A low grumbling growl accompanied Trixie on her march through the forest. At first it was cause for alarm, but at this point just another point on her list as she muttered to herself. “Really... Does Celestia have it out for the Great and Powerful Trixie? Trixie only claimed to be more powerful than her once! ...Okay per performance... but still!”
The light of her horn slowly began a disconcerting flickering, which evoked an irritated sigh. “Great! What else can go wrong today!?” Trixie’s eyes went wide as she realized what she'd said, and quickly covered her mouth with a hoof No no no Trixie did not just say that!
Moisture beaded up at the corners of Trixie’s eyes while she just waited for the universe to one-up her again. Between being lost, hungry, cold, wet, humiliated, dispossessed, and outright terrified by the Ursa, it certainly had seemed to do its best to punish her for having the audacity to put up a performance.
She dropped to the ground and huddled up, tucking her legs tightly against her body. Trixie hid her head below her front hooves while she her eyes closed tight. She braced herself for whatever came next, but the pattering of droplets around her was all she heard. After several moments of chilling silence, she carefully opened one eye to glance around, then up at her horn seeing the familiar orchid glow still held strong. Trixie let out a breath she had not even realized she was holding. “Safe.”
As little a victory as not having another horrible thing happen to a pony might have been, it was just what Trixie needed to regain some confidence. “That's right, what is there to fear? The Great and Powerful Trixie needs only to take control of the situation.” She brought up a hoof to wipe her eyes clear. R-rainwater, she interjected in her mind.
Trixie went over the little checklist of her problems she'd made in her panic once again, but this time, sorting them into issues she could deal with right now and those that she just had to put off until later. “Shelter and food. Well those cannot be that difficult. Trixie is in a forest. Almost everything here should be food,” said Trixie with a forced smile. Though not all of it equally appetizing. A small shiver ran down her spine as she recalled some of the emergency meals she'd eaten while on the road when funds ran lower than usual, but this would be better.
Trixie trotted towards the nearest tree and glanced down at the soft pink moss that covered the roots. She pondered to herself if it would double as a good source of food before shook her head and decided against pressing her luck so soon after tempting fate. If she got sick, that would be just the kind of thing to make everything even worse.
A slow trot through the forest while she examined the various plants, bushes and roots, bit by bit, looking for any that she recognized as edible. Strangely, the flora in the forest was so different from what she was at least vaguely familiar with, as if it were an entirely different region.
She gazed down upon her collected bounty gathered together on the forest floor. A small hoof full of purple berries, some sand brown roots she'd dug up from the trees, a few black thorny vines, a blue flower, and a pile of the pink moss. She was not especially sure of herself that she'd actually found something she could eat safely among these.
“Okay Trixie, all you need to do is eat a bit of one of these and wait to find out if it has any harmful effect. It should be okay if Trixie only eats a tiny bit. She won't be ill long even if it turns out that way.” She nodded vigorously at her wisdom and leaned down, opening her mouth to try the first bite.
Five minutes had passed, with the blue-furred open muzzle still hovering over the pink moss, then Trixie swayed towards the roots, trying to bring herself to eat them instead, but she stayed just as frozen. Trixie shook while mentally flogging herself. Come on, just one bite! How bad could it be?! Don't be such a coward, the chances of any of these being that poisonous are… well Trixie doesn't know. That's not the point. Don't be so weak!
Weak, the word stung the show mare's heart, making her chest tighten and her breaths shallow. She closed her eyes tightly, trying to force the feeling back again. “N-no. Trixie is Great and Powerful!” She shouted at the top of her lungs without care of who or what might hear her. In fact she'd welcome any kind of audience at this point, even those Ponyvillians just to witness her.
While her determination still held, she brought her head down and devoured the makeshift meal before her. The taste was bitter and sandy, then it became sweet, light, and finally physically painful as one of the thorns dug into the roof of her mouth. Spitting out the thorny piece, she slumped back on her haunches, breathing quickly.
The growling of her stomach had stopped, and she actually felt a bit warmer, much to her delight, after her meal. Her mouth tasted weird, and there was the dull pain from the thorn that made her tear up, but the tradeoff had been, to Trixie’s satisfaction, a pretty good one.
It was then she noticed through blurred vision that the clear forest floor contained only the offending piece of thorny vine. She blinked slowly as she ran that revelation through her head again. Where was the rest of the food? She wiped away the tears brought on by the thorn to clear her vision, concentrating on brightening the light from her horn a bit more to search. But she could only find scraps and rested a hoof on her stomach. Way to go Trixie. You sure showed yourself, she grumbled annoyed with herself. Now if Trixie is sick, Trixie won't know what it was. Hay, if it was all of it Trixie might not even have to worry about it after tomorrow. She struck herself against her forehead hard enough invoke a yelp.
“W-well it does mean Trixie's hunger problem is solved. And if Trixie is fine, it means all of those were good to eat... except maybe the vines.” She pushed herself up on her hooves and whipped her mane out of her eyes. “That's right! The Great and Powerful Trixie has overcome problem number one! Now to find shelter! Or the way out.” Both required the same action anyway, and she was not partial to which outcome she landed on. Trixie set out to continue her way through the muddy forest with renewed vigor to find her goal. …or come up short and die trying.
Trixie's reaction to tempting fate was hilarious.
I liked these lines;
'“Really... Does Celestia have it out for the Great and Powerful Trixie? Trixie only claimed to be more powerful than her once!... Okay per performance... But still!”'
'“Great! What else can go wrong today!?” Trixie’s eyes went wide as she realized what she'd said, and quickly covered her mouth with a hoof 'No no no Trixie did not just say that!’'
'Raising up a hoof to wipe her eyes clear 'of rainwater'
and
'A small shiver ran down her spine as she recalled some of the emergency meals she'd eaten while on the road when funds ran lower than usual, but this would be better.'
I found some things to be improved;
'accompanying' should be 'accompanied' in 'A low grumbling growl accompanying the blue mare on her march through the forest'
the first 'cause' is unnecessary in 'At first cause it was cause for alarm, but at this point just another point on her list as she muttered to herself'
'beading' should be 'beaded' in 'Moisture beading up at the corners of her eyes while she just waited for the universe to one-up her again,' I also suggest to change 'while' for 'as'
'Between being lost, hungry, cold, wet, humiliated, dispossessed and outright terrified by the ursa, it certainly...' reads a lot better than 'Between being lost, the hunger, cold, rain, humiliation, loss of her possessions and outright terror of facing the Ursa It certainly...'
I suggest using a comma between 'been' and 'it' in 'As little a victory as not having another horrible thing happen to a pony might have been it was just what Trixie needed to regain some confidence'
'Trotted' should be 'trotted' in 'Trixie Trotted towards the nearest tree'
I suggest italicizing 'Weak' in 'Weak, the word stung the show mares heart' and changing 'the show mares heart' (which should incidentally be 'show mare's heart') to 'her heart' to avoid lavender unicorn syndrome
and
'but the trade off had been to Trixies satisfaction a pretty good one' would flow better with commas between 'had been' and 'to Trixies" (which should be 'to Trixie's') and then 'satisfaction' and 'a pretty good one'
I'm liking this story so far. Not as gripping as some of the other stories I've read, but with midterms coming up, that's probably a good thing.
4373324
That's good to hear. Good luck on your midterms when they arrive.
This is reminicent of Gary Pulsen's Hatchet i like tis alot
No. No. She did not just eat poison joke. She did NOT just eat poison joke. Well, this should get, interesting. Very, interesting, in deed.
5331950
What? Poison Joke? Where? It could be any random blue flower, right?
Gosh it feels great to be back to reading this story again. I decided to read through it again so I actually know what's going on. I don't trust my memory 100% since I read this a long while ago. I really wish I was as good as you in my descriptions. I'm still trying to improve on my writing. I think it's getting better now.
I forgot how hard Trixie had it in your story. The world just hates her it seems.
5510604
You're too kind. Good idea to distrust your memory. Truthfully, I reread through the story at times to remind me of what exactly happened, and I wrote the thing. Your writing is getting better. You've taken the most important step in improving your own writing, reading a lot. (Which is a little ironic, isn't it?)
You can stop rereading now. You've got the whole story right there.
Yep way too short... I can't really get into a story when i have to keep clicking next chapter so quick.
5718588
Funny thing. Look at the chapter lengths.
Each one is over a thousand words long (some barely over that thresh hold). It only feels short because of the skill of the writer. But eventually those chapters build up. And just think, with how quickly you go through three chapters at the size they are. Just think of how short a 3k one would feel (and it'd feel just as short XD).
Stupid words right
Could be worse - could be foalnapped and forced into slavery, either physical or sexual. Those are indeed possible, especially if nopony would go out looking for her, to rescue her.
Oh, Trixie.
Never eat blue flowers in the Everfree.