Yes, I'm high. High on friendship. Friendship and magic.
Have you ever wondered what happened at the Canterlot garden party when it came to light that Rainbow Dash is not, in fact, the Wonderbolts' trainer? And just why did Fancy Pants favour Rarity? Why haven't we seen her high society friends since the episode Sweet and Elite?
Never fear, dear readers, your sleepless nights are over, for here's the light-hearted tale exactly as it happened!
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I laughed so hard reading this. You caught the emotions and characters just right. I enjoy looking forward to your other writing. Keep it up!
I must say this story was simply divine. Yes, quite. A pleasure to read.
Although I dare say you'll have me speaking like this for the next few days, what what.
Great story
I love Fancy Pants, he's a nice character.
Oh, and I laughed at the stupidity of all those Canterlot ponies. Real fun !
That ending was so damn cheesy.
359176 I doubt it was cheesier than any of the friendship letters from the original episodes - thanks for the constructive criticism, though! I appreciate it.
*bust out English - Hungarian dictionary*
Well, assuming that by "cheesy" you meant "overly emotional", and not "cheese-related" or "bad". In the latter case, I've got no excuses, but I'd like to assure every reader there are absolutely no dairy products in the story.
That ending slayed me. Well done.
Let's see...first off: Fancy Pants is one of my favorite background characters, simply because male protagonists in this show are rare and need to be really awesome to stand out (see also: Big Mac, Shining Armour). His motivation for acting the way he did, aside from a few minor details, were exactly what I always thought they should be. It gives one of those "the best stories you read are the ones you felt you wish you could've written"-vibes. I only feel like he's being slightly Flanderised with all the 'crikey' and 'cor' bits, but that's for comedic effect, I can live with that.
Speaking of comedic effect; you have now maxed your Q: Punchline. Every single joke is delivered at the proper pace, with a few genuine surprises and a hilarious recalling. The speech patterns all sound spot-on, which is not an easy trick in a fandom that has to deal with a Southern drawl, a high-society fashionista, a recluse and a brainiac at the same time.
So umm...keep up the good work!
522951
Thank you! I'm glad you liked it!
I know some parts are exaggerated, but it's deliberate for comedic effect, as you've also pointed out.
Now the reason I'm commenting: the whole point of this fic was not to amuse people (hence the lack of comedy tag), but to paint a realistic picture of Fancy Pants' motivations. This is why I'm especially glad our Fancy Pants character interpretations are more or less the same.
On an unrelated note, right now I'm trying to re-write this fic, to show more and tell less - and by "re-write", I mean "every few days I sit down and write a few sentences between dialogues," along the lines of XY arched his eyebrows, sighed, and the like. Hopefully this will make the fic picturesque enough for EqD. I mean, I recently realized that, for example, the whole boutique part consists of nothing but dialogue lines (apart from a short introduction...)
I assume you, the readers, would find this a welcome change?
523009
Honestly, I hadn't even noticed the lack of a comedy tag. Guess that shows to show that just getting close to the actual series will get a right chuckle out of anyone.
As for making it more picturesque: you can try that, certainly, but one thing I've found a complete drag to do is keeping the pace and tone of the story intact throughout last-minute alterations. You'll want to keep that in mind as you go along, or else you wind diluting the awesome. Having mostly dialogue helps keep the pacing intact, but upon closer inspection you could add some more expression to the whole thing. Adding a good amount of style to it would only be adding to the awesome sauce...like, I dunno:
*Twilight gave a glare she normally reserved for Spike when he went on one of his unsupervised rampages on the refridgerator.*
Or *the unicorn averted her gaze, as if to ponder whether her chandelier needed dusting.*
That sort of thing, I feel, would work. Less wordy, perhaps, but you get the idea.
523137
I see what you mean. Thank you very much for your constructive observations, I try to keep them in mind! We'll see if I can do this right. (Eventually. I'm a very slow writer and rarely work on this fic, but better late than never, I guess.)
So you are a, mmm, lady, who likes, mmm, cake frosting? I just about lost it at that part.
And the 'dumb fabric'. Well done, indeed, good sir! It was truly enjoyable :{D
This is fantastic! You have some real talent and the ending was fantastic.
“Thank Celestia!” Rarity sighed, her worries somewhat eased. “I couldn't survive if the pegasus guard threw me in the dungeon and every last one of my fabulous dresses remained here all alone! Oh, and Sweetie Belle too.”
I kinda hafta disagree on this one yea Rarity is incredibly fashion conscious but she does love her sister and the idea that she'd think of sweetie belle as an afterthought rubs me the wrong way a bit. It's not a big deal just wanted to add my two cents.
552308
Why thank you, you flatter me!
On Rarity, I certainly agree she loves her little sister (sweetiebuse isn't my cup of tea). I admit she mentioning her dresses over Sweetie Belle was played for comedy, but I think it's pretty justifiable. Don't forget that she (Rarity) is a drama queen: you could easily see the whole 'they-will-jail-me' line as a mere theatric outburst, with Sweetie thrown in only for good measure. Do note that if I'm not mistaken, Sweetie Belle doesn't live with Rarity, but with their parents, so technically she wouldn't even remain alone if Rarity got locked up!
Hope this made it a little more acceptable.
554087 ahahah yeah for sure. I wasn't trying to say you shouldn't have done it just for some reason it bugged me but when I think of it as you suggested I like it much moreso. and yeah far as I know she lives with their folks.
I promise it was never unacceptable I'm jsut odd.
Holy fuck, I'm posting a comment. I should be writing right now, but... Waffles, I guess. That's all I can say.
I need a friggin' breath time, so I'm reading and commenting. After all, I'm tired of writing for today, but I'm never trired of PONIES.
Now, I can make a good comment or a funny comment. Or both.
Yeah, I'll make both. Hurray for me.
Funny (?) comment:
As a matter of fact, nopony shoud believe his ears every time. I mean, look at them.
dpegb9ebondhq.cloudfront.net/product_photos/945661/IMG_8133_original.JPG
LOOK AT THEM. THEY'RE EVIL. THEY HAVE AN EVIL FACE.
Are you saying that, when I joined that squad in the forest, it was a mistake? Because it seemed legit for me. I mean, look at their name. "The Totally-not-Sodomite Hobos who Like to Play with Fire". How can you not to trust in them=
Also, very funny part.
"Yeah, this is Twilight Sparkle, personal protégé of Princess Celestia. Applejack, a wealthy landowner, and Fluttershy. She was once a model, and... Eh... Okay, she's just hot. She's so hot everypony used to know her. That's enough for you?"
"Yes".
"Another victory for Rarity."
"Euh, darling... you're a pegasus."
"My, how wacky!"
"Please, Twilight Sparkle, teach me how to dance! I need to learn how to dance like you! You're just amazing!"
"Didn't you puke when you saw her dancing before?"
"My, how wacky!"
They still remember the day they met for the first time:
"Woah, you're hot."
"Woah, you're rich."
tophitsnewsongs.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/loveheart-Top-Love-Songs-2011.png
And that's the reason why the bronies will rule the world:
"Yo. I'm a twenty years old heterosexual man who likes colorful ponies."
"OH MY GOD I CAN'T FIGHT THIS I SURRENDER TAKE MY BABIES!"
Unicorn fetish? Unicorn fetish. No, wait, he's married to-
images.wikia.com/mlp/images/c/c4/Fleur-di-lis.png
Unicorn fetish.
"IT'S FANCY PANTS! Maybe the most important stallion of Equestria! And you interrupted him?! This is a high class restaurant, for Celestia's sake!"
"Fuck it, you don't pay me for being polite."
"YES, I DO!"
"My, how wacky!"
The menu:
"One drink - price: food enough for you to eat for a day. Three days if you're a yellow pegasus. We don't like yellow pegasus."
"Darling, I think I feel funny down there. Can you please go to Fancy Pants house and see if he's pooping? Thank you."
Since Fancy Pants said that Rarity's acts "were not so bad after all, we should forgive her, right?", Blueblood's life was horrible. It's hard to be a prince when the fashion trend is to beat you until you're almost dead.
Useful (?) comment:
Ok, enough with the sillyness for now. The story was very good. In fact, it felt almost as a chapter from the show. I can see this on EQD pretty easily.
One of the things I liked the most was, of course, the comedy. It was good, because it didn't feel forced. It seemed natural. And some parts (the Fleur and Fancy interaction, or the Boutique dialogue) were pure gold.
Now, the characters... I liked them too. Rarity seemed as Rarity-like as possible, and Fancy Pants was genuinely sympathetic. Fleur de Lis... well, she was funny. The idea of a city ruled by a pony like Fancy Pants is funny, but impractical. I don't see if that's a problem after all, the show is filled with similar things. And, I'm the only one who sees Trollestia here? Not in Celestia, of course, but... a pony rules the city and it's a troll. Fancy Pants is very Trollestia-like in this fic, at least in my opinion.
Now, good things said (the story, the jokes, the characters), there are some things I didn't like. For example, the last joke. It felt... forced. And "cheese related", as you said in one comment. And, what's Dashie's reaction with the "you're a trainer" thing?
...
...And that's all, really. I can't say a lot more. I liked it. It's funny, it's simple, it's well-written. I don't see any point you should change (yeah, I said that there are two things that I didn't like, but it's not like I hated them.) So... good story.
And sorry for the stupidity of this comment. I just needed to stop thinking about multiple levels of reality and/or time paradoxes.
See ya!
1213319
You've heard stories, yes? Stories about people who've been trapped in nonexistent realities or lotus-eater machnies for years, decades, or even millennia or eons? That was because they stopped thinking about multiple levels of reality and/or time paradoxes. You better not giving up now, or you'll never know whether you're real or just dreaming... (Have a fun paranoia!)
Also, those aren't ears. They look like ears, but they're in fact overturned noses. I should know, I have a few... connections with the Nose Underground movement.
Anyway, I'm glad if you enjoyed and found it "slice-of-lifey". Well, yes, Fancy Pants is quite trollish, though not in an annoying or malevolent sense. I mean, he saved Rarity, Twilight and the others more than just once. Why would he do this, if not for finding it entertaining?
"Hey Lucky, let's end the fic with a witty and humorous punchline!"
"Nah, just use a stupid pun."
"My, how wacky!"
Blessed are the cheesemakers.
(Also, I don't really understand what's wrong with Dash's answer.
)
Now, back to writing the superfantastical with you! The new chapter is late as it is - don't make me bust out the whip!
I could not stop laughing! Specially during Twilight and Rarity's conversation of the "incident". Honestly I could picture it all, specially Rarity's "mark on high society" and Blueblood's running away... with the mark... LOL!
Now let's throw expensive cheese at each other. Just be careful with your top hats and monocles. Gotta do it like a sir.
1921822
"Now let's throw expensive cheese at each other. Just be careful with your top hats and monocles. Gotta do it like a sir."
kepfeltoltes.hu/121126/memes-indeed_www.kepfeltoltes.hu_.jpg
376498 its SLEW, HOW COME NO ONE CAN SAY IT RIGHT?!
Very good story I like it.
This is utterly fantastic stuff, and just the thing to read when I'm about to write my own 'Fancy Pants being awesome' story! Can't get enough of that stallion!
Freaking hilarious.