Stinging from her humiliation in Ponyville, the Great and Powerful Trixie uses dark magic to make a demonic pact: a chance to go back in time and vanquish the Ursa Major, at the cost of her immortal soul. Does she succeed against the ferocious beast? Will fame and fortune be hers? Can her soul be redeemed, or is the magical mare forever damned? And, most importantly, does she get shipped with anyone? (Spoiler alert: nope.)
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I read this along time ago on ED (or FF i don't remember).
Did ya re-post it here?
Good story anyway. It was worth the re-read for me.
-Fin
More please, read this on EQD but I still want more. Like what's going to happen to trixie now, or will there be any other bargains that Pikie will make? I need to know.
25507
Yep, this was originally posted on EqD, and I'm getting copies of this and my other stories up on FIMFiction. Glad you liked it!
I got a good laugh out of this. Very nicely done.
I usually don't like "Random" stories that break the fourth wall but this was kind of funny... two out of five stars.
I just have to say that Pinkie Pie as a demon is one of the funniest images I have ever read. Mostly because it's so plausible. Very entertaining.
I'm sure Trixie's somewhere, going "Where's my gems?"
The end bit with Pinkie Pie pretty much ruining Trixie's second chance while still talking her immortal soul was a bit too random for me. Or was that all Trixie's fault? I honestly can't tell.
The story was somehow very skippable in the first few parts before the Demon was summoned. I felt it too heavy on the composition, and just not appealing enough format wise to read. The cactus garden joke also lost me, probably because the placement of the showing and telling was a bit poorly thought.
Demon Pinkie Pie was oddly appropriate. Her bizarre behaviour and the ketchup jokes were great, as was The Script.
The last part with the biscotti being a bit spicy made me sad for some reason. Maybe it's because I care about Trixie too much.
68762
Thanks for your comment, I really appreciate this kind of in-depth feedback!
I agree the beginning isn't well thought out. I was trying to get to Pinkie fairly quickly while still leaving some clues that it's her (the first letters of the ingredients, "Epsom salt: just a pinch," and her name backwards in the incantation), throwing in a few gags to keep it entertaining, and having Trixie's over-the-top monologue. In retrospect, it doesn't work; I should have probably played it straight and just gotten to the WTF-Pinkie moment and really funny parts as quickly as possible. There's just too many things going on at once, and I ended up with some ugly and unnecessary exposition.
Glad you liked the Pinkie part. That's some of my favorite writing so far, and I had a ton of fun with it.
As far as the ending, I've got to admit that I'm not a huge fan of Trixie, so I didn't have any trouble beating up on the poor mare. In fact, this story started when I was having trouble with another story (which I ultimately abandoned) and decided to vent my frustration by writing a short scene making fun of a pony I didn't like. However, I mellowed it out in later drafts, and in the end was trying to convey that Trixie got all her wishes granted (in a twisted "be careful what you wish for" way) and was still given a second chance by her creator (Lauren Faust). She does in fact defeat the two Ursas, gets to tell her tale to Princess Celestia, is visited by Ponyville's finest (and they bring her gifts, such as the apple with razorblades in it and "exotic" arsenic-laced tea), and is surrounded by gems. Then, in the Season 2 episode idea that Faust jots down, Trixie is forgiven and becomes friends with the mane six, which was supposed to be "wealth beyond anypony's imagination." All of this is thanks to Pinkie, who was actually breaking the fourth wall for good. The big twist in the story isn't that Pinkie is a demon: it's that she's an angel.
Like I said, that's what I was trying to convey, but it doesn't sound like I pulled it off. Anyway, thanks again for your critique, and I'm glad you liked at least part of the story!
Okay, when I read this, I did NOT expect Lauren Faust at the end. ...and thanks to that, I decided to favorite this.
What a
at the end. Good work. 