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58w, 1dAdventure
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42w, 18hThe Writer's Group
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56w, 6dAussie Bronies
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61w, 1dCymph's reads
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57w, 1dPolitics in Equestria
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17w, 5dCompleted Story Compendium
Sparky learned that all of her friends had sustained fairly minor injuries during the crash... or, at least, minor by modern standards. They had all broken quite a few bones in the crash. A hundred years ago, their injuries would have been life threatening. Survival would have been a medical miracle, and they would have spent years recovering. Bones did not regrow naturally. Bones grow when you’re young, and then at a certain point they stop. Regenerative medicine had come a very long way since those days.
Sparky trotted into the hospital lounge, to discover that all of her friends were there. Amarilla and Juan Carlos were off in the corner, reading a holo-newspaper; Grandma V was in the other corner watching a repeat of the news programme that Sparky had seen earlier about the FutureTec arrests. DC Hopely and Dizzy were playing chess. Or, more accurately, Dizzy was wiping the floor with her.
‘Uh...let's see, king... anyway, Queen takes Pawn. Okay?’ DC Hopely said.
‘Bishop takes Knight's Pawn’, Dizzy said without emotion on her face.
‘Grr, lousy move! Um, Rook to King 1’, DC Hopely said, making her next move.
I'm sorry, Hopely, I think you missed it. Queen to Bishop 3, Bishop takes Queen, Knight takes Bishop. Checkmate in three moves!’ Dizzy said with a grin.
‘I give up!’ DC Hopely said. ‘I’m never playing with you again! I swear it’s like the equivalent of the playground bully holding you at forelegs length and kicking you repeatedly in the shins!’
Dizzy patted DC Hopely on the shoulder, reassuring her. ‘Don’t worry Hopely, you’ll eventually learn how to suck less’, Dizzy said with a coy smile.
‘Don’t tempt me Dizzy Doo! I know how to kill you and get away with it!’ DC Hopely said with a growl.
Both of them began to smirk, and couldn’t help but break out into a fit of giggles. Sparky couldn’t help but smile at her friends as she watched. Dizzy looked up and noticed Sparky standing in the doorway and smiled brightly at her. ‘Sparky!’ Dizzy called out, causing everyone in the room to look up.
‘Hey’, Sparky said with a smile as she trotted into the room and sat down on the sofa next to Dizzy. Everyone else in the room got up and gathered around. Dizzy was first to notice Sparky’s lack of cutie mark, and Sparky caught her staring and couldn’t help but smirk. ‘Jeeze Dizzy, we’ve all just come back together and the first thing you do is start staring at my flank? I didn’t realise you were so hot to trot’.
Dizzy turned bright red from embarrassment, as everyone in the room couldn’t help but giggle. ‘It’s not that! Your cutie mark is gone!’ she cried out defensively. Everyone stopped giggling immediately and turned to look, only to discover that she was right.
Sparky placed a hoof on Dizzy’s shoulder and offered her a small smile. ‘Oh relax Dizzy, I’m just teasing... I know it’s gone’.
‘But how... why?’ DC Hopely asked, still processing the moment.
‘I don’t know... but I’ve been thinking back to what Hannibal said. It’s not the cutie mark itself that was important, it was the meaning behind it. It was the catalyst for our adventure to Tartarus, without it, none of us would have come together...’ Sparky said with a smile as she turned to each of her friends. ‘I would have never been able to get this far without all of you’.
‘And we couldn’t have made it back without you Sparky’, Dizzy said as she rested her chin on Sparky’s shoulder, looking up at her best friend in admiration.
‘Not everyone made it back though’, DC Hopely said with a frown. ‘Shortfuse, Korolev, Marusova, Hannibal, the crew of the Discovery One...’
Sparky nodded her head. ‘They didn’t make it home... but they didn’t die for nothing, the ones responsible for the Discovery One tragedy are going to prison for a very long time, DCI Auditore and DS Kelso used the information Hannibal gave me to make the arrests’, Sparky said. ‘Our friends may be gone, but they will not be forgotten’.
Dizzy nodded her head in agreement. ‘We will make sure of that’.
...
Sparky, Dizzy, and DC Hopely sat on the moist ground in the Freetown district cemetery, staring at the headstone before them.
76-100
Lost, but never forgotten.
They had come to say their last goodbyes. Sparky smiled at Shortfuse’s headstone, remembering her last words. Shortfuse had told her that when it was her time to die, if heaven was real, to meet her at the bar. Sparky opened her saddlebags and levitated a small bottle of alcohol out from it. Sparky smirked; it was a bottle of Pan Equestrian Gargle Blaster, the drink that had started it all. ‘I got this for you Shortfuse, I hope you like it’, she added as she uncorked the bottle and poured it out onto the freshly dug earth, allowing it soak into the ground. ‘Just... ah... save some for me when I see you again huh?’
Grandma V, Amarilla, and Juan Carlos stood a couple of metres back from the grave site, watching as their friends made their goodbyes. Grandma V smiled and turned towards Amarilla. ‘So... Applejack, what will you do now?’ she asked.
‘Please... Vinyl Scratch, I have not been Applejack in a long time’, Amarilla said with a frown. ‘I do not know, things... they are different now’.
‘They certainly are’, Grandma V said, nodding her head in agreement. ‘Will you be returning to Hispaña?’ she asked.
‘For a time’, Amarilla said. ‘I do not know if I will stay, though’.
‘Are you ready to come home?’ Grandma V asked.
‘To Equestria? No, Equestria is not mine to come home to, you and I are relics of an era gone by, Vinyl Scratch. Equestria belongs to them now’, Amarilla said, pointing to Sparky, DC Hopely, and Dizzy. ‘I envy them, some day, their time will come to an end, and they will hand the world off to the next generation. Something that I cannot do, I will be here until the end of time’.
‘It’s not all bad, Amarilla’, Grandma V said with a grin. ‘Admit it, it felt great to be back in the action again, didn’t it?’
Amarilla nodded her head in agreement. ‘I miss our friends’, she said.
‘I do too’, Grandma V said with a nod. ‘No one can replace Twilight, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and Rarity’.
‘No... no they cannot’, Amarilla said with a frown. ‘How did you do it, Vinyl Scratch? You were here to watch all of them wither away and die, how did you stand it?’
‘It wasn’t easy... it never was’, Grandma V said shaking her head. ‘But, I focused on the good times we had! When things were hard, I remembered the time we went to Trotterdam’.
Amarilla couldn’t help but face hoof, shaking her head in disappointment. ‘Vinyl Scratch...’ she said with a sigh.
‘What was wrong with Trotterdam?’ Grandma V snapped back at her.
‘Adjusting for inflation, you caused 100,000 pounds of property damage! That is what was wrong with Trotterdam!’ Amarilla said with a sigh.
‘Hey! I put the fires out!’ Grandma V said defensively.
‘You made them worse!’ Amarilla retorted.
‘Worse... or better?’ Grandma V said with a grin.
‘Stop that!’ Amarilla said, gently driving a hoof into the elderly mare’s flank. They couldn’t help but giggle in remembrance. Despite everything that they had been through during those days a hundred years ago, those were happy times, and they wouldn’t trade them for the world.
Amarilla and Grandma V stared out into the sunset, giving their friends one last hurrah in remembrance. Just like Shortfuse Skydancer. They would never forget Twilight Sparkle, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Rarity; their best friends forever.
...
Kelso and Viola stood on the hill looking over the Freetown cemetery, watching as the crew of the Cosmonaut Anatoliy Leninov said goodbye to their departed friend. Kelso couldn’t help but feel for them. They had lost so much, but they had gained each other. Kelso too, had gained much from this wild ride that had been their lives. She looked over to Viola and smiled. She was glad it was over now. Maybe she could focus on being happy.
‘I hope I am not interrupting anything?’ said a new voice from behind her. Kelso turned to discover a purple unicorn clad in the line uniform of the Republican Navy. Kelso recognised her immediately. This was her client, the one who had hired her to investigate FutureTec.
‘No... not at all’, Kelso said.
‘I think introductions are finally in order’, the unicorn said with a smile as she extended a hoof for a shake. ‘Vice Admiral Dula Heartstrings, the new Chief of the Republican Navy’, she said with a smile.
Kelso shook back, smiling at Dula Heartstrings warmly. ‘Pleased to finally make your acquaintance, vice admiral’, she said.
‘Call me Dula’, Dula said as she released Kelso’s hoof from her own. She took her place besides the detectives and looked out over the cemetery.
‘I can’t believe it’s over’, Kelso said.
‘It might be for today, Detective Sergeant Kelso’, Dula said. ‘But one has to remember, that tomorrow is always a new day’.
Comments ( 64 )
It always feels weird when I read the new chapter of this, and then I look back at the chapters and there's a new one up.
Oh what a glorious time
1 more thing finished
a whole lot more to finish.
A nice ending, Have a moustache for it (or more than one)
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Now OFF TO THE SEARCH FUNCTION.
>>586487 Same thing happened to me, I had chapter 44 already open while I tooled around on other sites, so I was surprised when I went back to my favorites and this was already updated again.
Oh, and we're finally gonna get some face-to-face Dula and Sparky? Another link has been made
When it ended:
Now what do I read? I only have 7 stories that update once a week...
fgyioewthbgibhoerwuignm viohjtin gie4nrhmbio 34nhgv34h2tvn9 8erhg hu9gh 349 th9epgmbvmut3984bhm9he g hgh orhgeriu gn aerhgerjklwgh iurwgtnerp9w gyherowgpo goe ghoergeriuaorgn aoghp9wtuweipotu,mgh iajkfjadpsfemjwnaew ignaw ngerw!
ABHKBGFVADISBFAILBFAILBIHGBVIENROEWKJTNWEIBGF...
Ok, I'm done slamming my space into the keyboard.
This was... beautiful, in the way a piece of glass is beautiful.
It hurts, because each pony here has lost someone, or maybe many someones, and they have all been through more than they would have ever had to deal with in their lives otherwise.
And yet...
And yet the world keeps revolving. Things start getting better, a little bit at a time.
The corruption of the police system falls away.
The VIs are no longer under as much pressure to stay hidden.
Friendships new and old have begun blazing, warming hearts and pushing away the chill of the future.
And even in death, Celestia still helps and cares for all of those who need it, even if they hate her, fear her.
We will never forget our friends, we will never forget our heroes, and we will always, always remember that there is another tomorrow.
There is always a chance to change things for the better.
That was a great story, well written and I look forwards to seeing more from you ![]()
I have read this all today... and I have only this to say:
GOD DAMN IT, SEANANNER'S! WHY DO ALL THE GOOD STORY'S HAVE TO MAKE ME FEEL SO SAD AT THE END! I DO SO HATE FEELING SAD!
But that being said, I am now going to read the other works that I have been hearing so much about. This is sure to end well for in regards to me hating to feel sad...![]()
*edit* Gosh darn it seananners... after noticing all the tragedy, sad, and dark tags; I fear that I'm not quite ready to ride such an even a small emotional roller-coaster at the moment... perhaps when I can once again wonder about the concept of a rainbow-factory without shuddering or the next time I contemplate reading cupcakes...
I must say, this one had an awesome run, though for some reason I was disappointed that Vinyl didn't die, why am I disappointed at that.
>>587932 I believe you are disappointed due to the build-up in this story mixed with the emotional burden that G. V carries. We would feel, at least, happy for her because she can be with her friends again, but that would be equaled by the sadness felt by Sparky, so we probably would not feel better in the end.
Any other questions?
ummmmm. . .no, although I wasn't looking for an answer, thanks all the same. . .I was really just disappointed in the fact that I didn't get to see Vinyl die and have a final scene in 'heaven,' with Surprise. I've got my fingers crossed that my fav insane pegasus comes back for Vinyl's last moments. . .
Awwww...the end already? I was just getting warm.![]()
Well it was a good one, although now I feel really sad for Applejack. The whole immortality thing really sucks when you have to bury every friend of yours and know you will never be able to join them.![]()
Anyways, I give ![]()
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out of five, and one bonus
for making VA Heartstrings.
I finished it in 2 days! woohoo for me...
But for some reason this story mad me sad and im still sad... but not sad enough to cry to make myself feel better ![]()
....Now i need to go and find something to make me happy again...otherwise i'll have dreams about this and i'll be even more sad
But i loved the story anyway.... thank you for writing it!
Ok, this is going to sound a hair harsh, but having read the story and enjoyed it I have one major complaint. It reads like a random sci-fi story that has been adapted to have ponies rather than an actual MLP story. I know it's a hundred years in the future from the show, but some of the stuff was REALLY out there, and even with a couple of cannon characters running around enough had changed to make the link seem very, very weak.
so the tetrahedron and zomponies were all part of celestia's plot to bring sparky to that afterlife paradise? that was ALL her doing? kind of anti-climactic
. I thought that would have been a mid plot mini-climax. "tomorrow is always a new day" made me think you were actually going to continue it untill i saw "complete"
i wish you would have included some greater enemy who was actually behind the tetrahedrons/zomponies giving more meaning to Celestia's line "I can't protect you anymore..." that would have been really cool. I feel incomplete without more. and sad that it ended.
Still, this was a really well written story and one of the most immersive fimfics I've read in a while.
This has been an interesting read. Having gone through it in one solid chunk of typed goodness, I can definitely say I enjoyed it thoroughly. I will agree that it was kind of like reading the movie 2001 Space Odyssey, and more directly its horrible sequel, but was altered enough to be an appealing bit of sci-fi. With Celestia using the tetrahedrons as she did, it still begs the question of why she sent Sparky on her journey to begin with. I probably missed the reasoning, beyond just getting Sparky to make some new connections and having the police force do some cleaning both internally and externally. Still, it was an appealing story with its highs and lows, good and bad, and will probably read through it again somewhere down the line. For now, I move on to the next adventure. Well done on this piece.
Wow, I have no words to describe this, it's so different from any other fic I've read ![]()
This was fascinating. I think I totally agree with Xavius_Night. It was really sad for me that most of the Mane Six are dead, as well as the Princesses and almost every character I liked.
I'm glad that ghost-Celestia proved she wasn't the tyrant they all thought. ![]()
It was also weird what they thought of cutie marks; they are a gift, not a curse. Nopony ever got a bad cutie mark. They were always, in a sense, chosen by the pony themselves. ![]()
Overall, I think this was an amazing story, if a little outside the stuff I usually read. A little dark. But still amazing. ![]()
True yes, Sandford Fleming is Scottish born, Canadian engineer who did propose time zones here on Earth.
Earth, however, is 12 light years away from the world in which our story takes place, the fictional world of Belleau, orbiting around Tau Ceti, I think that gives me a little leeway to change what I'd like. For example, two races, the cheval and schäferhund, analogous to the French and Germans respectively, had a war analogous to the Franco-Prussian War of 1870-71. On Belleau, the cheval won that war thanks to the use of aerial tactics (they're pegasi), by abandoning most of the heavy equipment that they carried around previously, (and thus, were stuck on the ground like the rest of their enemies)
You're spot on about the references. The problem is that my readership had been pretty small until very recently, and I ended up putting in a bunch of references to lots of things as sort of a game to see who could spot them, so there are a lot of them scattered throughout all of my fics.
Recently, my readership grew, and has quadrupled in size. Which has become problematic, as the references are more likely to get spotted now... so I may have over done it.
I'm making a conscious effort to tone them down in future works. I really am, though it may not seem like it as you continue to read. ![]()
Hopely can't go to the Independent Police Complaints Commission and report her for two reasons:
1. She took part in a number of questionable acts as well, and would go to prison as well.
2. DCI Auditore goes to gaol, and the Police start cracking down on organised crime like they're supposed to be doing? Members of the Kirsk Zazz crime syndicate are going to want the head of the person responsible.
So either way, going to the IPCC is going to get Hopely arrested, and murdered, in that order.
Fantastic story Wheller. I'm super glad I decided to read it. I can't believe I finished the whole thing in an evening! I'm excited for the sequel, and would love to learn more about the aliens. ![]()
I think the factthat this story could work independently of MLP is a real tribute to the author, although, MLP makes for the biggest and best possible reference!
I've reserved judgement until the final chapter. So, here's my opinion.
The good:
1) The writing is more than adequate, formatted well, and the descriptions, though not extravagant, are sufficient to form mental images along with the story.
2) Applejack never changes. Seems fitting.
3) A bittersweet ending that manages not to leave a foul taste in my mouth.
The bad:
1) First and foremost, I don't like the premise. I honestly beleive if Twilight and her friends just asked Celestia to step aside and give everypony room to grow, she would have. Honestly I went through the story expecting her to end up being alive somewhere to raise and lower the sun without anypony really knowing. But I digress, this is a point of opinion, I know some approve of the whole 'get rid of the alicorns' angle.
2) As the story is completed, it may make more sense to consolidate the chapters a bit as none of them are terribly long in and of themselves.
3) Strictly speaking being impaled isn't nearly as lethal as movies make it seem to be. As long as the bar missed the heart and lungs it could take days to die, and blood loss isn't an issue since the bar would have prevented the blood from flowing freely. Had the heart been penetrated she would have died instantly, and had a lung she would have been coughing up blood or been unable to speak.
Overall:
The writing was good, the story thought through and keeping the reader guessing for the most part. I just didn't like it, or really any story that has to kill Celestia and/or Luna so the plot can take place.
>3) Strictly speaking being impaled isn't nearly as lethal as movies make it seem to be. As long as the bar missed the heart and lungs it could take days to die, and blood loss isn't an issue since the bar would have prevented the blood from flowing freely. Had the heart been penetrated she would have died instantly, and had a lung she would have been coughing up blood or been unable to speak.
I know, done for drama sake here. ![]()
Was definitely not expecting a 2001/2010 adaptation when i started reading, unfortunately that's where it failed for me as i've never been a fan of A.C.Clark or Kubrick. Was really enjoying up until they got into space and then it just turned meh (except the Kelso/Viola bits, i liked them).
You are awesome, my mind hurts...
some books, when I read them leave some marks. each next chapter make the characters in my mind more complete, sometimes, if book is very well written, I can talk with them, they are alive in my brain.(I know it isn't normal, but I like this) then, when book ends, there is change in my mind, I cant think clearly, billions of thoughts flow through my mind, there was only five books in my life (and I read really lot of books) that done this. I must add this fanfic to this collection. And I thank you. I just finished reading this three days ago, and now my mind is calm now (maybe because I started reading "Sleeping in the Light" today. And I just finish it, need for more).
Again, thank you for writing this.
Now, a few things that I noticed.
You must play mass effect, I love those game, and there is so many references. (wait, I said "references"? VI and AI concept looks exactly the same like in game, And helium-3? or husks?) You mixed our own, human history with game, some of films and the pony world. and you do it well.
I have one or two questions.
first, What the hell was those tetrahedrons? teleporting device to other species? or something like "dragon's teeth" from mass effect?
and second, more important, this fragment:
" ‘Hey Sparky? Do you think heaven is real?’ she asked.
Sparky looked towards Dizzy, and then back to Shortfuse. ‘I hope so’, she said softly.
‘Well... if it is, when it’s your time, meet me at the bar’, Shortfuse said with a smile as she closed her eyes and her head went limp."
I am sure I heard those before, and it must not by from mass effect (my sister recognise this too, and she not play this game). from where is this "meet me at the bar"? please answer.
Ps. sorry for my English, I is my second language, and I am still learning. (And I must add, When I read in English I start even think in this language, this is weird).
Being a Private Investigator, taking small time cases, Kelso took a significant cut in her income. Her bills however, stayed the same, and in some cases increased. She wracked up a lot of debt really quickly. The money she was getting from Dula Heartstrings was enough to cover those debts she incurred over those three months. Her paying it back would have been next to impossible.
Hey I finished that in... 3 HOURS?!
What about my history project?
Fuck it.
This was amazing, even if I only got like, one or two references.
This is being favourited, as an all time favourite.
Thank you, Wheller.
--TwilitLightning
Sorry mate, thought I did. ![]()
You must play mass effect, I love those game, and there is so many references. (wait, I said "references"? VI and AI concept looks exactly the same like in game, And helium-3? or husks?) You mixed our own, human history with game, some of films and the pony world. and you do it well.
I thoroughly enjoyed each Mass Effect game, including 3, (minus that ending. Never again) The weariness over AI is actually a pretty common theme in science fiction, look at Asimov's robots.
Helium-3 is actually an isotope of Helium that, alongside Deuterium (a hydrogen isotope) is desired by real world science groups for nuclear fusion research. Fuse He-3 and H-2, and viola, Nuclear fusion power. Something of which has replaced fossil fuels for generating power for the Equestrian Republic.
first, What the hell was those tetrahedrons? teleporting device to other species? or something like "dragon's teeth" from mass effect?
Spoilers ![]()
" ‘Hey Sparky? Do you think heaven is real?’ she asked.
Sparky looked towards Dizzy, and then back to Shortfuse. ‘I hope so’, she said softly.
‘Well... if it is, when it’s your time, meet me at the bar’, Shortfuse said with a smile as she closed her eyes and her head went limp."
I am sure I heard those before, and it must not by from mass effect (my sister recognise this too, and she not play this game). from where is this "meet me at the bar"? please answer.
It might be in something else, if it is, I'm not sure, when I heard the line in Mass Effect 3, it really stuck with me, and when it came time to write Shortfuse's death, it felt like something she would say. ![]()
You read Isaac Asimov? I love his books.
those tetrahedrons will by explained in future stories? if no please send my PM. But if yes, tell me and I'll be waiting.
Yes,I understand this Helium-3, I forgot about this.
But the concept of VI and AI, with an emphasis on how narrow is the border between them. I did not think to connect it with Asimov. I think in this story it is more similar to mass effect than to the other Science fiction books that I read
Ps. I now found this at the google: "Not sure if Turian heaven is the same as yours, but if this thing goes sideways and we both end up there...meet me at the bar. I'm buying."
But I do not remember when he said this. You can?
Now I found this. it is the last talk with Garrus. If you was his friend(as a male sheppard) or you both romanced (as the female sheppard)
How far back into your stories will I have to go for the overarching storyline of your narrative here? I'd been turned on to this story thanks to ED but apparently there's more to it than just this.
Whoa, I left a lot of comments at once. Let me delete those, and consolidate them here, so it's not as obnoxious looking.
(Ch 23, re: SparkDizz)
Whoa, yeah. No emotional buildup, definitely left me disoriented.
Probably left Dizzy disoriented too.
And perhaps Sparky.
(Ch. 27)
What happened to Kelso's characterization? From fresh-faced newb to IMMA FIX THIS SMOTHER YOU WITH A PILLOW (dude Auditore's on life support, just pull the plug), it was flip of a switch.
I like the events of the story, but there are some bits that are out of whack along the way.
(Ch. 28)
No! Kelso stopped this line of thought immediately; she was not going to break into an interior monologue. She may be a private investigator now, but she was not going to fit the noir stereotype. That would just be silly, and she was better than that.
...Of course, any criticisms I may have laid down in previous chapters are of course totally made up for with bits like this! ![]()
This is why clothing is a big deal...
(Ch. 38)
Yep, Auditore makes me think Assassin's Creed 2... and the scream from the zombie pony currently sounds like a Banshee to me right now :P
(Ch. 41)
Yay, an Apple Bloom VI!
*looks up again at name of computer*
AHH Crusader ah see whut yu did thar!
(Ch. 42)
Suuuure, kill the Cossacks. Inevitable, I guess, considering they were...
...wait for it...
...*snerk*...
red shirts.
(Finished story)
Okay, yay! Just finished. (Thanks for the "everypony" response, seems about right.)
I definitely enjoyed the story. Pacing was a bit off sometimes, especially when it came to how fast romances bloomed, but I still enjoyed it.
Sparky was a really fun protagonist to have. It was great seeing her come out of her shell and come into her own.
I was ambivalent towards the overthrown monarchy; having not read stories taking place before this story arc, I don't really know all that happened, and honestly I don't know if I'll go back to them; I continue with this arc though. Still, with all that's happened before, it's readily apparent that there is a rich backstory here just teeming with interesting bits. Without previous stories, the setting would lose a lot of its character, I think.
Shortfuse dying sucked :( Not a story critique, if anything it lets you know that I cared about the character. She was pretty one dimensional, though, so I could have perhaps guessed it. (Actually I'm surprised she didn't die earlier, the more I think about it.)
Mr. Happy's still at large. The tetrahedrons are still a thing, even if the one around Tartarus was destroyed. There's still stuff to be resolved, but in general I'm happy with the story. Oh, and Gramma V lived, so that's awesome too :D
Applejack's curse. As fun as it sounds to live forever, watching you friends and loved ones pass on without you will take it's toll.
Well there was a ton of 2001 and 2010 in this story. Insanely well written story, makes me want to stop writing since my own writing style sucks *bangs head on desk* it sucks it sucks it sucks, anyway, enough self flagellation. Ultimately I don't get the point of allot of what happens in it though. Sparky getting a cutie mark is a nice hook but ultimately it seemed needless, I was thinking you would go with some angle that her cutie mark was making her more friendly and outgoing and better at making friends etc etc but that didn't seem to really happen, plus you kinda had the same thing happen with the cops. It felt like an interesting but ultimately unnecessary hook, just having Sparky come across some kinda data in the FutureTec database while looking for something Heartstrings would have worked just as well.
I think having Applejack and Vinyl in the story actually hurt it, they don't do anything that special and they create too much of a tangible link to the rule of Celestia. We aren't told why she was overthrown, only that the mane6 had something to do with it. It's implied by the fact that everything seems to be named after them in some regard and Carousel Boutique and Sweet Apple Acres are big names now. You don't get that by choosing the loosing side. The problem is that since Vinyl and AJ were around for the overthrow then that takes out almost all the ambiguity. If they weren't in the story it would be possible to just go "well we don't know what happened, probably all the mad tyrant stuff is just propaganda." But since we have characters who are directly linked to it that makes it hard to take any other stance then they really did kill Celestia for some reason.
That brings me to the Celestia scene, I knew there was going to be one. I don't get the point of it but I knew it would be there, maybe if I remembered more about 2001 it would have made more sense but on its own it just seemed like another scene that didn't need to happen. Really the only thing I got from the scene is that Celestia really does care about her ponies, which just makes the whole overthrowing her thing a bit weirder. Sparky is too busy yelling for there to be any kind of information beyond that to be imparted. I was kinda hoping she would at least ask something. Maybe since Vinyl is her grandmother, she already heard all about it, which just adds another reason for me to be annoyed by her inclusion in the story.
The last scene that comes to mind is the whole space thing, the reason behind it seems really flimsy at best, I mean they have to flee the country because of a single police officer, sure whatever but then as soon as they get to the Præsidium they immediately get shoved in a rocket and shot into space. It's weird and makes no sense but whatever. The big thing that gets me is that they fled Equastria to get away from this cop but then when they are planning to return they plan to return right to Ponyville. Granted the Præsidium might be pissed at them for some reason but they kinda went though allot of trouble getting out of Ponyville. Plus you had them just get teleported back anyway so having them plan to arrive at Ponyville was unnecessary.
Anyway there is my rant, I tend to do that with stories that interest me.







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