'Caught' has been edited slightly. Re-read and try to spot what's changed XD
The crime rate in Canterlot was hitting an all time high, which was perfect for a young thief like Chase.
Unfortunately his fellow thieves started getting caught. And everypony knows what happens when you get caught.
You're taken to Celestia and interrogated in ways so horrible, so demeaning that the one caught is never the same again.
Chase knows this and refuses to let it happen to him.
For even if he is caught, he knows in his heart that he will never give up his life of crime. And nopony, not even Celestia herself can change that...
Right?
This story is just a bit of fun that popped up in my mind. Mostly because I wanna write Celestia in a good way for once XD
No possessiveness, no darkness, just a gentle, motherly Celestia.
I'm not sure about the tags, so if I'm missing something then tell me XD
This lessens my hate fire for celestia. its not gone, but its still there burning with a passion. keep up the good work
I like where this is going. I can't wait to see its conclusion.
Nice to see you actually write a celestia I'm not totally conflicted over!
This is very interesting! I look forward to more.
Oh boy. Let's get manipulating shall we?
This really takes a turn to the dark side! What's celestia gonna do? Use her magic to change his personality, make him think differently? Do continue with this!
no humans and no clop? and NO ROMANCE?! WHAT IS THIS SORCERY?!
nah but gj on it though glad too see you're expanding
This was a good read, keep up the good work.
I love the sound of this, and the writing itself is very nice. I can't wait until tomorrow!
Not to sound mean or condescending, but have you thought about branching out away from the royalty characters? I would be interested in seeing how you write other ponies.
Please tell me he's Applebloom's age! Please!
Also, make him super stubborn.
If you wouldn't mind...3932321
I would like to see him expand past the same old royalty characters. Granted it's a niche, but diversity can be good.
At least he's not in the dungeons...
Oh, it used to be so simple in the older days, without all of those 'pony rights' guys...
Ah, yes... The beautiful writings of my fellow pony. I do so hope you keep writing! But please tell me when you get the next chapter out as i do not pay attention to these things.
It would be nice if Celestia couldn't change him; it'll prove to her that some ponies are truly lost...
OK, now this is gonna be WAY different than your usual fare. No humans, no relationships, it's completely out of the norm for you. I LIKE IT!
Oh god... another story.
I refuse to let go of my hatred.
I'm sensing a therapy session with Princess Celestia coming on!
This is gonna be good!
nice story.
Well not bad, off to a good start.(still in the back of my mind, the way it's written this story could be a clopfic(Maybe after writing this story, you could make a more........mature version of the story.
)) Story might need a sad tag if your gonna start talking about sad Chase's life in the next chapter.
The whole I was reading this I had this in the back of my mind(and of course I was right.
)
cdn.fansided.com/wp-content/blogs.dir/176/files/2013/02/Admiral-Ackbar-Its-A-Trap.jpg
Anyway I feel the cover is somewhat lacking, so I look around and found a few pics that you could use for the cover.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2012/10/12/120151__safe_princess+celestia_screencap_tea_cutelestia_a+bird+in+the+hoof.png
derpicdn.net/img/2013/1/12/210781/large.jpeg
derpicdn.net/img/2013/7/17/376798/large.png
derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/6/5/341077__safe_princess+celestia_crossover_tea_tea+party_mortal+kombat_teapot_artist-colon-strebiskunk_friendship_shao+kahn.jpg
3932403 I completely agree!
MOAR plz
I'm hoping the betrayal of his former friend comes up in this and it isn't just brushed off as "he did what he thought best for you." The guy fully sets him up and hangs him out to dry. You don't trust after a former friend does that. Also, what if his special talent is theft? He already has an extreme dislike for the everyday worker. If the talks convince him otherwise, I'll be mildly disappointed. The happy solution, and always a favorite, is the "well you have talent, why not work for me and do good for your country" or some such language.
Good luck though. This will have to walk that fine line of him giving in too easily and him going so far as to be unlikeable if this is going where it seems to be hinting at with the "no one continues crime afterward" type situation.
Well, I like where this is going so far, but I wish you had a second chapter already whipped up. I understand you're under a lot of writing pressure with multiple projects. I just like a second part to sell me more into what is going to happen. This could still be a Crazy Tia story at this rate.
I like where this is headed ;D
All of your stories are always so good. And I'm especially digging this one.
You really shouldn't put Chase's thoughts in "quotes." Makes it a tad confusing, discerning between actual dialog and internal dialog. Just italics is fine.
imageshack.com/a/img33/5764/likethischapter.jpg
I'm still laughing at the characters name Is mine and he totally reflects my personality
Well, you've captured MY attention. :)
This guy seems like a likable sort of rogue--but he's enough of a punk to be believable as a thief.
I'm eager to see where you take this, especially about Chase's disdain for legit lifestyles ("Drones" and whatnot) and his friend's betrayal that got him caught. [And thievery or no, a set-up is still a betrayal.]
3932539
I read that last pic in the announcers voice. It was awesome.
3933277
Same here.
Needs more cowbell!
Zamairiac you've done it again.
Okay, this seems interesting. *follows*
Ok so here's my stance, I liked this it was nice. It was interesting. BUT I feel like you should be focusing on your other stories, you have like 3 that are INCOMPLETE. But it seems like you just keep making NEW stories and not finishing them!.
Eye of the Beholder, Resistance is Futile, Never Judge, To Run from the Sun. ALL INCOMPLETE. Now I'm sure I've come out as a complete asshole while saying this. But I legitimately think you should just focus on one thing and FINISH IT.
This is just my opinion. Other than that this was enjoyable.
Dis gunna be guud!
3932300
She won't need magic or force a change on his personality. It will just be through the gentle words for one who is like a mother.
It's like I commissioned a story! Almost identical to the outline of one of my character's story, down to the shadow cutie mark.
This leads me to believe that this idea is somewhat common, (correct me if I'm wrong, and I am in no way insulting you... If that came off insulting... I'm sorry...) but still! Awesome story is awesome. Can't wait for next part(s).
If this goes anything like my idea, Chase is going to end up an agent in Luna's night guard.
3933571
I have to agree.
It's great you're feeling creative, but write down your ideas somewhere safe, like in a notepad, and then forget about them.
At least until you finish your other stories.
Otherwise, you'll end up with dozens of unfinished stories that will remain unfinished, simply "too much to do, so little time".
Slow down; finish what you've already started, and then start something new.
3933894
I couldn't write anything else, this idea wouldn't leave me alone.
It's not a big story, the next chapter should only be between 2000-3000 words long.
Don't worry, I'll be back on my other work before you know it XD
3933939
I might also point out that this story has been featured in the feature box.
And is currently the highest rated story you have written.(Like to dislike in relation to volume of likes formula used by fimfiction*)
So you may want to keep this story alive.
*Story at the top of stories box.
3934035
Aye, I'll most likely get to work on the final chapter today
3933595
That´s what you get for not carrying a suicide pill for these situations.
You made a slice of life fic!!!! No fucking way!!!!!!! I didn't think you had it in you good sir!
I got ten bits on feels!
I love the depiction of Celestia here, and am very interested to see where this goes.
Great work buddy! I eagerly await the next chapter
Wait, wait, wait!
No humans, no romance, no clop and no possessive alicorn's?
Fuck, they've finally got to you
Don't worry mate, I'ma fly over and save your ass!
Hehe, just kidding. Great start buddy, let's finish this one and get back onto your other unfinished work, eh?
Interesting premise, good pacing, adequate characterization, well-written, no major flaws. Too early say to say whether this will be a good story, but there's certainly potential here. Just need to see what you do with it. Big question is going to be: can you make it convincing?
3932369
Babysteps my friend XD
I'm working on branching out, thus why I'm starting off with this
