What to say, what to say? Well I live in Utah, and I like Ponies, and Doctor Who, and Doctor Who combined with Ponies.
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The Cheese Sandwich Club176 stories ·238 members
Cheese Sandwich is all about making ponies smile, just like the preposterously popular pink party pony of Ponyville taught him all those years ago. As a party planner, that usually means he makes 'em smile in droves. Droves! But when he encounters a certain down-on-her-luck unicorn illusionist, well, who needs droves when a single smile says just as much?
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Excellent work. I greatly approve of this. And yeah, Cheese kinda hit the head on the nail there with the reason why she should be performing. It's my headcanon that what Trixie really, really wants is to just perform, entertain and be appreciated for it. With a little change in motivation, she'll be back big time.
The illusion display was very heartfelt. D'aww.
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It´s her talent, Stage Magic, after all.
Dang, now this is a pair of party ponies! Of entertainers extraordinaire!
That was really sweet and really good.
Aww.
I had a good feeling that I would be coming out of this with a smile. I was not disappointed.
It's been a crappy week. This succeeded in making me smile. Trixie and Cheese Sandwich really do know how to put a show!
Why do I get the feeling that one of the requirements for being a Party Planner in Equestria is 'being able to punch physics in the face'?
Or is it a career benefit?
And that ending. Sweet.
My favorite part of this has to be the parodies of "Winter Wrap Up" and "At the Gala". They sounded exactly like things Weird Al would sing. We need more Cheese Sandwich stories! I'm sure he'll be an excellent addition to the fandom. And pairing him up with Trixie here was interesting since they are in the same field of work.
Great story. Keep up the good work. 
This story made me smile.
Good job!
This story is quite good, but it feels like it needs a follow up.
Love it, loooove it!
I'm really glad that someone else had the same thoughts that I did (more or less) and sat down to write them. The gags were great, the lyrics were cute, Cheese was adorable, and Trixie was wonderfully easy to sympathize with. I'm extremely pleased with how you wrote them both. I think there could be further polishing with some minor edits here and there, but overall this was very well done.
I also like the potential for a pairing. If you ever decided to write Cheese/Trixie as well, I'd be over the moon.
I love Cheese Sandwich with Pinkie Pie, but I think he has a ton of potential on his own and their relationship is beautiful whether it's romantic or platonic. (My personal head canon is that he considers her to be his muse, very loosely speaking. She was certainly an inspiration, at the very least. That's the case whether he's in love with her or not.)
Thank you for writing this!
Now THAT is a good story!
I'm smiling so wide right now, you have no idea. 
Cheese doing parodies is so perfect and him paired up with Trixie is even more perfect! (if that makes sense) 
Isn't this interesting? I was thinking that Cheese might in fact encourage Trixie, for just the reasons you used here. Not the possibility of shipping them, however. Brrrr. I suppose you can't help but let what you're writing influence what you're reading.
Anyway, I'm glad I didn't let that stop me from reading, because it was good, and I don't think anyone could encourage Trixie to trying entertaining the way Cheese does here.
Very nice story. I honestly never thought of a Cheese and Trixie pairing, romantic or otherwise, but I think you make it work very well.
Loved it.
I just got a letter from Pinkie! Yay! *reads letter* Sincerely, Pinkie Pie!
Wait, WHAT?! HOW DO YOU TAKE OFF A PONY'S MOUTH!?
Though this isn't shipping, I can definitely get behind these two as a couple. You rock my good sir or madam.
Ya know what? Screw it
, this needs to be faved. Good work here, Shots.
If you have any ideas, I'd definitely like to see more of this.
Do I? Do I dare be the first commenter with something negative to say?
I think I do.
I'll be straight with you here: I think this is a good story, both conceptually and in execution, at least if we take "execution" to refer to just the plot and characterisation. Where I take issue with the story is the prose. You have a tendency towards very tell-heavy and expository prose that kind of takes me out of the whole thing. Too much information is conveyed just via infodump, such as the beginning of Trixie's first scene, or the brief skip in the middle of the magic show.
Also, what Cheese and Trixie were thinking and feeling in their scenes should not have just been told to us, and you especially shouldn't have told us about what both of them were thinking and feeling at the same time. The first scene took Cheese's perspective, and there, I'll begrudgingly allow us to get so deep inside his mind if that's the psychic distance you choose to write at. But when we then switch perspectives to Trixie in the next scene, you cannot then continue to tell us exactly what Cheese is thinking. If you're going to switch perspective characters, fine, but you need to keep it consistent whose mind we're inside. I suggest you read up on the different third-person writing styles for more expansion on this.
And a more minor complaint, but I also think it's a mistake to try and use a non-visual medium to convey the visual humour that is a signature of Cheese and Pinkie, such as them warping offscreen or other similar physics-breaking acts. Maybe with Discord you could get away with this, since he does break physics in canon and this is an acknowledged part of the world, but here... I'm not feeling it. I think if you're working in a literary medium, you've got to work within its constraints. You can't treat it like screenwriting.
Despite this wall of text, I can tell you that I did like the story overall. Anything I didn't complain about, you can safely assume I loved. I just feel that there's a few areas where you could stand to improve as a writer.
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Hey, just wanted to drop a quick line to let you know that your critiques have been read and appreciated. I read all the comments, though I take particular interest in the well-thought-out ones, whether they be positive or negative.
And as to the flaws in my prose, know that I'm aware of them and have been actively working on it. Peace, my friend :)
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Any time.
Nice. This chapter would work fine as a standalone 1-shot.
I really like this! Continue! :3
Good to see another chapter, Thanks for Writing!
And Trixie gained five points of kindness this chapter. Also, five points of win against Star Dancer.
For some reason I feel like the Doctor just picked up a new companion,
I honestly thought this was just a oneshot, but I'm glad it won't be. Can't wait to read more
.
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It originally was. Stayed that way for a long time. Buuuuut I realized there was a lot I could do with this particular pairing and it's an actually rather unique one, so I decided to make it an ongoing.
I like it! Another!
Yes, this was good. It's a nice deepening of both their characters, especially Cheese's. It's easy to dismiss him as just a two-dimensional Pinkie clone, so seeing a downside to his good side - a great naivete that others tend to take advantage of - is very interesting. It's easy to inadvertently make our liked characters too perfect, but real people have flaws.
And seeing Star Dancer taken down a peg was pure win, and - as far as my interpretation of
best ponyTrixie goes - quite in character.Well, this was unexpected. But I liked it! It kind of reminds me of that Tumblr comic that also features Trixie and Cheese Sandwich doing stuff together. I look forward to more of this. Keep up the good work.
It's an okay story; it would have gained from additional length.
Writing: 3 / 5 (average)
Plot: 3 / 5 (average)
This is an odd pairing, but I love it!
The humor is perfect and the characters aren't 2 dimensional. They actually have character!
keep up the good work!
Omg, i missed Cheese
This is a surprise.
edit. Is Surprise going to show up? Maybe bring Ponyacci along? More Party Ponies!
I can live with this, too. I like Cheese tailoring his intros to the customer. Smart.
Greatly enjoyed re-reading this story, thanks for the update!
Aww, that was quite cute at the end, there. :)