fight shouldn't last for more then 2 chapter otherwise it would drag.
The ninja pony idea is neat, But don't go all Gary sue to fix fight issues! that just silly and boring to read (you haven't yet but I know its hard not to)
Anyhow keep it up, from a story point of view I see no issues.
Finally! Trixie is back.
Which one of the mares will be Stars love plot?
Trixie? Yeah I would like that
Wait a minute. Where is Screw Ball?
I find the lack of Screw Ball disturbing
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/065/296/darth_equis.jpg
End of the first encounter and you all survived! Congratulations!
As always, please comment and give me your two cents. Seriously, give me your two cents, I could use the money.
Well done you didn't drag it out, was scared you would. When star well wake you you misspelled blood with blade I think
Other then that like always keep it up!
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Thanks man, I think I'll will be looking at my other chapters to look for mistakes that spell check didn't catch. I've been noticing a lot of 'their' instead of 'there'.
I actually planned to only do 2 chapters on this fight but it ended up being much longer then I thought it would.
A bit short but nice, odd cliffhanger this time
729537
Thanks. I keep that in mind. Probably not for this story, but I have been thinking of working on a sort of Dark Tournament series with but OC. It won't be for a while but I'll have a gander.
I'm making a Side Story that goes along with this. It is not important to the plot of this story but will help expand my version of the universe as a whole. I made it because I had two really cool characters int it but including their story in this one could make things complicated, more then it needs to be.
About the Chapter: Donkeys and Mules are psychic. That is all.
Seems legit about the mules and donkeys,
As for the story do I spy 3-4 mares crushing on star well
Lol dat ending, I'm guess the silvier shoes are big macs weapon?
770719
To quote a wise but simple farmer: Eyup.
Get your mind at of the gutter. Bright Shadow and Trixie were clearly thinking that Star Well was playing Clue with Screwball.
On a side note, The Chronicles of Star Well Side Story is up. If you have some time and are bored, I would mind getting some feedback on the thing.
You can find the Stone Guardian here :)
cannot wait for Trixie's telling of the story of how her and star well know each other.
Pretty good tie in with Lyra and Cadence. No grammar errors I could pick up but then I'm like the worst at that so haha
Sorry for the delay, Birthdays and movies kept me. The secret formula to proscrastination in a nutshell.
By my caculations, I'm two chapters behind. It seems I got some catching up to do. I wish I could say that there will be no more delays for awhile, but I can't make any promises. Anywho's, Enjoy.
Input is always appreciated.
Pretty nice, don't recall pinkie gettin hurt? guess I'll re read a few chapters back.
As for delays it happens. Other readers and I understand as long as you do try to update and don't leave us dry for too long its ok.
905005
Thanks for the support man. Delays suck and I want to uptade this story at least once a week till its done, therefore I need to catch up. If all goes according to plan, I'll have an update by Sat.
Oh and Pinkie, I believe I had her fight Gyp really early but didn't show the conclusion to the fight. I just had the moth pop up in fight against the mantis. Now you are seeing the results of the fight.
So that's how Trixie first met him. This is a great story keep up the great work.