- Member Since 14th May, 2013
- offline last seen Apr 16th, 2021
Leapingriver
"It's simple. We kill the Mykan." ~Johoker
Leapingriver
Joined 14th May, 2013 ·
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Make him get caught
4694635
Oh I have plans for him, he'll show up in other stories of mine. This was to test out the waters and see the reception. And to see if I can actually write dark stories (and rape) well.
4694668 he needs killed
4694752
You needs life
This is a very real depiction of rape. For that fact alone, this get's an upvote. After all, I see many rape fics that end with the pony accepting it, but that's not how things work. Minds are scarred and pain is always inevitable despite the body's response.
4694752
Excuse me sir, but could you do me the favor of repeating that in English?
4694668
You should slow down, this is moving way too fast. And get an editor! Everybody needs one.
4694795 Indeed.
4694795 Thank you Roarin', nice to know I succeeded in portraying rape. I know what you mean, those fics get on my nerves. I mean hey, after being brutally raped who wouldn't be willing to say "I Forgive You" to their rapist, eh?
4694802
Oh no, I've upset Grand Ruler Para
I is sorry
I think... if we were given an inkling into what exactly these mares did, then the rape would've come across better:
To be honest, halfway through, I forgot that Sunny was even a prisoner. Perhaps if you had Locke mention things of her crime while he assaulted her and "punish" her because of them, it would've been better.
Skew our sense of justice and toy with our emotions, Leaping. I know you can do it
4694865
Hmm, someone else also mentioned that. I'll keep it mind for next time.
I'll add something like that in when if I go back and edit it. Not that I think my work as it is is "purfuct!", but things to write, bad fics to review, life in general. I will make a note to come back to this and add in some of your guys' suggestions though.
Okay
Lets pretend the Sensual Johoker is the rapist. Where is your God now?
Well, since we talked about this in such in depth, I am not sure what I can really add to it. I do not think this needs to be longer, and while I think Sunny's crime may have helped, at the same time, it can work without it. You don't want to give the reader a chance to calm down. You want the reader to remain "off balance" like what is happening with Sunny. Adding too much more story, fleshing out the story too much, etc., can stop the real horror of what is happening. So good and bad for the story, I would say.
This is definately a prequel/lead in to the main story, as well. And that has to be considered.
I do think it is a good, disturbing depiction of rape though. Sad that you have to make it clear this is NOT Clop.
*presses palms into eyes* AHHHH IT'S SO AWESOMEI CANT READ IT
Interesting and disturbing.
4694842 Is this it or is there more
?
4699351 Ah, as rape is supposed to be. Glad to know I succeeded in that right
4699677 Yes and no. This fic as it is, is complete. However, this ties in to a grander story I have in mind (and have been writing). Locke will appear in future works of mine.
4700483 Is Locke a bat pony
?
4700822 No. He's just a normal pony. A unicorn, in case you were curious
4697287 Hmm, seems readers are as conflicted as I was about trimming those extra story bits. I suppose I could fit it in within the dialogue; gave Locke say no one would listen to a liar and thief like her, or something to still keep it ambiguous, but give a little bit more detail.
True, although not sure there's even much that could be given away. Just the fact that Locke is a rapist. As for labeling not clop, I didn't want people to go in thinking there'd be a lot of detailed sex. Whether I labeled this "clop" or "not clop", I know this probably "tickled" at least some people.
Thank you, Exilo, your words of encouragement mean a lot to me. I'm glad I was able to pull it off, and that it was well recieved.
4701587 oh
. I was wondering, because Luna's guards are usally bat ponies
4703021 He's not one of Luna's guards, he's more along the lines of a police pony, I guess you could say.
4704423 right
I like what u did here hope you make more like this.
4706852 Thanks, I do plan to write more stories similar to this one.
(Also, thank you for the fave)
I should not have enjoyed that nearly as much as I did. Simple, short, but powerful. Good job.
5043660
Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it despite the content.
why is he doing this?
6445120
Why does any rapist do the things they do?
6450457 He is YOUR character dude!!!