When Trixie's brand new wagon breaks down in the middle of Hoofington, she finds herself unable to repair her broken wheel herself. So she decides to call upon Equestrian Roadside Assistance for help.
It will be a decision she is doomed to regret as she is forced to confront automatic voice directories, unhelpful operators, intolerable hold times, lovecraftian madness, gastrointestinal distress, and moronic protocol.
Trixie will never leave Hoofington with her sanity intact.
(Inspired by events that happened to the author)
Cover image credit goes to Guardian-Core.
Chapters (2)
Wheels! They're plotting against us!
Wow, this perfectly explains why Trixie doesn't trust wheels, it all makes sense now.
Still love this!
3915663
Thanks, bud! And thanks for prereading!
Something we'd all do if we had the chance.
A fantastic tale of how not even the magical land of Equestria is safe from the scourge of all that is good and decent known as "bureaucracy." Reminds me of how I had to mail a copy of my birth certificate and Social Security card to Health & Human Services to confirm that yes, I do in fact exist despite not having any credit history.
Still, I made sure to be polite with the hapless phone drones I encountered along the way. It's not their fault. By the end, I was giggling at the sheer absurdity of the situation. If only Trixie had tried to connect with the Elements a bit earlier. Laughter and kindness go a long way.
In any case, thank you for a delightful descent into madness.
Well, I'm certainly glad you didn't hallucinate about oceans of pus and Cthulhu rending ponies to bits.
Cavemen made a grave mistake when inventing wheels.
Even the mad Arab Abdul Alhazred was smarter when he wrote the Necronmicon then when wheels were invented.
Pass my thanks to Masterweaver. I've drastically cut back on reading any new stories, and barely even keep up with updates to the stuff I've already favorited, but this is definitely something I wouldn't have wanted to miss, and from the number of comments, has definitely not yet received the love it deserves.
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Thank you (also sorry for not replying forever). Bureaucracy is something I'm happy to not have to deal with very often. Honestly, my experience was actually one of the milder bureaucracy dealings I've had to suffer through. It was nothing like registering my car or getting my driver's license or anything. As I said, this was inspired by me calling Triple-A to get them to come help me fix a flat tire, which is barely bureaucracy. The only part of this fic that's really accurate to real life in that sense was dealing with interminable hold times (which, again, was exaggerated. My wait time was 45 minutes of terrible, staticy jazz as opposed to an hour and a half).
I've found it best when dealing with such things to be polite as well, if only because things go less smoothly when you get angry. That's not Trixie's personality, though. I have to say it was fun (and maybe a little bit cathartic) to dive into Trixie's abrasive and confrontational mannerisms.
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I might not have gone that far, but the 45 minute hold time I actually experienced WAS pretty maddening. I actually did beat my head against the car window a few times.
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Yeah, the response on this has been less than I'd hoped for, but I'm really glad that Masterweaver gave it a pretty glowing review. It's a great feeling to get praise from such a good author. Thanks!
And this is why Trixie hates wheels.
Right?
5332790
That was the implication, aye
This. Explains. EVERYTHING.
It's also one of the funniest, most well written stories I've read during my brief stint at this site. *Instafaved*
This was bloody fantastic. Found this, trying to figure out if anyone's written a story similar to one I'm thinking about doing. Don't want to step on any toes. While it's nothing like yours, I planned on ending it on a similar note. Still might, but I doubt I'll pull it off as well as you did. Thank you for writing this.
6557957
Aww, thank you for the praise.
This is actually possibly my favorite story that I've written for this site, but it's gotten disappointingly little attention.
I demand sequels! The ERA is the reason for all of Equestria's villains. Even if they didn't exist 1000 years ago they probably still somehow had a hand in the creations of Discord and Night Mare Moon.
6773024
They used trans-time insanity rays to make them do it.
3932516 This caveman found a better use for the wheel though.
Now we just need the Judoon to make this complete to check the building for Plasmavores.
Hah, that F bomb at the end was perfect.
BAHAHAHAHA my sides hurt. man that was good.
I am the designated Sorting-Things-Out person at home, and thus am not infrequently forced to use the idiotic telephone systems that are considered customer service these days (if a company can even be bothered to have a contact number). I completely sympathise with Trixie. It'd send me psychotically Evil too, except I already started from that position...
Haven't read this yet but the fact that it takes place in Hoofington kinda makes it obvious that Trixie's in for a really, REALLY bad time xD
After all... Hoofington rises~ =P
Note: Oh wait... This came out before that... Wait! Does that mean this is a prequel? Is THIS the reason Hoofington is such a magnet for eldrich horrors and worse things? XD
Wheels are responsible for Hoofington's fall XD
"And that, dear children, is how the story of the Wagon on the Moon began. Legend says that in a thousand years, when Trixie has calmed down, the Wagon will return, and quite possibly the repair pony sent to fix the other wheel will be there waiting for it. Or maybe not."