Huh. This is ...... Interesting. I will be looking forward to the next chapter.

Where the BUCK is Dorethy?... Seriously, I was expecting a Wizard of OZ crossover. still, I gotta check this out when I get the chance.

It' alright. Better start than my story, I'd say. A few grammatical errors, but not below par. Muffins to you, sir.

Not bad at all, though there are a few grammar mistakes (ie:“Sorry,” I shyly said “My were asleep."...what?  and  I’m figuring you’re not Equestria.” Equestrian.

First person?

You seem to know how to create a decent main character.  He's no Sue.  Minor spelling and grammar issues aside, it's not bad at all for a first time effort.  We were all new once, and I've gotten into the habit of offering assistance to any first-time authors I run across.  Send a message if you need help/advice.

I find the First Person style very immersive.  Few errors here and there, but your writer's voice is nice.

You know, I think I'm going to keep a tally. Every HiE story that has the human fall unconscious within the first two chapters. Maybe I can do shots every time it happens. Downside is my liver would explode at this rate. Upside, people using the same tired cliche over and over again wouldn't bother me anymore!

Yeah check your grammar, but this chapter got a chuckle out of me so I'll stick around for this.

>>350884350884 Hehe, sorry for that confusion. I just took a quote from this chapter and decided it sounded like a good HiE title :3

>>350981350981 Thanks for pointing those out. Proofreading isn't exactly my forte. I can look over a mistake over and over again and never even notice it. ^^; (Btw, I fixed those two mistakes :D)

>>351264351264 Glad to hear. I've been kinda nervous using an OC in a fanfic because so many people hate them.

>>352292352292 And I'm happy that you chuckled. :D

Seriously, this is more responses than I could've imagined for. (You guys can probably detect my low writing self-esteem :P) I'll try to get out the next section as quick as I can manage, but that may be longer than expected because I've gotten dreadfully ill as of late. D:

>>359730359730

Take care of your health first. I've waited months for fics before, I think we can all wait till you get better.

First! this is going pretty well keep it up

Great so far

Please sir, can I have some more?

this is the second fic I read that the human tries to get away from the ponies...That makes this fic good

good story

MOAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that is if you don't mind

Chapter 3 is finally up after all this time, though shorter than I'd like.

Thanks for all the new people who watched, liked, and faved my page and this fic. I think that's what got me off my butt and got me to actually start writing this again. I think it would've just died out otherwise.

I can just imagine Dash's expression: a mix of and

I just hope that she doesn't cause any further damage to Vince's foot...

Glad to see it's still going and hey you're keeping the cliche's low and that makes me really happy.

You know, whenever I read those paragraphs regarding 'how will folks in the home dimension take the absence' I think about some 'missing persons' cases and the wild possibility that the unsolved ones are because the missing are in Equestria.

Wow. I really like the beginning. You had me on the edge of my seat while reading the chase scene. Can't wait to see what happens next chapter!

>>352235352235 Lol... crap. I used that in my story too. Oh well. It is a great way to change scenes without writing a huge amount of crap.

You did a great job with the first reaction and setting up this entire scene.

It makes me realize how poorly I set up my first reaction in my fic. lol. I need to re-do that entire part now. argh.

This story is awesome! When I was reading I thought I was on the last chapter that you had out and I was getting sad. I cheered right up as soon as I saw there is another chapter for me to read!

Nooooooo this is the last chapter out right now. I am loving this story and can't wait for more of it. Everything is moving along at a very good pace and you do a great job describing the scenery and everything. Keep up the great work, man!

>>544793544793

And I'm glad that I've been avoiding cliches so far. :3

>>547224547224

That particular line of thought may or may not come into play later. :P

>>581936581936

Thank you! Glad to see you're liking it so far.

I just noticed the cover art.  Good stuff.

She just shook her head. “What are we go do with you?”

---You might wanna reword that.

Also why did Twilight call Spike her brother?

I loved this chapter though. That chapter with the party should be pretty interesting as well.

>>606673606673

Yeah doesn't she always call him her "assistant" ?

I suppose he could be like a little brother to her, but honestly it's more like like a child/parent relationship. After the Migration by Mettauro If you haven't seen you you really should.

>>606703606703 yah she usually calls him 'assistant'.

Nooo I hate that comic! It made me want to cry!

Then again, this story is 3 years after the show's time so things probably changed. Oh well.

Haven't read the story yet; initial thoughts:

I predict the human's backstory will revolve around the title of this story, for the sake of the reference.

Yeah, I PREDICT that. Nuff' said.

>>606812606812

For such a simple comic it generated a lot of manly tears .

That is now my headcanon and no one can make me think otherwise

Anyway, pretty basic story at this point, nothing really unique as an HiE but it's also not a horrible cliched and bad trope filled mess so overall I think I'm going to keep sticking around.

>>606825606825 Lol this is the one that made me cry

Here's a sad comic for ya.

I agree with you, this isnt too original of a story but the writer pulled it off very well.. So far the story is very good and hasn't turned into a shipping fic or anything stupid. Keep up the great writing, man!

By the way, shira, if you like HiE fics you should check out the one I am writing. it's my first go at any writing so it is a bit shotty but it seems to be getting good feedback. :\  And no, it won't turn into a shipping fic or anything stupid.

>>606872606872

Wow that's manly tears time

Shipping fics, and even 'powerful humans' can be done good. One of my favs that I'm helping edit right now is a human x twilight ship and it's phenomenal because the author really goes at length to look into the issues that someone would face in a inter-species relationship (and you thought inter-cultural was difficult ). Indeed, spending time on what constitutes a healthy relationship and dealing with the obstacles and problems that come up when two people come from very different backgrounds. What makes a lot of HiE fics bad or boring is not the subject matter (there is so much in HiE that to this moment remains untouched), but the shallow exploration or worse, constant use of cliches and tropes that doom most of it.

Then again a lot of authors are not only new to writing, but reading as well and so they don't have the experience to realize that there can be a lot of depth to the story they are working on and instead just go for the shallow, easy way. I'm working on a story right now (not HiE, I want to get a bit more experience before I get that far) and my incomplete outline is over 15k words so far. Sometimes it just takes some effort and a good editor.

Also I'll check your story out as HiE done well really is my favorite type of story.

Now we should probably stop derailing poor supervanman's thread as it is his story afterall .

So far it's an okay story. From me, that's high praise considering I usually won't even consider a HiE story. So... Good job? I guess?

NUUUU I WAS WRONG.....

...Oh well!

...Eeyup.

A good chapter.

>>606673606673

Darnit, even when I go through it twice, I missed that one D:

Fix'd

Also: the "brother" line, is inspired by that fantastic fic "It Takes A Villiage". Figuring by the fact that this fic is based a few years after the show, I wanted their relationship to be more of a family one, because he's getting older and becoming his own dragon. I mean, you sort of see that kind of brother-sister relationship in the show (at least I do), so I wanted to expand on that. :3

>>606913606913

I wholeheartedly agree.

One thing about HiE fics I love is the potential that can be done with something like it. It's an opportunity to clash two very different cultures and see how they interact. But sadly, very few of the HiE I've read have ever tapped into that potential. I can only think of one I consider fantastic off the top of my head.

As for the whole shipping or other stuff, I really haven't thought of how far I would take the direction of this story. I've certainly considered taking the human character and pairing with one of the ponies, but as for if I will actually do that remains to be seen.

But I do know this: if I did, it wouldn't be one of those "oh we have met and now we are in love" fics. Those bug me. Relationships can have a spark, mind you, but they have to grow. They don't just appear. So I would most certainly weave that into the story so any relationships would remain believable.

>>609663609663 kk i was wondering if thats wat u wer goin for by sayin brother

this is getting good

Well, I finally got to reading this! Pretty good job, avoids a lot of cliches, love the first person perspective (I've been trying to do the same for my own HiE fic). It has a few grammatical mistakes, but that's alright. All in all, a good read. Can't wait to see more.

Have a Big Mac:

Chapter 5 is up! Not much has happened in this one, mostly stuff to lead up to the next day. :3

Hopefully you all enjoy it!

This will be awesome.

Equestria is run by magic, and our earth and solar system is all run by math..... Try to understand that twilight. Lol

I have to say, good without being great.

I'm no author, but I really felt that there was a lack of description. Sure its first person so I cant really see the main character. However I want to be able to feel the forest, vivid explanation of the colours, the light, the shadows, the fear and so on. The wolves were also dying for more detail!

Just my five cents..

Anyway, on to the next chapter!

Hmm I love food too!!! *looks at sandvich* Eh if I get eaten by timberwolves because of this then at least I'll die knowing they just jacked up their cholesterol.

All I can say so far is...

Image: http://files.chesscomfiles.com/images_users/tiny_mce/burnsielaxplayer/applause.gif

Please keep 'em coming!

Hmm so since this is based a few years after the show, I'm guessing Spike, seeing as how you referred to him as being large and winged, has hit quite a growth spurt. I kinda imagine a stockier version of that red teenage dragon from the Dragon Quest episode.

>>635269635269 ditto

We Are Watching You Do Not Dissapoint Us

Hey try this: up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, b, and then a.

>>635536635536

Oh dang, son.

>>635576635576

Now if only we could get Trollestia instead of AJ.

Definitely marking this.

It's not often you come across an HiE fic with such a high rating

yah. about how big did you imagine spike to be when you wrote this? Is he about pony size by now?

>>635424635424 Did you just call spike fat? *rolls up skin on arm like sleeves since I'm not wearing a shirt atm*

Them's fightin' words 'round here, boy.

Pretty good so far, definitely going to watch this and see where it goes.

>>635260635260

Very true, I'll have to work on detail.

I've always had trouble with describing setting. Internal and external dialogue I can do decently, but it's all those other little things that I forget to do.

>>635424635424

>>636085636085

Yeah, he's closer to the height of...Garble, was it? The red teen dragon. Somewhere around the height of him or Big Mac. So taller than a mare, but shorter than a human (at least a human around 6 feet tall, like I imagine Vince to be).

Plus, seeing as he doesn't act like the other teen dragons, I wouldn't say he'd be "stockier", I'd imagine he'd still be kinda lanky, like his greed-teen form of "Secret Of My Excess".

This fic is 100% me approved.

I'd like for it to not be a bug group.

I think that should be "big group"

>>636085636085We shall see, *slaps with white glove* PISTOLS AT DAWN!!!

too fast, instantly friendly with unknown creature eh?

>>637636637636

Thanks. Fix'd :3

>>350884350884

Great, now I'm going to have to give that idea a go...

>>638587638587

Seems like a perfectly understandable reaction to me.

Dorthy wasn't afraid of the munchkins, Alice didn't flee the Hatter.

It's really pretty basic human psychology, 'If it LOOKS friendly or harmless, it probably is.'

Plus he's probably still in shock from the whole, 'talking pastel ponies saved my life.'

And then there's the 'saved his life' part

>>639994639994

It's really pretty basic human psychology, 'If it LOOKS friendly or harmless, it probably is.'

ET instantly runs when he saw one of those human kid. Dibs and Carrigan instantly panics when he saw Casper the 'friendly ghost'

in my POV(human psychology): if you don't know it, don't touch it.

i may sound like a dick, but it's not what i expected. but still it's worth a read. (can't find any good HiE)

Nice chapter, I noticed a mistake there at first, but now I forgot about from jumping around the internet most of the time especially when Rainbow starts talking about loyalty.  I guess it's really because I've just hit the limit of how all the writers keep making the characters talk about their elements when they hardly do that in the show.  Oh well.  It's certainly different from the stories I've been reading.

I have a sudden urge to look for sharp teeth Rainbow Dash.   Nice chapter, the nightmare was really interesting and Spike was written well.

"You can tell a lot about somepony by how they treat kids."

Heh, if only Granny Smith knew who Hitler was and how much he liked children.

Big points to you for having the story be about a guy that's never heard of My Little Pony before.

WHAT?! “No, that’s alright. Allow me,” Twilight’s horn started to glow a pink hue, and then the tray in my hand did the same..... glow a pink hue?!

>>352235352235

Hah. My liver would be chopped by now if I'd taken a shot for each fic ending in unconsciousness some time in the first or second chapter.

Apparently all humans are anaemic fainting goats or something.

Not that it's really that bad of a cliché

crazy dream is crazy, moar

No... is this story REALLY canceled? Even though it might not have had much of a twist in it from most of the HiE stories have read (no offense, just imo, but still had an interesting story), aside from mixed reaction of the ponies when Vince showed up in Ponyville and met certain ones; the fact that injured himself in the beginning; that wanted to get home (at least for time being); and was staying with AJ I guess; I was still looking forward a bit to reading more and seeing what other things you would've done and seeing where this might've gone. But I guess I can understand, if got writer's block and was uncertain of which direction to send the hero in next. Well, I'll try to keep an eye out for other things from you! If no chance of this one getting picked back up anytime soon, if at all.

>>968978968978

Yeah, it's cancelled until further notice. I just lost all my inspiration for what to do due to writer's block and such. Sorry for all who are disappointed due to the discontinuation, but I just don't feel like writing this anymore.

If at all, I would just rewrite it and post it as a separate story.

Awesome

>>970537970537 Shouldn't that make it 'On Hiatus' rather than 'Cancelled'? Anyway at least you've the courtesy to keep it uploaded. I've found that one I favourited has been removed.

>>11993011199301 No, because I really don't plan on revisiting it.